"I can't quit," It had been a very long pause since Cristina spoke again. "I can't walk away."
"One minute you said you don't want to go on, next minute you say you can't quit. Make up your mind, Cristina!" Alex didn't intend to get rough, but the indecisiveness was so familiar that it infuriated him.
iHow could she make up her mind?/i
The sight of a human heart nauseated her. The smell of the sterile OR numbed her senses. The words on the textbook blinded her. Yet, the image of Burke's trembling hand, his dropping shoulders, and his helpless eyes slit through her body and put her deepest emotions in the open.
No matter how she hated the situation, she couldn't help but stay.
"It's not as simple as you thought."
Alex knew. It was more than her passion for medicine. The circles etched under her eyes carried the weight of a secret that was darker and deeper.
"What brought you into the field, Cristina?"
"My step-father is an oral surgeon. The only way to make him like me was to beat him. I studied really hard. I was the best ballet dancer in my class. I was the most talented horse rider in my year. Then I got better and better at everything. You know, once you start winning, you can't imagine losing. It's like an addiction—winning, being the best, getting all the praise in the world, having an answer for everything."
"But you can't win every time. We all make mistakes and fall," Alex frowned.
"It's easy for you to say that. You don't understand how hard it is." iShe did not want Burke to lose. She did not want to lose him. That's why she struggled./i
"Stop thinking only about yourself. I flunked my Board exam. I felt like crap compared to you all. But I didn't run away. I asked for help and I passed. If it's something you can solve, stay and tackle it. If you can't, ask for help. Either way, deal with it."
"Who can help me? Who can tell me what I should do? Can you? Can you tell me what has to be done? " Cristina was beginning to yell through her tears.
She didn't care about her image anymore. There was no image. There was no future.
iMaybe she should end it with Burke. If she couldn't hold herself together anymore, what good was there for her to stay with him and get hurt, or hurt him even more/i
"What is the one thing you want in life, Cristina?"