Author's Note: I dedicate this chapter to Lang, mother goddess of all NaoNat fanart. I've have a folder on my desktop which has all the Nao/Natsuki/Shizuru sketches she puts up in her blog, and whenever I'm stuck on a line of dialog, I'll just pop one of the pictures and contemplate until the exact phrasing comes to mind. Now all I need is for her to illustrate a scene from my story, and the vicious cycle of porn begetting porn shall be complete.
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The predawn hours Natsuki had spent brooding while aimlessly wandering around the local park had been a sobering experience, but not sobering enough for her to feel comfortable driving her motorcycle into school. Luckily, she kept her books and uniform in the storage compartment of her bike, so she didn't have to go back up into the room and face Nao. That wasn't a meeting she was looking forward to. The sun was just beginning to rise, and the bustle of students heading for Fuuka Academy had not yet begun to flood the subway lines. So with her uniform and bag in hand, she set off for school, hoping to get at least an hour or two of studying in before her exams.
Natsuki sat in the cold metal seat of the subway with her shoulders slumped, listening vacantly to the rhythmic thumping noise of the tram car traveling down the rail. She felt dead. Natsuki knew she should be more upset about what had happened, but much like the first time she had experienced this kind of betrayal with Shizuru, she couldn't summon any genuine anger towards Nao. She was hurt and resentful, but on some level, Natsuki had to wonder whether she had set herself up for this. All of the warning signs had been there, and with everything that had happened with Shizuru, she should have been able to see it coming. Had she had made herself blind to the possibility? Had she accidentally encouraged Nao to think of them as more than friends? She tried to recall their interactions, pouring over their time together, looking for how it could be her fault. Even just thinking like this made her queasy, but what could she do? She liked spending time with Nao... the younger girl had a lust for life that breathed color into their surroundings when everything else around seemed like muted shades of gray. Nao's presence in her life was therapeutic, to the point where Natsuki simply wasn't sure she could cope with the loss of the friendship. And that scared her.
Why did all of the close female friends she made end up falling in love with her? It was infuriating, and Natsuki threw her head back in frustration, which lead to the back of her skull clunking painfully against the window behind her. She swore rather loudly, earning her a disapproving glance from a teacher she didn't recognize in a brown suit, the only other occupant of the car besides her. Rubbing her head and muttering under her breath, she forced herself to think about where to go from here. Could she just ignore it... and forget it ever happened? Maybe, but that wouldn't make Nao's feelings go away. It was unfair to Nao; leaving her in a suspended state, wondering if she would ever return her feelings. Much the same as Shizuru had been left before leaving for college, and look what had happened there.
Why could neither of them understand that she simply was incapable of returning those kind of feelings to anyone? Friendship was one thing, but when someone got too close to her heart, the sinking feeling of vulnerability would set in, and she would panic and push them away. Both of them deserved better than her, and she knew that, even if they didn't. Grinding her palms against her eyes to wipe away the tiredness and keep the tears of frustration locked away inside, she rose unsteadily as the train lurched to a halt, and ambled towards the sliding doors.
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Rolling down the road in her silver Lexus, Shizuru pulled into the parking lot of the familiar apartment complex. Glancing at the digital clock on the dashboard, she confirmed what already knew: she was arriving an hour later than she had wanted to, but classes hadn't yet gotten out at Fuuka Academy. It would take Natsuki at least twenty minutes to get home after that, so thankfully, Shizuru wasn't late.
She had run into problems at the airport while trying to rent a car. Apparently, rental companies require any drivers under the age of twenty-five to have someone older than that co-sign for the vehicle. With all of the responsibilities of the Fuuka student council, the expectations pressed upon her by her family, and the harrowing experiences of the Festival behind her, Shizuru sometimes forgot that there were those who simply couldn't look past the date of birth on her drivers license and see the maturity within. She had been forced to find Akiho-san and ask her to come sign papers, which accounted for much of the delay.
Shizuru shifted the vehicle into park at one of the few open spaces in the tiny lot, leaving it idling. She had opted to wear modern business attire: a creme colored low cut V-necked suit and matching knee length skirt. She had made a rushed stop in to a florist, finding a yellow rose in full bloom to pin on her lapel. Taking a quick glance at herself in the mirror, she found the limited amount of makeup she wore to be impeccably in place.
She glanced at the cellphone in her purse, almost contemplating giving Natsuki a call to let her know she had arrived, but dismissed the thought out of hand. For something this important, she wanted the first meeting to be face to face, so she could drink in every minute detail of what happened. Somehow, she felt that things could be made better if only she could be with Natsuki. For her to be at her best, she had to see every twitch of Natsuki's expression, and sense the unconscious signals the younger girl sent. For that, a cellphone would not do. She was no Neo-Luddite; the laptop that she kept from her student council days was a very useful trinket. But at a young age, her father had instilled in her that the new was to be used beside the old, with each having its place. E-mail was convenient for conducting business, but then she couldn't pour over each letter, tracing the unrefined yet beautiful lines of Natsuki's words, and feel the emotion that had come out each time the pen was pushed against the paper.
She sat back and resigned herself to wait. The clenched feeling around her heart hadn't dissipated, and was only getting stronger as the impending reunion grew closer. She closed her eyes, drawing in slow breaths, using the meditative techniques she had taught herself at a young age to exhale the panic through pursed lips, expelling it into the air.
She glanced around. The apartment complex across the street was almost finished repairing the destructing her battle with Nao had wrought months prior. The exterior of the building was a solid and unbroken once again, though the replacement sections of the surface hadn't been painted to match the rest of the color, giving her a clear idea of where Kiyohime had rent massive holes in the building while burrowing up to consume Nao's arachnid Child. Her expression, that ever present hint of a smile, was marred for a brief moment by a flicker of dark jealousy. Why was it that all the rest of the world had healed the wounds left by the Festival, while her sins were still unforgiven? Life could be terribly unfair.
Suddenly, she noticed a motorcycle wedged in between the last parking space on the far side of the lot and the wall. Frowning, she got out of her car and got closer to examine the bike. It was definitely Natsuki's. What is she doing home early? Perhaps the tests were scheduled such that she was free for the second half of the day? Not wanting to overanalyze her good luck, Shizuru hurriedly made her way up the stairs to Natsuki's floor. She drew herself up, straightening the flower one last time, and prepared to knock.
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'So this is what a hangover feels like.' Nao rationalized while groaning internally. She had passed out on Natsuki's couch, managing to drag herself up off the floor once the tears had stopped. Her sleep hadn't been exactly restful, although she had felt immeasurably better after hanging her head in Natsuki's toilet for a while. The fistful of aspirin she had downed afterwards made the headache fade into a manageable pulsing throb, and she had spent the rest of the morning and afternoon lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling as she faded in and out of sleep, wondering how everything had gone so wrong. Her memories of the previous night were disjointed, but the tears staining her face when she had woken didn't leave any question to what the outcome had been.
There was a crisp rapping noise on the door. Nao winced at the noise, frowning. Why is she knocking on her own door? Did she forget her keys? Nao looked at the door morosely, not really feeling like getting up off the couch. A second set of knocks, louder than the first, set her teeth on edge. 'Fine fine... I'm coming' she muttered, swinging her legs onto the floor and standing. Her head swam, and she put a hand out to steady herself against the table, before reaching the door and opening it. When she looked up, expecting to see Natsuki's face, her brain spun for several cycles in place before recognition finally sunk in.
Those auburn strawberry eyes were her very own personal gate to Hell.
Oh... shit.