The Sith Apprentice
Luke Skywalker's Jedi class gathered around an elevated mosaic floor in front of the Jedi Temple on Ossus. A blond-haired boy, sat on the mosaic floor with his legs crossed. "Yes, I can feel the balance," he said with a sense of pride.
"Well done, Emerik," Luke said, smiling. The class then headed for dinner, and Emerik eagerly followed.
As Luke organized his class materials, a black-haired boy approached him. "Uncle Luke, can I talk to you?" the boy asked, his voice hesitant.
"Of course, what's on your mind?" Luke replied.
"I can't be a Jedi. I know it's what you're expecting of me, but I just can't," the boy said, his eyes downcast.
"Ben, of course, you can be a Jedi. Just because you couldn't feel the Force today doesn't mean it's not strong in you. It will..." Luke began to say.
"I felt the Force," Ben interrupted. "I lied."
After a moment of silence, Ben continued, "All the others described feeling light, peace, or balance. Some even felt a distant darkness, but you told them to stay away from it. When I reached out, I felt cold shivers reach for me."
Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise. "For some, resisting the darkness is harder, but we will face it together."
"And what's the point?" Ben asked, his frustration evident. "I will never learn this concentration I would need. My Force abilities are a joke. At least the light side ones. Even Melchon, who is weak with the Force, is better than me. It's unjust to the others that I get so much of your attention. You should take Emerik as your Padawan, not me. I want to go home. I'll stay with Han during my next school break."
Luke remained calm. "If you are closer to the dark side than the others, then we will work to bring you back to the light. Take off your shoes and sit with your legs crossed."
Ben looked up at Luke and then followed his instructions without hesitation.
"I'm back there. The darkness surrounds me. I stand in the light but there are strange ideas, dark ideas, dark desires. - I should open my eyes now."
Luke encouraged, "Focus on the light. Remember your lessons. Think of the ways of the Jedi."
"I try." Ben said, his voice trembling. Small cracks formed in the mosaic.
"Resist it, Ben, think of the ways of the Jedi" Luke said firmly.
"I'm being pulled in. Don't tell Leia that I was a bad person," Ben said, his voice filled with fear. The cracks widened and Luke looked fearful at the widening cracks. But suddenly they stopped, and Ben took a deep breath.
"I feel hatred, but it's not my hatred. I love my mother. The light is still there, within reach," Ben said, his concentration etched on his face.
"Yes, that's the path," said Luke excitedly.
And Ben added, "I think of my home, the New Republic. I think of the peace it brings. There is pure light now."
Luke said with a sigh of relief, "You did great. You can open your eyes now."
Ben kept his eyes closed and said while focusing, "I can see, hear and feel my trust in you, and sense how our lights complement each other." He paused, a small frown creasing his brow. "They are equally strong." he said while his voice faded away. He opened his eyes wide, then looked at the cracks and flinched.
"Don't worry about the cracks," Luke said, noticing Ben's distress. "It's just a few in an old stone. What matters is that you resisted the darkness and embraced the light."
Panicking, Ben turned away from Luke and started running, fleeing as fast as he could.
Luke said well aware that his nephew could no longer hear him, "I know the responsibility can be a burden. I didn't always feel ready for this either."
Ben reached his sleeping quarters. He closed the door behind him and crawled under his pillow, seeking solace in the darkness.
"Padawan, what's wrong?" A familiar voice echoed through the sparsely furnitured room, causing Ben to jump.
"Hi grandpa." Ben sat up, relieved to see the shimmering image of Anakin Skywalker, his Force Ghost, materializing beside him.
"Everything is wrong. I guess you watched." Ben sighed.
"Yes, what worried me was that you needed to think of Leia to resist. Reminds me of how I handled the dark side at your age," Anakin mused.
"Trust in one's master. Would that have been the better path?" Ben asked, searching for guidance.
"Exactly. Unlike me, you actually listen to your classes. Yes, you may use emotional attachment, but not your passion," Anakin advised.
"Love for Leia was my absolute truth that I could use against those dark thoughts. Most of those dark thoughts, dark desires, they were not mine. There was an entity thinking in my brain. It could raise doubts, make me desire things. When I thought I could control it, it actually spoke to me, this entity formed a sentence in my brain," Ben confided in his grandfather.
"Grandpa, what is wrong with you? You look pale, I mean paler than usually," Ben observed, concerned by the distant look in Anakin's eyes.
"This is what it was like, being a dark apprentice. You know, I don't like talking about what happened after I became a Sith apprentice. After I had pledged allegiance to Chancellor Palpatine on that fateful day when I didn't stop him from killing Master Windu. That was what it was like. That was the strangest power Palpatine had gained over me. Even before I had fully turned to the dark side, he was inside my brain," Anakin confessed, his voice heavy with the weight of his memories.
"Do you think I'm a Sith apprentice?" Ben asked, his eyes wide with fear.
Anakin looked at Ben with a deep concern in his eyes. "No, no, you're not," he replied with conviction. "Even if you feel the pull of the dark side, you are still on the path of the light. The Sith ended with me. I killed my Sith Lord, the Sith throne was mine and then I died. The Sith's reign came to an end. But perhaps, it's my fault that you feel this way. When I took you as my Jedi Padawan, something may have happened. Maybe my connection to the dark side has somehow influenced you."
Anakin's expression turned grave as he continued, "I turned away from the dark side before I died, but that doesn't mean that this made me a perfect Jedi. I can only speak to you through the Force when I'm in harmony with it, but the other part of me, the darkness, still exists. It's possible that my past as a Sith has influenced you, that I connected you to the darkness that is still inside me."
Ben laughed bitterly. "No grandpa. I don't think I was connected to you there. Those weren't your thoughts. Well, when I was almost sucked into that cold place, I had access to the thoughts of this entity. This...whatever it was, it was calculating and highly intelligent."
Anakin chuckled at Ben's words. "Thanks for just calling me stupid," he said, his tone light and teasing.
Ben shook his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "I meant that even on the dark side, you were never one for traps. You weren't one to stab someone in the back. All the younglings in the Jedi temple respected you. Why didn't you give the order to them to hand over their lightsabers before going in and killing them all? You were always a straightforward hero or villain, while Obi Wan and Palpatine thought of the tricks."
Anakin nodded in agreement. "You have a point,"
"And whoever was in my brain was aware of what he was doing. I had found a way to control all these dark side thoughts, and the next moment this entity found a way to take that from me." Ben shook his head in frustration. "I don't like Luke. I feel inferior to him. I hate that he makes me wear those sack clothes, and he doesn't accept that the way of the Jedi could never be my path. I hate his humiliating fighting lessons that always end with me losing my lightsaber in seconds. "
Anakin threw in "But he means well. "
Ben nodded. "Yes, I trusted him. I never had a doubt he couldn't mean well. With this trust I could regain control over my thoughts and resist the ideas of that dark entity. But then this dark entity told me that Luke will want me dead.'"
Anakin's expression darkened. "Don't listen to the dark side, Ben. It wants to manipulate you."
"I'm not naive," Ben replied. "I do realize it said that to take away my anchor. But I could feel it was telling the truth. I could feel through the Force that it was telling the truth."
"Your feelings are wrong," Anakin insisted. "The dark side twists the truth to suit its own purposes. Before I turned, I had dark visions. I saw my wife dying. Later, I found out that my connection to her, made in an attempt to save her, was what killed her when I was about to die. If I had never tried to prevent her death, she would not have died."
"I understand, Grandpa. I'll try to ignore what it said."
"That's a start," Anakin agreed. "But you should also talk to Luke. He's your family, Ben. He loves you and he wants to help you."
"No. What if that is what would make this become real? What if Uncle Luke then tries to find out why he will kill me? Most of the dark thoughts I just encountered were those of this dark entity, but some were actually mine."
The End
If you are curious to find out more on what happened to the Jedi Ben Solo and why he turned to the dark side, please continue with: Star Wars X: Beneath the Light
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