-Disclaimer-
Nothing belongs to me besides the characters of Rachel and Kari, and sometimes I wonder about them. The rest belongs to the brilliant genius that was JRR Tolkien...or reality.
-2: Arrival -
Of course, things didn't stay all hunky-dory fine. They never can. You'd think someone or something would have given us some warning, though - but nope, we hadn't a clue that anything was going on until the day Elrohir burst in one day when Glorfindel, Gil-galad and Ecthelion were sparring against me, Laurind, and Calenda. Yes, three on three - and it was a fair fight. I had learned over the years...both skillwise, and in how to distract Glorfindel so thoroughly that he'd trip over his own feet.
Glorfindel had just done that, actually - tripped over his own feet - and Gil-galad was in the middle of making some rather crude jokes about where Glorfindel's brain was, with Calenda twitching and obviously just about to tell him to shut up because Glorfindel WAS her dad, when Elrohir tumbled into the practice yard. No one recognized that it was Elrohir, of course, all of them thinking it was Elladan at first, despite the fact that he sported short hair instead of the usual long hair of Elves. I, however, noticed the haircut, as well as the jeans, hiking boots, and t-shirt underneath his cloak.
"Elrohir? What the purple blazes!" I exclaimed as everyone else finished with their various forms of 'Hi Elladan'. They immediately stilled at my words, even when Elrohir staggered forward a few steps and just about collapsed, only to be caught by me. Glorfindel sent an incredulous, questioning thought my way, and I sent back a mental close-up of Elrohir's clothes.
"Why the hell did you have to live so far from the coast?" Elrohir muttered as I helped him to one of the seats that was scattered around the practice ring for spectators and resting sparrers.
"It's where Glory's family lives." I replied. "What's the matter, Elrohir? Where's Kari?"
"Gone." Elrohir said, heaving a sigh of relief as he sat down on the bench.
"Gone? Not..." Glorfindel trailed off as he came closer.
"No, she's not dead. She might as well be, though." Elrohir said bitterly. "I don't know what happened, I only saw men in black suits carting her away, but since they'd evidently knocked her out somehow, I just ran. I got a fuzzy mental message from her just as I was heading for the coast that 'the FBI sucks'. So I figure they did it."
"I always knew there was something fishy about the FBI." I said grumpily.
"There was something about Area 51 in her message, too." Elrohir added with amusement, glancing up at me.
"Really? HAH!" I exclaimed, and then paused. "Wait. Bad FBI. They're supposed to kidnap aliens, not Elves."
"Same thing to them, I'm afraid. Never mind that we were there first." Elrohir said with a sigh.
"Um, I'm confused." Calenda said at that point. Elrohir, seeming to notice her for the first time, frowned lightly, and then glanced at Glorfindel and I. He cocked his head to one side, glancing between us two and Calenda almost suspiciously.
"Elrohir, meet my daughter, Calenda. Calenda, the purple twin." I said. Elrohir groaned.
"6000 years!" he exclaimed. "Six thousand! You'd think she'd forget! But noooooo..."
"Rachel has a very long memory." Glorfindel said dryly, and then amended, "About certain things." I chuckled.
"Still confused, here." Calenda pointed out.
"As am I." Gil-galad added.
"Me three." Laurind said.
"Me four." Ecthelion put in.
"Alright, alright, I get the hint...nobody who hasn't either lived in the modern world or has a tap into my brain understands what's going on!" I exclaimed. "You don't have to pester me about it! It's a hard thing to explain, anyways."
"The FBI is an agency of intelligence gatherers for one of the largest nations now on Earth. They have been surrounded by rumors and stories ever since people were able to communicate with each other reliably, frequently, and quickly. Most people believe those rumors and stories to be false, however, especially the one about a supposed secret base, named Area 51, where the FBI - supposedly - does secret experiments on creatures that aren't from this world." Elrohir rattled off. "But apparently Area 51 does exist, only they don't have creatures from another world to experiment on - they have my wife." There was silence for a moment.
"Nice summary." I commented finally.
"Thank you, I thought it up while I was sailing and galloping here. You and Glorfindel are wonderful, but I don't think even you can break into one of the most secret and guarded bases in the US of A all by your twosies." Elrohir said.
"This is true." I said wryly. "Alright, so we bring Gil-galad, Ecthelion and Elladan along."
"Six?" Elrohir arched an eyebrow.
"Calenda and Mírëría too, then? But Mírëría doesn't know English." I said. Ecthelion had learned English somewhere along the way, too - I think Gil-galad taught him.
"Gil-galad, Ecthelion, Elladan and your daughter do?" Elrohir asked in surprise.
"Yeah, it sucks - I can't say nasty things about them to Glorfindel anymore." I said with a mock scowl.
"Yes you can." Calenda said, and then pointed to her head. "You can do it mentally."
"She's too busy making kinky suggestions mentally to badmouth us that way." Gil-galad put in.
"By the Valar! These are my PARENTS, Gil! Would you PLEASE lay off the mental image-spawning remarks for at least a little while!" Calenda said despairingly.
"Never!" Gil-galad declared, only it came out more like 'Nevah!', which made me giggle. Calenda sighed.
"I guess I'll have to occupy your mouth, then." she said, and promptly kissed Gil-galad. When the two didn't show any sign of stopping after a few minutes, I shook my head and turned my back on them, ignoring them as best I could. The others followed suit.
"And she wonders why he won't stop making such comments." Ecthelion muttered. I snickered.
"I missed something here." Elrohir said, arching an eyebrow.
"Calenda and Gil-galad are married." I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.
"Oh Valar. You, related to royalty?" Elrohir groaned.
"And she's the head of an organization which counts Tulkas and Orome as two of its members." Glorfindel said dryly.
"Gah. Are you people all crazy! The last person you want to let have power is Rachel!" Elrohir exclaimed. I opened my mouth to reply, but the door to the practice arena slammed open once again, stopping me, and a green, gold, brown and beige blur slammed into Elrohir, knocking him off his seat. Elrohir yelped, and then a loud slurp was heard.
"Oh, 'Dan, gross!" Elrohir exclaimed. "Go do that to your wife!" The blur, now recognizable as Elladan, grinned as he stood up, offering his hand to his twin. Elrohir ignored the hand, eyeing it and its owner suspiciously as he got to his feet by himself while edging away from Elladan and wiping his cheek on his sleeve.
"Apologies, but I was just so terribly happy to see you again." Elladan said cheerily, bouncing up and down as he hummed, almost visibly holding himself back from latching onto his brother once again.
"How did you even know he was here?" Calenda asked from behind me, apparently having finally stopped smooching her husband.
"Mental connection. Not incredibly strong, but enough to sense the other's presence when we're both on the same side of Valinor, and to generally sense the other's emotions if we're close." Elrohir said with a sigh.
"Speaking of which, you need sleep." Elladan commented, then lost control of himself and let out a little squeal before enveloping Elrohir in a bear hug.
"Rachel? A little help?" Elrohir asked in exasperation.
"I thought you thought that I was the last person that should have power?" I replied with a smirk.
"And your tendency to use it for your own purposes is why." Elrohir said with a sigh.
"Alright, alright...Glory? Jack?" I said, turning to Ecthelion and Glorfindel. Yes, Ecthelion's nickname had stuck - but that was only because he continued to act disturbingly like Jack Sparrow on some occasions.
"Why us?" they asked at the same time.
"Because if Glory doesn't help, he isn't getting any tonight, and if Ecthelion doesn't help, I'll use my powers to see that he's the next victim of the MMC, never mind that he's a member." I said. Glorfindel and Ecthelion glanced at each other, then hopped to and pried Elladan off Elrohir, forcing him down to the ground and sitting on him for good measure.
"Good doggies." I said with a purr. The two former lords of Gondolin glared back at me, and I grinned before returning my attention to Elladan.
"Alright, so you need help getting Kari back. Glory, Jack, Calenda, Gilly, Laurind and Elladan know English. Anyone else that we bring will need to be taught it, or have to stay out of the way." I said.
"Well...they might do." Elrohir said cautiously.
"Don't forget the grand ol' lesson of the War of the Ring. A few can go where an army cannot." I pointed out. "Keeping the group small is probably the best way to ensure success." Elrohir sighed.
"Yeah, I know." he said.
"We're talking about going back to earth in your time, right?" Glorfindel asked suddenly, and Elrohir and I nodded. "Laurind and Calenda aren't going." The two in question turned to Glorfindel with surprised, confused looks. I joined them.
"Why the heck not?" I asked. In response, Glorfindel mentally echoed back some words of mine from years before when I had been in a cynical mood and described the crime rates and types of crimes in my world.
:If they stick with us, they won't be in any danger...plus, they're probably better trained in defending themselves while unarmed than the damned police are.: I told Glorfindel.
:I will not stick my daughter and sister into that world. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd say you couldn't go, either.: Glorfindel said. I sighed out loud, and Laurind and Calenda turned their confused looks my way.
"Glory's being protective." I explained. "Earth around now can be a little...rough in spots." I glanced at Gil-galad, then at Laurind and Calenda, then to Elrohir. "What do you think, Elrohir? Would it be safe for them to go wandering around Earth?" Elrohir looked uncertain.
"That's answer enough for me." Glorfindel said firmly. "They stay."
"And I get stuck with five guys?" I said, making a face. "I don't think so. Calenda comes."
"Hey, why Calenda and not me? I'm older and have had more experience!" Laurind objected.
"You won't have a hubby along that can let us know if you're in trouble or...help you should you get in trouble and we not be able to get there in time." I said carefully.
:You are aware that this is your DAUGHTER that you're talking about throwing into your world.: Glorfindel said mentally, sounding distinctly annoyed.
:Yes, I am. I also know that she deserves to know where I come from.: I replied. :Plus I think she'd love it there. Your sister would, too. Hell, your whole family would...actually, they might turn the world into utter chaos.:
:All the more reason to keep them away from it, yes: Glorfindel suggested, and I nodded.
"Alright, any of those named not WANT to go?" I asked, turning to the group of elves. Gil-galad, Ecthelion, and Calenda looked at each other.
"Bored." Gil-galad finally said, pointing to himself.
"Out of my wits." Ecthelion added, also pointing to himself.
"Now who has incurable boredom?" Glorfindel said with a chuckle.
"I follow him." Calenda said, pointing to Gil-galad.
"Just like Elladan will be following Elrohir?" I said with amusement.
"Except that I doubt-" Gil-galad was cut short by Glorfindel putting him in a headlock.
"I looked after those twins when they were babies and tutored them when they were older. I do NOT want to hear what you were about to say." he announced.
"Us either." Elladan and Elrohir chorused.
"And on that topic, Rachel, I have something to thank you for." Elrohir said, turning to me. I eyed him warily.
"You do? On THAT topic?" I asked, and Elrohir nodded.
"Thank you for refusing to tell me and Elladan what incest is." Elrohir said earnestly.
"You're very very welcome." I replied just as earnestly.
"But now you know, so there's no point in keeping it a secret from me, so what is it?" Elladan asked, obviously very curious. Elrohir glanced at me, mischief in his eyes.
"No, don't you dare. That would be squicky. And I'd be forced to tell Kari. And Mírëría." I said with a scowl at Elrohir. Elrohir pouted. "Though Kari might just ask me if I managed to take a picture." I said with a frown.
"Of what?" Elladan interrupted. "Stop wiggling around the subject and answer my question? What is incest?" As I turned to Elladan to give him an explanation, Gil-galad suddenly burst out laughing. I shot Glorfindel, who still had Gil-galad in a headlock, a confused look.
:He asked if it was related to his non-spoken comment.: Glorfindel said with a shrug.
:And what did you say? Like a bee to Manwe's nose or something equally random: I asked, giving him a weird look.
:I just told him it was the same thing.: Glorfindel mentally muttered.
"Gilly, yo humour is whack, yo." I told Gil-galad with a shake of my head, then turned to Elladan. "You want your answer?"
"Yes." Elladan said emphatically, nodding.
"You know what you do at night with your wife? Do that with him -" I pointed to Elrohir. "- and you have incest. Actually, twincest, to be precise. If it was Arwen, it would just be plain incest." I explained. Those to whom my explanation was an actual explanation and not merely a repetition of known facts looked at me blankly for a moment, then made creeped out or disgusted faces.
"Oh Valar, yes, thank you for not telling me before. Actually, I wish you still hadn't told me." Elladan said, shuddering and edging away from his twin.
"And just think, back on earth, there are teenage girls who write stories about that. With us as the characters." Elrohir said with an evil grin.
"Not to mention just plain incest with Haldir and...well, most often Rumil." I pointed out.
"And there was the one with father, me, 'Dan AND Glorfindel." Elrohir added.
"Oh, you found that one?" I said in surprise.
"The summary, at least." Elrohir said with a shudder. "Then I ran off and distracted myself with Kari."
"Not surprising. Find any Boromir and Faramir ones?" I asked.
"One or two." Elrohir said with a shrug. Our conversation finished, Elrohir and I turned our attention back to everyone else - to find them staring at us in horror. Well, everyone except Glorfindel.
"Yep, you can all be glad that either you don't have siblings, or your siblings aren't well known back on earth." I said with a grin.
"Of course, we won't mention the stories written about dear Glory and Ecthelion." Elrohir said dryly.
"Oh Valar, please don't remind me." I said with a shudder. Elrohir opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off with the wave of a hand. "No, no I'm not worried. Glory is mine and mine alone. Ecthelion knows that just as much as anyone else." I said firmly.
:Can we PLEASE get off this topic: Glorfindel muttered in my mind, watching Ecthelion edge away from him as what Elrohir and I were talking about sunk in. I sent back a mental agreement, but Gil-galad wasn't quite done.
"Out of curiosity, do these stories mention me at all?" he asked. I noted that Glorfindel had let him out of his headlock at some point. I only noted this because Glorfindel promptly put him back in one.
"How well do you like Elrond, Gilly?" I asked dryly. "Or Círdan? How about one of Fëanor's sons? Maybe Celebrimbor? Elendil? Isildur? Elros? Erestor? And there is, of course, always Glory." :Man-whore of Middle-earth.: I added mentally. Glorfindel replied with a rather dirty suggestion about showing me what he'd learned during his man-whoring. At this point, Gil-galad, whose eyes had been steadily widening as I went down my list, finally managed to let out a little squeak. "Well, you asked." I said.
"It's a worse list for father, trust me." Elrohir said with a sigh.
"Actually, Glorfindel has the worst." I pointed out.
"Glorfindel? Is there something you haven't been telling me?" Laurind said, speaking up for the first time in awhile and arching an eyebrow at her brother.
"Like that he's so unspeakably, deliciously hot that no fan girl can conceive of anyone being able to resist him?" I replied for Glorfindel.
"Your opinion." Calenda pointed out.
"But the most trustworthy opinion of all. Also proof of the fan girl's belief." I said. "I did run away from him -"
"Twice." Glorfindel interjected.
"- and now I'm married to him!" I finished with an expansive gesture.
"Which makes him all yours, your very own, your -" Elrohir started, an evil glint in his eyes, but I clapped a hand over his mouth.
"No. No one but me does Gollum impressions." I hissed at Elrohir to emphasize my claim. Elrohir, amused, nodded in acceptance. "Feel free to do other impressions, though. Just not Jack Sparrow. Ecthelion would outclass you there, anyways."
"Ecthelion?" Elrohir asked, arching an eyebrow and glancing at the Elven lord. "How...?"
"I don't now, but it's scary, dude." I replied, then turned to Ecthelion. "Show him." Ecthelion looked at me blankly. "Aw, come on, every time I squeal and latch onto you it's because you've sounded like Jack Sparrow. So just pick one of those times and repeat what you said in the specific way you said it." Ecthelion thought for a moment, then cleared his throat before speaking.
"Actually, I borrowed it. Borrowed without permission. But with every intention of returning it to you." he said, in a perfection imitation of Jack Sparrow, down to the facial expression. Elrohir gaped at him.
"That's freaky." he almost whispered after a moment.
"Hence why I call him Jack." I said with a nod.
"I wondered about that." Elrohir said, then suddenly let out a jaw-cracking yawn.
"You've been picking up some human habits." I observed.
"Damn things are contagious - only disease an Elf can catch." Elrohir muttered.
"Doesn't change the fact that you need sleep. When did you last sleep?" Elladan said, almost scoldingly, as he eyed his brother.
"Um..." Elrohir's eyes went unfocused as he thought back, muttering to himself and absently counting on his fingers.
When Elrohir got past fourteen, Elladan shook his head and sighed. Then, in a distinctly MMC moment, he brought his hands up to his face, wiggled his fingers in the direction of Elrohir, and went, "Sleeeep..." There was little change in Elrohir's appearance, but Elladan and I moved forward as one and caught Elrohir as he fell asleep.
"He'll hate me for that in the morning, but he really needed it." Elladan said conversationally as I moved and grabbed his brother's feet, Elladan taking Elrohir's arms.
"Guest bedroom, two doors down from yours and Glorfindel's." Laurind supplied.
"My thoughts exactly." I said as Elladan and I started moving. Several of Glorfindel's siblings followed us to the room, out of curiosity, when they saw Elladan and I hauling a sleeping elf identical to Elladan through the corridors. Elladan and I quickly shooed them out of the room, however, and after getting Elrohir tucked into bed, headed back to the practice arena, only to be stopped by a mental comment from Glorfindel.
:Come to the dining hall - it's an easier place to discuss things.: Glorfindel said. :Plus all my family wants to know what's going on, and it's easier to explain it to them all at once in the dining hall.:
:Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch.: I replied. Glorfindel, after getting a brief mental explanation of the reference, replied something to the effect of 'munchies later, business now'. Only he phrased it somewhat dirtier. Gil-galad and Glorfindel seemed to have developed identical dirty minds, some days - the only difference was that Gil-galad's was more perverted and often expressed out loud. Glorfindel's dirty mind was well hidden, accessible only to me, which I approved of greatly.
So Elladan and I headed for the dining hall, where we had to explain to all of Glorfindel's very curious family that Elrohir had showed up, without his wife, because his wife had been captured. In true House-of-the-Golden-Flower style, they were immediately in an uproar and wanted to go rescue her, and couldn't understand when I explained that only six of us would be going back to rescue Kari, even with the language problem.
:Hmm...: I said thoughtfully to Glorfindel as I eyed his family, arguing amongst themselves about rescuing Kari.
:What are you pondering: Glorfindel asked warily.
:I'm trying to figure out how to explain machine guns, tear gas, and tanks.: I replied, showing Glorfindel mental images.
:Why not just explain to them the device you described to me? The A-bomb, I believe you called it: Glorfindel suggested after a moment.
:I suppose that'll do.: I said dubiously.
"Yo! Golden Flower people!" I exclaimed out loud, getting everyone's attention. "You want to know WHY we're only taking a small group and trying not to be noticed? Two words: weapons and technology."
"That's three." Ecthelion pointed out.
"The 'and' doesn't count, dummy." I said with irritation. Ecthelion blinked at me in surprise. "Yes, I'm annoyed. Why? Because I don't like the thought of all of you getting blown into pieces so tiny over such a large area that even an Orc couldn't smell them.
"Since you're all immortal Elves who haven't advanced much in technology and weaponry because there's no need, and the last time you saw humans, they were still poking each other with pointy pieces of metal and throwing rocks at buildings, I'll forgive your ignorance. But now you will listen to me, and listen well - because humans have changed since you last saw them. They've grown, and advanced in knowledge. They know how to heal diseases that probably no one in Valinor besides the Valar even know OF, let alone know how to cure. They also know how to kill and injure more people with one weapon than the Valar would even contemplate doing.
"There's a weapon that they created, less than a century ago, that when set off, will cause an explosion that will devastate the landscape for over four leagues around it. And after that, it will poison the land it destroyed, and the lands and people around it, for generations. It's only been used twice in active combat since it was developed, and every nation on earth has decided that it is too harmful to be used again.
"And that's just the most destructive weapon. There are smaller weapons, that anyone can buy and operate if they learn how, that will shoot out a small piece of metal going at speeds many times faster than an arrow. The small piece of metal can go through plate armour. Hell, they could probably go through a Balrog's skin...maybe even a Vala's. In the country where Kari is being held, EVERY PERSON has a right to own one of these weapons, and most of them make use of that right.
"And we won't even mention the weapons that the army of that nation has access to - the clouds of poisonous gases that will eat through your skin, the large tanks that are like bigger, stronger, more unstoppable versions of siege engines, and can shoot explosive devices - like the one Saruman used to bring down the walls of Helm's Deep, only more powerful - not to mention the damage the tank can do by just rolling over someone. And there are the weapons, like the small weapons that everyone in the country can own, that can fire hundreds of those pieces of metal in a MINUTE. One of those could most likely take down an entire charge. And that's just offensive weapons.
"Pressure-sensitive floors, where even the slightest difference in weight - even that of an elf - would set off an alarm. Special devices that act like remote eyes, allowing a small force to watch over a large building. Invisible beams of light that will set off an alarm if they are interrupted between their source and their destination...and most of those can be combined with offensive weapons to create something that can kill somebody without them ever actually seeing their enemies face!" I stopped and took a deep breath, realizing that I was ranting, and that everyone in the room was staring at me in wide-eyed surprise.
"No, now is not the time to fuck with humans. They have incredibly strong weapons, advanced knowledge, and superior forces - and not the wisdom to use any of it properly." I said calmly. "Six of us will go. Only six...and I'm not too sure we'll all return. But we will go, and we will try. Because while most humans have outgrown, or claim to have outgrown, torture and rape, they have other means at their disposal - and I, for one, don't want to see what happens when you give a human, with all their flaws, the power of an elf, and train them to kill an enemy." Silence reigned.
"Mom, can I change my mind about going?" Calenda asked nervously after a moment.
"Oh, don't worry. We'll only come up against those weapons if we're caught." I replied with amusement. "But if you want to, you can stay here. I'm not taking anyone back to earth who doesn't want to go. It might be a little tricky rescuing Kari with just me and Elrohir, but we could probably do it."
:Like I'd let you go without me.: Glorfindel stated mentally, shooting a slight glare my way, while Calenda glanced at her husband. Unspoken words were exchanged between my daughter and son-in-law, and then Calenda nodded.
"I've changed my mind about changing my mind. I'll still go." she said finally.
"Good." I replied cheerfully. :Now I'm going to go find some alcohol or sugar and hide in our room because that rant got me all depressed.: I added mentally to Glorfindel. He started to rise, and I felt his intention to follow me, but I shook my head. :Your family, and our friends, will still have a lot of questions. You're the only one here who can answer them.: I turned and left, going, as I had told Glorfindel, to find some alcohol before going to our room and huddling on the couch to drink, morbidly going over what Kari could be going through, and all the various problems of the human race.
In the background of my mind for several hours, I felt Glorfindel answering the questions of family and friends, with an occasional mental touch as he drew an answer from my memories, and the more personal caress and general feeling of love and comfort that he always added before he withdrew to return his attention to answering questions. Eventually, I felt the questions turn to planning and other practical matters, and then there was nothing from Glorfindel, except the sense of coming closer with every second. Then Glorfindel was there - and holding me as, for the first time since Boromir died, I cried out my grief over someone. Fortunately, this time, Glorfindel was willing and more than able to cart me to bed and take my mind off my troubles, if only for the night.
----To Be Continued...with Pervert!Glorfindel...----
-Authors Note-
Tada. Chapter 2! Not AS funny as the last few, but still has some humour in it. Speaking of the humour - for those of you who may be interested, all the slash combinations mentioned are they're real. I've run across them in stories.
As for the not so funny stuff, anyone wishing to object to Rachel's cynical view of the human world - take into account she's lived, basically, in paradise for the past 5,000 years. Also, she's trying to scare the crap out of the family of someone who stood up to a Balrog.
Oh, and my apologies for the messed-upedness of the lists of 'useful info' at the end of last chapter. They are fixed now.
Aaand...I can't think of what else to say. So, I'll just do the traditional thanks to all the reviewers to whom I either didn't get around to replying to, or who I couldn't reply to for whatever reason. (It wouldn't hurt for some of you to log in. -hinthint-) And to all of you that read but didn't review - shame! Review this chapter while you're still redeemable! Eh, and whiel I'm being thankful, thanks to all the reviewers that I already thanked, too.
And now...I go. -flee-
Namarie!
-Crimson Starlight