Chapter 1- forgetting
Warning this chapter includes shonen-ai and karasu...He's not brought back to life no worries though. This chapter may be skipped to it really has nothing to do with later stuff but it does explain my way of looking at some things.
The song is figure .09 by Linkin Park.
Intro
Emerald eyes stare in the darkness with calm reserve. Truths that can never be seen or understood hide in the depths of those eyes. The victim and torturer both. Never shameless mercy, always merciless shame. They close and now all that's left is to dream.
...Nothing ever stops these thoughts and all the pain attached to them...
The darkness is complete, filled only with a purple smoke that seems to be lighted but cannot penetrate the darkness around it. Shuichi stands alone, with Yoko near. They are together but apart. Yoko is not separate he is only the past, looming over the other. Together they are Kurama. Now he is truly alone.
He can feel a presence, familiar to him. He turns to see eyes in the purple smoke, eyes of Amethyst. The smoke is disgusting suddenly, the ground familiar as well. 'I'm back' He cries out in such deep despair that the sound shakes in sympathy.
...Sometimes I wonder why this is happening...
" No." Kurama whispers softly.
" My sweet Kurama, my darling Fox." Karasu purred nearby."Your so lovely and determined."
"Your dead."
"I can't die because you can't forget me."
"I..."
"Make me immortal."
"I..."
"Remember" The command was so soft and soothing, he closed his eyes. He could feel Karasu. He could feel his hands on his face. He felt bile rise in his throat and yet he could not and did not even try to pull away.
"Remember."
"Please..." Kurama whined not sure what he was asking for.
" Will you lower yourself so far?" Karasu said letting each word fall like separate drops of rain into Kurama.
"I can't" Kurama muttered to his shade.
"Remember." The shade whispered Again.
A single tear falls from the green eyes "No!" He cried as the tear shimmers away as he tossed his head back. He began to remember.
...It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say I
Put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me
(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)...
Kurama stood at the tournament again. He was surrounded by bombs. They were there even though he couldn't see them.
The mad bomber stood before Kurama relishing in his pain. Without even a blink hi body erupted in green blasts Pain explodes with the bombs in his body. He cries out.
...(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)...
His unnerving hands his unnerving eyes...always seeming to pry below Kurama. No matter what opposition it always seemed useless. His twisted delight in plight and pain.
'He was a beautiful flower, a lovely bloom. My past was all that saved me from a death I deserved. I lost even as he died. I even enjoyed his pain as he enjoyed mine.'
"It never goes away." Kurama whispers in his sleep.
...Hearing your name the memories come back again...
Kurama was back in the smoke so alone with Karasu.
"So kitsune, lets look at everyone in your past. you betrayed everyone...even Hiei..."
"He needed that...I saved him and..."
"He didn't ask to be saved." Karasu interrupted.
"Well if I always did what Hiei asked for only and not what he wanted we would both be dead" Kurama replied dryly.
"What about your mother?" Karasu shamelessly inquired.
"What about her?"
"You lie to her you couldn't tell her the truth even if you wanted to."
"I do..."
"What about me, Kitsune?" His face only held the question. "Did I deserve to die?"
...I remember when it started happening...
...He sat in the locker room with Hiei, attempting to calm himself. Hiei still slumbered. Kurama's eyes never strayed from the book. The words were there but they made no sense they wouldn't connect. He could still feel Karasu closer than skin...
...see you in every thought I had and then...
Karasu...Kurama's mouth opens and his eyes shut, somewhere between pleasure and pain.
Karasu's hand on him, his eyes peeling away his skin looking beneath.
Karasu dead, Beautiful plant food.
Regret for such a meaningless death, for losing.
...The thoughts slowly found words attached to them...
Regret. Hate. sadness. Shame. Grief. Love. Touch. Dreams...such awful dreams.
...And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them...
" I can't believe I let you," Kurama said defiance in him.
"no one else would have. Hiei has no regrets." Karasu stated with amusement.
"I can't believe that." Kurama retorted.
"But you do." Karasu whispered slyly.
...and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me...
"Doesn't it matter that I hated it?" Kurama said in desperation
" No." Karasu said simply. "My death is in your past. Now I and my death are part of you. Forever."
...(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)...
"I..." Kurama started. Karasu took a step forward. "No. Don't. Stay away."
Karasu's eyes stare hungrily at Kurama. "You don't want me to."
...(And now)...
"Yes I do. I'm not that way."
"Don't deny it. Don't hide. Let your mind be free." He reached out to Kurama, Kurama didn't pull away. "I'm only in your mind. Don't lie to yourself."
...(You've become a part of me)...
Karasu's hands touched Kurama's arm. He managed to get his arms around Kurama. Kurama squirmed futilely in his grasp. Karasu's roaming hands ripped away his shirt. Fire dances in Kurama's chest as Karasu's hands brush across his chest lightly teasing. Kurama's eyes close. Karasu's hands slide over his face, memorizing it, Learning it like a language. A whimper escapes Kurama's mouth. Karasu moves his head next to Kurama's face and cups his chin. Kurama willingly lets himself be lead into the soft awaiting lips.
... (You'll always be right here)...
Karasu roughly clasps the fox's wrists at his side. Kurama pleads with rushed kisses across his face. His hands are chained before he feels it. Cold iron biting into his skin and holding him inches from the ground. karasu's hands were back on his chest. Those damn hands lithely rubbing into his skin. They barely touched him they only skimmed over him shivers erupting inside of Kurama.
"Damn you, Karasu." Karasu's fingers deftly began to tease their way down his chest, to touch his stomach. His hands gently brushed the top of his pants. The word 'please' formed on Kurama's lips barely escaping Kurama's will. The crow looked at his pray letting his eyes soften and narrow.
"Are you broken? Did I your past finally break you? The way I have been trying to." Karasu questioned voice just above a seductive purr.
"I'm not broken...Damn it I..." Kurama's voice trailed off.
"Want this?" Karasu offered helpfully.
...(You've become a part of me)...
"No." Kurama said evenly His emerald eyes glowing with renewed power and anger. "This is my dream, my world, And we are not separate, You're a piece of my past, a memory I can't forget." The chains that were never there disappear.
...(You'll always be my fear)...
Karasu's expression changed to amused. His eyes soften in almost pity. "You can't forget...Remember." He commanded yet again. Pain shot through Kurama. "So beautiful. Hurt and ache it only makes you more lovely. Another blast went through the fox.
"Damn why can't you die? Why can't you rot in peace as fertilizer?" Kurama said calmly, gently. "Your not even real."
Without even pausing a beat Karasu quoted " 'Everyone believes very easily whatever he fears or desires.' -Jean De La Fontaine."
"So... somewhere deep inside I must fear you? Is that what your saying?" Kurama retorted evenly.
"Believe what you want, Kitsune." Karasu replied evenly.
"I'm so glad I have your approval."
...(I can't separate)(Myself from what I've done)...
Kurama's eyes began to shimmer, ten emerald turned too gold then red to white and before Karasu stood the legendary fox, Yoko Kurama. "I am one being. My past, my present."
His present and future stood behind him hidden from the view of the past.
... (Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)...
All around the three figures appeared. Some a complete shadow, either not yet killed or they had remained faceless even in death.
...(Get away from me)...
This must be some dream the fox was having. Hiei looked down at his friend. He seemed calm now, Hiei turned to leave and was assaulted by a scream from the kitsune's mouth. His whole being thrown into a single battle cry.
...Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)...
Now a scream of pain spilt Hiei and the night.
...Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go...
With his back arced like that Hiei could almost imagine the fox dancing beautifully in battle, alone moving agilely away from their blows.
...so get away from
(Me)
Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)
Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go...
Their fight rages. Standing at the ready both unable to land a blow so far. The smoke still swirling from their last blows. Both still ready to fight.
...I've let myself become you...
" I killed mercilessly. Sometimes for no reason at all. I've blood that can't be washed away, I am proud of every drop. Every drop of your blood. A beautiful red banner of who I was."
...I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you...
"...I thought being human would change this, I've learned love and shame. To learn is not a bad thing...I also have not forgotten."
...Giving up a part of me...
"I felt bloody. Your end that made me feel impure because of my loss. Something I've kept inside and hidden...But I am proud...I'm proud I took you. Your meaningless empty death matching your existence...everyone becomes fertilizer in the end."
...I've let myself become you...
"...I wont forget...how could I forget such a beautiful bloom a beautiful death." He leaned into kiss Karasu. Karasu becomes nothing more than he ever was, particles of light dancing inside a beautiful mind.
Authors note: I'm a little unhappy with the ending I was Tring to balance his evilness which I like more in this case and his overall insanity of talking to himself...in a dream... without realizing he's talking to himself...I'm confused. Not to mention how he can be evil and acidic with soft sounding words so You are supposed to be unsure at the end if he is being kind or cruel.
One last Time I will explain or try to How to read my songfics because while I believe there are others who write this way There just aren't as many as who write it a 'different' way...anyway ummm... Take each new lyric literally ignoring the rest of the song and apply it to what's happening now. Apply the song(as a whole) to the whole story at the end. I use some songs I hate because they fit what I need.
This chapter is a fun one even if it is a bit unimportant. As A whole I like it.
Please review. There is a good chance of 19 chapters I think I have 12 written but not typed or edited. each about this long if not longer.