Author's note: well I finally uploaded this I've been working on this for a long time and you could say that this is my baby. I truly love the story. I hope others can learn to like it to go takes a while for the story to get going. To answer my only reviewer's question: yes I plan on showing absolutely everybody's pain. This is why decided on the title pain: defined.
On a side note I have recently begun using a program called Dragon NaturallySpeaking. This is the first chapter that I've ever used this program. It allows me to dictate through microphone into my computer. So so if you see mistakes it may be because of the program. Also if you're curious I do write these chapters down dictate. So I'm only partially lazy. It just help with a lot of spelling problems. However some words may be the wrong word. Because of this and looking for a beta reader. If you're interested please PM me. Thank you for reading.
Disclaimer: I still do not own the show.
Warning: masochism and mentions of self-mutilation in this chapter. Besides that if you don't want to read Hiei X. kurama you shouldn't be here it will eventually develop that way. Also it deserves its rating.
Reaching
Song Title: Faint
I am...
Emerald eyes slowly and reluctantly opened to the colors of dawn.
...Little bit of loneliness...
The room was cast in the shadows that come whenever you have light. Kurama felt the pressure of his room as though the air choked him and the walls closed in. He found himself so tired that he couldn't stand up he felt as though he couldn't breathe. He tried to sit up then looked down at himself and stared at his torn and bloody sheets.
...A little bit of disregard...
He stood up and walked into the bathroom. He washed off his arms and chest. The crusted and brown blood fell into the sink. He lifted all of his sheets and pulled them off and stuffed them into the closet. He did all of this in a daze got about simply going through motions he had memorized long ago.
...A handful of complaints...
Dressed in a school uniform he left the house. You that no one was home and didn't bother to say goodbye and began to walk to the subway. You carefully and when he got to the subway he entered and waited for time to pass. He looked at the crowded streets with disdain as he left to stop. Life wasn't likely to be easy. He began the necessary calculations to make up a good excuse.
...But I can't help the fact that everyone can see these stars...
Kurama entered the classroom and took his seat. His mind was racing what he could he knew. Most people have no idea but he couldn't hide without a good believable excuse. So far nothing had been like this, they would accept pass excuses he couldn't hide he kept his outside appearance collected, relaxed. He stared as the teacher attempted to prove how he knew what he had stated a few moments before. Science is always a fun. Suddenly he felt the gentle tug on his hair. Ground as mine couldn't grasp from where but that tug alerted him to a memory. He turned to see a boy who he knew he knew somehow. He racked his brain. Outwardly he smiled," yes?"
"Did I say something to you?" He smirked.
"I think you for being so ironic please understand that I don't wish you to repeat this" he turned back to the front he was aware of the way he acted he had lost control. You would pay for his loss in control now and also for his earlier lapse.
He walked into the locker room and nervously began to change. He removed his shirt. He heard them gasp and felt their breath.
"So how did that happen?"
...I am what I want you want...
Hiei sat in a tree. He enjoyed the shade and the warmth of today, he felt that feeling again boredom. Keep your ad industry to the car world around him and felt an odd desire to ruin the calm. He could predict the way they would react. In the pebble falling into their calm pond of and fitness and ripping their lives into ripples and waves that shot panic and adrenaline into their bloodstream.
... what I want you to feel...
Yukina sat outside in relaxed in the warm air. She let go of her thoughts. She closed her eyes to the sun and breathed in. She thought I can feel life.
... but it's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real...
flashback: silence filled the room the clock ticked slowly. Shori stared looking at her son,
"I don't want to just keep pretending I'll tell you by change my mind." Shori looked at him.
"I believe you I'm just in shock." She shook her head. "I don't think you're ready to decide something so important."
Kurama looked at her in shock. "Too young. I know mom. You can't pretend this is it me."
"I just don't think he should write off your options."
... so I let go, watching you...
Shori looked at him, "just be who you are." Kurama looked up. "I love you if you're yourself."
'How do you take that' Kurama thought, "this is who I am!"
... turn your back what you always do...
Shori watched as Kurama left the room, upset. He went to his bedroom. "You'll be OK, my darling." She said to herself.
... face away and pretend that I'm not...
Kurama sat in his room. ' she won't accept it.' He sat down to think 'what can I do... what can I do... there has to be an answer.'
The looked out his window to see eyes, they closed and he heard the rustle of the eye's escape. Kurama felt calmer. 'Hiei checking in?' He thought. End flashback
... but I'll be here conjure all that I got...
Hiei stood and began to move out. He flitted to go see yukina. Seeing her calm relaxed him. He stayed as long as it was safe.
... I am...
yukina felt safe and she was unsure why 'I wonder.' She thought 'the demons have a guardian angels?'
... a little bit insecure...
Crown is back was covered with deep stars... some old... some new. He turned and faced his cheering classmates.
"Who does that to you? Come on, you got a sadistic girlfriend or what?" This was met with laughter. They moved closer.
"Or is it someone here? You picked on pretty boy?"
"Maybe he has a sadistic boyfriend."
"I bet he did it himself."
"All of the above" they laughed. "Nothing to say... suichi?"
"You have yet to say anything that concerns me." He said as he tried to calm his thoughts. They were too close. He had to divert them.
... a little incompetent...
They stepped forward again. "You need to learn a lesson in respect. You're so cool, so confident, so full yourself." He pushed kurama and yet the locker behind him. Kurama gave him an even stare.
... because you don't understand...
kurama felt their fists in his flesh. They weren't strong but they have resources. He fell 1 and steel hit him. He stared at the boy in front of him. He wouldn't hurt them. He couldn't hurt them. They were misguided.
... I do what I can't...
to lower the damage crime attempted to shield himself a little. They noticed, with sounds of triumph. They seeked to keep them open any and they tied them up. His arms to shower head at his feet to two benches. This left him spread eagle and horizontal. One of boys suggested a gag. Suri, the boy who kurama had been watching from the beginning, the 'leader' began to speak.
"Don't worry about a cat boys he won't make a sound. Please do proud and afraid. Aren't you?" You left that section of the locker room. The other boys followed. Crown found himself thinking 'it could get worse.'
It got worse. Suri, 'leader', returned. "Hey... Minemino. I told them how sick you are. I going to take you to the nurse for them." He posit that look to kurama. "I bet you'd love that. The nurse would have a field day with those guards. Don't worry. I'll just leave you here. You're comfortable, right?" He looked at kurama's narrowed eyes. "I should be even for your 'pride'... you faggot.' Kurama barely reacted, but the boy saw. "Oh yes beautiful, I know. Don't worry I won't tell." This is going badly. He couldn't guess what he wanted but he was remembering violet eyes.
The boy begged his kurama. Kurama's mind flooded with karasu his hands, his breath, his hips . Kurama wanted to scream. The boy moved away. Kurama felt very uncomfortable. Suri glanced at kurama's pants. "Just checking. Now I know you're gay. I won't tell, don't worry Woody. It will be our secret, won't it?"
Suri left the echo of his footsteps filling the locker room. Promise stayed there until next hour when one nice soul decided to let them down(the teacher.) Before anyone was in there to. Crown all went through the day in a daze. Waiting for freedom. The moment the last bell rang, kurama ran from the places if it was on fire.
... but sometimes I don't make sense...
Kurama couldn't go home. He just had to collect himself first. He stopped worrying about it and just made a beeline to genkai. He could trade until he felt OK to go and face his mom. He entered genkai the temple and say it was empty found a perfect spot in the courtyard. He took out his rows and swiftly changed into his whip. He arched his hand. He stared down at the woodblock. It became Suri. He brought down the whip and shredded it. He did it again and again, the cracker sound into the afternoon. We ignore the gentle padding that was behind him. He fell to the ground amid the tiny falling shards of wood. He panted. The details back on fire, he had felt the whip's bite, he'd been careless again. He continued to catch its breath as he stood. He was calm by the time he was up. He stared at the sky, a perfect blood red... sunset. Yet that you're too long. He turned to hurry home and found its way back blocked. A blue-haired girl with very familiar crimson eyes stood in his way.
He heard her say "I called your mom, I told her you are you're researching something. I told her you're wrapped up in your work."
He felt himself nod. "Thank you." He heard itself say. He felt himself try to smile. The she was worried.
"Kurama... please tell me what's wrong."
He heard the words and felt his insides crumble into memories. "I am..."
She smiled, "it never be alone. Don't worry you can be who you are. At least when you're around me or loan. Don't guard yourself." Kurama cried one to your that he began to speak...
... I am what you never want to say...
he felt the words spill out. Breaking like waves on sand. A bloody river spilled out of his heart. He saw her understand them and nod. He felt the freedom. Then it struck him, she wasn't a log he could tell her everything.
"I want to be accepted. Mostly by... someone I love."
"You're in love," she cooed, "have you told him, are you mates?" This all came out as one sentence. She realize she slipped by kurama's look. "I've got used to talking to girls and..."
Kurama smiled. "I could ever tell 'him'."
Yukina looked confused. 'If he teasing or honest?' She thought.
... but I've never had a doubt...
"Hiei," Kurama said suddenly. Yukina looked up, Hiei stepped out of the shadows.
"Hello, Fox." Kurama stared.
"Is there something you need? I would have to reach quite far to say you didn't mean to be sensed."
"I'm not used to worrying about stray foxes, what the hell do you think you're doing here?" He said with that end.
Kurama looked confused on the surface, "talking to yukina." Yukina flushed. Hiei became enraged.
"Kurama. Step over here with me."
"Hiei?" Kurama saw Hiei look directly at him and made an effort to keep his gaze.
Kurama looked at him and said "you hate me Hiei." Kurama kept his head up and face forward and even look on his face. Hiei stopped walking.
... so I let go, watching you...
yukina stared at them she wanted to grasp Hiei and shake him. Kurama was his friend he needed to be supportive no matter what. At the same time she is no matter what she did, nothing would change and also even if it did how much more wooded needy TA said "I can hate you" or even turned around...
... turn your back with you always do...
Hiei stayed that way. 'Damn Fox." He was blackmailing him. He was saying about. He was... Hiei knew he wasn't being fair. It was after all his fault the fox pelt him. He had power spiked... it voluntarily. Hiei knew he could expect to be understood. He wanted to be... no, he wanted to run.
... base away a pretend I'm not that I'll be here because you're all that I got...
Kurama watches yukina made herself scarce. He drinking what Hiei was doing. He remained tightlipped and turned away. There was nothing he could do. Kurama fell he is a decision he needed to be freed. Hiei turned and looked at kurama. 'What do I have to lose?'
... I can't feel... the way I did before...
Hiei. Kurama. the time they stood still must have felt like hours. Kurama watching and Hiei pretending everything hadn't been ruined.
"I'm truly sorry, Hiei."
"Shut up."
... don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored...
"shut up?" Kurama asked.
"Yes... now "he began to leave again.
"Stop that Hiei. Don't just pretend it didn't happen."
... time will heal this damage anymore...
"I've let it all go. Don't pretend there's more in my life. Nothing is worth all this..."
... don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored...
Hiei kept walking. "Is there nothing left inside you?!" kurama yelled. Hiei continued.
... no...
"you bastard... Rose whip."
... hear me out now...
Hiei turned to see Kurama steering them down. Hiei sauerkraut wasn't full of rage. He was calm, ready for a fight.
... you're to listen to me like it or not...
Hiei turned and smiled. "No need to go easy on you than." He said as he drew his katana.
"Do you ever?", replied.
"Once the only time I ever have."
"I feel honored." His whip arced and Hiei disappeared. The battle ensued and was so fast of their movements can be seen.
... right now!...
the night headlong slay the day and now the Suns blood was washed away by the spirit of night. Clouds began to gather above the temple flights. Deep breathing issue from kurama and Hiei. They stood across the courtyard much worse for wear. Krone stood up and fell. He spit. The rain began to fall. Blood mixing with mud in front of kurama. He is dismayed state where he was in a small bit of steam issuing from his head. Kurama crawled toward his adversary. Hiei did the same.
'This is it over.' They thought. They collapsed about a foot apart, reaching toward their goal.
The rain had lasted all night long and Yusuke and Botan's plan had been postponed by the unexpected showers.
"Old lady!! Where are you?" yusuke called. He entered the courtyard. He began to laugh. He ain't kurama were covered in mud reaching out to each other in the center of a ruined courtyard. Yusuke fell to the ground almost in tears because of how much he was laughing.
Note: next chapter the 'evil' people show up to cause even more heartache to our heroes...hints: they are not demons or human or a half-breed but they are close to all three. Chapter title: flee the will o' wisp.
note may update chapter again just to get it right if something is messed up. Please tell me if you see a sentance that makes no sense but don't tell me in a review PM me with it.
Thank you once again.