Warning: Raoul is bashed in this chapter. If you're a Raoul fan, read no further.

2. Raoul's Answering Machine

Raoul came back from the hair salon in a good mood. The hairdresser had straightened his sweet-smelling locks to perfection. After admiring himself in the mirror for a moment (A/N: cough, an hour, cough), he went to check the messages on his answering machine.

Beep!

Instantly, a strange female voice filled his home.

"I hate you! You Fop! How dare you treat my sweet Phantom that way? You are an insult to the human race! A pimple on the ass of humanity! Die!"

Raoul quickly deleted the message and looked around for fear that the strange woman was in his home.

Beep!

A new message started. This time it was a man's voice.

"Like, oh my God! You are so hot! Come out of the closet already so you and I can make beautiful–"

Raoul shrieked in fear and deleted that message, too. Funny how he seemed to get a lot of those messages…

Beep!

It was the girl's voice again.

"FOP! FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP FOP–"

Raoul deleted the message. Why did women suddenly hate him? He was hot! At least, he thought he was hot… and so did the man who left him the second message.

Beep!

"Hello!" it was a girl's voice but different from before. "You don't know me, but I know you! I'm a Raoul fan!"

A Raoul fan? What on earth was a Raoul fan? Raoul looked to the authoress for help, but she was busily typing and had no time to bother with him. Though, had she been able to help him, she would have said she had no idea that Raoul fans existed and that she thought they were a myth.

"Anyhoo… You're awesome… and hot… and your hair is so sexy when you flip it in that manly way that you have…" Raoul flipped his hair as she went on. "I think you should give up on Christine… and marry me…"

Raoul pondered this for a moment… Christine certainly never commented on Raoul's hair the way this girl did…

"By the way, I was just wondering: do you use Herbal Essences?"

Raoul glanced at the Herbal Essences hair products lining his bedroom, bathroom, and every other crack and crevice of his home. Of course he used Herbal Essences! What man didn't?

Beep!

"I hate you so much!"

It was the first girl. Again. Raoul shook his head. What was her problem?

"I am sending all of the gay guys I know over there right now… along with the single Raoul phan that resides in Canada… so you will be tied up and repeatedly flirted with by people who are wrongly obsessed with you!"

Raoul blinked. That didn't sound pleasant…

"And I am leading them with a lasso covered in gunpowder!"

Raoul took that as the hint that he should run… Which he did… Rather girlishly…