WARNING: Christine and Raoul are both bashed in this chapter… and Erik is worshipped… of course… If you're a Raoul or Christine or RC fan, read no further. Please. I don't want to be flamed. They burn… perhaps that's why they're called flames… (Ponders).
3. Christine's Answering Machine
Christine was grateful to be home after the long day she had had at the Opera house. Singing and prancing around was definitely hard work. She went to get herself something to drink and checked her messages on the answering machine.
Beep!
"You… are… EVIL!" A female voice shouted, the voice reverberating throughout the room. "Damn you for leaving the Phantom! Damn, damn, damn you! Curse you! How could you leave the sexiest man in the entire world?"
Christine blinked and deleted the message. Funny that a girl she had never met would be phoning her home…
Beep!
"I love Raoul!" It was another female voice. (A/N: Dear God, a Raoul fan! Run for the hills and hide the children!) "You must give him to me! His perfect shiny hair and beautiful eyes… yummy… and I'd even share my Herbal Essences shampoo with him."
Well, thought Christine, Raoul would certainly like that. She was always having trouble getting Raoul to leave her Herbal Essences alone. Why, just that morning he used up all her Herbal Essences hair mousse. How was she supposed to make herself beautiful without it?
Beep!
"Girlfriend, you've gotta stop messin' with my man, mmm-kay?" a male voice filled the room. "We all know that he's gay and he loves men with tight, shiny bums."
Christine shuddered. The vision of tight shiny male rears flew around in her head.
"Honey," the voice continued, "You are just a phase. One of these days my Roul-ie-kins will come out of the closet freely and we shall make beautiful–"
She deleted the message. Dear God, how did all of these people get her phone number?
Beep!
"The Phantom is the sexiest man in the whole world and I shall kill Raoul with a lasso covered in gunpowder. MUA!"
It was the first girl. Again. She deleted the message.
Beep!
This time it was another female voice, but it was less shrill and much nicer than the first girl.
"Hello, Christine. I would like you to know that I fully support your decision to marry Raoul instead of going with the Phantom, who is a homicidal maniac who deserves to rot in a damp, filthy dungeon. The others leaving messages on you answering machine you may ignore. The one with the shrill voice I shall take care of personally – I know her quite well. Take care."
Well, Christine thought, that girl was much nicer than all of the other callers…
Beep!
"My friend who left that is insane. Pay her no heed." the shrill voice was back again. "I think you made a mistake and the Phantom does not deserve to rot in a dungeon at all! He is sexy and good at singing and–"A shriek filled the phone. "Oh my God! No! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry! I'll never leave another message! No! Not the lamp! Don't hit me with the–"
She was cut of by the sound of something crashing against something hallow (A/N: Like her head).
A new voice took over. No, it was the nice voice.
"As I said, I would take care of her."
Beep!
"Christine, it's me, Raoul," Raoul's voice came onto the phone. "Do you have any Herbal Essences over there? I'm all out and my hair isn't quite as bouncy as I would have hoped."
Christine deleted the message and rolled her eyes.
Beep!
"Hello…" it was the shrill voice again. "My friend made me call you… she threatened me with the lamp again…" evil cackling and a whimper from the shrill girl came through the answering machine. "I'm supposed to say I'm sorry… so… I'm sorry… No! Not the lamp! I said I was sorry! Argh! Please! Have mercy on me!"
Beep!
That was the end of the messages. They had taken up the whole tape. Christine re-winded the tape and prayed to God that that was a one-time thing and would never happen again.