6. Erik's Answering Machine… Again
So, we join our sexy Phantom in his new home, trying to rebuild his life so that he doesn't offend the madman who left him the phone message not so long ago.
He now lived in a house, trying to escape the life of one of fanfiction's most adored characters and was residing with a slightly obsessed phan-girl. There were ups and downs in his new life: The ups being that, if his phan-girl saw anyone looking at him, she'd attack them, and the downs being… if there were no other phan-girls, she had him all to herself.
The phan-girl was watching her prized 2004 Phantom of the Opera DVD, giving Erik a few minutes to check his messages, since the girl was kind enough to give him a phone line of his own.
Erik went into her room, which was covered in posters of any Phantom ever portrayed, from the Musical to the Phantom of the Paradise, as well as everything in between. Trying to ignore the posters, he made his way to the answering machine.
Beep!
"Erik! Why did you leave me?" the shrill voice of the first girl to ever leave him a message rang out. "I've been waiting in the lair for all this time… Where did you go? Don't you want to be with me? Don't you?"
Erik rolled his eyes and deleted the message.
"Hello!"a new voice said. "I just want you to know that I love you and I hope you find happiness!"
Erik grinned. Fans were finding him, but at least there were less insane ones…
Beep!
"Phantom? Hello, this is Raoul."
Erik ground his teeth, his entire posture and attitude changing in an instant. How dare that… that Fop call him? Him? The Phantom of the… Wait, he wasn't supposed to be the Phantom anymore…
But still… How dare he?
"I know you hate me and all, but I must know: Do you have any Herbal Essences I can use? I need some badly! The managers won't lend me any… or Carlotta…" He broke into sobbing. "And my hair won't stay perfect anymore! Not even Christine will give me any–"
Beep!
This time, heavy breathing filled the room. No one spoke… just the rhythm of someone breathing in and out could be heard. After about twenty seconds, the message stopped.
Beep!
"Erik! It's me," the shrill girl said. "I can't talk for long. I just need a favour: I need a Punjab lasso. Please. It's important. Someone's after me with a lamp… I won't survive much longer… Please! No! Dammit, Erik, she's here. Where are the lassos? Tell me! Please tell me! I–" She was cut short by the sound of something crashing over what might have been her head.
Beep!
Well, that was the end of the messages. Erik was about to leave the room when the phone rang again. After two rings, he picked it up.
"Hello?"
Heavy breathing.
"…Who is this?" he demanded.
More heavy breathing.
"Who the Hell are you?"
"Luke," the voice said in slow, even words. "I am your father."
"Er… I think you have the wrong number." Erik muttered.
"Oh…" the voice cleared its throat. "Sorry about that."
Click.
"Erik?" the phan-girl's voice came from the other room, "Are you done with your messages yet?"
"Yes." He began to step out of the room when the shrill scream of the phone caught his attention.
"Hello?" He muttered, picking it up.
"You! Impostor!" The voice who had called him before about the scorpion and the grasshopper was now frantic. "You must come out of hiding and take up your title as the Opera Ghost once more!"
"What?" Erik almost dropped the phone in surprise. "Why?"
"The phan-girls! I've been attacked by thousands of them in the last day alone! They want you! I can't make them go away! They're looking for you and they're driving me out of my–" He was cut off by girlish giggling. "Get away from that torture chamber!"
"What are they doing?"
"They're trying to make me fall in love with them! How do you get rid of them? They're running me out of my very mind!"
" Is that so?"
"Please! You must help me!"
Erik glanced at his hand. "I don't know…"
"I beg you!"
"You beg me?"
"I do! I do! Please! They've rapped me several times already… some of them can even evade my lasso! My lasso, I say! Half of them are Mary Sues! Oh, for the love of God, you must help me!"
Erik grinned. "Alright. Fine. I'm coming."
XxXxX
The Phan-girl who had been so graciously letting Erik live in her home came upstairs to find her room empty, save for a red rose and a note written in red ink. As any proper phan-girl would, she squeed with joy and snatched the note up, only to be devastated by the writing within.
"Dearest… phan-girl," it began. "I thank you for your hospitality, but I am happy to say that I will no longer be in need of your services, as my title has been returned to me. Your obedient servant, O.G."