Dear Reader,

MIIIIILLLLAAAAAA! I am so, so sorry Mila! You are such a nice reviewer and I've been such a hypocrite! Please forgive me! I hate it when fan authors do the cliffhanger thing too! I promise I'll do better with this story!

I do not own Gundam Wing.

Thank you to Mila who is one of the best reviewers ever and is so wonderful! Please don't give up on me!

Stay safe
Stay healthy
Sincerely,

Starr

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Duo carried Relena down the stairs, wrapped up in his trench coat. He had cleaned her up as best he could and decided to take her to the doctor himself, rather than call for one. She seemed alright, a little shocky, but that was to be expected considering. It was with a terrorists hodge-podge medical skills that he made his decisions. They usually worked. After telling the poor house-keeper where he was taking her charge he put her in the front seat of his car. As they drove he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was curled up, almost into a ball and it was then that Duo noticed how small she seemed. How thin and fragile. He had known something was wrong when she started to ignore his phone calls. He had tried to keep her from cutting herself off from the world… Alas, that it hadn't worked out as well as he had hoped. She didn't ask where they were going, she just sat there and shivered. And just like during the war when things were either awkward or headed into a bad direction, Duo started talking. Anything to fill the terrible silence.

"I'm taking you to a friend of mine who's a doctor… In fact he did a lot of work for the rebels during the war and I've known him for a really long time. He's a good guy and keeps his mouth shut when you tell him to." Relena nodded.

"He's the personal doctor of the Preventors now. He works mostly within the main building itself, unlike Sally who is always out on the field, as usual." Duo continued, "I'll take you around the back way. I know your girl won't talk and I know you'll want to keep this as quiet as possible. The last thing I want is for the media hounds to come after you again. I won't see you hurt." He swallowed hard as the words left his mouth. The rest of the relatively short trip was driven in silence. Each to their own thoughts. Relena was wracked by guilt.

Did I really just attempt to kill myself? She wondered in confusion, That wasn't what I wanted to do. All I wanted to do was sleep. But then I couldn't. And before I knew it…If Duo hadn't broken the door down… If he hadn't made me thow up…The thought caused her to shudder with guilt and fear, Suicide… That's the last thing I want… After I promised him I would live… But what kind of life is this?I'm so confused. Duo glanced at her again and saw that she was shaking. He knew what she was feeling. It was something he had contemplated a lot during the war. Suicide. Peace. An end at last. And he also knew what it was like to loose your head during that one small moment of desperation. One pain killer too many. Or ten. He had that happen once. That was why he trusted this doctor. He had been there when he had lost control. That doctor had understood and his words had been what kept Duo going through those hard times.

"You may be death and the pilot of Deathscythe... But in reality you are only a young man in a hopeless situation surrounded by hopeless situation. And sometimes it's easy to forget that peace has ever existed. But if I'm right, you are just the person to do that Duo. For you r sake I'll pray for you... I have enough faith for the both of us." Doctor Chigusa Wakui had been his friend ever since and had taken care of him when he had gotten all sliced up. Chig, as he was called by friends and collegues alike, was about as straight as a pretzel and Duo hoped, for his friend's sake, that he would fine someone someday. He parked the car and scooped Relena up. She was shivering again. Duo walked with quick, long strides up to the hidden back enterance and into the Preventers infirmary from behind. With luck the place would be empty. He prayed that it would be empty. The last thing he needed was for someone to see Relena like this before she was ready to show herslef. The back room was empty and Duo set her down on the bed and covered with a blanket.

"I'll be right back." He said, "I'll only be a few minutes. You only have to be strong until then." Relena nodded uncertainly.

"Alright."

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Duo glanced at the clock in the hallway. Four in the afternoon already. Shaking his head he knocked on the only closed door. Chig, recognizing Duo's knock, opened it a crack, which meant that he was with a patient. Probably WuFei. Ever since Heero's death WuFei had purposely been getting himself hurt. An odd form of cutting. But it was a good excuse Duo admitted to himself. Getting hurt accidentally on purpose.

"I have Relena in the back room." Duo murmured. Chig's eyes widened and he nodded.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Chang nearly got his arm cut off with a rotary cutter."

"Again!" Duo gasped. Chig rolled his eyes in answer.

"This is... what? Third time this month alone?"

"Fourth."

"God... And I thought I was the crazy one."

"It's not just you." Chig chuckled, "I swear all of you pilots are crazier than loons. Now go on. I'll be there to see Ms. Dorlian shortly." Duo nodded, remembering his promise to be quick. Turning he trotted back tot he room. Relena was lying on the bed and clutching the blanket desperately to herself. It was then that Duo got a good look at her. She was too thin and her hair was scraggly and unwashed. All in all she looked like a homeless person. A physical and psychological wreck. Oh, how well he knew that feeling. How well they all knew that feeling. In fact... Duo thought back to WuFei... Just like Relena, was the martial artist slowly but surely killing himself? That wasn't a pleasant thought.

"What's wrong Duo?" Relena asked softly, "You're frowning." Duo flashed his classic grin and rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh, was was just thinking deep thoughts." For the first time in six months Relena gave him a small, trembly smile.

"You? Think deep thoughts? What's the world coming to?" She asked in a weak attempt at a joke. Duo laughed with her and coked his head tot he side as he heard Chig close the door to his office.

"I'll be right back. I need to speak to the doctor. I'll only be a few moments. You think you can survive alone again?" Relena nodded this time.

"Yes." She said. Duo gave her a reassuring smile and left the room. Relena lay down on the bed. Somehow, since Duo had brought her here, she felt safer. More confident now. He made her fell that way, simply by understanding. And he did understand. She saw it in his eyes. He knew. She had heard many stories about the things the Gundam Pilots had gone through and knew that some of the stories had been heavily edited for her sake. She didn't harbor any fantasies and knew that suicide had been in their thoughts many times. The thought caused her to frown as she remembered Duo's expression. Had he tried to kill himself during the war? It was impossible for her to picture the cheerful and grinning pilot in that kind of situation. This was food for thought. Relena settled back and prayed that Duo would come back soon.

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"...So she tried to pull a Maxwell, eh?" Chig said, raking a hand through his wild, thinning hair, "Not surprising, considering."

"I induced vomiting as soon as I realized what was going on..." Duo admitted, "I know it's not the healthiest thing for her, but she's awake and breathing. That's all that I needed."

"Hmmm... If she's awake and lucid, then I can give her a check-up and keep her here overnight." Chig said. Duo nodded in agreement and opened the door.

"Relena?" I would like you to meet my friend, Dr. Chigusa Wakui... Chig for short. He was there for me during the war and was very helpful." Relena nodded and sat up.

"Pleased to meet you." She said softly, giving him a small, wan smile.

"How are you feeling my dear?" Chig asked, pulling out an armband and checking her blood pressure. Relena blinked at him.

"A little woozy. And cold."

"Not surprising..." He said, going to a cabinet and pulling out a blanket, "Here, get that around you." He sat down on a nearby stool and checked her pupils, "Duo has been very worried about you. As have the other pilots. You're not the only one who is greiving. Did you know there is a young man in the next room who routinely gets himself banged up because he has nothing better to do with his greatest rival gone? Just this morning he nearly sliced his arm off by 'accident'. Duo tells me you're having trouble sleeping and have been taking pills for it. What made you take more than the prescribed amount?" At the gentle, probing question Relena's eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know! I don't know why I did it! The last thing HE ever did was make me promise that I would live. He wanted me to live. I was to live for him because he couldn't live for himself!" Chig raised an eyebrow and Duo stared at Relena in open-mouthed shock.

"Ms. Dorlian." Chig said firmly, "What exactly happened the night that he died?" Duo saw Relena flinch. She looked over at Duo who gave her a shaky, but encouraging smile. Turning she looked the doctor straight in the eye and said, softly but firmly,

"That is between Heero and me."

"No?" Chig's other eyebrow went up.

"Relena..." Duo tried, pleadingly.

"No, Duo." The finality in her voice made him straighten up a bit and he almost saluted with a 'Yessir'. But luckily Relena yawned.

"Is it safe for her to sleep, Chig?" Duo asked, "She's had a rought afternoon." Chig nodded.

"I think it's safe now. But promise me that you won't take anymore sleeping pills." He said firmly. Relena nodded.

"After what happened today I don't want to take anymore." She said, shuddering.

"Good... Is there someone we need to call?"

"My housekeeper. She's probably worried herself into a tizzy by now." Relena said.

"I shall call your house." Chig assured her, "Now get some sleep." Just as Duo was about to turn to go Relena grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip. He turned to look into her eyes, now filled with fear.

"Don't leave me." She begged, "I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me alone. I won't have nightmares if I'm not alone." She sounded so much like a frightened child and the look on her face made Duo's heart twist in his chest. Turning down the light Duo sat down on Chig's vacated stool and took her hand.

"No. I won't leave. I'll be right here." He said. Relena was already falling asleep, even as he spoke those words.

"Duo..." She mumbled, "Thank you... For... Everything..."

"Shhh..." Leaning forward he gently kissed her forehead, very much like the nun who had raised him would after tucking him into bed. But it was a different sort of kiss that he gave her. And the odd feeling of protectiveness he felt as he watched her sleep, wasn't the one he used to feel when he had been the leader of a gang, watching the little ones sleep. It was then that Duo realized something, there in the dim clinic room. He was falling in love. He was falling in love and he didn't know if he could handle it.