Chapter 29: Reflections from Within

Logan was actually surprised to see she'd returned his pager.

"Hey," she said with an uneasy smile. Why did have to be like that? Couldn't she just smile naturally anymore around him?

"Hey yourself," Logan answered, slightly pained. Would she even notice?

"Are you okay?" Max blurted, upon seeing he was back in his wheelchair. "Is that why you paged me?"

Logan nodded and clenched his lips together to keep his sarcastic laughter within. So now he needed a dire reason to simply want to speak with her? It was bad enough having to face her in his condition, and she had to insult his feelings for her on top of that?

He didn't know why he answered her. She didn't really look panicked. She didn't reveal the face of someone who loves you. Logan swallowed down his hurt. He wouldn't fall apart in front of her. He would have to be just as strong as she apparently was without him. "It's temporary. I was having some problems with the robotics. It's being looked into."

Max nodded kindly. She opened her mouth to say something, but Logan didn't want to give her the chance to fill him with some sort of excuse, a random lie. He wouldn't give her the chance to lie to his face.

"So it turns out there is a Manticore team in Seattle," Logan informed her as he wheeled toward his computer to grab a file sitting beside it.

Max was worried momentarily, he could see it in her eyes. He continued, tossing the pictures on the table in front of her, "At least there was. Until your brother found them."

Max stared at the photos, saddened slightly at the sight of Zack. It looked to Max like Zack had successfully taken care of the team. "So what's the deal then?" she asked.

Logan shrugged, "Just thought you'd like to know." He paused and attempted to look away. No, he wouldn't look away. He forced himself to face her, "But you already knew that, didn't you?" he asked darkly.

Max leaned away from him slightly, feeling more uncomfortable than when she'd first walked in. She was also slightly upset. He was calling her out on avoiding him and leaving him in the dark. Even if it was true, it still hurt to be thrust in her face the way he was telling her that he knew.

Max shrugged. If she was already guilty here, she may as well not bother explaining anything. It wasn't like he wanted an explanation anyway, he just wanted to let her know that he didn't appreciate her behavior, at least that was the way Max saw things. "Well, I was going to tell you, but since you're so informed, why don't you tell me, Logan. What else have I been up to lately? Care to fill me in?" She spoke with force.

"You know, Max, lately you're very reckless. With you going on missions alone, how am I supposed to make sure you are safe? You're keeping me in the dark, and I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."

He was speaking to her like she was a child. She hated it. "Maybe I didn't want your help, Logan. Maybe I can take care of myself and I don't need you to make sure I'm safe."

"Did you know that I had to cover for your brother, Max? Your Manticore soldier didn't realize the police were onto him, but with my intelligence, I was able to tip them in the wrong direction just in time. Thank goodness, because apparently, he would have led them straight to you."

Logan slapped another photo in front of Max as he finished. This one showed Zack and Max, right outside of her apartment.

"What, were you having me followed?" Max asked with anger.

"Now why am I not surprised you would jump to this conclusion, Max." Logan said condescendingly. "No, Max. I wasn't having you followed. Maybe I should be, though. It would sure as hell be a lot easier to clean your trail for you that way."

Max didn't want to continue talking to him, but she needed to know exactly what he was talking about. "What do you mean by that?"

"I found these photos randomly in an intelligence database. Anyone could have picked up on these if I hadn't deleted them, Max. I'm wondering when exactly you decided to stop being careful about exposure."

Max glared at him. He had no idea. She was risking exposure just by being in Seattle, Zack was constantly reminding her of that. She hadn't left because of him. At least, that's what she thought her reasons were for staying. She didn't really allow herself to reflect on her emotions enough to realize if that was her true reason.

Max refused to face him as he continued with his lecture. Not because she was too hurt, she simply found herself disgusted with him. His words were full of the judgment he'd already placed upon her. It didn't matter if he was right, it was the fact that he didn't leave room for himself to possibly be wrong.

"And I'm sure you already are aware who the thief was, since you're the one that stopped him. But I'm surprised that you allowed him to stay here after how close he came to exposing you. How close he's come- his foolish behavior has gotten you close to being discovered by Manticore more than once. Just how many second chances are you going to give this guy?"

Max took a deep breath to refrain from yelling at him. She waited for him to continue, surely nothing she said would stop him from this little rant.

Max was surprised to find he was giving her a moment to respond. "What, no pictures to accompany Alec's behavior?" She asked sarcastically, "I thought that surely the great Eyes Only would have some incriminating photos to show me. Well you're right, I know that Alec was the thief. And you know what else, I'm over it. You should be, too," She realized it was true as she said it.

"It's not the fact that it was Alec. That I really should have guessed. It's that you continue to allow him to make these mistakes, this from someone you don't even know. Why are you so reckless lately, Max? Why have you allowed Alec to get so close to you when you don't know his true intentions?"

"Why are you telling me this?" Max asked. She decided to answer for him, "It's obviously because this may be the one Manticore soldier you don't have information on." That statement by itself left Max unsettled, not just Logan, but the fact that it was true. There was no information on Alec. And he was unreadable. He never slipped up, it was true she didn't know him, though she felt connected to him.

"I won't deny that I haven't been able to come up with anything on Alec," Logan admitted, "Except of course, his foolish thieving lately."

"Well, like I said, just get over it. He's done with that. Why are we talking about him, anyway? Is that what really what this is all about? These photos, accusations? What do you really want, Logan?"

Logan looked away again. He didn't know what he wanted. He wanted Max, but this Max, she wasn't the Max he had fallen for. It seemed she was no longer his. "I want you to leave," he decided.

Max stared with full eyes, open in shock. He couldn't be serious. "You are the one that paged me," she reminded him. "What, you wanted to lecture me like I'm supposed to be reporting to you? And now you're done?"

Logan couldn't face her anymore. It hurt too much. "Why'd you answer, Max? Why didn't you just ignore it like all the other times? Was it pity? Or did you think that it would finally be okay to let me know that I was the next one on the list?"

Max was sick of his questions. She knew he was right.

Logan continued at her silence, finally ending his lecture. He seemed genuinely concerned. He still cared for her greatly. "You're confused, Max. I don't know what is really going on with you, but you need to figure it out, for your own safety. If you continue to deny or tuck away whatever is going on inside of you, you'll only continue this reckless type of behavior."

"And what about you?" Max asked, also concerned. She had never seen Logan so hurt before. She wondered what he would do upon realizing things weren't the way they used to be.

"I'll keep looking into Manticore. You can contact me whenever you need any information at all. I won't call you or page you unless I really need your help." Logan found the strength to face her. He owed her that much, she deserved to be told to her face. "Goodbye, Max."

Max hugged him. She wasn't really a touchy feely type of person, and most good-byes did not deserve such an embrace, but she couldn't deny the space the man held in her heart. She felt strange as she let go, taking a moment to stare into his eyes. She had hurt this man.

Logan returned her gaze. She was right in front of him, yet even in the moment, she seemed so far apart.

As Max left the penthouse, she was surprised to find she didn't feel empty. The thought of a life without Logan had crossed her mind before. It had seemed to wrong to even consider. Yet, as she drove away on her ninja, she like a giant weight had been lifted.

Max considered Logan's suggestion. Whatever is going on with you, you need to figure it out. Max knew he was right. Logan always had all the answers it seemed. Except when it came to what was going on within her.

Max felt the breeze while letting her ninja take her somewhere absentmindedly. She wasn't paying attention to the road. She was considering Logan's suggestion with every part of her. What was going on inside her? Max didn't feel empty at the moment. Instead, she felt longing. She followed it until she reached her destination.

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a/n- again, thanks for reading.