Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters and ideas are the whole intellectual property of Ms. J.K. Rowling and are hers alone to sell. I do not receive, nor would I accept any compensation for any of the owned intellectual property of Ms. Rowling (nor that which she has licensed to WB etc.). What follows is just a wacky little ditty I wanted to get out of my brain. It only got there because I so love that which Ms. Rowling created. No copyright infringement is intended.

At the beginning of Second Year

Harry awoke the next morning to a loud purring sound and a warm weight on his chest. Still half asleep, he reached up to rub the ears of the teacher's wing's resident cat, causing the animal to purr even louder and lean in to nuzzle Harry's hand.

'Wart?' he mumbled blearily. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring practically nose-to-nose with the large, fluffy black cat. 'Hi, Wart. How did you get in here?' It was then that Harry sensed, rather than heard his father chuckling at his door.

'Did he sneak past you?' Harry asked with a smile, knowing that when the cat got it into his head that he wanted in, he could be very fast and sneaky.

'No,' Severus shrugged. 'I let him in – seemed like an effective way to wake you.'

'Mmmm…' Harry smiled as he stretched and sat up, teasing the cat for a minute by wiggling his toes under the covers.

'Thought you might want a bath, or at least a shower this morning.'

'Yeah,' Harry yawned, running a hand through his hair, which was thoroughly icky after having gotten all sweaty in the car the day before. 'Argh,' he grimaced. 'I'll have to go up to the dorm though – my uniform…'

'I went already and retrieved one for you. It's in the bathroom. I've got your books out in the living room too. Get cleaned up and ready and we'll head down for breakfast together.'

'Thanks Dad!' Harry really hadn't looked forward to having to walk through the halls in his present state. 'Are – uh – ' he asked, a little apprehensively, and turning back from the door to the bathroom for a moment. 'Are you still angry?'

'Yes,' Severus said simply, though he gave Harry a reassuring smile. 'But don't worry about it. Go on and get ready and we'll talk about it alright?'

Harry opted for a long shower, wanting to let the water rinse away all the grime and sweat of the previous day. Feeling much fresher after the shower and putting on his crisp, clean school uniform, he joined Severus in their living room.

'Come here,' Severus said as Harry pulled his lopsided tie into place. 'First, I want you to understand that it's not that I don't believe you that the barrier malfunctioned,' he said quietly as he retied Harry's tie for him.

'That's not what you said last-' Harry stopped, blushing, having spoken before he could think better of it.

'Yes, well,' Severus sighed, holding Harry at arms length. 'I'm sorry about that. I was – angry…' He smiled, squeezing Harry's shoulders reassuringly. 'But, stranger things have – and do happen. Especially to you… It occurs to me that your little unscheduled visitor this summer might have had something to do with the barrier blocking you.'

'You mean that elf? – But why…?'

'Well, he said you shouldn't come back to Hogwarts, right?' Severus said, releasing Harry and moving to gather his outer robe from the back of a chair to put it on. 'Elves are not known for their brilliant strategising – he might have thought that stopping you from getting on the train would keep you from getting back to Hogwarts…'

'But…' Harry frowned. 'Wouldn't he know how many other ways there are to get here?'

'Maybe, maybe not. The point though, is that while I do believe you that the barrier blocked you – that's not the problem.' Severus turned seriously to Harry. 'The problem is that faced with the situation, you made what might well be the worst possible decision on how to deal with it.'

Harry nodded, looking down. 'I know…'

'Can you think of other ways you should have dealt with the situation?' Severus asked. 'We have a few minutes before we need to head downstairs – you'll be off the hook then.' He added, suppressing a slight smile when he spotted Harry looking hopefully toward the clock on the mantle.

'Send Ruby…' Harry muttered, slumping into a chair.

'Mm hmm…?' Severus prompted, waiting for more.

'Wait for Mr. and Mrs. Weasley to come back through the barrier… wait by the car for them to come back out…' Harry sighed, finding the carpet suddenly very interesting. 'I don't know, if they never came back to the car, I guess we could have just waited inside until Ruby could reach you, or something… I don't know where there's an open Floo near Kings Cross… I guess if we never heard from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Ruby couldn't reach you, we could have summoned the Knight Bus…'

'Correct,' Severus said, waiting for Harry to look up again. 'How much better would your situation have been if you'd chosen any of those methods?'

'Much…' Harry snorted.

'Yes!' Severus offered a smile, pulling Harry to his feet. 'So next time, think first – act second. Right?'

'Right…' Harry sighed, rolling his eyes as they made their way out of their apartment.

'Cheer up there,' he smiled at Harry as they made their way down the stairs. 'I saw that you only lost five points between you for it – so your housemates shouldn't be too irritated…'

'Actually those points weren't for the car… I talked her out of that because school hadn't started when we took it…' Harry said, shrugging guiltily. 'I accidentally called Auntie Minnie – Auntie Minnie – right in front of Ron… That's why she took the points. I didn't mean to!' he added quickly. 'It's just that I was a bit stressed and flustered at the moment, and it just slipped out…'

'She took five points for you calling her Auntie Minnie?'

'Yeah,' Harry shrugged pausing when Severus stopped walking. 'Well, I'm not supposed to during school time… Especially in front of other students…'

'I would think,' Severus snorted. 'That given the state you were in at the time, she would have let it go…' Severus seemed to think for a moment before regarding Harry with a critical air. 'Mr. Student Potter,' he said very seriously. 'Your uniform is looking especially clean and neat. I applaud your care and diligence. Five points to Gryffindor…' Harry merely gaped at him in shock. 'And if you tell a soul that I said that I will deny it to the end.'

Recovering from the shock, Harry mimed zipping his mouth shut. He also chose not to point out that the reason his uniform was neat was because Severus had fixed his tie, and used an anti-wrinkle spell on his robe…

The smile on his face faded though when they entered the great hall, and every eye turned to him. Harry paused nervously, which resulted in Severus running into him.

'They do look a bit dazed don't they?' Severus leaned in, to whisper in Harry's ear. 'What say we brew up a batch of that Heavy Laxative potion they were talking about at the convention and sneak it into their goblets at dinner? That should get them looking elsewhere for a while…' Harry looked up at him stunned. Severus returned his look with a very serious gaze before wiggling his eyebrows and smirking.

Harry couldn't help it – he smirked wickedly as he whispered: 'You wouldn't…'

'Hmmm….' Severus winked. 'Wouldn't I…?'

That was it, Harry burst out laughing, and with a final smile, Severus made his way to the staff table as Harry turned to join the Gryffindors…

'What's so funny Harry?' Ron asked as Harry plopped down next to him, still laughing slightly.

'Nothing,' Harry said, wiping a hand over his eyes to clear the laughter induced tears. 'Dad just reminded me about something from one of the talks we saw at the convention…'

'Ooh…' Hermione practically squirmed with excitement. 'Something from the ICW conference? What was it?'

'Top secret, Hermione – I could tell you,' Harry deadpanned. 'But then I'd have to kill you…'

'Seriously Harry,' Maggie Karn, a sixth year prefect interrupted. 'I heard that you didn't come back to Gryffindor at all last night…  He wasn't too angry – was he? I mean – are you alright?'

'Maggie…' Harry sighed, seeing everyone within earshot looking at him with sympathy and worry. 'I flew a stolen car to school and crashed into the Whomping Willow! My father was understandably displeased – but I'm…' Harry stopped there, having been distracted by the arrival of a red envelope in front of Ron in the clutches of the ragged Weasley family owl, Errol.

'Oh, no…' Ron groaned.

'What is it?' asked Hermione, looking confused at the reactions of most of the others at the table to the little red envelope that had already started to smoke at the seams.

'Howler…' Harry croaked, putting his hands over his ears. 'Just get it over with Ron…'

'Yeah,' added Neville in commiseration. 'I tried to ignore one from my Gran once… it was horrible!'

So with trembling hands, Ron gingerly started to open the envelope. He'd barely gotten it halfway open though, when it tore itself the rest of the way open and Mrs. Weasley's magically amplified voice was echoing around the hall.

When the Howler's loud message was finally over, and the letter burned to ash in front of Ron, Harry gave him a good-natured jab on the arm. 'Hey, look on the bright side, now everyone is staring at you instead of me…'

'Very funny, Harry,' Ron groaned from where he sat slouched below the level of the table. 'And before you say anything, Hermione – don't.' Hermione quickly suppressed the comment she'd obviously been about to make, but still looked somewhat smug as Professor McGonagall arrived with their schedules.

'Herbology first…' Hermione began, but stopped when Harry jumped up quickly. 'What is it Harry?'

'I have to go see Professor Sprout.' He grabbed his bookbag and one last piece of toast before rushing out of the Great Hall. It was only when he stopped suddenly, within sight of the tree that he noticed that Ron and Hermione had followed him out.

'What is it Harry?' they asked, crashing into him.

'Lockhart…' Harry whispered, motioning to turn back. But it was too late, he'd been spotted.

'Harry!' Lockhart called, instantly abandoning the harassed looking herbology professor and beckoning Harry over. 'Just the fellow I was looking for this morning…'

'I came to see if Professor Sprout could use some help with the tree,' he interrupted, looking pointedly away from Lockhart. 'Professor Sprout? I'm really sorry – I meant to find you before you came to mend it to see if I could help…'

'Thank-you Harry,' she said, smiling in his direction. 'But that's about done now.'

'Oh,' he replied guiltily. 'I'm sorry. Is there anything else I can do to help? I mean, as it's my fault…'

'Mine too,' added Ron morosely, the Howler obviously still on his mind.

'Quite alright, quite alright boys. Thank-you for the offer though.' She smiled warmly at Harry and handed him the leftover bandages she'd used to mend the tree. 'Let's just get to the greenhouses for class – the rest of the students should be there by now.'

'Oh, but I wanted to have a word with you Harry,' Lockhart beamed, flashing that toothy smile of his. 'You don't mind do you Professor Sprout?' He didn't wait for an answer before starting to pull Harry to the side, taking the bandages out of Harry's arms and dumping them on Ron.

'Um..' Harry looked pleadingly at Sprout.

'I'm sorry, Professor,' she said, pulling Harry back, out of Lockhart's grip. 'But Harry has class now, you'll have to arrange to speak with him later.' And with that, she Harry, Ron and Hermione started toward the greenhouses – Ron smirking, Hermione gazing back at the now retreating Lockhart, and Harry mumbling his thanks, and smiling at Sprout's comment mumbled under her breath as they walked away: 'insufferable prat – think I don't know how to treat a Whomping Willow I planted myself…'

Harry and Hermione were the only two in the class who knew anything about the Mandrakes they were re-potting (Hermione having already memorized the text, and Harry having seen his father use them in restorative potions) – Harry suspected that Neville knew more about them than he was willing to speak out about in class though…

It was messy work, and Harry soon fully understood that Mandrakes were much more difficult to work with like this – the Mandrakes he'd chopped up for potions did not resist, or scream, or squirm about and throw compost in your face…

Transfiguration was as difficult as always, proving that two months of not being allowed to practice caused all ability to transfigure beetles into coat buttons to flee into the far recesses of the student's minds. Harry's beetle kept running over the edge of his desk before he could get his wand on it to even try the spell, but that was nothing compared to the problems that Ron was having. His damaged wand was clearly not up to the task and Ron's attempts at transfiguration had many alarming results that in no way resembled coat buttons… So it was with relief that the three friends headed into the courtyard after lunch to relax before the afternoon lessons.

While Hermione re-read one of Lockhart's books, Harry and Ron debated Quidditch strategies as Ron tried to mend his wand with Spellotape. Harry was distracted in the middle of his vehement denial of the Cannon's chances when he noticed a first year student gawping at him. The moment he accidentally made eye contact, the boy rushed over, clutching a camera.

'Hi,' the boy gasped, grinning and babbling madly. 'I'm Colin Creevey. I'm in Gryffindor too. I've been reading all about you in my books, and I was wondering if I could take your picture – a boy in my dorm says that if I develop it in a special potion the pictures will move! I thought that if I had one of you – maybe one with you and me too, I could send it to my parents – they're Muggles, but I'm sure they'd love to have a picture that moves! Especially of you – 'cause I'll tell them all about you, of course… I thought maybe your friend could take the picture with you and me and then maybe you could sign it for me?'

Harry would have given almost anything if the kid hadn't said that last – especially as Malfoy took that moment to stroll past.

'Signed photos?! Potter, you're giving away signed photos?!' he crowed, gathering a lot of attention. 'Ooh, everyone queue up! Are you going to charge money? Should I get Snape to keep track of the orders for you?' Several of the Slytherin first and second year students were snickering along with Malfoy.

'No, I'm not!' Harry shouted. 'Just shut up!'  He and Draco were standing nose to nose now, both boys clenching their fists.

'You're just jealous!' piped in Colin, much to the annoyance of Harry, and the amusement of the Slytherins around Draco, who laughed scathingly.

'Eat slugs, Malfoy!' Ron shouted, and things might have gone badly with Ron and Malfoy exchanging insults if they hadn't been interrupted by the overly cheerful voice of Professor Lockhart.

'What's going on here boys? Not fighting I hope! Ahh, Harry,' he said in a voice one would use with a favoured nephew on catching him with his hand in the cookie jar. 'I should have known. Tell you what,' he turned, beaming to Colin. 'Have one with both of us. Can't do better than that!'

Harry burned with equal parts anger and humiliation as Lockhart held him in place with a vice-like grip as Colin took the picture. As soon as the picture was taken and Lockhart was distracted talking to Colin, Harry managed to wrench himself away from the professor to grab his bag and storm away.

'Hey, Harry!' Ron called as he and Hermione hurried to follow him as he stormed through the corridors. 'Where are you going?'

'Stupid Malfoy…' Harry was muttering. 'And Lockhart! What makes him think he can just…' He stopped suddenly, forcing Ron and Hermione to stumble to avoid running into him. 'That's it,' he said fiercely. 'I've decided. I hate him…'

'Well, Harry,' said Hermione. 'You're going to have to hold that in for a bit – we have class with him in five minutes.'

'No way!' Harry said, shaking his head. 'No way. You two go on, but I'm not going. I'm going to talk to my Dad. He said they'd told Lockhart not to pull stuff like that – and I'm not going to his stupid class after that. You guys go to class, or you'll get in trouble. Tell Lockhart that I couldn't make it because I had to talk to Professor Snape. Just go!' Harry spun on his heel, leaving his friends standing in the corridor. He was too angry to care. He couldn't face a class with Lockhart right now – he'd be hard pressed not to hex the man halfway through the class in his present mood.

He hesitated though when he reached his father's classroom. The bell had gone a few minutes ago, and the class had already started – it was a first year class from the sound of things – he could hear his father talking about dunderheads and foolish wand-waving. He'd almost decided to leave without knocking when he heard two students running up behind him.

'Oh, good we're not the only ones who are late…' They stopped when they spotted Harry. 'Oh! You're Harry Potter!' One of the first-year Slytherins squealed.  'You're not in our class, are you?'

Harry tried to shush them, hoping his father hadn't heard their enthusiastic voices from inside the classroom, but it was too late. A moment later the door to the dungeon classroom burst open, to reveal an annoyed looking potions master.

'What is going on out –' he cut off, spotting Harry and the cowering first years. 'Harry? What are you doing here? You two are late. Ten points each from… Slytherin.' He grimaced, noticing only after he'd started to deduct points that the late pupils were from his own house. 'Inside,' he growled at them. 'Now!' He fixed Harry with a questioning gaze, and seeing Harry fidget nervously, he turned back to the class. 'Take out your texts and begin reading the first chapter. No one is to touch anything until I return.' He shut the door firmly, drawing Harry a few paces away from the classroom. 'What is it?' he asked, his voice softened with concern. 'Shouldn't you be in class?'

'Yeah,' Harry mumbled. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come down here…'

'Harry,' Severus said kindly. 'What is it?'

'There was this kid in the courtyard at lunch. It's not his fault, he's Muggleborn, and some of his dorm mates were telling him about me, and he came over and asked to take my picture…' Harry sighed, leaning against the wall. 'The problem was that Malfoy heard him and started making fun of me – telling everyone to queue up for signed pictures, asking if he should get you to take the orders… I told him to just shut up, but then Lockhart came along and grabbed me and told the kid to take a picture with both of us – so he did… and everyone was watching, and laughing…' Harry kicked his heel into the wall in frustration. 'And then when I finally get away, my next class is supposed to be Defence with Lockhart, and Dad, I swear, if I have to sit in his class right after that, I'll try and hex him or something…' He looked up at his father and sighed again. 'I'm sorry – this was really stupid. I shouldn't have bothered you. I don't know why I came down here…'

To Harry's surprise and relief though, Severus wasn't angry – instead, he smiled and chuckled. 'Alright, I guess I understand. Come in and you can work in my office for this class – just this one time though,' he said more seriously. 'I'll write a letter excusing you from class. No slacking in my office though – use the time to start reading your Defence text…'

'Which one?' Harry snorted. 'There's like eight of them! And they're all Lockhart's vanity books…'

Severus chuckled again, thinking that Harry'd grown too much like him for his own good. It was going to be hard to get his scowl back in place to face this first year Gryffindor/Slytherin class… 'Alright then,' he smirked. 'You can start working on your first extra lessons essay of the term for me instead.'

Harry groaned, but followed Severus back into the classroom. He smiled at Ginny as he passed her on his way through the class to his father's office, but pointedly ignored Colin and the curious stares of the other students.