"I had a dream,

Though it made me sick,

Saw you in your bedroom

Suckin' someone else's dick..."

-Sublime

It had been four days since the following events had taken place: 2D passing out cradling an empty bottle of wine outside his bedroom door; Noodle waking with a headache that made her pity 2D's migraine issues; Russel coming to the conclusion that Noodle was safe with 2D.

Anyone who would pass out outside his room with a perfectly fuckable girl inside was either gay or just not attracted to the girl.

Well, that's what he told himself, anyway.

He still planned to chat with him, if things got fishy again.

But for now, he had to convince the teen in front of him that Murdoc would frolic with 2D through a field whilst dressed in a pink tutu before Noodle got to go out clubbing in celebration of her upcoming birthday.

"Hell. No."

He frowned resolutely. She pouted at him, eyes widening and begging him to understand.

"Russel-kun," she began, quickly searching her mind to produce a reason that she should be allowed to go out. "It's not as if it's illegal, I'll be perfectly of age to enter those places. And I won't even be able to drink, so there should be no concern for me in that area!"

She was putting on her most innocent, adorable, irresistible face.

You know, the one that made her green eyes shine with love for the receiver, begging them to please, please not break her heart by denying her the one thing she wanted most in the world!

The face that got her the "It's comin' up!" installed in the elevator.

Yeah. That one.

Just like butter, Russel was starting to melt.

He sighed.

"Noods, it's not anything you are or ain't gonna do I'm worried about. It's what guys at those clubs are gonna do to you."

She gave him a look.

"You can't honestly think that someone is really going to pull something if I walk in with you, Murdoc-san, and 2D-san? Russel-kun, boys won't come within a four mile radius of this place because they know you live here, and that you're very protective of me."

Well that, and the zombies.

And the whole thing involving their yard being a landfill.

And that sometimes Murdoc made ritual goat sacrifices (so maybe he was dabbling in Santeria, but Satan was starting to let him down a bit lately).

But all that was beside the point.

"Please, Russel? I've never been out before; I'd like to see what it's like to experience that kind of atmosphere..."

She let her eyes glisten with reason.

If she'd looked anymore adorable she would have transformed into a puppy.

Russel turned into a large puddle of warm, yellow liquid. Or at least he felt like it anyway.

"Alright, girl, we'll do it," He paused when she gave an excited smile.
"But under a couple conditions."

Crap. More complications.

Russel continued, "First, you don't go fuckin' nowhere without lettin' one of us know. And no takin' random drinks some punk-ass gives you. No damn drugs. And if someone's buggin' you, I get to deal with them."

Her smile broadened.

It was nice to have a parent.

Well, at least someone who worried about you. As long as they didn't get in the way of your fun. But she had Russ around her finger anyway, so she wasn't too worried about that.

She didn't want to disrespect him or his rules. But... well, she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. So sue her if she wanted to get fucked up and dance her ass off, and maybe make a few friends in the process.

But she needed him to agree to let her go and to come with her, you know, just in case something did "come up" that wasn't so pleasant, so to speak. So she nodded her head, "Of course, Russel-kun!" gave him a hug, and scurried down to visit Murdoc.

This was going to take some scheming, and she would need some help.

It was about time she asked Muds for that favor.

-----------Twilight Zone: Entering LaLa Land------------------

Mmm. 2D really liked sour-apple lollies.

Lick, lick, sluuuuuurp.

It was a pleasant enough day. The sun was out, so the zombies were all hiding away trying to avoid decay. A vulture chirped cheerily from atop a statue somewhere in the fill.

And 2D had his lolly.

Yes, all was going quite well.

Someone tapped him gently on the shoulder, and he turned around to see Russ standing there looking at him rather blankly, his eyes white and glazed over, looking for all the world quite like he was possessed.

Oooo. Sign not good.

"D. We need to talk about Noodle."

2D gave Russ a nervous, confused face.

"Wot about 'er, Russ?"

"She's on fuckin' fire, man."

Blink.

Head scratch.

"Er…"

"Blazin' like a goddamn star. All hot 'n shit. Monkeys making babies, dog. Shit's goin' crazy."

Russel stared at some random point beyond 2D, who suddenly noticed that it was night time. And who was also starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the drummer.

"Russ, wot the bloody 'ell are you talkin' about?"

Suddenly, he wasn't so friendly. Russel grabbed 2D, picking him up by the shoulders, and shaking him roughly, screaming in his face.

"You gotta fuckin' put her out, man! She's fuckin' diein' in there! Shit, D, don't you give a fuck?"

And then Russel was gone. 2D woke up outside the kitchen, looking vaguely at the sign that read "Noodle's Room."

Noises.

Moans.

Masculine noises.

Her room.

He reached for the handle without a thought, and pushed open the door.

And there she was, face impassioned, sweat glistening on her forehead, her eyes glazed just as lustfully as they had been the night he'd seen her touch herself. But this time, there was something completely different happening.

She bit down gently on the dark haired man's neck, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she wrapped her legs around him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he pounded her repeatedly into her futon. Her hands curled, nails raking down the other man's back, and he moaned, quickening his pace, kissing her hard on the mouth as she groped for his ass.

2D felt, for the third time in his life, real rage.

-----------Twilight Zone: Exiting LaLa Land-------------

Empty black eyes burst open, and a blue-haired man rocketed up, drenched in sweat, his breathing erratic and emotions frantic. For a moment he struggled to comprehend what was going on, because he was so angry he felt like fucking killing something.

A dream. A dream, it was only a dream…

He took a deep breath, and reached towards his bedside table with trembling hands.

Mother, mother fuck.

He grabbed his cigs, lifted himself out of his bed, and walked outside.

Shit, what the hell had he taken last night? Normally he never had dreams, much less dreams that made him… feel so much.

Picturing that image in his head made him want to vomit. Someone else fucking her. It was fucking sick. Fucking wrong.

Fucking she wasn't his!

2D's head hurt like hell. He felt a migraine coming on, and wasn't the least bit surprised. Sighing, he pulled a plastic baggy from his pants pocket and took out his pills, popped one, and sat down next to a column, lighting up a fag and taking a deep drag.

He closed his eyes, thinking for a moment.

Oh, odd occurrence this was. 2D wasn't much of a fan of thinking about complicated things.

Especially when it came to girls.

Or scary dreams involving Russel saying strange things.

Fire… he remembered something about fire, and a lollypop. Also something vague about nighttime. But what really stuck with him was that thing that seemed seared in his mind, almost as if he'd actually seen it.

Why had the dream bothered him so badly? The only other times he'd ever woken up in a cold sweat he'd had a fever, plus that one time he accidentally eaten thirty of Murdoc's shrooms as a snack, thinking they were just chocolate candy.

He hadn't been much of a psilocybin fan since that incident.

But back to the present problem: 2D was a possessive, lecherous pervert who not only masturbated to a seventeen year old close personal female friend, but was now having dreams about getting extraordinarily pissed at an imaginary man fucking said seventeen year old close personal friend.

He was unbearably anxious.

Perhaps it was time to get all this shit off his chest.

He looked towards Murdoc's Winnebago, noticed that the light was on, and lit another ciggy off the end of his newly finished one.

Five minutes of cautious walking.

Ten minutes of staring at the door to what could potentially be 2D's Hell on earth.

Two minutes working up the balls to knock.

Thump, thump, thump.

"Who's there?" Called a cracked, slightly slurred, growling voice.

"Eh, it's me, Murdoc, s'2D."

All was quiet on the western front.

"… Wot the bloody 'ell do ya want, dullard."

2D rubbed underneath his nose a minute, before shrugging and saying simply, "Got woman problems, need some advice."

Thud, thud, thud.

Click, click, screeeech.

He really needed to oil the hinges on that door.

"Ya mean you're not gay?"

2D raised an eyebrow and let his mouth hang open. Murdoc laughed openly at his expression, before letting the blue-haired singer into his most coveted possession.

The black-eyed (pea) man sat down amongst the rubbish covering the floor, and buried his face in his hands for a minute.

"Nah, not gay. Just a fucked up 'ol pervert lustin' after the wrong kinda girl."

Murdoc looked at him quizzically, before turning around and pouring his tenth margarita of the day… night… something, whatever, man.

Ooooo. Alcoholism is fun.

On second thought, he poured one for 2D from his nice, big pitcher as well.

Hurrah for 64-ounce industrial blenders!

"If ya ask me," the Satanist began, "They're ain't no wrong kind of bird…" He suddenly gave a small wince. "…Unless she's got the wrong kinda bits, catch me?"

Now it was 2D's turn to look confused as Murdoc handed him a glass filled with delicious lime and tequila. He took a gulp, and coughed. Okay, maybe a little much on the tequila end. But at this point, Stuart figured he could live with it.

"I don't really know wot you mean, Muds."

Murdoc's right eye twitched.

"… Don't worry 'bout it. Prolly already 'urt your little brain tryin' t'figger it out," he took a long drink from his own glass, before continuing. "I don't get too friendly for long, so you better spit out wot ever the fuck's botherin' ya before I lose interest and decide to mess ya up a bit instead."

2D sighed, and took another drink. It was going to be hard to explain all this without directly saying he wanted to screw Noodle.

And maybe get her to have his babies.

Well, he hadn't really thought that far into it, but now that he mentioned it, that wouldn't be so bad… He'd get to actually be a daddy to these kids, which would be nice…

"Face-ache, get back to this planet!"

The singer shook his head, wiped a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth, and said, "Sorry Muds, just took a bit of a relaxer, must be kickin' in 'bout now."

Murdoc lit up a cigarette.

"Well then, get on with it."

"It's this girl tha' I've actually known for quite a while, but recently, things 'ave gotten a bit.. different." 2D thought carefully before continuing, "I never really thought of 'er as a real bird, you know, she wasn't fuckable, off limits and all. But lately I can't help meself, you know? I been 'avin' dreams an' shit, an' I wanna be with 'er all the time, but there's just way too much wrong with all of it…" He gave a deep sigh. "I'm a fuckin' pervert, man. She's damn young, innocent an' all that rubbish, ain't even been kissed yet. I… shit, Muds, I dunno wot to do. I wanna spend time with 'er, but fuck if I can't trust meself…"

Murdoc watched his fag burning in his hand, taking another drag as 2D trailed off.

He may have been drunk, but he sure as shit wasn't stupid.

2D was talking about Noodle.

This could be either very, very bad, or maybe end up okay.

Very, very bad meaning the ruination of Murdoc's band and all that he had achieved.

Okay being they lived happily ever after and Murdoc got to play drunk uncle that bought the kids liquor behind their parents backs.

He thought for a moment before looking seriously at 2D.

"Well, do you know if she fancies you?"

Murdoc knew she did. But 2D was a little… out of it, and didn't always perceive what was right in front of him.

On the dot, 2D shook his head.

"I dunno, Muds. I don't think she see's me tha' way."

2D's eyebrows drooped downward in thought, his mouth frowning as he finished the rest of his drink.

"It's just… I 'ad this dream, an' I couldn't fuckin' stand it. She was with another guy, an' I woke up ready to bloody kill somethin'. Felt like my damn 'eart fell out of my chest."

Murdoc's eyebrows piqued in interest.

"Don't get all fuckin' sentimental an' shit, dullard." Murdoc sighed, and finished the last drag on his cig. Cortez cawed softly from his perch above 2D's head. "If you're so damn interested, then maybe you should do somethin' about it."

"Like wot?"

Murdoc looked at him seriously. "Well, when women are fuckin' with me head, I either screw them outta my system usin' other girls or I take wot I damn well want. You're choice man. Just don't fuck up an' ruin somethin' good you got goin'."

There was silence for a moment.

"Yeah, guess you're right, thanks Mu-"

Plop.

Oh.

Gross.

Please, please, don't tell him that he's got…

"Dullard, you've got bird shit in your 'air!"

Warm, gooey, ickyness. Oh, God. And it was dripping onto his face!

Hysterical laughter, followed by a knock at the door.

"Come 'in!"

Green eyes glanced at 2D as the door opened. She forced a smile not to appear on her face.

"2D-san, you have poop on your head."

…

"Yeah… better go wash tha' out now… See ya…"

And he pushed past her, towards his room to take a shower.

He really did feel like a shit head now.

Literally.

A/N: Sorry for the pathetic attempt at comic relief. I've had a really bad past couple days. Plus, the story is getting a bit more serious now that all the romance bullshit is coming into play. Oooo, angsty. Hope you still enjoyed, I don't really feel like this was a very good chapter at all. Also, I'm trying to get into the relationships within the band, but feel like I'm failing terribly. I think I'm doing an alright job concerning Noodle; I personally believe that she is wise, but is not beyond manipulating things to end in her favor. She is a teenager, after all. That's what teenagers do. I know. I am one. She's still awesome though. Character development and all that shit later. For now, need to study for the millions of tests I have tomorrow. I'm out.

for those of you who don't know, people will often cover hallucinogenic mushrooms with chocolate to make them taste better and thus, easier to eat. 2D just has a sweet tooth, or else he wouldn't have eaten quite so many. Psilocybin is the active hallucinogen in mushrooms. Yeah, I used to do too many drugs. Sue me.