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A/N: When something isn't in italics, it might be the perspective of the omniscient narrator, who, essentially, is biased. I hope to make this clear before anyone begins to say that Cristina is out of character in this story.
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"Yang, what're you doing here?" Bailey had always wanted to cultivate the virtue of punctuality in her interns. It was beyond anyone's comprehension, including her own, why the fact that Cristina was on time this morning bugged her.
Nobody, none of them, had any idea how Cristina kept reminding herself that Burke was shot. She told herself that he was damaged, not her. Thus, she had no right to fall apart. She would prove to others that she was Ok, that was neither a conscious nor deliberate decision—Cristina simply could not help feeling strong and fine when her entire body was high on adrenaline.
"Dr. Bailey. I'm waiting for your order. I'm ready for anything." Cristina pleaded.
"Since when has my intern become a puppy? Look at that docile smile on your face, begging me like I'm your master. I'm surprised that I don't see a wagging tail as well."
Turning her head to face the other 3 people running towards her, Bailey made a face. "And you three. Late. Again. The ER called. Grey. Karev. Be nice there. Don't make your resident look bad. O'Malley, prepare an OR for Mr. Turner. I want you to scrub in with me. Now, move!"
Grabbing her notebook, Cristina hurried after Bailey. "What about me?"
"You? You look like crap. I don't want you to scare my patients away." Bailey looked around and said, "You go and get me some coffee."
"What?"
"C-O-F-F-E-E, Coffee. You know that word, don't you?"
"Yes, but—"
"I want it ready by the time I'm done with Mr. Turner's procedure." Bailey's tone softened up suddenly. "After that, you go and sit with Dr. Burke."
Not again, thought Cristina. "Is this the Chief's order or Burke's?"
"It's my order. You fool, keep running away from that poor man, telling him you promised Dr. Bailey it wouldn't be long. You thought I didn't know that, Yang? I'm not your nanny. I don't want Dr. Burke to page me to fetch you all the time. Understood?"
Cristina nodded, feeling mildly shocked as Bailey walked away briskly.
Then Bailey made an unexpected turn and said, "On a day like this when I'm feeling a little down, I'd go for something really sweet. It might help, Cristina."
"Right."
Dragging herself to the locker room, Cristina did not know why she actually had the courage to go to Burke the night before. She vividly remembered holding his unsteady hand. The expression on his face told her how much he yearned for her, but eventually he pulled away and shut his eyes, without uttering another word. Thinking about it made her sweat. She tried not to analyze what it meant, although it obviously looked like a rejection to her.
Putting on her green overcoat, Cristina headed for the exit. Her resident did not need her; and Burke probably did not need her either. If she could not keep him happy, what was the point of sitting with him? Cristina knew she would be lying if she said she did not want to see Burke, but neither did she want to be doing nothing when she was there with him. She was a doer. It made no sense if she could not make herself useful.
As she gathered her thoughts, the summer breeze of Seattle that crawled up her coat made her shiver. It was as if she had lost grip of her two most important identities in life: as a doctor and a girlfriend. That very final word sent another chill off her spine. She could not believe she actually cared about being Burke's girlfriend; she could not believe she actually wanted to be his girlfriend.
Her whole body felt weak as a mixed feeling that no word could accurately describe flooded her.
"Watch out! If that key of yours scratches my purse, neither of us will be very pleased."
"Sorry," Cristina swiftly apologized to the woman by the nurse station.
"You work here, don't you?" Staring at Cristina from head to toe, the woman assumed she was talking to a nurse.
"Yes."
"Tell me, where can I find Preston Burke?"
The question made Cristina jump. She could not handle anymore drama before having her dose of morning coffee. In Cristina's head she was saying to herself, Don't tell me this callous woman is Burke's mother!
"Well…"
"Yang, why are you still here? Where's my coffee?" Bailey spotted her intern from afar. Already Bailey had allowed Izzie Stevens to fall, she now took it upon herself to make sure no one else would get into trouble. "I'll handle this, Yang. Go."
Thanking Bailey for relieving her, Cristina's shoulders slumped as she left the hospital. Even an extra strong, extra sweet coffee would not help.
