Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters and ideas are the whole intellectual property of Ms. J.K. Rowling and are hers alone to sell. I do not receive, nor would I accept any compensation for any of the owned intellectual property of Ms. Rowling (nor that which she has licensed to WB etc.). What follows is just a wacky little ditty I wanted to get out of my brain. It only got there because I so love that which Ms. Rowling created. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Hospital Ward didn't used to be this busy

Why did I ever allow him to play Quidditch?! He's too young!

'How badly is he hurt?' Severus managed to bark out amidst his troubled thoughts as he sprinted toward the hospital wing. He'd been impressed that the Gryffindor girl who'd come to get him had kept up so far, but her gasping response showed clearly that it wasn't easy for her.

'Not… bad…'

That made Severus feel a little better, but still, Harry probably told her to say he was fine – he'd say he was fine if a basilisk had ripped his arm off – still if he was conscious to tell her to say he was fine, that was a good sign.

Running into the ward, Severus ignored the clucking of the Matron as he dashed around a curtain and froze at what he saw…

'Dad,' Harry tried to assure him quickly 'It's not as bad as it looks…'

'Not as bad as it looks?!' Severus yelled. He'd arrived to see Ron Weasley helping Harry stuff his rubbery, boneless arm into the sleeve of a pair of hospital pyjamas. 'What the hell happened?!'

Harry cringed, seeming to try to suck up his nerve as Severus helped him into the bed and Ron removed the screen.

Though Madame Pomfrey had evicted everyone else, Ron, Hermione and the twins had stubbornly remained. She'd resisted them staying until Hermione suggested it might help to have uninvolved parties who had seen what had happened on hand when Professor Snape arrived. Seeing Harry's pleading eyes, she'd finally agreed.

'Nothing serious, Dad.' Harry sighed at the disbelieving look he received. 'I just got hit by a bludger.'

'Harry,' Severus growled. 'A bludger would break your bones, not REMOVE THEM!'

'Well, it was broken, but then…' Harry didn't finish as Seamus, Dean and Neville, three of the other second year Gryffindor boys chose that moment to enter the ward.

'Harry, that was absolutely brilliant!' Seamus was so excited that he didn't notice Harry shaking his head to get him to stop talking. 'The way you just fell out of the sky! And then Splat! Good thing the grass was so soft eh?'

'You fell?!' Severus demanded. Though Harry seemed to recognise the clipped tones to be due to concern, the others clearly interpreted them to be anger, because as one, they all took a step back. 'Off your broom? When the bludger hit you?'

'Uh,' Harry gulped nervously. 'No, just after – when I caught the snitch… but we won!' He finished with fake cheer, for all the good that did.

'Tell me exactly what happened.' Turning his full attention to Harry, Severus ignored Neville, Dean and Seamus making a hasty exit, shooting apologetic smiles Harry's way.

'I'm not completely sure…' Harry grimaced as Madame Pomfrey appeared at his side with a bottle of Skelegro – healing potions all tasted horrible. He was given a momentary respite before explaining or being forced to take the foul medicine when Severus snatched the bottle to examine it. The relief was short-lived, however, because after examining the label and sniffing the contents carefully, Severus pronounced it of sufficient quality and measured out a dose for Harry himself.

'Blecht!'

'Yes, yes…' Severus sighed impatiently. 'It tastes terrible, I know, but what do you expect – you've got several bones to regrow. You can't expect that to be easy. Now…' He folded his arms, sitting stiffly on a chair next to Harry's bed. 'What happened to remove those bones?'

'That bludger was jinxed! I know it!' Hermione blurted out, causing Harry to shake his head wearily.

'What do you mean? The bludger that hit you? It was jinxed?' Severus looked between Harry and Hermione.

'Well,' Harry said quickly, when Fred and George stepped closer, no doubt to add their opinion. 'It was behaving oddly, that's for certain. The point is, it hit me, it wasn't anyone's fault on the team. I caught the snitch, then fell. My arm was broken, now it's not, and I'm fine… or I will be by morning.' He amended quickly at a sharp look from his father.

'Someone tried to use a spell to mend your bones, but instead, removed them.' Severus smiled slightly at Harry's surprised look. 'I recognise the symptoms – it's a novice's error to mispronounce one word in the incantation. Now,' he said, leaning in. 'Tell me, who is going to be failing charms and spending the next few weeks in detention?'

Ron laughed out loud, seemingly as amused by the image of their Defence professor in detention as Harry was.

'And just what is so amusing Mr. Weasley?' Severus snapped, levelling his glare on the now distinctly nervous and stuttering redhead.

'It was Professor Lockhart, Dad…' Harry answered quickly, saving Ron from trying to force out an explanation.

'WHAT?!' Severus bellowed. 'What on earth possessed you to allow that…' He took a deep breath, visibly calming himself before going on in a quieter, though no less angry voice. '… that non-medically-trained professor to perform such a…' Severus raised his hands in frustration, opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to find the words needed to describe how he felt before sighing and demanding again in a voice of utmost frustration 'Why?!'

'I didn't let him! Are you mad? He's mental! I would never let him do a charm on me if I could help it…'

'Are you telling me…' Severus said in a voice of such deadly cold that Ron, Hermione and the twins all looked at each other nervously. 'That you didn't give him permission to perform a spell on you? Did you tell him not to?'

Harry nodded nervously to both questions. 'Dad, it happened so fast… I didn't even have time to finish telling him no before he'd already done it…'

I'll kill him. Severus saw red – no, scratch that, he saw white – blinding white anger, white, like Lockhart's teeth – which he wanted to yank out of the man's face with pliers. He knew a great many harmful, and even deadly spells and potions – many of which weren't even illegal, but at that moment, Severus wanted to personally inflict terrible physical harm to Lockhart – with his bare hands – magic was too easy.

Rising stiffly, his fists clenched, he was imagining the many ways in which he could injure Lockhart as he stormed out of the ward in search of him. Very wisely, no one tried to stop him.

***************

It was like an explosion had gone off. Severus, his face reddened with rage had leapt to his feet yelling as he stormed out of the room, his robes billowing behind him.  'I'll bloody kill him!'

'Madame Pomfrey!' Harry yelled, pulling himself out of the bed.

'Harry!' Hermione came to her senses first, rushing to his side and trying to push him back to his bed. 'You're not supposed to be up!'

'What's all this noise about?!' Madame Pomfrey demanded, jogging to help push Harry back. 'You need to be resting…'

'Floo powder – quick!' he demanded, resisting her attempts to push him back. 'Dad just found out what happened - he's going to kill Lockhart!' That stopped the matron in her tracks, her face whitening.

'Floo!' Harry demanded. 'I've got to get Uncle Albus! Quick!!'

Pomfrey seemed to decide that the easiest course of action would be to help Harry over to the fireplace. Drawing her own wand, she built up the fire before taking a small dish down from the mantle and holding it out for him.

Throwing the powder into the flames, Harry yelled: 'Uncle Albus!' Surprisingly quickly, the headmaster's head appeared in the flames. 'Dad's gone after Professor Lockhart. He's furious. I'm afraid he'll do something drastic.'

'What's happened Harry? What are you doing in the hospital wing? Are you alright?'

'I'm fine,' Harry answered quickly. 'But I'm not sure about Lockhart if Dad catches up to him.' Before he could ask what had happened to set Severus off, Harry held up his boneless arm. 'He accidentally did this…' Harry bit his lip, not wanting to have to get into a long explanation. 'I fell at the match and broke my arm – I told Professor Lockhart to leave it, but…'

'Alright,' Albus reassured him quickly – he now knew exactly what had set the potions master off. 'Don't worry Harry. I'll take care of it.' And with that, he was gone.

'Bloody hell, Harry!' Ron breathed, once Harry was settled back in bed and Madame Pomfrey had left again.

'And that,' George added, still looking toward the door where Severus had stormed out. 'That is why you don't mess with Harry!'

*******************

After the frantic call to the headmaster, Madame Pomfrey had made Harry take a pain potion that had knocked him out for a while. When he next woke, it was obviously evening – the windows dark and slick with condensation. As the prickling, pounding pain in his arm registered, he wished he hadn't awoken, but with a groan, he realised that his bladder wouldn't let him fall back to sleep now.

'Are you alright?'

Harry startled at the voice. He hadn't realised that his father was on the other side of his bed. 'Dad!' he cried, spinning around to look at him. He wasn't sure what to make of the placidly calm look of contentment on his father's face as he gently handed him his glasses. 'Dad?' he repeated, confused before a sudden horrible thought occurred to him. 'Oh, no! You didn't kill him did you?'

'Who? Lockhart?' Severus smiled, cocking his head slightly to the side. 'No, no. Nothing of the sort.'

'Dad, you're kinda freaking me out here…' Harry chuckled nervously. 'You're too calm – and your eyes are kinda glassy…' Then a sudden thought occurred to him. 'Calming potion?'

'Yes,' Severus replied benignly. 'A fairly strong one it would seem.'

'Uncle Albus?' Harry began to smile, wondering how the old headmaster had tricked his father into taking it – he knew without asking that he wouldn't have taken it willingly.

'Apparently, he dosed the tea. Told me he wouldn't summon Lockhart up to the office until I drank it and told him exactly what happened. I shall be quite annoyed when it wears off.' Though his current tone and body language would seem to belie that statement, Harry knew it to be quite true. Severus would be quite annoyed with the headmaster.

'I should remember better to never trust that old man.' Severus smiled again. 'To add insult to injury, I'm pretty sure it's my own brew. It's not funny.' The words, which would have been screamed, or hissed in anger were said in such a calm and content sounding voice, that Harry couldn't help but laugh – which immediately reminded him of why he'd stayed awake in the first place…

'Uh, Dad,' Harry said, pushing back the covers and swinging his legs over the edge. 'I've got to…' He nodded toward the lavatory on the other side of the ward. 'But when I come back, will you tell me what happened?'

'Certainly,' Severus answered in the same calm voice, leaning down to help Harry to his feet. 'Can you manage alright?'

'Yeah,' Harry answered quickly, embarrassed that he'd think he needed help going to the loo. 'I'll be fine Dad.'

Quickly finishing his business, Harry allowed his father to help him back under the covers before asking any questions.

'So,' he began. 'What happened.'

'I couldn't find him, and then Albus ordered me up to the office.' Severus leaned back in his chair, crossing one knee over the other with a sigh. 'As I said, he dosed the tea. On the bright side, I think me being so calm unnerved Lockhart more than me attacking him might have done. I think he'll be waiting to see what I'll do to him once Albus' back is turned. Now, about that bludger and you falling…'

Due to the calming potion, Severus' tone of voice never changed, so it took Harry a moment to register the question. 'Uh…' he answered it gracefully.

'Actually, we heard from several others about the odd bludger activity. Hooch and I both tested it and could find nothing wrong with it. Albus finally was able to detect a hint of Elf magic residual on it.'

'Elf magic…?'

'Hmmm. We asked the House Elves if they knew who would have done that… They're in fits about it. I think each and every one of them has been by to check on you and swear that none of them would ever harm you. Since when do they guard your secrets?'

As the 'property' of Hogwarts, the school's House Elves were meant to guard the secrets of the school, and the Headmaster or Headmistress as long as the office was held, but no one else… except Harry whom they had 'adopted' as their own little master.

Once again, Harry's answer was pure eloquence… 'Er…'

'At any rate,' Severus raised an eyebrow slightly. 'Perhaps it was that crazy Elf that's been harassing you. If I ever lay my hands on him, I shall tear his ears off. As for Lockhart,' Severus went on in an eerily calm voice. 'As much as I may want to, I can't injure him. Albus has made me swear I won't – though I don't think it's fair that he dosed me with my own calming potion before extracting the promise.'

A little bit of the seething anger Harry knew his father was feeling was starting to show, not entirely disguised by the almost creepy calm of the man's voice. Hoping to smooth things over a bit (in spite of his own feelings toward Lockhart at the moment) Harry gave him a bright smile.

'I really am fine though Dad. No lasting damage…' In truth, Harry's selfish concern right now was whether or not his father would make him stop playing for the Gryffindor team because of the injury and falling from his broom. 'I'll be good as new by morning…'

'I'm not going to try to make you stop playing Quidditch.' Severus reassured him. 'As much as it kills me, I know it's part of the game. Every precaution possible is taken. No one could have foreseen this. I would like to discuss with you the wisdom of taking both hands off your broom while you're flying though – when I'm more myself…'

Harry was mid groan, flopping back on his bed when they both heard voices approaching the hospital wing.

'Headmaster?' Severus rose, seeing Albus entering the ward with Minerva – they were both carrying what appeared to be a statue.

'Severus, good. Give us a hand here will you please?'

As Severus moved quickly to ease Minerva of the load, Harry sat up trying to see what they had. As they laid the statue on the bed, they turned it and Harry gasped out loud when the faint torchlight hit its face. It wasn't a statue – it was Colin Creevy! Frozen solid.

'What's happened?' Severus asked quietly, helping Madame Pomfrey, who had rushed in lay a blanket over the frozen form. Harry bit his tongue, he'd been about to ask the same thing, but he didn't think they'd tell him – but if he were very quiet, maybe they'd forget he was there and he could overhear what they were saying.

'He's been petrified. It's as we feared, the Chamber has been opened again…'

Harry couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips and cringed when all eyes were suddenly on him. But as much as he wanted to know what was going on, he didn't argue when his father walked over.

'Go back to sleep, Harry,' he said softly, a sad smile on his lips. 'You'll heal faster if you rest.' And laying his hand on Harry's forehead, he muttered a quiet charm to induce sleep. Harry blinked twice and succumbed to slumber.

*******************

When Harry woke the next morning, he lay still for a few minutes, trying to orient himself. Hospital wing… boneless arm… He took stock as the previous day's events solidified in his memory.

Finally, he opened his eyes and looked down at his arm. Flexing the fingers, he was relieved to find that all the bones appeared to have regrown just fine. Looking around the ward then, he spotted curtains completely surrounding and obscuring the bed across from him.

Colin! The Chamber!! He sat bolt upright as realisation and full memory flooded over him. His Dad wasn't there, and Madame Pomfrey must still be in her office – for which Harry was very glad. The nurse wouldn't let him leave until she'd examined him, and she'd make him stay until his father got back – at which point he'd order Harry to keep quiet about what he'd heard last night.

But he really wanted to talk to his friends about this so he quickly dressed and snuck out of the hospital wing and took the nearest hidden passageway he could to avoid being caught on his way up to Gryffindor tower.