SCREEEEEE.

HOOOOONK!

"'Ey, Fuck you ya bloody git!"

2D gulped shakily, looking behind him as the car they'd almost hit promptly ran into a fire hydrant. Early trick-or-treaters gathered jubilantly to play in the ensuing spray. The pissed off balding fatass who owned the car got out and promptly had an aneurism.

And one Mr. Tusspot had a feeling it probably wasn't the greatest idea to go for a joy ride with Murdoc on Halloween.

"... Er... Murdoc, ain't you supposed t' stay on the left side of the road?"

Said Satanist promptly gave a snort.

"Well if the fuck in front of me had had the sense to speed the fuck up or some shit I wouldn't 'ave 'ad t' pass 'em!" he spat angrily, green-tinted hands turning white at the knuckles from his death-grip on the wheel.

"M-Murdoc we're in a fuckin' neighborhood! Speed limit 35 Km an hour!" 2D responded, holding on for dear blue-haired life to his seat belt.

"... Ya point?"

Fucking Halloween...

Oh. Shit! Halloween!

"Noods' birthday!" 2D blurted suddenly, the realization slowly dawning in his drug-rotted brain.

Once again. With the gears. And the turning. And the being heard far away in space.

"Y'know wha' I think ya problem is, dullard?" Murdoc asked, screeching to a halt in a parking spot directly in front of a fairly nice winery.

2D peeled his hands off of his seatbelt.

Hm. Had he wet himself? He felt kinda wet, and, well, rides with Muds were always scary.

"Dammit, dullard, I'm tryin' t' tell you how stupid I think you are and you can't even respond to me so I can tell you you're clinically retarded!" Murdoc shouted in the singer's face, a bit of foam gathering in the corner of his mouth as he raged.

2D sat stunned in the car for a full five minutes after Murdoc stormed out of the car and into the winery.

What the hell had he done to piss him off anyway? Granted, irrational bouts of screaming from Murdoc weren't uncommon, but lately they'd been a bit on the few side, luckily enough for our currently unfortunate hero.

After a minute 2D got up to follow.

Well, first he had a fag.

Or three.

But eventually he meandered into the store.

The soft little 'ding ding' of the bell clanged behind 2D as he pushed open the door.

The door... to heaven.

Alcoholic heaven.

To his right, rows beyond rows of innumerable bottles of wine, from the cheapest of shit to the most delectable kept high up towards the ceiling in glass containers.

To his left, beer imported from all over the world, several from small town breweries in Germany that normally didn't even ship out.

Oh, and to his immediate center.

Oh, blessed glory with a full-blown Alleluia chorus in the background.

LIQUOR.

Bourbon, vodka, whiskey, scotch, rum, whatever the hell Jager is, what was basically moonshine, and something that looked suspiciously like absinthe.

Enough alcohol to get all of England retarded for an evening.

And Murdoc was already at the checkout counter. 2D ran up to him.

Well, he sprinted the two feet his lungs would let him before they gave up with a small -pooh- sound.

"Murdoc! 'Ow come you never tol' me about this place?" 2D said, panting a bit, eyes wide and shining like a kid at Christmas. Murdoc looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Because if I 'ad, you'd be drunker than you usually are all the time an' you wouldn't be able to work," he said, pausing for a moment to grab two of the several bags of various supplies he'd purchased. "I only made the exception for today 'cause I needed t' drag your useless arse out somewhere to talk to you 'bout somethin'. Now grab the rest o' the shit an' come on!"

2D blinked.

"Wot's all this for?"

"Tonight... and later in the week. Plus a bottle of some expensive champagne for Noodle's birthday present."

2D shrugged and tottered outside under the weight of the clanking bottles he carried. After dumping his load in the Geep (the second 'load' that had been 'dumped' in the Geep recently) he strapped himself in to prepare for another near-death experience.

However, Murdoc didn't start the Geep. Instead he pulled out a fag, lit it, inhaled, and blew out the smoke.

"Wot'd you do t' 'er earlier?"

2D gave Murdoc "the look."

You know, the one he gets when he's confused. It's on his face most of the time. One eyebrow raised, eyes blank, possibly drooling a bit...

Yes, that look.

"Don' tell me nothin' fuckin happened. She came from the direction of your room this mornin' lookin' white as a fuckin' ghost and so distracted she practically ran the fuck over my bird. Wot. Happened." Murdoc was now looking at 2D with an intense and skeptical gaze.

There were some grinding noises, but no turning of the gears.

"Murdoc, I don't know wot you're on about. I 'avent even seen 'er t'day. Honestly!" he said, his voice becoming slightly more panicked as Murdoc emitted a small growl. "I jus' woke up an took a shower cuz I 'ad one of those naughty dreams an'..."

-enter twilight mini-flashback zone-

...A groggy 2D woke from his, well, orgasmic dream to see the sliver of light from his open door disappear behind an exiting figure...

(some rust falls away from the gears in 2D's head)

-mini-flashback 2-

...Her presence had felt so real right before he'd woken up, almost like if he'd reach out, he could touch her...

(the gears squeak in strain, almost there...)

-mini-flashback 3-

...The sound of her voice, damn, wet dreams hadn't ever felt this good...

(click. and the gears turn. sound in space, all that jazz.)

-exit twilight mini-flashback zone-

"... Fuck."

Murdoc looked at the suddenly mortified looking singer, who was currently hitting his head against the windowpane.

"Stop tha' dullard, and tell me wot you're on about. Ya don't 'ave any brain cells to waste with that shit anyway... "

"She fuckin' saw me 'avin' a naughty dream. She. Fuckin'. Saw."

Several birds flew out of the nearby tree at Murdoc's uproarious laughter.

"You fuckin'... haha, are you fuckin' seriuos. She saw you 'avin a goddamn sleep wank! Shit!"

2D glared at Murdoc.

"S'not fuckin' funny Muds! Fuck! Wot am I gonna do?"

Murdoc let his laughter taper off, and said, still snickering, "Make a move. Can't 'urt, anyway. She already know's you're sniffin' 'er knickers an' shit..."

Followed by another bout of merciless laughter, and the sound of the Geep cranking and screeching out of the parking lot.

'I am such a fuckin' pervert. Fuck. I can't believe this shit!'

Murdoc didn't speak again the entire trip back to Kong. 2D ignored the fact that his life was on the line in favor of freaking out about the latest development in his little world.

Murdoc was the retarded one if he thought 2D would actually follow his advice. Noodle probably thought he was a dirty old fuck who read too much porn. What thirty-something freak has wet dreams, anyway! That shit was supposed to be done when you were like 18!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Well, then again, he hadn't gotten himself laid in a while. He'd slept with a nice looking blonde about a week before he'd… er… experienced his first taste of Noodle.

But his dick hadn't had any company save for Mary Palm and her Five Sisters in the ensuing weeks.

Which was probably why he'd had a dream.

His body was just telling him to please, go fuck something.

But, well, maybe she didn't see him that way. Maybe she understood that it was something that just kinda happens.

Now 2D was just being delusional. Of course she thought he was pervy! And if she'd known he was dreaming about shagging her…

Well, he'd probably have his balls in a jar next to his bed right about now. Her katana was sharp enough for a clean cut.

As the pain of an on-coming migraine hit, 2D decided that thinking about his humiliating experience probably wasn't a good idea.

And so off to LaLa land he went, courtesy of our good friend Vicoden.

Meanwhile, back at Kong, a smiling, whistling Noodle stepped out of the shower, grabbing her huge fluffy towel and wrapping herself snuggly in it before wiping the steam gathered on the mirror.

She gave herself a sultry, seductive look.

"Tonight is the night, Noodle-girl. You're doing this tonight."

After all, what was more of an open invitation than the knowledge that your crush had naughty dreams about you?

… And that you talked him through it so he came?

'It's my birthday, dammit,' she thought, scratching Mike behind the ears as she sat down on her bed to think of the coming evening's outfit. 'And I'm going to finally get what I want.'

Oh, snap.

Watch out, 2D. You've got a whoooooole lot coming…

(er… yeah, the pun was intended.)

A/N: I kick the ass. Update a day later! Whooo-whoooo! Where da gol' at? It's right here bitches! I found the fucking leprechaun of Mobile!

…Sorry. I'm just really excited that I finished this chapter, because all the good shit happens after this. I finished the outline for the story today as well, and I guesstimate Escapades will end somewhere around 15-16 chapters. The fun's not over yet, kiddies, hold on like Murdoc's driving, it's gonna be a rough couple chap's! (though definitely humorous.) FREAKING CHOCOLATE BUNNIES TO ALL MY REVIEWERS. You kick the ass too. For putting up with my craziness. And laziness.

I r the queen of long a/n's. I'll shut up now. Adios.