Upon arrival to Tantra, the first thing our young (slightly intoxicated) Noodle noticed was the sheer intensity of the club.
"Boom-ch-boom-ch-boom-ch-boom… Somebody scream!"
Dear God.
Okay, so she had expected to go out to this club, dance, and maybe get a little lucky, but fuck if it wasn't like standing in a goddamn sub woofer.
Noodle would admit, yeah, the atmosphere was great, but damn, it sounded like there were fucking elephants fucking in her fucking head!
However, this little fact became less and less apparent to our heroine as the night went on, and several drinks after arrival to the bar, she found herself sweetly adrift in the land of lala and happily enjoying dancing in the arms of none other than her secret little crush.
Well, perhaps not so secret, but she didn't quite know that yet.
2D was feeling quite in the same vein as Noodle. Not to mention it was nice to be able to pull her tight little body right up against his and grind into her without really crossing too many boundaries.
He actually planned on flushing all boundaries down the shitter if she kept doing that thing with her hips.
Ah!
… And the toilet flushes.
Bye-bye boundaries!
Meanwhile, sitting at the bar, a glaring Murdoc gazed steadily into the shot glass in front of him, still trying to make sense of the increasingly ominous feeling swimming in the pit of his stomach.
He'd made sure to pound Russ with plenty of alcohol for the evening, keeping his word to Noodle, so that couldn't possibly be what all this radar-going-off nonsense was about.
He was also purposefully rationing his alcohol intake, if only so that he wouldn't end up covered in rather unbecoming substances once again.
Namely, shit and vomit.
Murdoc gave a small, involuntary shudder.
The dullard and Noodle seemed to be getting on well, which Murdoc thought would ultimately work out in his favor. After all, someone had to babysit face ache so he wouldn't go walking off a cliff or some other idiotic antic.
'Well fuck me runnin.' He thought, idly tipping the whiskey shot down his throat.
The damn radar was goin' off like a spun meth-head.
Russel nudged the distracted guitarist gently on the arm.
"Yo Muds, you alright? You look like somethin' crawled up yo ass."
Murdoc turned his angry glare towards Russel and said with a scowl, "Fuck off lards." The Satanist slapped the shot glass back on the bar and signaled the bartender for another drink.
"Damn I ain't tryin' to piss you off. I was jus' wonderin' who shit on you this morning. Cracker-ass." Russ ended with a mutter, and turned away from the bar to look out towards the booming dance floor, his eyes scanning it for 2D and Noods.
As his gaze settled upon our unsuspecting couple, Russel's eyes narrowed a little as he noticed just where 2D's hands had wandered. And just how tightly she was clinging to him. And just what the fuck was she whispering in his ear?
Russ found himself quickly turning back to the bar and ordering a beer for his nerves.
'Breathe man. He ain't doin' nothin' she don't want 'im too. Ain't nothin' to worry bout here, it's just D….'
Noodle leaned in and yelled to 2D that she'd be right back, she just needed to use the little girls tinkle room.
Well, maybe not those words exactly, but you get the drift.
Her mind was a blur with how absolutely brilliantly everything was going. Amidst the alcohol and music, she'd managed to complete steps one through four of her plan.
Mission: Operation Noodle Gets Some.
Objective One: Intoxication of subjects, though operative should remain less intoxicated than target.
Check.
Objective Two: Flirt with target while maintaining same image of innocence as have always had. Operative should not appear to be "easy."
Check.
Objective Three: Operative should lure target away from wrath and watchful gaze of suspicious subject one, codenamed Black Bear.
Check!
Objective Four: Find way to make target think of operative in an incredibly sexual way without being overt. Once again, operative must maintain innocent image.
Double check.
Yes, operation ONGS was going just exactly according to plan.
The new adult girl smiled to herself as she made her way through the crowd. Just a few more steps until mission complete.
HURRAH!
Soon, Noodle found herself experiencing the horror of Tantra's girls' room line. At least 20 drunk women stood in front of the purple-haired girl, some of them barely standing at all.
The rather unpleasant odor of urine and vomit infiltrated Noodle's nostrils, and she quickly found herself not really needing to use the bathroom that bad after all.
She turned around quickly, running…
SMACK
…into something rather solid.
"Oh, Gom-, I mean, I'm sorry!" she quickly corrected herself as her Japanese began to slip out.
Gah, senses really got all fucked up when you were drunk.
The man in front of her looked her up and down, smiling sweetly, steadying Noodle, "No, no problem at all. Wot's ya name, love?"
Bloody fucking hell. She just wanted to get back to the damn dance floor.
"My name is Noodle, and it's been a pleasure to meet you, but I really must be going to find another restroom-"
The young man held up a hand to stop her speech, chuckling a bit before saying, "Yeah, the loo around here isn't exactly one that I'd personally want to use. Lucky for you, you've run into someone with a bit of a connection. I wouldn't mind leading you upstairs to the office loo."
Well, she did have to pee. Badly.
Ah, fuck it. What could happen?
And here, ladies and gentlemen, is a question one must never ask oneself before embarking into the unknown. This thought of Noodle's also happened to be the last thought of Murdoc's just before three rather unpleasant experiences took place in his green little life.
He offered her his arm, and she hesitantly took it, allowing herself to be led away to a hidden door opposite the bar.
Two pairs of eyes watched Noodle and Mr. SketchyOwnerGuy walk away, and neither of the owners were particularly happy about this new turn of events.
2D turned around and had crazy flashback images of his dream popping into his head. Why had that fuckwit had to have dark hair? Why was Noodle leaving with him, when she'd been all over 2D all fucking night? What the hell was going on here?
2D's normally empty mind, currently filled with alcohol, instantly came to the conclusion that the only reason she had even flirted with him was because she was drunk.
And these thoughts, swimming amongst tequila, codeine, champagne, and beer all suddenly made perfect sense.
She hadn't even started flirting with him until after a few drinks, and she was an inexperienced drinker, so she was probably just having trouble controlling that happy time horniness that comes with being shitfaced.
And 2D had just been the most available target.
And now he'd been replaced.
By that dark-haired dick from his dream.
Well that was fuckin' peachy, fine, woteva man. 2D didn't have any problems finding a fuckmate of his own for the night. With that, 2D stumbled to the bar and ordered a triple shot of Maker's Mark, getting ready to burn the lump right out of his throat.
On the other end of the bar, one Russel Hobbs was giving a murderously suspicious glare towards the door through which he'd just seen his baby girl exit.
With some assface.
If you asked him, shit wasn't right with all this mess. Noodle had just been all over D, and now she was going off with some fuck? Nah, that's not something Russ thought Noodle-girl would do drunk, much less normally. And she hadn't had but the couple of drinks of champagne at the house, anyway.
Well, as far as our Big Black Daddy knows, anyway.
"Yo Muds, did you see that dude Noods left with?"
Alarm bells began having massive cows inside of Murdoc's head.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
"Wot bloke? Not the dullard, was it?"
Of course he knew it wasn't 2D. The idiot was sulking at the other end of the bar for whatever reason. Probably because he didn't have Noodle's leg to hump on.
But then something clicked inside Murdoc's head. If Noodle had left with a bloke that was not 2D, and 2D was off sulking somewhere, then something was definitely up.
The cows moo'd inside his head among the screeching alarm bells. Bingo. He'd just figured out exactly how shit was about to hit the fan.
"Nah, wasn't D. Some shorter dude, had dark hair. Didn't look right to me." Russel's eyes bored into the door as the larger man unconsciously gripped his beer bottle a little tighter. "If she ain't back in five minutes, I'm goin' in to find her."
If Murdoc could have, he would have drugged Russel right then and gone to find Noodle himself and gotten the fuck out of Tantra like it was on fire.
However, as it was, he could only swallow the lump in his throat and hope that the girl came back. Murdoc prayed furiously, for the first time in his miserable little Satan led life, to whatever deity would pick his prayer off the bottom of its shoe and maybe answer it, for just one thing: that nothing bad would happen to Noodle.
Because it would be his fault. In one way or another, the blame would get back to him.
And, well, his nose was already about as fucked up as it could get. Any more, and the damn thing would probably just fall right the fuck off.
Meanwhile, some twenty feet away, 2D held onto the bar countertop for support, his eyes scanning the crowd around him for some lovely bird to haul off for the night.
Ever since the whole 'Noodle Scene,' 2D hadn't been getting much (any) action, unless one counted his left hand and that lovely lady Jergens Body Lotion.
He hadn't even been looking for a minute when Ms. SluttyRedDress sauntered up, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder and licking her lips at him. He eyed her indiscreetly as she ordered herself an extra dirty martini.
"Ello, lovely. Wot's a nice girl like you doin' orderin' somethin' so dirty?" 2D smiled at her, turning on the pretty boy charm.
She turned to him, giggling a bit. "Who says nice girls can't get dirty every now and then?"
There was nothing about this girl that said she was the type to bring home to momma. But 2D just needed to flirt a minute, and then he'd be out of this shithole and away from Noodle and Dickwad.
"Well, love, you migh' wanna wotch who exactly you're gettin' dirty around. Wouldn't want to 'ave the wrong person givin' you a bubble bath, now would ya?" So, right, 2D wasn't exactly as smooth as he'd like to be. But it didn't really matter. His airheadedness had its own charm and appeal, even if he didn't quite understand it.
She batted her eyes at him, laughing outright at his silly flirtation. "Well," she giggled, "I think I'm pretty safe right now."
2D gave her a toothless grin. "Wot's ya name, love?"
"Petra. What about you?" 2D's eyes watched as she picked the olives out of her martini, gently sucking the vodka off of them before popping one in her mouth.
This was just what he needed.
"My friends call me 2D, short for Two Dents, becuz Muds put two holes in me 'ead. Real name's Stu."
They chatted about who the hell cares what for no more than two minutes, enough time for Petra to down the rest of her drink, before 2D slipped his arm around her waist and led her to take a taxi back to Kong.
One story above, Noodle was getting increasingly restless as Mr. IHaveYetToTellYouMyNameI'mSoSketchy continued leading her through ridiculous amounts of corridors in the strange upper story of Tantra.
They chatted about various things as they passed through the dimly lit, red painted hallways, although somehow he always managed to avoid giving her his name.
He seemed nice enough, but Noodle wasn't stupid. If they didn't get to a damn bathroom soon, she was going to turn tail and get the fuck out of here. 2D was probably wondering where she was, and Russ might be worried as well.
Plus, she didn't feel like having to ward off some rapist.
Not that she couldn't handle it, but, you know. Pain in the ass and all that.
The man abruptly stopped, releasing her arm to unlock and open the door in front of him.
"It's right this way, Noodle love. Just through the office 'ere…" he said sweetly, going in ahead of her and flipping on the light.
Noodle followed in quietly, wanting for this whole issue to be over with. She observed the small office, taking in the luxurious desk chair and nice wooden desk under which it sat. There was a nice fern in the corner, a small library, but most noticeably, there was not fucking other door.
No damn bathroom.
Fuck.
Creak…
CLICK.
She quickly discovered that this whole issue was only beginning. Turning around to inspect the noises that sounded suspiciously like a door being shut and locked, Noodle came to find that her initial impression was true.
No Name was trying to seduce her.
Bloody hell.
"Now, Noodle, wot I'd really like to do is jus' get t' know you a little better," the dark haired man leered openly at her, wetting his lips with his tongue before continuing, "You know, jus'… chat, a bit."
Noodle raised an eyebrow warily.
'You have got to be kidding me…'
"Look, I'm very sorry, but I really am in quite a hurry, so if you could just point me in the direction of the restroom…"
She looked up at him as he chuckled ominously. He shook his head gently, coming towards her slowly, reaching a hand out to gently caress her shoulder.
She fought the urge to back away.
"Listen, Noodle, I've owned this club for quite a while. Girls like you know exactly wot they're gettin' into. And what the hell kind of alias is 'Noodle' anyway? You coulda at least put some kinda thought into it. Usually I at least get 'Cookie' or some such bollocks."
His smile widened and she suppressed a shudder as his hand moved to cup the back of her head, his body inching far too close to hers for comfort.
Immediately her hands found his chest and began to push him away.
"I'm not sure just who the hell you think I am, and I certainly could not care less about who you are, but I assure you that whatever intentions you may think I have here are completely off base. I just needed a place to pee, for God's sake! How in the hell do you interpret that as a come on?" Noodle said as calmly as possible, though she could feel her voice raising slightly out of pure indignant anger.
What kind of scum sucking slime ball prowls bars to look for random fuck buddies whose name he wouldn't even know the next day?
… Well, aside from Murdoc.
And sometimes 2D.
But they weren't quite the same story. This guy was… fucked up in the head. At least the advances made by girls on 2D and Murdoc were legitimate.
Noodle had the strange feeling that no matter what she said, this guy wasn't going to accept a solid 'no.'
"Mm… feisty little bird, you are. Gets me 'ot thinkin' bout wot a spitfire you'll be…"
Noodle was a patient person.
When she was sober.
A resounding SLAP was heard reverberating throughout the small office they occupied as Noodle's hand connected soundly with Mr. CreepyRapistGuy's cheek.
"Bloody hell! You little bitch!" he snarled, growling at her and wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth, "You wanna fuckin' play rough, well think twice you little slut, cuz you're playin' with the big motha fuckin' dogs now!"
He lunged at her suddenly, managing to grab her wrists and pin her against the wall.
She did the two things that always worked incredibly well for her in real life dangerous situations involving creepy male individuals.
First, she kneed him squarely in the family jewels, hoping against hope that she managed to shatter a testicle. Mr. NowNutlessFreak screamed in outrage and pain, gagging as he almost vomited from the torture of feeling his boy bits being rammed up his intestinal track.
Second, she unleashed something she was well known for around Kong Studios.
The highest pitched, most ear-piercing bloody murder scream ripped from the throat of young Noodle, shattering glass in such far reaching places as the downstairs bathroom, and managing to somehow temporarily short-circuit the sound system of the club.
Within thirty seconds, Russel, who had been wandering aimlessly down the maze like passageway of Tantra's second floor, broke down the door.
He looked at Noodle, who blinked at him and smiled gently.
"You alright, baby girl?" he asked, taking in the man moaning in pain on the floor.
"Hai, Russel-kun… I'm… fine. I was just taken by surprise, he was supposed to be leading me to a clean rest room…" she said breathlessly, caught an bit off guard by the sudden intrusion.
Russel snarled and picked No-name up from the floor by his collar. He pointed to Noodle. "Don't you ever try and fuck wit' her again, or I will see to it that the rest of your life is as fucked up as you are in the head."
With that, he bopped the man on the top of his head, knocking him unconscious.
"Russel-kun… let's… go home now." Noodle ventured, somewhat embarrassed at her own stupidity for allowing herself to get into such a situation.
He nodded and the headed out of the office through the shattered door, and back down to the booming club.
They found Murdoc still sitting at the bar, oddly enough, looking somewhat nervous.
Well, that was an understatement. Murdoc was sure that if he farted, he would shit a brick.
He'd just watched 2D leave with Ms. SluttyWhoreNasty, and just knew that way more shit was about to get dumped all over that fan.
Seriously.
"Murdoc-san! Have you seen 2D?" Noodle asked as soon as she was close enough.
Murdoc swallowed nervously and composed himself.
"I think 'e woz feelin' a little ill and took a cab 'ome. 'E went a bit over board if ya catch me." He lied smoothly, not really wanting to face the wrath of Noodle, and somewhere inside his rotten little heart, not wanting to break hers.
"Oh," she replied, somewhat stunned that he had left without trying to find her. "Well, I'm very much ready to go home, I've had enough for tonight after dealing with that… man."
Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "Wot 'appened?"
She shook her head gently. "I'll tell you on the way home."
Russel nodded. "Let's jus' say 'e won't be up anytime soon. Come on, let's get outta here."
One story that left Murdoc feeling like a dick and one drive back to Kong later, Noodle found herself changing out of her dress and into her pajamas, getting ready for bed.
So much for Operation Noodle Gets Some.
She sighed, deciding to go check on 2D, just to make sure he was okay. She'd stop by the kitchen and grab a glass of ice water, just in case he was really in a bad way.
Far below the kitchen, in 2D's room, 2D was kissing the living daylights out of Kia. Or Tanya. Whatever the hell her name was.
She pulled away from him, backing him up until the backs of his legs hit his bed. She pushed him down on it, walking away from him before looking mysteriously over her shoulder, licking her lips enticingly at the blue haired singer.
But the odd thing was, he suddenly couldn't find anything very enticing about her at all.
She began to peel off the spaghetti straps of her tight red dress, and as she turned to face him, 2D couldn't help but start to notice just how… plastic this girl was.
Her skin was an unnaturally orange, fake tan that clashed terribly with her dress in the light of his room. Her curly blonde hair was permed and pressed to the point where it looked like it would break if he touched it. Eyes that had seemed mysterious to him only moments before, in the darkness of the cab, suddenly looked painted on and inhumanly bright. More than likely the product of bad color contacts. Her lips, the ones that had just been pressed against his own, looked as waxy and hard as they felt, covered in layers of unnecessary lipstick that 2D could taste on his own lips.
Completely unnatural, and so unlike Nood-
He suddenly felt extremely disgusted.
And not just with this girl, but with himself.
He abruptly stood up, halting her hand as she reached for the zipper of her dress.
"Listen, Patty," he began, only to be interrupted.
"It's Petra, Stu." She said indignantly.
"Sorry. Petra. I jus' don' think I can do 'is t'night…" He said, looking away from the girl and running a hand through his hair.
He could feel her confusion and rising anger radiating off of her like bad B.O.
"What the fuck are you trying to say here?" She growled out at him, crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive manner.
2D sighed. Fuck him and his stupidness. Just because Noodle ran off with some bloke didn't give him the right to take it out on some innocent little-
"Are you saying I'm not good enough for you! Do you think I'm playing some little fucking game here? Well listen up, Two Dents, you can fuck that because I came here for something and I'm damn well not leaving until I get it." She screeched, arms beginning to flail as she suddenly lost her mind in a drunken rage.
…Scratch that whole innocent bit.
"Erm… I really think you oughtta leave now…" 2D said, heading towards his door and opening it. "You got a mobile, right? Call up a cabby."
He looked at her steadily, swaying slightly through his own intoxication, motioning his hand towards the door for her to leave.
She took off her heel and threw it at his head as hard as she could, but being drunk, missed by a good foot.
"You migh' wanna go fetch that, love." 2D said flippantly, continuing to motion for her to get the fuck out of his room.
She gave one last indignant screech, ground out a few choice words, and found herself picking up her purse and leaving this asshole's room.
2d watched her walk away and sighed, leaning against his doorframe to have a fag and think for a bit.
His search for ciggys was interrupted by the sound of a glass shattering against the concrete floor of the carpark, and two huge, watery eyes meeting his.
He hadn't expected anyone to be home for quite a while. Especially not her, since she was so busy with Mr. FuckFace.
"Wot are ya doin' 'ome s' early?" he asked gently, well aware of what she had just seen and the effect it was probably having on her. Served her right, now she knew how it felt.
"M-Murdoc-san said you were sick, and I was worried…" Her eyes shifted away from his, and he noticed something shining down her cheek.
2D felt an uncharacteristic, more than likely tequila caused spark of jealous anger erupt from him. Once again, an empty head full of tequila, beer, and bourbon was never going to produce anything to be proud of.
"Really, I'm surprised you noticed I woz gone at all, you were so busy with WotsIsFace back in Tantra." He bit out angrily.
Her jaw dropped. "2D-san, what are you talking about?"
2D gazed at her disbelievingly. "You know, tha' guy you walked out with when you went to go to the 'loo.'"
Noodle felt tears slip down her cheeks involuntarily, suddenly understanding.
"2D, how could you think something like that? How could you think that I would just run off with some one I don't even know!" Her voice trembled with her suppressed emotion.
2D started to doubt himself, looking at her. She was obviously incredibly hurt, and very upset with the assumption he'd made. His eyes began shifting nervously, and he sighed, not sure with whether he should actually tell her why he'd thought that.
Oh well. Fuck it.
"Noodle, love, you were drunk. You were so drunk tha' you were all over me, for God's sake. I just thought you'd moved on an' found someone else to go with." He said uneasily, his words sounding pathetic and illogical even to him as he spoke them.
Shit, she'd never even been kissed yet. Why the hell would she run off with some jackass?
She walked towards him quickly, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him down to her level, tears flowing down her face, which was contorted in a look that conveyed both the anger and betrayal she felt as her wonderful night finally sank into heartbreak.
"You really are a dullard, you know that? You're the only one I wanted to be with tonight, and do you know why that is, you stupid, stupid boy?" 2D gulped and shook his head no, waiting for her to continue, feeling guilt pile onto him as he gazed into her shining, crying emerald eyes. "It's because I'm fucking in love with you!"
She released him, and backed away, jumping away from him when he reached out to her.
"Noodle…" He wanted to reach out and hold her, tell her he was sorry he was such a shithead, and that he didn't deserve her but he wanted her so badly…
"No, Stuart. Just-Just, no. Don't touch me right now. I don't know how to handle my emotions right now, and I'm scared and hurt," she babbled through tears, turning to face him once again. "I just hope that you had your fun for now."
And with that, she turned and walked away from him, and he watched her go stupidly, wondering how it was possible for him to fuck up this badly.
Not only was he a bloody pervert, a fucking old pervy git, but he was a complete and total fuckwit.
And he'd just shattered the heart of a girl he loved.
A/N: Mother fuck me sideways. Drama out my ass, a couple funny moments, and a bit of poorly written angst. Also double the size of the usual chapter, but I figure I owe you guys. Humor to come more so in the next chapters, lots of 2D feeling like a stupid asshole, and Murdoc coming into play somehow while Russ gives 2D a bit of a pep-talk. Uh, sorry about the general shitty quality of this chapter, but it's fucking HARD to write four different perspectives and keep everything happening in relatively the same timeline. Also, I know the scene with D and Petra at the end was shit, but I needed to wrap this baby up. Thanks for your patience, I'll see ya'll next post!