4
A/N: This might seem a little off, but you'll have to give it a chance… R&R please.
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Burke did not believe in bad decisions. There were only things that didn't work, and those that worked better.
Getting back with Cristina, to him, was something that had been working really well. Getting back to the OR as the one who actually operated on a patient, however, was something he didn't feel quite as certain about.
Burke knew he could have told the Chief that he still wasn't ready after all these months of therapy, but it was an emergency situation. Jackie Ames, his excessively proud mentor, was back to John Hopkins. It certainly would not be pretty to transfer a patient to Mercy West just because of his own sense of insecurity.
"You can do that, Preston. I have all my trust in you," the Chief patted his surgeon's shoulder as they stood side by side in front of the board.
"It's been a while. I mean, I've been observing and practicing, but performing a procedure on a live person—"
"You'll be fine. Besides, didn't you say that the tremors are completely gone?"
That's true. It amazed Burke how the human body worked in synchrony with the mind. Ever since he was back with Cristina, the tremor subsided completely, even when he was anxious.
Although, anxiety was something he couldn't get rid of this morning, as he headed for the elevator.
"So, there'll be a valve replacement this afternoon?" Cristina smiled as the elevator door opened. "Who're you supervising today?"
Burke stepped closer to his woman and whispered, "myself." Until then, it did not occur to him that Cristina still thought he was only supervising some junior surgeons instead of actually holding the scalpel.
"You what? Oh Burke…Preston, I didn't know that. I thought they said they would give you a few more weeks?"
"You're worried I'll kill someone?" Seeing Cristina acting more concerned than he was had a paradoxical effect of loosening him up.
"Don't say that."
"Are you assigned to my team today?"
"I, uh, no. I picked Sheppard."
"Oh." Burke was a little disappointed.
"I didn't know you're operating."
"You'd only want to work with your boyfriend when he's the one performing the surgery huh?"
Although he might sound accusatory, he was only teasing her. Cristina, on the other hand, was shaken up by the words. She thought he was going to have that whole 'I am a person first' thrown at her again.
What she really meant was that she cared. She would hate to miss his first real big surgery since the incident. No wonder Bailey asked if she wanted to switch. At the same time, she was compelled not to be working alongside her boyfriend. At least not today. They were fine when they're alone, just the two of them, but she still wanted some time to figure out their place in the hospital. She still couldn't get out of the whole idea of being too close and dependent on each other 24 hours a day.
"Cristina?"
"Sorry, Burke. I have to go. Remember the bomb guy? You said you can't think when I'm in your OR. Don't be surprised if you don't see me up at the gallery. You'll do a fabulous job no matter what. You can tell me about it tonight, Ok?"
Tilting his head a little in confusion, Burke smiled back. He did not feel like Cristina was deliberately avoiding him. She was not distant, only different. Burke kept wondering about that as they moved towards opposite directions. In fact, he was thinking about it so much that he had no time to doubt his ability in performing the surgery anymore.
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"Dr. Yang, I thought you'd be assisting Preston in his surgery today." Derek Sheppard was amused to see the uptight intern walking right through the door into his disorganized office.
"Dr. Sheppard, I don't think I've ever asked you why you weren't working with Meredith."
"What do you mean?"
Cristina swallowed hard before responding. "Ok, I'm dating my attending, but can we just not go there? Right now, I'm an intern, your intern."
"Sure." Derek shook his head and clouded his amusement with his smile. "I promise I'll make you the most productive intern today. Now, do you see that stack of charts? I want you to run some labs and schedule brain scans for every one of them."
"Wait, you can't be serious. There're at least 50 cases there." Cristina's jaw dropped.
There was no way she could get out of the hospital before mid-night. Burke would be waiting for her in disapproval, or he might go to sleep in the half-empty bed.
Cristina felt silly to be thinking of those little things. But as much as she wanted to avoid having her private life placed under the spotlight, she did not like the whole idea of not spending the evening with him after his first valve replacement in 4 months.
"You want to be an intern, so I'm making your experience as authentic as possible," Derek smiled again as he sent her away. "Thank you, Dr. Yang."
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What did not go away were the silly thoughts in Cristina's head. They simply would not give in. Despite knowing that those 50 cases were not something she could escape from, she hurried back to the locker room.
"What did I say, Yang? No wandering in the hospital before getting any work done," Bailey found it suspicious that Cristina was writing in the locker room during this hour of the day.
"I, uh, I was, well, I left my notes and I need to copy something from them," Cristina slipped everything into her side pocket, wishing nobody had seen it.
"I don't know and don't care about what you're hiding, but you'd better be working hard today, you hear me?"
"Yes, Dr. Bailey."
It was a hospital and the hallways were free of obstacles. Yet for Cristina, to get to where she wanted today would require jumping through a few hoops. In the past, she could have used some help from George or Meredith. But she did not need the extra gossip. She wanted to make it clear to everyone that she was a separate entity.
How she wished she could send someone else on the secret mission, someone who would not be questioned by Bailey or any gossip-makers.
The clock was ticking and the other person probably wouldn't even care if she did that, but Cristina was determined.
Perhaps that's why Cristina was relieved when her first patient in the charts was down at Ortho with Callie Torres.