UXD: Hey everyone! Thanks for R&R! This whole desert part of the story was inspired by "A Horse with no name" by America…Good song…
Jiggy: Who cares? Story time!
UXD: CoughC.C.cough
(Jiggy leaps out of chair, flies over the back and hits the floor with a thud)
Ryan: (Chucking) Sucker…
UXD: CoughCholecough
(Nothing happens)
Ryan: Your silly mind games don't affect me
UXD: …
Disclaimer: I do not own Xiaolin Showdown
Xiaolin Showdown: Legend of the Thunder Child III: Apocalypse Clone
13: Wandering the Desert
Somewhere in the Texas Desert…
"Are we there yet?" said Ryan.
"For the umpteen time, NO!" groaned Colza. Ryan sighed as he lent back on Colza's body, it was hot and he was bored.
"Where are we actually going?" said Ryan.
"We are heading to a nice little place on the west side of Texas" said Colza "A place called Deceased Valley!"
Ryan's eyes widened as he sat up.
"Is it Deceased Valley?" thought Colza "Or is it Decapitation Desert? Disintegrate Planes? Something beginning with "D"…"
"That sounds nice" said Ryan "How did it get the name?"
"Don't know" said Colza "They changed the name back in 1256 from Doomsday Zone, I don't know why, there used to be a nice coffee shop here…"
Colza swooped down to the ground and landed, a small dust cloud rose as Ryan jumped down onto the ground. He looked up at the burning sun, he felt like he was being micro-waved in the intense heat.
"So where do we have to go?" said Ryan as he put on his hat to stop his brain from boiling over. Colza rolled out the map on a rock, it began to scroll along, revealing where they had to go.
"Okay!" said Colza "First we have to pass Snake Ridge, then the Last Breath Canteen, Then that Cactus place, then the cave where that Blind Swordsman lives…"
Ryan groaned as he looked across the endless desert, he couldn't see any of these places.
"This is going to take ages…" sighed Ryan "Where is my Wudai Weapon exactly?"
"It's just beyond the Blind Swordsman's cave" said Colza as she slivered off down the trail, "On Thunder Mountain"
"Thunder Mountain…" sighed Ryan as he walked after her, "Go figure…"
The two of them followed the dusty trail as the Crouching Cougar stomped through the sand. Ryan became incredibly bored as he fell forward, hitting the Crouching Cougar with his face.
"Why do we have to use the Crouching Cougar?" groaned Ryan "Why can't you just fly there?"
"Quest rules" said Colza as she pulled out the Xiaolin Showdown Rulebook, "We always have to land at the start and walk the rest of the way"
"Aww…" groaned Ryan "I'm dying in this heat…Plus Raimundo's right, this place does smell like wet coyote"
Ryan grumbled as he sat up and looked ahead, in the distance he could see Snake Ridge in the distance. He groaned as he turned around, lent back on the Crouching Cougar and stared up at the cloudless desert sky.
"How long till we're at Snake Ridge?" sighed Ryan "I'm hungry…and tired…"
"Nightfall" sighed Colza as she looked up from Ryan's copy of Evil Geniuses Monthly, "If you're bored, listen to your MP3…"
Ryan sighed as he pulled out a MP3 and tried to take his mind of the desert heat.
Later that evening…
"Finally…" sighed Ryan as the Crouching Cougar pulled up by the Snake Ridge. They both arrived at the original site where the Dragons stayed before they found the Blade of the Nebula. Colza began making dinner as Ryan sat around the fire, reading his Evil Geniuses Monthly.
"Woo hoo!" cheered Ryan "Panda Bubba is now lower than Jack!"
"Slops on!" called Colza as she stopped stirring the pot and poured Colza's little brown surprise into two bowls, "I hope you got room for Colza's little brown surprise!"
Ryan looked down at his bowl; he was warned by Kimiko about little brown surprises.
"Err…How does this differ from Dojo's little brown surprise?" said Ryan as he sniffed it.
"Mine's edible" said Colza as she took a sip from her bowl. Ryan shrugged his shoulders as he took a big sip. He licked his lips as he let the taste flow around his tongue.
"So?" said Colza "What do you think?"
Ryan's eyes widened as he felt something grow in his stomach, it forced its way up his throat. He belched loudly, and a five foot blast of fire came out of his mouth, turning the tree that Clay sat on last time he was here to ash. Colza looked at Ryan as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
"Hmm…" thought Ryan "Needs more hot and spicy chilli…"
Colza nodded in agreement as she pulled out a barrel of chilli peppers and poured it all into the pot. They both gave each other the thumbs up as they got a bowl of soup each and drank deep from their bowls. They both screamed as their stomachs ignited, making them fall onto the ground.
"My liver!" cried Ryan "It's melting!"
"Oww! Oww! Oww!" cried Colza "My bones are liquefying!"
They both lay on the dust ground as they withered and twitched in pain. They gasped as they both gasped for air, they then gasped with relief as the burning sensation drained from their bodies.
"Want another bowl?" said Colza as she sat up.
"Keep it coming!" said Ryan as he sat up and passed her his bowl.
Next morning…
"Zzzz…" snored Ryan as he rolled over, his face went directly into a half drunk bowl of chilli soup. He groaned as he woke up and looked outside the wagon he slept in; the sun was just rising on the horizon.
"Morning Ryan!" called Colza as popped out of his hat, "Sleep well?"
"Okay…I guess" said Ryan as he climbed out into the desert sun and stretched his arms, "How far till Thunder Mountain?"
"Last Breath Canteen, that Cactus place, the cave and then the mountain" said Colza "And you're Wu"
"What is my Wu?" said Ryan as he reached into his pocket to find his phone.
"I don't know" said Colza "It's one of those "You don't choose the Wu, the Wu chooses you" kind of things"
Ryan sighed as he opened his phone; he had quite a few text messages, he forgot that he left his phone on silence.
Kimiko: Ryan? R u there yet? How r u? Call when u get to Texas!
Kimiko: R u at Texas yet? How's Colza? Call back soon! Lotsa luv!
Kimiko: How's ur hunt 4 ur weapon going? 1 hour uv gone and I miss u already, please cum back soon!
Kimiko: Hello Ryan, y haven't u called back yet? R u ok? Please call me back, I luv you!
Raimundo: Ryan! Where's my MP3 player?
Kimiko: Goodnight Ryan, I'm going to bed now! But I feel so alone with out u…Please cum back soon! I luv u sooooooooo much!
Ryan grinned as he hit the reply button.
Ryan: Hey my fav girl in the whole world! Sorry about not replying, Iv been busy. So far Im nowhere near my weapon yet. I miss u 2 babe, I miss the look in ur eyes, I look 4ward 2 our date when I get back. Oh, and tell Rai that I have his MP3. P.S. I luv u sooooooooooooooooo much 2!
He sighed as he pressed send and put his phone in his pocket.
"Colza" said Ryan "Where to next?"
"Hmm" said Colza as she looked at the map, "I think we go this way"
"Okay!" said Ryan as he climbed onto the Crouching Cougar, he stood up and pointed towards the direction Colza was pointing in, "Full speed that way!"
The Crouching Cougar activated as it rose up and moved off towards the desert trail. As the Crouching Cougar went down the path, Ryan noticed something.
"Colza?" said Ryan "How come there aren't any snakes about?"
"The snakes guarded the Sword of the Nebula" said Colza as she checked the map, "No sword, no snakes…"
She sighed as she looked at the map.
"Hmm…I don't know if we're going the right way…" said Colza "Either the map is broken or my compass doesn't work"
She climbed up onto Ryan's lap and pulled on the reins to stop the Crouching Cougar.
"Hold on" called Colza as she super sized and took off into the air, "I'm just going to get my bearings"
Ryan jumped off the Crouching Cougar as Colza flew into the air, he sighed as he kicked a ball of dust. Suddenly, his phone rang.
"Hello?" said Ryan as he picked it up and answered it.
"Ryan? It's me Kimiko" said Kimiko's voice on the other end, "I got your text and I thought texting back wasn't enough because…I wanted to hear your voice…"
"Aww…" sighed Ryan "That's sweet of you, how are you?"
"Better now I've heard your voice" said Kimiko "Things have been fine at the temple, except Raimundo, he wants his MP3"
"Tell him it's in good hands" said Ryan. There was a brief silence as they listened to each others breathing noises.
"I miss you…" said Kimiko sadly. Ryan smiled as he looked off into the horizon.
"I miss you too" said Ryan "I wish I could be with you right now, Colza isn't really an engaging conversationalist…"
He heard Kimiko giggle, which made his smile bigger. He heard her make a kissing noise, so he kissed back. They both made kissing noises at each other for a while before Kimiko began to complain about wasting credit.
"Bye Ryan" said Kimiko "Come back to me soon"
"I will" said Ryan, she hung up her phone and Ryan sighed as he put his phone away.
"Aww…" said a voice that made Ryan jump, "Isn't that sweet, the love you share with your girl is very touching…"
"Who's…Who's there?" gasped Ryan as he looked around him, there was no one there.
"Look down, my boy" said the voice "I'm by your feet"
"Err…I can't see you" said Ryan as he looked down at his feet, "All I can see is a rock…"
"I am the rock you twit!" said the voice "I mean…I'm only disguised as a rock to hide from my enemies"
Ryan raised his eyebrow as he bent down, picked it up and examined it closely.
"Err…" said Ryan "I'm a little uncomfortable talking to…a rock…"
"No problem, my boy!" said the rock "Let me show you my true form"
Ryan stared at the rock as it shrunk down even smaller. A pair of roots grew out of his sides as the rock shrunk down to a bake bean.
"Who…" gasped Ryan "Who are you?"
A dark and rather evil grin spread across the bean's face as he looked up at Ryan.
"My name is…" said the bean "Hannibal Roy Bean"
UXD: I ain't saying it…
Ryan: Say it
UXD: No!
Ryan: Say it!
UXD: Dun dun duh…There I said it! You happy?
Ryan: Very…R&R