"OK, what do you need us to do?" Maureen asked as she walked into the loft and Joannes trailed behind her.
"I don't know. She's barely eaten or slept since Roger died. She refuses to come out of that room and who knows if she's really taking her meds or just humoring me." Julia told her quietly sitting on the window seat.
"So she's trying to kill herself?" Joanne said sitting next to her.
"That's my theory, but my husband just thinks it's because she doesn't know how to live without him and she needs time." she said looking her bedroom door where Mark was.
"She doesn't have the luxury of time." Maureen said taking her coat off.
"That's what I said, but you know Mark. I don't think he knows how to live with out Roger." Julia said starting to cry.
"Roger just lost his father and now he's gonna lost his mother." Joanne said breaking down.
"We have to do something. I'm not gonna have that poor boy lose both of his parents in less than a month of each other. He's suffering too, but he's honoring his father." Julia said getting up to get more coffee.
"Julia, calm down. We'll think of something." Maureen said looking over at her.
"Yeah, but what? She needs Roger and Collins. Neither one of them taught us how to do what they did for her." she said frustrated.
"I know. They had a way with her. They were the hands on ones. We all just sat back and watched them." Joanne said wiping her eyes.
"Yeah and now that they're both gone, we have to pick her up and we don't know how." Julia said looking over at them.
"Remember the day RJ was born?" Joanne said smiling up at Maureen.
"Collins was so emotional that day. She kept having to hug him to calm him down." Maureen said laughing.
"Do you remember how proud Roger was?" Joanne said smiling wider.
"I think if I had to pick the one day where Roger was the happiest a human being could ever be, that would be the day. And his wedding day would have been a very close second." Maureen said smiling at them.
"Yeah well, RJ was their miracle." Joanne said as tears came to her eyes.
"They were each other's miracle. And now he's gone and she doesn't know what to do." Julia said as Mark came out of their room.
"What are you guys going here?" he asked looking up at them.
"I called them. I thought they could help with Marty." Julia said not looking at him.
"Julia, what are you going to do, drag her out of her room and make her get over him?" he asked walking over to her.
"I don't know Mark. It's an idea. I just can't let her waste away in there. She promised Roger she would go on. That she would take care of their son and we promised him we'd take care of her, but this is not taking care of her. This is letting her kill herself and I'm not ready for that." she told him trying to keep her voice down.
"Well I don't know what to do, OK?" he said frustrated at her as he went back into his room.
"I can't believe how he's acting." Julia said watching him.
"Julia, he lost his brother. This is not easy for him either. Losing Roger and now with Marty being the way she is. Maybe we should go in and talk to Marty. You go talk to your husband." Maureen said smiling at her.
"He won't talk to me. He won't talk to anyone. He's shut everyone out. Especially me." Julia said looking up at them.
"Julia, when was the last time you were outside?" Maureen asked looking over at her.
"I don't remember. Why?" she asked pouring herself more coffee.
"Why don't you go for a walk? We'll be here. We'll talk to Marty and Mark." she said looking up at her.
"I couldn't." she said looking at them.
"You need a break. It can't be easy taking care of the two of them." Joanne told her in agreement with Maureen.
"But I promised Roger." she said as tears filled her eyes.
"You deserve a break sweetie. He wouldn't expect you to stay here and be miserable with them. go. We're not going anywhere." Maureen said going over to comfort her.
"I do need to go to the store." she said looking up at her.
"Go ahead. They'll be fine." she said smiling down at her.
"I won't be too long. Good luck." she said putting her coat on and leaving the loft.
"OK, what do we do now?" Joanne asked looking up at Maureen with he hands on her hips.
"We talk to our friends and get them to face losing Roger and move on with their lives." she said simply as if it would be a piece of cake.
"Just like that? In one afternoon?" Joanne asked folding her arms.
"Joanne, I'm gonna do it you know. I have to. For Roger." she said walking towards Marty's bedroom. "Marty, honey." she called out going into the bedroom. Marty was curled up on the bed crying. She didn't answer her at first. She was clutching the first picture of her and Roger Mark had ever given her. The one where they were laughing and Roger was playing with her hair. "Hey sweetie." she said sitting on the bed rubbing her back.
"I miss him so much Maureen." she said as she cried harder.
"I know honey, but you can't stay in here forever. It's not what he would want." she told her quietly as Marty sat up to go into Maureens arms.
"I don't know how to go on without him Mo. I never had to." she said as Maureen held her tight.
"I know sweetie, but you have to. Your son needs you honey." she whispered kissing her head before reaching over for the picture. "I always loved this picture of you two. I remember when this was taken. Mark was filming all of us here and Collins was being Collins. We had some really good times, huh?" she said smiling down at the picture.
"The best of my life." she told her wiping her eyes.
"Marty, have you been taking your meds?" Maureen asked cautiously looking at the picture one more time before putting it on the nightstand.
"Yeah, I have. Julia gives them me." she said wiping her nose on her sleeve.
"Honey, we're all really worried about you." she said as Marty sat up.
"I know, but I just can't believe he's really gone. I've lived and breathed for him for 20 years and now he's gone." she told her crying again.
"Marty, this isn't the you he fell in love with. You were so strong. You're a survivor. He loved that about you." she told her putting her arm around her again.
"But Maureen, he was my life. We were each other's lives. How do I go on?" she asked crying harder.
"Honey, you just do. You get up and honor him by being you." she whispered rocking her back and forth.
"I don't know if I can Maureen. I'm not me without him. I don't know how to do it without him." she cried curling up in Maureen's arms.
"You don't need to know how to. We'll all help you. As a family." she told her playing with her hair. "Do you remember the day you were diagnosed?" Maureen asked looking down at her.
"Yeah, I threatened you all within an inch of your lives that I didn't want any tears in front of me. I was so stupid then." she told her looking up at her.
"No, you just wanted to live your life to the fullest. I remember when you guys got to the cafe and you and Roger went inside and Collins and Mark stayed outside trying to calm me down. I was so pissed that you were positive. I didn't think it was fair to you and Roger. But then I looked inside and you two were acting like there was no such thing as HIV. You were acting like the world didn't exist outside of each other." she whispered smiling down at her.
"We got so drunk that night." Marty said smiling back at her.
"You and him were so good for each other. I'd never seen him celebrate life until you came along." she told her as Marty wiped her face again.
"Yeah, now look at me. I haven't left this room in 2 weeks." she said looking around.
"Honey, you just miss your husband. It's OK. Really. But you still need to celebrate your life. You have a teenaged boy who needs his mother." Maureen said tucking Marty's hair behind her ear.
"He looks so much like him." Marty said looking on Roger's nightstand where a picture of him and RJ sat.
"Yeah he does. He's a great kid Marty. You and Roger made sure of that." she told her as Marty reached over for the picture.
"He made sure we knew he loved us everyday." she said caressing the picture.
Yeah he did. And he still does. You just gotta get up and remember to breath in and out." Maureen told her looking down at the picture. It was taken 2 months earlier just before Roger got sick. He had just started feeling tired and run down. He felt something wasn't right, so he made Mark take as many pictures of him with his family as he could. He wanted RJ to have as many pictures with his father as possible. They were sitting on the couch and Mark just told them to say cheese and he took the picture. They looked like twins.
"I'll try." she said caressing the picture over and over again.
"Honey, we just want you to start living again. For Roger. Both of them." Maureen said putting her arm around Marty's shoulders.
"I owe them both my life." she told her smiling down at the picture.
"So then pay them back." she told her smiling at her.
"OK." she said kissing her finger and pressing it against the picture before putting it back on the nightstand.