Consequences

Thanks to Kodiak for her swift beta!

Chapter 6

It had been easy for John to slip into his quarters and hack into the secure files on Atlantis' database. He'd quickly copied the files containing the video footage of the wraith feeding on him. He distantly thought he must remember to thank Radek for being such a good teacher. When it came to computers, Rodney and Radek were the most knowledgeable, not forgetting most devious, pair in the Pegasus Galaxy. John had appreciated Radek taking the time to enrol him on his computer hacking course 101, and it had certainly just come in handy.

John knew his presence in the infirmary would be quickly missed; he also knew the first place Carson would hunt for John would be his quarters.

He didn't waste any time, not even bothering to change out of his scrubs. John grabbed his laptop, newly downloaded files saved therein, and high-tailed it to the remotest and most shielded part of Atlantis he could think of, stopping off into a storage room to pick up a Life Signs Detector on the way.

John had explored the City a fair bit at night, alone, and knew a small, heavily shielded room in the bowels of the city, where Rodney wouldn't be able to pick up his lifesigns. He headed there quickly, efficiently and stealthily, computer in tow.

Once in the room, John looked around nervous, before backing up against the nearest wall, and sliding tiredly to the floor, laptop clutched tightly to his chest.

How long he sat there, staring into space, John didn't know, but, suddenly he came back to himself, realising he was shaking uncontrollably.

"Pull yourself together, John," he berated himself. "We're gonna do this – right now."

Putting his laptop on the floor in front of him, John opened the lid, and waited for the machine to ready itself. Selecting the first saved file, he manoeuvred the cursor over 'open' and clicked. He sat back, bringing his knees up to his chest, with his shaking hands hugging his legs fiercely, and forced himself to watch the screen.

-oOo-

"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked in concern, as she entered the infirmary.

Carson exhaled and shook his head in disbelief.

"He's done a runner, I'm afraid, and we have no idea where he's gone," Carson explained in exasperation.

"John?" Elizabeth asked sadly.

"Aye. I last checked on him a couple of hours ago, and he appeared to be relaxed and was chatting to Ronon. When one of my nurses went to check on him ten minutes ago, she found his bed empty. I should have seen this coming – damn! "

Elizabeth chewed her bottom lip, and groaned.

"Why would he do this? And, more importantly, where has he gone?" she asked.

Carson gestured for Elizabeth to follow him to his office, and she walked ahead of his outstretched arm, entering the room and sitting on the chair in front of Carson's desk.

"I have no idea. As soon as I realised he'd disappeared, I had Rodney scan for a lone lifesign in places he thought John may have gone to, and sent Melissa to his quarters – both came up empty. Ronon thought he might've gone to the gym, but he isn't there either. I can only conclude he doesn't want to be found. I really thought…"

Carson's voice paused as he tapped his earpiece.

"Go ahead Radek," Carson called into his earpiece's microphone.

The doctor listened, as Elizabeth looked on, wondering what the scientist could want.

"What? Are you sure? Christ, that's the last thing I wanted to hear. Ok…no, no, Radek, it's not your fault. I know how devious he is, and what a quick learner too. No..no, leave it to me, I'll sort this out. I know…thanks. Yes – I'll let you know."

"What?" Elizabeth asked nervously, knowing from the snatches of conversation she'd overheard that John had been up to something. She also knew from Carson's face that the something was bad – for John.

"The daft bugger's hacked into the database and copied the saved files – the one's of Kolya's transmissions to us. Radek had a sneaky suspicion he might have done that when he heard from Rodney that John had escaped my care, and sure enough, he has." Carson closed his eyes briefly and let out a huff of breath. "What the hell was he thinking? This could be disastrous. Quite honestly I wasn't too happy about Kate's idea for him to watch the recordings anyway. Though I know of Exposure therapy, it sounds pretty barbaric to me," Carson complained.

At the moment, Kate rushed into Carson's office, a little out of breath.

"I came as quickly as I could Carson. What's happened?"

"Colonel Sheppard disappeared a while ago, and it seems he took copies of Kolya's transmissions with him," Elizabeth explained wearily. "What's this going to do to him, Kate?"

The psychologist's face dropped, and she shook her head in concern.

"I have no idea. Watching those events unsupervised…well, he could either become catatonic, totally breakdown, or even become violent. We need to find him – now."

Elizabeth stood, and tapped her earpiece.

"Major Lorne?" she waited until she got a reply to her hail. "We have a problem. Colonel Sheppard is missing from the infirmary; he's also procured recordings of the wraith feeding on him. I need you to assemble teams and start searching the city. If you find him, contact Drs. Beckett and Heightmeyer before you approach him. We've already scanned the city and can't find any obvious signs of him…Good. Thank you, Major. Weir out."

Elizabeth smiled grimly at the two concerned faces opposite her.

"I'll be in the control room, helping co-ordinate the search. Let me know if you hear anything before I do," she said calmly, before quickly walking away.

-oOo-

John watched in morbid fascination as Kolya's face graced his screen.

"Oh good. I wanted to be certain you were there to see this…" John swallowed as he heard Kolya's voice taunting Elizabeth.

On the screen of John's laptop, the Genii stepped aside, revealing John, sitting bound and gagged behind him.

John's heart leapt in his chest as he took in the sight before him. He could make out anger on the gagged face in front of him, and…humiliation that he was being paraded in front of Atlantis, like a prized bull.

His breath caught as he heard McKay's fearful and angry, yet disembodied voice on the recording.

"What have you done to him?"

"Nothing whatsoever, Dr. McKay."

"Let me rephrase that: What are you planning to do?"

John listened numbly to the dialogue, remembering how he'd felt as he'd been forced to witness Kolya's interaction with his colleagues - his friends. He'd simply felt helpless and frustrated. He remembered thinking there was nothing Kolya could do to him that would scare him. He'd been tortured before, and yeah, it hurt and wasn't nice, but he'd got through it, and he'd get through this. How wrong he'd been, he thought, as his stomach clenched convulsively at the thought of what lay ahead on the recording.

John's thoughts were interrupted as he heard McKay rephrasing Elizabeth's request to Kolya, where Rodney had asked pretty forcefully that John be allowed to talk back to them. He allowed himself a small smile. He was proud of Rodney for being so smart. Proud then - proud now.

He jumped as he heard his own voice screaming at Elizabeth ordering her not to do whatever it was that Kolya wanted, when the gag was briefly removed. He distantly thought he was glad he looked defiant, it made him stronger, slightly less vulnerable, at least on the surface, anyway.

John had wanted to be strong for everyone back on Atlantis, and he'd succeeded in that. John could see that on the screen in front of him. He hadn't begged to be helped, hadn't asked Elizabeth to give in, he'd shouted to stay firm; he was ordering Elizabeth not to cave in. He also saw Koya's sneering face, laughing at John's outburst, and yet again, John felt unbridled anger coursing through his veins. Smug bastard. John resolved to wipe the smile off his face next time they met - and he knew they would.

John listened intently to Kolya explaining what he wanted from Elizabeth, but his heart was starting to pound, and his breath hitched as he heard the words he knew would herald the arrival of his instrument of torture.

"Allow me to help expedite your decision," Kolya had said matter-of-factly.

John stared at the screen as the camera followed Kolya to the opening door of the room, and he shuddered as he saw the wraith being escorted towards him. John swallowed as he heard Elizabeth mutter, 'Oh my God', and briefly closed his eyes as he heard Rodney's tirade of angry words directed at Kolya. As he opened them, John saw himself on screen, and bit his lip, drawing blood, as he saw the look of fear in his eyes, as he had finally comprehended what lay ahead. He flinched as he noticed how his breath had quickened as the wraith neared him.

John shivered again. He'd been scared, no, terrified, knowing there was no way out. Elizabeth wouldn't agree to Kolya's terms, nor did he ever want her to. Kolya wouldn't halt the grisly proceedings, and certainly a hungry wraith wouldn't show any moral conviction. He'd known what lay ahead, and he'd been petrified, and John could see it all reflected in his eyes on the screen in front of him. He just hoped Elizabeth and everyone hadn't seen that too – no, they all knew him well enough, he inwardly admitted: they'd known. Again, John felt angry at his helplessness, and even though he knew what would happen next, he continued to bite on his lip as he forced himself to continue watching; waiting in morbid fascination to see himself fed upon.

John felt nauseous as he heard Weir begging Kolya not to do it. Twice she'd pleaded for Kolya not to go ahead. Twice the bastard had ignored Elizabeth's words. John began to feel as if he were watching a horror movie, the sort where he knew what was going to happen, and he would cry out in frustration, wanting to climb into the screen, and intervene. This was surreal; he was going to watch his own torture, witness first hand, or was it second, he mused, himself sitting there, gagged, handcuffed to a chair, and have part of his life torn away from him.

When Kolya had asked if his terms would be met, and silence ensued, John remembered feeling resigned to his fate; he was going to die, and that would be it, his life would be over. He remembered bracing himself, heart pounding, arms and legs tense, hoping to prepare himself for his certain demise, hoping he'd face that ordeal with dignity and pride.

John's heart lurched along with his stomach as he watched the wraith's hand plunge into his chest, and he let out a small choked cry as he saw his head fly back, pain marking his features, as the wraith began to feed. He was glad he hadn't cried out, but wondered how much that had to do with the gag muffling his mouth. He remembered grunting, at least he thought he had, but then his breath had been stolen away as agony erupted throughout his body, the worst pain he'd ever endured in his life. Even without the cloth covering his mouth, he wouldn't have been able to scream, even if he'd wanted to.

He couldn't watch anymore, and John closed his eyes as blood rushed in his ears. He felt dizzy, nauseous, terrified. Why the hell had he thought it would be a good idea to watch the files? He wanted to be back in the infirmary, safe, warm and cared for.

Distantly he heard Elizabeth's anguished cries of 'stop, stop!' before Kolya calmly said 'enough', and John remembered, without even looking at the screen, breathing so quickly that he thought his lungs would burst as the wraith's hand was tugged away from his bleeding, sticky chest.

Scrambling to his knees, John stood quickly, wavering as he sought something to throw up in. Spying a container nearby, he lunged for it and threw himself on his knees in front of it just as he heaved, bringing up bile. He retched for what seemed like an eternity, until he honestly thought he'd bring up his intestines. His body ached, his head pounded, and hot tears streamed down his face.

John managed to crawl towards the open laptop, and slam it shut. Somehow, he found the strength to curl on his side, in a tight foetal position, and he found himself rocking gently, as he quietly sobbed himself into oblivion.

TBC.