Chapter 12

In a world where political correctness was a slogan, many people trained themselves to see different shades of grey in every situation. Still others clung desperately to old traditional values of good and evil, black and white. Us and Them. Feretti had always considered himself to be a simple man, with simple values. He understood the world around him and the world, he thought, knew him. He, for instance, was a warrior; called to service by a country he loved to protect a way of life he believed in. It wasn't that he didn't have time for scientists or philosophers, it was just that they didn't have any place in his life. He wasn't one of Them, after all.

Then he had been recruited into the Stargate Programme and his world had turned upside down. Suddenly, black and white blurred into grey. Bad people could do good things in the face of true evil and the lives of a unit of warriors would depend on the moral fortitude of a single scientist. And since that time, he had discovered that even The One True Evil wasn't as polarised as he had thought, for even amongst this evil race, there were those who fought for good. They weren't human. They didn't have human values. They didn't even agree with humans most of the time, and God only knew that Feretti found it hard to agree with them. But there they were. The Tok'ra. Goa'uld. Them - but really Us.

Feretti wasn't a stupid man. He had understood the concept and science of the Stargate when it had been explained to him. He had understood swiftly the ramifications of Dr. Jackson's inability to locate the point of origin for Abydos and explained it to the rest of O'Neill's men. But he prided himself on enjoying simple things. He hated complications. The universe made sense when it was Humanity versus Goa'uld. But now it was Humanity versus Goa'uld Except Tok'ra and what made it worse was that even the Tok'ra could be fooled by a Tok'ra who was really Goa'uld, or not realise when a Goa'uld was really Tok'ra.

The Tok'ra were a wrinkle in an otherwise easily understood situation. Feretti knew he shouldn't resent them for that, for sharing the goals of Earth, but dammit, they made it so easy to hate them.

Like now. Aja. Iris. Whatever. She was standing in the middle of the archaeology labs, arguing with the human archaeologists over those damned artefacts from P5-2M7. Shambhala. Whatever.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, walking into a scene that looked as though it would end with the scientists lynching the Tok'ra.

"Apparently, Tok'ra alliances believe in us sharing with them as long as they don't share with us" Moore may have been a civilian but he also had the highest clearance of any of the archaeologists currently in the room. He turned on Feretti. "If they aren't going to share the information, they can stop expecting our scientists to help them. We can't work under these conditions"

"You have been told all that is required for you to do your duties" Iris replied, her distorted voice even and calm.

"Science is all about truth!" Moore rounded back on her. "You're asking us to work blind. How can we begin to assess your theories of the cultural development of P5-2M7 when we didn't even know there was a Stargate present to affect that development?!"

"A Stargate that doesn't work and so is useless"

"For how long?! Christ, woman. Just because modern humans don't know how to build Stonehenge, doesn't mean we never used it!"

The Tok'ra's eyes flashed gold but the archaeologist was in full flow now and beyond being intimidated.

"ENOUGH!" Feretti yelled. "Get a grip! All of you!"

He waited until he was sure the six people in the room were silent but continued to glare at them. "Moore, is that the basic problem here? That you didn't know the Stargate existed?"

"Yes. But we..."

Feretti cut him off by turning on Iris. "And the existence of the Stargate is all you've been hiding, right?"

"Yes, as I have...."

"Fine" Feretti stared hard at all of them. "You now have all the information you need to do your jobs. No more secrets, no more arguments. Next time I hear of any crap like this being thrown around, I'll be making my complaints official. Got it?"

He waited for the verbal confirmation from all of them, including the Tok'ra before shaking his head and stepping outside the room again. Maybe now wasn't the best time to be in a room full of scientists. He was turning to leave when he met an amused looking Doctor Fraiser standing patiently in the corridor.

"Doctor"

"Major. I don't suppose Doctor Jackson is in there?"

"Not that I saw" Feretti replied.

She frowned. "You haven't seen him?"

"Not today. Why?"

"He's late for an appointment" she shook her head in puzzlement. "I've heard he's been spending most of his time recently with you and that he's been seen here. But if you haven't seen him, he's not here or in his quarters, and no-one's seen him in the commissary, I'm... at a loss."

Feretti shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you, Doc. He hasn't left the base has he?"

"No" she sounded distracted. "He can't"

"Have you tried Colonel O'Neill's office or quarters?"

"Why would I look there, Major?"

"I don't know. He seemed to be refamiliarising himself with the past. The Colonel's his closest friend on the base, maybe he went to his office to jog his memory?" he paused as the diminutive doctor's eyes widened.

She grabbed him and propelled him into an empty room where they could talk without being overheard. "He's started remembering?"

"Uh... he didn't tell you?"

"No. No, he didn't" she rubbed her forehead. "When did this start happening?"

"Well, three days ago he came to these labs for the first time, and the following day mentioned having had dreams about the deaths of his parents and Sha're. He said he could remember his childhood. I thought he was going through that trunk you gave him. He had been the day I found out."

She was frowning. "Yes. I saw the diaries on his bed"

"Well, his memory coming back is a good thing, right?" Feretti was becoming worried by the Doctor's lack of enthusiasm at the news. "I mean... he said he'd been afraid of remembering, but once he...."

"He said what?"

The Major stammered to a stop as Fraiser suddenly seemed to almost grow in size at his reaction. How can such a tiny woman be so intimidating? It wasn't the first time he had ever wondered that. He cleared his throat. "Uh... well, that's what he said."

"What did he say exactly?"

"Uh... right" Feretti frowned, trying to remember what Jackson's exact words had been. He shook his head. "Something about having a bad feeling, like a monster with big teeth. It made him afraid to try and remember. But the dreams he had of his parents and Sha're's deaths seemed to help. He said recovering the memories was like he relived them all over again. But it seemed to take the fear of remembering away. He remembered the bad stuff first, so it's all good, right?" he looked into her worried features. "Doc?"

"I'm not a psychiatrist, Feretti but I can tell you that when a patient begins recovering their memories, they can undergo rapid mood-swings and behavioural changes as the memories return. What has his behaviour been like recently?"

"Quiet, mostly" Feretti said. She gave him an impatient look and he suddenly realised she wanted more. He frowned. "Okay. He's been distant, quiet. You have to talk to him to get him to speak at all. Eckford said he's been avoiding crowded places... and actually, he admitted the same. When we walked into the archaeology lab the other day, everyone stared at him. He didn't show it then, but when he was alone he almost collapsed. He looked like a wreck. Didn't say much about it, come to think of it, just he was used to that happening every time he entered a room. He's been avoiding people because of it"

She nodded, her face now grim, eyes narrowed in thought. "From what I've heard, the only time people see him, he's either standing alone in the briefing room watching the Stargate, or is with you. What does he do when he can't go to the briefing room or you're busy?"

Feretti started to answer, then his eyes widened. "I don't know. I didn't think to ask him..." he paused. "He's been avoiding people. Maybe he spends all that time alone in his room? God, I didn't think."

"Has he been irritable? Tired? Do you know if he's sleeping?"

"He looked tired two days ago, but that was when he admitted to having had nightmares about his parents and Sha're. I haven't seen him since, and I didn't think to ask him how he's been sleeping before. Daniel and sleep never went together but aside from being quiet and nervous I don't think he's really displayed much emotion. Oh, except for one time, when he picked up a book on.. Mexican history, or something. He seemed like the old Daniel then"

"But that was the only time?"

"Yeah, pretty much"

She considered that for a moment, muttering to herself. "Okay. So. Avoidance, nightmares, possible sleeplessness, subdued behaviour, increased nervousness, possibly... no" she shook her head. "I need him in the infirmary as soon as possible, Feretti."

He frowned. "Doc, what's wrong? Is something wrong?"

"I might be overreacting but I'd like to be sure" she admitted. "Who has seen him or spoken to him since his return aside from SG-1 and you?"

Feretti was silent for several moments. "Aside from you and General Hammond, I can't think of anyone"

She sighed. "Okay. Feretti, help me look for Daniel. You think we should start with Colonel O'Neill's office?"

"Yeah, sure. He was closer to the Colonel than anyone else"

The pace at which she led her taller companion was nothing less than a forced march. On arriving at Colonel O'Neill's office, they found it empty. Subsequent searches of Carter's lab, and checking the private quarters of the SG-1 members, also yielded no luck. Even the brainwave of trying the quarters that had belonged to Jackson before his death failed to locate him.

"You know, there is one place left we haven't tried" Feretti said suddenly. She looked at him. "Jonas' office. It used to be Daniel's lab"

She sucked in a sharp breath. She had been so fixated on finding Jackson and establishing if her fears were founded that she had forgotten that obvious fact. "You're right." she hurried off, Feretti hot on her heels.

The light was off when they entered the lab. Feretti glanced at Fraiser and shrugged. "Guess not" he said absently flicking the switch. Light flared and the room abruptly came into focus.

Quinn had always kept a neater desk than Jackson, although he had collected and hoarded his own store of clutter over the past year. Feretti scanned it. A lot of the things in this room had been Jackson's. All the books that lined the shelves, for instance. Quinn had added to the collection, including his own interests. Unlike Jackson, who had never been an engineer, Quinn's interest in the ethical perspective of science and engineering that had resulted in his original disastrous meeting with SG-1 had made him take an interest in Carter's work and in the fate of the naquadria research on Earth. He had books on engineering and physics that Jackson probably would never have thought of reading.

A cursory scan of the room revealed no sign of activity. It hadn't been occupied for weeks, not since SG-1 had departed with Jacob Carter for P5-2M7. There was nothing to tell Feretti that anyone had been in the room since then, especially not Daniel Jackson. He turned to Fraiser, just as she burst past him with a strangled gasp.

Startled, he stepped through the doorway and looked into the room. Part of the room had been obscured from his view initially and it was to this corner Fraiser ran. She flung the computer chair out of her way as she sank down next to the wall, near the shivering, crumpled heap.

"Daniel?" she reached out, touching his arm, and he jerked away with a cry.

"Don't touch me!" his voice was a hoarse hiss and his eyes flew open to lock onto the doctor's. Fraiser recoiled from the expression in his eyes as though she had been physically hit. Terror. Horror. Agony.

"Where?" she whispered, unsettled, feeling Feretti come a step closer. Her eyes ran over what she could see of his body but there was no sign of physical trauma. In this position, that didn't mean anything. She had to get him straightened out, she needed to know if she was going to have to call for a medical team.

"Everywhere. Burns" his head burrowed into his upraised arms again. Something clattered to the ground, but Fraiser was too busy reaching out to touch his forehead with the back of her hand. Again he flinched and moaned in pain at her touch. She did, however, see Feretti bend and pick the fallen item up.

"Daniel. Listen to me. I need to know what happened" her voice was low and urgent. "Feretti, get me a gurney" she hissed, then turned back to Jackson, letting her voice drop to a more soothing tone. "Come on, Daniel. We can help you."

He swallowed, then gasped. "We don't go running to our off-world allies every time an individual's life is at stake"

She stared at him wordlessly then glanced quickly at Feretti. The Major hung up the phone looking as stunned and confused as she felt. "Daniel?" she asked more insistently, reaching up to grasp his shoulder. Immediately his body twisted, an inarticulate shout of pain escaping him. "Help me lay him out" Fraiser exclaimed grabbing him firmly. Feretti immediately jumped forward but even with his help, the pair had to fight to get him into a position where he couldn't hurt himself and only then did they realise the still-struggling man was crying.

"Can you see any injuries?" he gasped.

"Nothing physical" she grated as the medical team arrived. "Help me get him on the gurney and sedated, stat" she called. Feretti jumped back as the medical team took over, then followed them to the infirmary, unable to comprehend what the hell had just happened.