-1CHAPTER FOUR - Jury Doody

Several weeks later, House sat on the round, revolving stool in exam room two, slowly pushed it back and forth and looked at a woman of about 45, who had come in complaining about a swollen tummy, nausea, water retention, the sweats, and unexplained weight gain/increase in appetite.

"When was the last time you did the horizontal bop?" House asked, not looking at the woman but at the fly that was head butting the window looking for an escape.

'Oh, do I know how you feel,' he thought to himself about the fly. While the woman was answering his question he walked to the window, unlocked it, raised the screen and shwoosed the fly out.

"Fly, be FREE!" House said as he closed the window and returned to the stool.

"Have you heard a word I've said?" she asked angrily as she watched him sit back down.

"Ah, on the contrary, you said it has been almost three months with your loser boyfriend who was cheating on you with your best friend from college. Well, based your hormonal swings I'd say you are about three months preggers. Congratulations." House stood and walked to the door.

"I never said my boyfriend was having an affair … wait, WHAT? You tell me I'm pregnant with no blood test? There's no WAY … "

House slowly turned and looked at her. "Ok, then, have you eaten the seeds from any watermelons over the summer? 'Cuz there's something growing inside you and I'd LOVE to write a medical paper on you when a watermelon pops out. Call me in six months." House answered and closed the door behind him.

He walked upstairs, grateful that it was 4 o'clock and it was time to go to home. When he turned the corner he saw only Cameron still in the diagnosis room and reading his mail.

'I've got to give her something more productive to do,' he thought to himself as he walked in.

"Forward any of my bills to Cuddy's inbox," he snickered as he started for the door to his office.

"Wait, you need to see this," Cameron said as she stood and walked towards him, handing over a piece of paper. House simply looked at it, without really reading it, and never reached for it. "You'll want to read this. It's from Mercer County Courthouse. Seems you've been selected for jury duty."

House instantly frowned and snatched the paper out of her hand. He frowned even more when he saw that he had indeed been chosen in the second step of the jury selection process.

"Hmm, Oct 3rd - don't I have surgery that day?" He asked as he turned and walked into his office. He noisily threw his duffle bag from the floor onto his desk, threw a few items in the bag and stepped out from behind his desk.

"You don't do surgery," she stated, blocking his escape.

"I do now."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I DO!" he insisted.

"House, you can't get out of this. My cousin tried to 'ignore' the same type of letter and spent two weeks in jail with contempt."

"Oh, no big deal. I've been in prison before," he answered, daring her to move out of his way. She didn't budge.

"I believe you, too. It states at the bottom that if you don't appear you could face … "

"I know what it says. Now move."

"Not until you say you'll go."

"Ok, I'll go," House said, but she still didn't move.

"I don't believe you," she said, crossed her arms and stood her ground.

"Cameron, you are NOT my mother and have no right to tell me … "

"Is there a problem, here?" Wilson asked as he entered the room. "I thought we were going for drinks, House."

"We are. As soon as Judge Judy here moves out of my way."

Cameron turned to look at Wilson. "He's avoiding jury duty … " she stopped herself when she felt something, or someONE, brush against her. She quickly turned around to see that House had slipped past her and was heading for the door.

"House … HOUSE!"

He ignored her hollers of protest as both he and Wilson walked into the hallway.

"Wow, she's getting bossy, isn't she? You need to put a stop to that," Wilson said with a slight grin on his face.

"Nah, I like it."

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Over drinks, Wilson had finally convinced House that there was no way he could avoid not appearing for the court date.

"What I want to know is how I was selected. You saw those answers I wrote." Wilson ignored House's question and emptied his bottle of beer. House never took his eyes off of Wilson. "You took the papers, didn't you? No wonder I couldn't find them. Did you fill them out?" House asked accusingly.

"Want another beer?" Wilson asked, pretending not to hear House's accusation as he raised two fingers to the bartender, indicating two more beers.

"That's illegal," House said, a bit of a tone of anger in his voice.

"So is avoiding jury duty," Wilson answered as he handed House his beer.

"You wouldn't have done that on your own. Did you get Cuddy involved in any way?"

"No, but it was her idea."

House furrowed his eyebrows. 'No, cuddy wasn't involved but it was her idea?' That doesn't make sense. She SO owes me credit clinic hours. And you, my little grasshopper, are learning very quickly in House Sneakiness 101," House said and both men laughed.

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Next chapter, House DOES go to court and faces the attorneys on a case that House has NO interest in being involved in, not that he really knows what it is yet. But the barrage of questions gets him off his game (soley caused by his leg pain) and he wonders what the verdict will be.

DOES, OR DOES HE NOT, serve jury duty??