Kingdom Insanity 2:Whose Line Is It Anyway Interlude
By RedBlackandWhite
RBW's Cynical (yes I learned a new word) Drabble: ENOUGH WAITING! I DIDN'T GET ONE RIGHT ANSWER! Ahh ok NocturnalWriter got one of the 3 colors right, but I must say the other 2 color guesses were absolutely horrendous answers. Sorry I'm just pissed that I had to wait so long. I actually wrote half of the next chapter in my head while waiting. I'm planning on introducing a new character into chapter 6. This person reviewed my story and asked me to include her (YES IT'S A GIRL, I mean somebody has to balance out all this testosterone). Don't worry, its going to be a funny as ever. AND IF ANY OF YOU ASK ME TO INCLUDE YOU I WILL RIP YOUR SPLEEN RIGHT OUT OF
YOUR STILL-IN-USE BODY! I do not take requests. This is just a special circumstance here. I am a free spirit! NOBODY can tell me what to do! MUHAHAHAHA!
Review Responses will be in the next chapter.
A/N: The following chapter includes jokes that imply homosexuality, sexual situations, Leon shrines, and the sexual orientations of the KH cast (esp. a certain silver-haired teen). I couldn't help myself. If you don't like it get out. I just hope it's not too perverted, I wrote these jokes last week and I hope you like them. It also includes a lot of language. It also includes pie.
italics idea slips
Disclaimer: I don't own Whose Line, North Dakota, Issac Newton, any of the Whose Line games, Goofy's hat, President Bush, Pepsi, Girl Scouts, Haley Joel Osment, Hayden Panettiere, David Gallagher, the town of International Falls, Minnesota, Belgium, Flintstone vitamins, the car maker Infiniti, the Green Bay Packers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, Pinot Noir, the line Grandma's Chicken Salad from Friends (I don't own Friends either), I don't own Riku's Weird Newscasters last name (Nori) I stole (I mean used) that from another fanfic, I cant remember the name though; KH, or its characters. Wow every chapter these disclaimers get longer and longer…
Whose Line Is It Anyway, Part I
NOW ITS TIME FOR WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY!
NocturnalWriter in a very convincing British accent: Welcome to Whose Line, where the points don't matter, but we give them out anyway. That's right the points don't matter, just like the state of North Dakota. I'm your BRITISH host, NocturnalWriter! Let's meet our cast for tonight!
(camera zooms over to the SEVEN guest comedians)
"That'll be twenty bucks, KAIRI!
Holy shit it looks like Newton was wrong, SORA!
Here's you're espresso, RIKU!
Skimpy black clothes are half off, YUFFIE!
It turns out it takes more muscles to smile than to frown, AERITH!
Guns are NOT allowed in the building, LEON!
And last but not least, it seems Bipolarity is curable, CLOUD!"
NW: Okay lets start with Scenes from a Hat! (takes out an orange hat that looks eerily like Goofy's)
Okay before the show we asked the audience glances at audience that mostly consists of crazed fangirls to give us situations and we picked the best ones. Okay here we go……
(takes out first slip of paper)
NW: "Leon, Cloud, Riku, and Sora without…. HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLE SCREENED THESE SLIPS!" "Okay, NOT using that one…"
"Ways for Sora to describe the Keyblade but NOT Riku." "This is gonna be fun, okay everybody EXCEPT Sora and Riku, go ahead and start!"
"No, I'm not doing this one." Said Cloud, because he's just that cool.
KAIRI: "It sure does help me fall asleep at night!"
YUFFIE: "Sometimes it has a stain on it and I can't seem to get it off."
AERITH: "Sometimes it gets all dirty and I have to clean it."
LEON: "Seeing it always makes me PERK UP"
KAIRI: "Sometimes it shoots and sometimes the magic is used up."
YUFFIE: "It's always so soothing to set it on my lap and run my hand over it."
AERITH: "I always enjoy playing with the silver ends." (A/N: Think of the Oathkeeper Keyblade people.)
LEON: "It's so easy to lead."
YUFFIE: When it comes to it, there isn't ANYTHING that I haven't seen."
KAIRI: "It feels so light in my hands."
AERITH: "When I shove it against something it makes a loud noise." (Holy crap Aerith made a nasty joke!)
(NocturnalWriter is banging her head against the desk, bawling out tears of laughter. Sora and Riku are also hitting their heads, but against the water table.)
NW: "Okay, 1,000 points to both Sora's and Riku's parents for having to hear that. Okay, let's…let's…LET'S go onto the…haha STAIN…sorry, next slip."
"Newspaper headlines explaining why Leon changed his name."
"This is for everybody except Leon. Okay start!"
SORA pretending to read the paper: "Hmm… SCAR FACED MAN RUN OUT OF TOWN BY GIRL SCOUT TROOP"
YUFFIE same position: "Wow.. PRESIDENT BUSH BEATS LEONHART IN SPELLING BEE, WINNING WORD 'NUCLEAR'"
CLOUD same position: "LEONHART LOSES MALPRACTICE LAWSUIT AGAINST BLIND NEUROSURGEON"
(Leon is shooting daggers at the 3 of them.)
NW: "Ok…next one…"
NW: "Things Riku is thinking while randomly staring at Sora" "Ok everybody but said characters. Ready, set, go!"
YUFFIE: "DAMN, if I wasn't so laid-back I'd SO hit that." (A/N: I just had to put that one people.)
KAIRI: "Wow…big shoes means…" A/N: I'm not going to finish that.
AERITH: "Hmm… his hair looks like cinnamon stalagmites (A/N: yes those ARE the ones that point up)."
LEON: "Sooo many zippers…"
CLOUD: "I wonder if his hair tastes chocolatey…"
YUFFIE: "I wonder how long it's gonna be until he figures out I stuffed rotten papou fruit in his hoodie."
(Riku and Sora sweatdropped on the first comment and are still sweatdropping, setting the record for the longest sweatdrop ever.)
NW: "1 million points to Yuffie and Kairi. NEXT!"
"Thoughts of Haley Joel Osment between Sora voice-over takes" (A/N: I hope you all know that Haley Joel Osment is Sora's voice.) "Everyone but Sora, go!"
YUFFIE: "Wow, Hayden Panettiere's skirt sure does leave little to the imagination."
KAIRI: "Hmm… David Gallagher is looking exceptionally good today." (A/N: That's Riku's voice people.)
NW: "Okay, 5,000 points to Osment, Panettiere, and Gallagher, wherever the hell they are right now. Let's go onto the next game, Weird Newscasters!" (Goofy comes up on stage, steals hat back, and slaps author.) "OUCH! Damn dog…"
"This one is for Kairi, Sora, Riku, and Yuffie."
"Okay, Kairi, you're the Anchor, Sora, you're the co-anchor who is a gay hairstylist, Riku has the sports and is schizophrenic, and Yuffie has the weather, and her cat was run over by Kairi's car when Kairi pulled out of her driveway on her way to work this morning. Ready, go!"
(News music)
KAIRI: "Welcome to Destiny Action News, I'm Kairi Paopupants and this is my co-anchor Sora Epiwssa." (A/N: Read that last word backwards. Muhahaha I'm evil.)
SORA: "Good Evening, hun. Tsk tsk you have too much eyeliner on."
KAIRI: "Really? Maybe I should get a lighter color (A/N: I'm a frickin guy people I'm doing the best I can here.)."
SORA: "With those shoes? You wish."
KAIRI freaking out: "Anyway, the town of International Falls, Minnesota, has changed it's motto to 'Holy crap, its so damn cold here.' Also, scientists in Belgium have discovered that homosexuality is caused by Flintstone vitamin-overdoses, the same day as the unveiling of the said vitamin's new flavor, Pinot Noir-Strawberry (A/N: Pinot Noir is red wine people, holy crap why do I know that). Now over to Riku Nori with the Sports."
RIKU: "STOP PRESSURING ME PAOPUPANTS! change Anyway, the Packers had a loverly day today as they beat the Steelers, poor Steelers. change Hmm.. but it doesn't matter because sooner or later we all shrivel up and DIE. That's right life is pointless. Back to you Kairi."
(Riku starts making a noose for himself)
KAIRI (Sora is using a lot of hairspray on her): "Okay (cough), thank you (cough), Riku. Let's (cough) go to our weather (cough) correspondent, (cough) Yuffie Ispep (A/N: Read backwards)."
YUFFIE: "GEE THANKS KAIRI! WELLLLL tomorrows going to be nice and sunny, TOO BAD LEXY ISN'T GOING TO SEE IT SHE USED TO LOVE THE SUN! Well after that, the rest of the week is going to be rainy, INCLUDING THE FUNERAL DAY! BACK TO KAIRI, oh and I HOPE YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL INFINITI GET INTO AN ACCIDENT ON THE WAY HOME TODAY AND YOU BOTH GET DESTROYED IN A FIREY EXPLOSION!"
KAIRI (bewildered by the fact that Sora has her hair like his now, Riku is finished his noose, and Yuffie is sabotaging her car with C4): Well, uh, thank you for tuning in, I will see you tomorrow on Destiny Action News, good night!"
NW: "That was great guys."
Kairi: "Sora, you make really good hairstylist impersonator."
Sora: "Thanks! Riku let me do his hair a few times."
(Every stares at Riku, who turns five shades pinker.)
NW: "1 million points to every gay hairstylist out there for being offended by that impersonation, and 1 ga-jillion points to whosever car we borrowed for that skit…Okay now for Whose Line, yes we actually have a game called Whose Line. Okay Leon and Yuffie are going to rob a bank. The tellers will be Cloud and Aerith. When the buzzer sounds, whoever was speaking has to take a slip of paper out of their pocket and use it as their next line. Ready set go!"
LEON: "Yuffie, shut up! Somebody might hear us!"
YUFFIE: "Sorry Squall! I'm just nervous!"
LEON: "THAT'S LEON!"
YUFFIE: "We go through this every time, I say Squall, you say Leon, and then I say (BUZZ, pulls out slip) 'Grandma's chicken salad is amazing.'"
LEON: "What?"
YUFFIE: "You mean to tell me that you've never had it? It's to die for!"
LEON: "Oh, that sounds go…WAIT, why are we talking about this NOW?"
YUFFIE: "Beats me."
They enter the bank, Leon pulls out his gunblade (A/N: wow that was really convenient I seriously didn't plan on that.). Cloud and Aerith are the only ones in the bank.
LEON: "EVERYBODY FREEZE!"
YUFFIE: "PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!"
AERITH: "I would, b-but the manager never gives us the key to the safe! She says (BUZZ, pulls out slip) 'Riku is fucking hot'."
YUFFIE: "WHAT?"
CLOUD: "She's telling the truth! The manager Larxene doesn't trust us with the safe key because of… her crush on Riku…?"
NW: (spit out coffee laughing)
LEON: "FINE! I'll just blow the safe open!" (points gunblade on safe and gets ready to blow it open)
CLOUD: "WAIT!"
LEON: "WHAT?"
CLOUD: "Before you do anything, I want to say something!" (pushes silent alarm)
YUFFIE: "Fine, but make it quick!"
CLOUD: "I…(BUZZ, pulls out slip), there's no way in hell that I'm saying that (throws away, pulls out another slip,) have a LEON SHRINE IN MY CLOSET!"
(Riku chokes on his water)
LEON: (Dazed at what Cloud said.)
(Aerith seizes the her chance and jumps over the desk and does a spinning kick on Leon, chops Yuffie on the neck, knocking them both out.)
(Officers Sora and Riku show up.)
SORA: "Awww, Aerith knocked the robbers out AGAIN!"
Riku (comforting Sora): "It's alright, you know what they say, (BUZZ, pulls out slip) 'I like pie.'"
(Sora (who is still trying to act disappointed) cracks up)
SORA: "Yah, you tell me all the time Riku. Let's go get a slice."
(Riku squeals with delight)
(BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ)
NW: "Hahahaha, okay thanks for tuning in, and unless I get kicked off by the writer, I'll see you next time!"
THE END
I AM SOOO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! Turns out that I had a virus and wouldnt upload the chapter because it kept finding it. I got rid of it and it worked! YAY! I had written this on Wed. and finally got it going at 8 at night on Fri.! I'm so happy because my friend made me a rad Riku icon and that rains
A/N: That was fun. MY CONTEST IS STILL OPEN. The person who can answer it gets to be the Part II host. Remember, 3 friends, in order of height. NEW CLUE: 2 have to do with hair and 1 with outfit(s). Now I can finally write chapter 6! Yay! Keep the reviews coming because they're addictive! R&R!