Chapter 2: First Stop?
Notes: Again, Squaresoft owns FF7 ::yawns:: and LadyTifa26 owns Laura. . .I hate these new notes. . .
"It's dark. It's cold. I'm hungry. And I'm sitting on something that's moving. . ." said Rachel, feeling down on the ground, in the dark of the luggage bay. "AH! WHAT'S THAT?! It's really big and. . .soft?"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! STOP FEELING ME UP!" Tifa shrieked. "SO THAT'S YOU DOING THAT!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! CUT OFF MY HAND! PLEASE!" Rachel screamed, clutching her wrist.
"SSSHHHHH!" Vincent hissed, holding up a finger though he doubted Rachel could see it in the dark.
"It's not a great time to be yelling," said Christina. "Though, I do wonder what I'm currently lying on."
"You know you love me. . ." It was Korus' voice.
"Ah!" Christina sprang up from her spot, and felt around until she sat back down among some suitcases.
"So, Laura sticks us in here, and we're due to San José, eh?" asked Kristi. "How wonderful."
"Oh, don't complain about it. . . ," said Tifa, holding out her hand and with some materia, holding a small flame there so there would be some light. "We're stuck with it, aren't we? And I think we really wanted to come with her, didn't we?" A lot of them just kind of looked away with a funny expression. "I thought so. . ."
"So what if we all have our attachments? It comes naturally for those who have known somebody for a while." said Rachel. "And besides, what are YOU trying to guilt me into?! She IS my friend after all!"
"I'm not trying to imply anything at all," Tifa said. "I'm just saying we really are kinda like a close knit family, aren't we?"
"Wow. . .", said Sky. "Can I be Tifa's sister, then?"
"NO.", replied Tifa.
"Can I be your husband?", asked Cloud.
"NO!"
"Can I be your husband?", asked Stephen.
". . .Maybe," said Tifa, egging Cloud on. He made a small grumbling noise, and turned away stubbornly.
"If we're a family, then Rachel's in my harem!", said Kiro. "C'mere, Rachel! Meet your dominatrix! ...Rachel?" Rachel was hiding behind some suitcases, sobbing insanely, tucked in the fetal position. "Crap. I think I did it again. . ."
"Put her on the edge of a nervous breakdown?", guessed Cloud.
"Yeah. Pretty much," said Kiro, shrugging.
Laura was sitting uneasily in her airline seat, rocking back and forth nervously while others watched the classic, "Dude, Where's My Car?!". She couldn't stand the restraint of the seat belt, so she snapped it off, and was about to stand up when she almost knocked into a flight attendant.
"Whoaa! Not so fast!" said the flight attendant, steadying her before she knocked him over. "Is there anything I can get you?"
"Bathroom," she said, not making eye contact, and instead looking at the rear of the plane.
"Um...All right," he said, moving out of her way. "Don't hesitate to ask if you need any-
"I'm fine," she said quickly, already moving. She stumbled through the narrow walkway, and made it to the back.
"Hmm," said the attendant. "What's up with her? The runs?"
"Oh God, I hope they haven't burned all the luggage. . . ," Laura grumbled, making sure nobody saw her. Inside the luggage bay, she could hear thumping. And was that. . .music? "Guys?" She twisted the large handle, and the metal door creaked open, and what blasted out, she didn't believe.
"YEAAAAAAH!" Kiro lifted up a wine bottle she stole from the kitchen (held for First Class, of course...), while some others were standing up and clapping, around the fire Tifa made which was now burning with her STILL sitting there (and not enjoying it), Kristi, playing her guitar, Rachel, with some stolen flute with the case open beside her, and. . .What the hell were they playing?
"RACHEL, WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE OPENING SONG TO 'THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: THE WIND WAKER?!"
"Huh?" Rachel looked up at Laura, after playing the flute part. "Oh crap. . .Uh, Kristi?"
"Yeah?" She stopped playing the violin solo. ". . .Oh. Oops."
"Where's this person?" asked one flight attendant to another, seeing some of Laura's belongings in her seat, but no Laura.
"I wouldn't ask. . . ," said the one that Laura first ran into. "People can be sensitive. . ."
"Sensitive? To what?" asked a puzzled attendant.
"Er. . .I think this passenger had a. . .major bowel movement."
"Ah. . . ," said the second attendant. "Gotcha."
"YOU. . .WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!", shouted Laura, with the door closed.
"Well. . . ," said Rachel. They were all sitting around the fire generated by Tifa. "We just wanted a little diversion until we landed. . ."
"DIVERSION?!" asked Laura. "I'LL DIVERSION YOU!"
"Hey!" said Kiro. "If ANYONE is gonna make a 'diversion' for Rachel, I could do that for hours on end, and maybe a little-
"SHUT UP, KIRO!" they all said together.
"Please, don't burn down the plane, do not cause any internal damage, do not get found out, tossed overboard, and when all else fails, I am going to deny knowing any of you, all right?" said Laura.
"Aw, Laura. . . ," Rachel said in a whiny tone. "But we love you! We won't deny knowing you!"
"Especially when we can drag ourselves down with you to come along. . . ," said Nyow.
"And I think they'll believe all of us instead of the one of you," said Cloud.
"OH WHATEVER!" Laura screeched. "DON'T GET CAUGHT!
"Stressy, stressy. . .", said Rachel in a singsong voice. "Come on Laura! We found a bottle of Bordeaux!" She held up a bottle of wine. "Good thing this got past security from this guy, eh?" There was an open suitcase she had obviously taken it from.
"Gimme that. . . ," said Tifa, snatching it, then taking a large chug.
"Tifa, you're an alcoholic?" asked Rachel.
"I think anyone would be one, trying to manage you. . . ," she mumbled, setting it down.
"Thank you. . . ," said Reno, picking it off the floor.
"Hopeless. . . ," Laura sighed.
"Laura, stop being a Tifa and have fun, okay?" said Aeris.
"HEY!" Tifa shouted. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE!"
"Whoa, you're an angry drunk!" said Aeris.
"Uh. . .Aeris? Why are you so pink?" She had an unhealthy blush, and the wine bottle cork was in her lap.
"Explains why the bottle was already open. . . ," said Rachel. "But hey, we know Aeris is a funny drunk!"
"How does that benefit us?" asked Steve.
"I think it's so we know how to act to each of them when they're drunk. . .", said Korus. "Act bad to an angry drunk, and you could die. Or worse, never get laid with them."
"That's all you care about, isn't it?", asked Kami.
"Never get addicted to sex, my friend. . . ," said Korus, patting Kami hard on the shoulder.
"Laura, come on! Have some fun back here!" It was true that Laura wasn't having such a hot time out front. . .And that guy next to her began snoring and drooled on her shoulder. . . Her mouth tightened with indecisiveness, looked back to the heavy, shut metal door behind her, and then back to the rest of the group sitting there, awaiting her decision.
". . .Fine" she said. "But only for a little while."
"AND SHO. . .AND SHO I SHAID TO HIM. . ." Laura was speaking with a slur, finishing that Bordeaux. "THAT'SH NOT YER, GAH. . ."
"Wow.", said Rachel, a little pink with a buzz. "She sure got herself whacked, huh?"
"What about you, you underage drinker. . .?" said Tifa.
"Oh, that only applies to the public. Private consumption can't be detected. . .Who's the designated driver?"
"She's passed out on the suitcases.", said Cloud, pointing to Aeris who passed out resting her back on a large suitcase. "Hey, how long have we been here like this?"
"Hmm. . .", said Rachel, looking at her watch. "I'd say about 2 and a half hours. . .Wait, isn't that-
THUD!
"WHOAAAAAA!" Everyone was being flung everywhere, suitcases and boxes knocked all over them, swinging back and forth, hitting against the walls.
"A ROLLER COASTER HAS NOTHING ON THE U.S. AIRWAYS!" Rachel shouted.
"U.S.?!" asked Tifa. "WHAT'S THAT?!"
"UNITED STATES!", Rachel replied.
"WHAT A WEIRD NAME!" Tifa said. "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The cargo bay had stopped shaking itself all around. ". . .Wha?"
". . .Blenders," said Aeris, waking up. "Why does it feel like I was in a blender?"
"Because you were knocked around twenty feet?" Rachel guessed.
". . .No.", Aeris said. ". . .I think it's my hangover. . ."
"Oh, that figures. . . ," Reno replied, picking up a suitcase off his head. ". . .Where's Rufus?"
"Under that metal trunk.", said Vincent.
"H-help. . . ," said the Shinra president.
"RUFFY! NOOOO!" shouted Keily, diving for him. "I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THE EVIL, MAN-EATING TRUNK!"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
"RUFFY!"
"GAH!"
"So, aside from our last little charade. . . ," said Tifa. "What happened?"
"Before I was cut off. . . ," said Rachel. "I was gonna say that we should've landed. . ."
CLUNK! SCREEEEEEE. . .
"Hah?" Everyone looked at the bay door on the ground that was opening. Light pierced inwards, forcing the others to shield their eyes, and the dark figure of an airport worker was there.
"Oh great, I just love my job. . . ," he said. "HEY! CHARLIE! BRING THE TRUCK OVER, WE GOT MORE LUGGAGE!"
"FAAAAARK. . .", Rachel hissed. "We're still in here! If they find us, we're dead!"
"We? Who's we?", asked Tifa.
"OH, YOU KNOW WHO 'WE' IS?!", whispered Rachel. "WE GOTTA HIDE!"
"No," said Vincent. "We need a diversion."
"Diversion?", asked Rachel. "I have the perfect diversion right here. . ."
"What's that? Your amazing stupidity? It would astound everyone, I know. . . ," Tifa said.
"No," said Rachel with an evil grin. "I should actually say that YOU have the most perfect diversion, Tifa. . ."
". . .Huh?"
"Hey guys, need any help?" By sending Tifa past the short amount of time the workers' backs were turned, they slipped Tifa behind them, to appear as she had just arrived there. "It's so very hot out here. . ." She tugged at her white top, at the strap, causing the men to stop everything and stare. "Why don't we. . .cool off?"
"Rachel, you're really having a kick out of this, aren't you?" asked Sky. Rachel had a huge toothy grin, trying to cover her laughter.
"Well, she really performs this really well, doesn't she?" Rachel asked. "Now, let's go. . .CLOUD!" Cloud and the rest of the men were mesmerized, watching Tifa taunt the men with her shirt.
"Oh yes, really hot out here. . . ," said Tifa. "I can feel the sweat just falling way down. . .here. . ." She took a finger to her chin and traced it down, past her collarbone, making a snag at her midriff, and tugging it down about two inches, to where the men saw her black lace bra. Swaggering over to one of the men, she fell on him. "I can't take this unbearable heat!"
"Eheheheh. . .This is like one of those porno films I saw. . .", said Cloud. "Except it was another female flight attendant, not some guy luggage carrier. . ."
"EW!" said Rachel. "OKAY, JUST MOVE IT!" She shoved him and the rest of the guys past the men, everyone stumbling forward. Tifa was still waiting for the signal to stop acting and move.
"ICKY, ICKY, ICKY. . . ," thought Tifa, still on the man, her face over his shoulder.
"I uh, buuuh. . ." The man was speaking gibberish. "Um, madam, shouldn't you-
"OH, BUT A GREAT STRONG MAN LIKE YOU WILL TAKE CARE OF ME, RIGHT?!" She held him tighter, just so to have him feel her goods up against him, then he was a bright red and just stopped talking, though you could notice a little drool coming past his dumb, open mouthed smile.
"Tifa! TIFAAAAAA!" Rachel whispered over to her, waving her hand over to her. "WE'RE GOOD!" Tifa nodded.
"Okay, thank you for your time!", Tifa said quickly, letting the man go, and running off. "Bye, bye!"
". . . .Wha?", asked the man, approximately one minute after she left. The other guy shrugged.
"That was. . . ," said the other guy.
"That was hot. . . ," completed the one Tifa was all over.
"EW! EW! SOAP!" Tifa exclaimed, looking disgusted as she entered the flight terminal.
"Thank you for your services, Tifa," said Rachel.
"YOU!" shouted Tifa. "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"
"MEEP!" Rachel shrieked.
"I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU TALKED ME INTO THAT, BUT YOU'RE PAYING ME BACK. . .WITH YOUR LIFE!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tifa went chasing Rachel through the terminal. Cloud heaved a sigh.
"Damn. . .That WAS kinda hot. . .", he said. "Hey, where's. . .LAURA?!"
"Oog. . ." Laura was still in the cargo bay, covered with suitcases.
"Hey, whose are these?", asked a man's voice.
"Don't bother with those. . .", said another. "They said they separated them with the ones that would be leaving on this flight. . ."
"Huh? What does that mean?"
"These damn airlines are trying to save money by trying to save time. See these slips on them? They have numbers to tell you which ones to take off the plane and which ones to leave. You leave all these ones. . .Oh, wait, no, we need this one." One piece of luggage was taken off Laura's foot, which she scooted in immediately. "Yeah, I think this is the last bit we needed. Everyone off the plane?"
"You know it. . .", said the other man's voice. "This hunk-a-junk leaves in a half hour, anyway."
"To where was it again?"
"London."
"Pheh. . ." Laura heard the footsteps, as well as the dragging of a suitcase move away from her, and after a few moments, heard the back of the cargo bay close.
"AAAGHHHH! VINCENT, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!", said Rachel, coming back over to him hurriedly with cuts and bruises.
"You didn't have to try and murder her. . . ," said Aeris.
"Yes, I DID," said Tifa.
"Why am I responsible?! She's your best friend!"
"And you know what? You're supposed to like her! YOUR FAULT!"
"STOP ARGUING AND START MOVING YOUR &$)%! KIESTERS!" yelled Cid, walking fast with the rest of them. "Where's the damn terminal?!"
"Right here," said Kiro.
"We just gotta get on, right?" asked B.T.
"Yep," said Reno. "The thing right there says we have twenty minutes." He pointed to the arrival/departures sign, which everyone was walking past.
"All right, no problem. . . ," said Tifa. She was about to board, when someone stopped her.
"Excuse me, you can't board now," said the man, guarding it.
"Um, I left something on the plane," said Tifa.
"Then can I see your ticket?"
"Uh. . .I left that on the plane, too."
"We'll have it searched for you, then. Please sit down." Tifa eyed everyone else for an answer. Rachel stepped forward, and whispered something in the guy's ear. His eyebrows raised, and Rachel stood back a little bit. He looked at her, and she nodded. He turned pink.
"Um. . .Excuse me. . . ," he said, walking a little bit away and turning around. Rachel grabbed Tifa's arm and dragged her through the gate.
"What did you tell him?!" asked Tifa, running with her.
"His fly was down!" replied Rachel. "Come on-AAAHHHH!" There was no plane to board, and they could see it was already taxiing to take off. "OH MY GOD! ARE WE STRANDED IN SAN JOSE WITH NO MONEY, SHELTER, OR LAURA?!" Tifa pinched her eyebrows together for a moment in thought, and grabbed Rachel's shirt collar to string her along behind her when she got an idea. "GAAAAHK!"
"COME ON! I GOT AN IDEA!"
"Ahem, sorry about that. . . ," said the guard. "Now, AHHHHH!" He was knocked over by Tifa who shove him from behind.
"THE PLANE'S ALREADY LEAVING! WHAT TERMINAL IS THIS?!"
"This is for plane 835," said Cid. "This is it, isn't it?"
"WE WANTED 825!" said Tifa, then she sighed. "Okay, Yuffie, I'll need you for this idea."
"Nyeeessssss. . .?" she asked, stepping over to her. "What is it?"
"Give me that red materia you have there. . ."
"WHOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS THE BEST, EVER!" Wanna take a guess? Well, have you ever wanted to ride a summon before? "But don't you think Bahamut doesn't like being ridden like a horse? A giant, scaly, scary but cool horse?" asked Rachel.
"Ignore it. . .It likes me, at least. . ,." said Tifa, riding on top of Bahamut's head, hundreds of feet in the air, chasing after the plane. They were below the clouds at least, trying to keep track of the miniature plane in the distance.
"Are we just gonna follow it there?" asked Rachel.
"So it seems. . . ," said Tifa.
"I'M GETTING SICK. . . ," said Chikara, looking down. "I DON'T LIKE HEIGHTS. . ."
"Wha?" Rachel looked down and paled out. "OH MY GOD. . ."
"I should've warned you. . . ," Tifa sighed. "If you're acrophobic, don't look down, all right?"
"I THINK I'M GONNA PUKE. . ."
"Dear Lord. . ."
AN3: Yay. That was quick.
Cloud: That's because it's a short chapter.
AN3: Yep! And now I can write the next chapter! ::random stagehand hands her a paper:: Oh. Oh yeah.
Keily: What's that?
AN3: It's a paper with all the stories I write and how long it's been since I've updated them. I think the longest one is about. . .three to four months.
Everyone: ::stares::
AN3: This gets the most reviews, so I gotta continue with this. . .It has a cult, AND a snack bar!
Everyone: ::munching at the Tifa::
Tifa: ::growls:: Can we name is something else now?
AN3: Can we think up a prettier name than Tifa? Hm. . .Well, maybe we should stick it with a cool name. But I don't wanna call it the Cloud. Or the Sephiroth.
Vincent: Why not Vincent?
AN3: That's a sexy name.
Vincent: ::laughing nervously::
AN3: Come on! I think the name "Vincent" is pretty sexy! It's just that I keep thinking of the FF7 Vincent when I hear the name, and I think Vincent is sexy, in that dark, gothic way. . . Nice taste, Laura.
Laura: Heheheheheh. . .::blushes::
AN3: Hey, if Steve won't go to Otakon as Cloud, why not Vincent?
Steve: You want to go as Tifa or something, right?
AN3: ::nods::
Steve: Well, then that would make it more of a Vin/Tif, right?
AN3: That's true. . .And I've been in a bit of a Cloti fix, lately. . .I looked up the astrological compatibility of a Leo and Taurus, and it says they make a really great pair because they fit each other's needs very well.
Tifa: So? What does that have to do with anything. . .? Oh wait. I'm a Taurus, aren't I?
AN3: Yep. Tifa the Taurus! And Cloud's a Leo! Which means. . .::evil laughter::
Tifa: Oh God. . .
Cloud: ::wide, wide grin.::
AN3: I need the check the compatibility now between a Leo and an Aquarius.
Aeris: Wait. . .I'm an Aquarius. Oh. ::blushes like Laura::
AN3: But I know for a fact that the astrological levels between a Leo and an Aquarius are polar opposites. . .Which explains a lot. But. . .I'll give you that update later.
Tifa: Is this the only part of the fic that gives you little facts? In the ending notes?!
AN3: YOU KNOW IT! I mean, I give you the mythology and astrology of FF7! What could be more fun?!
Tifa: Finally killing you?
AN3: DO NOT DEFY MY WHIMS! I CONTROL YOUR FATE!
Tifa: ::grumbles:: She is authoress. She does have a point. So. . .Did you check your astrological compatibility?
AN3: Only for a Libra and a Libra. I'm yet to compare with others.
Tifa: Why a Libra with a Libra?
AN3: Because I'm a Libra and Steve's a Libra. Duh.
Steve: BALANCING SCALES ROCK!
Vincent: Uh. . .yes?
AN3: ::happy:: Vincent's a Libra, too! Yuffie's a Scorpio, so I'll also get a compatibility check between a Leo and a Scorpio.
All who like CloYus: ::toothy smiles::
Tifa: So what was your compatibility with Steve?
AN3: ::looks away:: Well. . .
Mike: I'm giving the relationship a week.
Tifa: A day.
Christina: 2 hours.
AN3: HEY! WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER LONGER THAN ALL YOUR ESTIMATIONS, ALL RIGHT?! . . .Except I can't remember how long it's been. ::gets confused:: I think it started on a Monday. . .
Tifa: You still haven't told us your compatibility.
AN3: ::sighs:: . . .It says. . .
Everyone: ::leans in::
AN3: . . .That two Libras together make a great and solid pair.
Everyone: ::STARES:: Does that mean you'll stop having nervous breakdowns about being sad and lonely and single?
AN3: . . .I guess.
Christina: Damn. Those were funny.
AN3: Were you the one throwing popcorn at me as I was lying in a fetal position, sobbing and sucking my thumb?!
Christina: ::looks away innocently:: . . .Maybe.
AN3: ::sighs:: Yeah. Whatever. I'm gonna go type the next chapter now. Bye.
Keily: Before we go, and we make bets on who dumps who?
Tifa: No, because everyone will bet that Steve will dump Rachel, and we'll need someone to bet on Rachel.
Reno: ::pushes money forward:: I always bet for the underdog.
Tifa: I'M TAKING BETS!
Everyone: ::placing bets::
AN3: STOP THAT! You people must really hate me. . .Okay, now I'm going. WE ARE ALL GOING! BYE!