Chapter 3: Tea, Anyone?
Note: The normal disclaimer applies. FF7 isn't mine, and neither is Laura.
"Where was the flight headed to, anyway?" asked Rachel, moving up on Bahamut next to Tifa.
"Don't get so close, child. I might push you off for what you made me do, earlier. . . ," she warned. "But. . .the flight board said we're going to London. . ."Holly perked up.
"London? YES! FINALLY! A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE DON'T MOCK MY ACCENT!" she shouted.
"Holly, calm down. . . ," warned Jessie. "You're gonna fall off the dragon. . ."
"And I LIKE British accents. . .", said Rachel. "Can't make one though. It's horrible."
"Why are we just following the plane, huh?" asked Cloud. "Can't we-
"People would scream if they saw a giant dragon pull up to the side of a plane, and strange people boarded, Cloud." Tifa said, cutting in. "NO."
"Ugh. You're no fun. . . ," he said.
"By the way Holly, what part of England ARE you from?", asked Keily.
"Hmph! As if I'm giving away my address. . .", she said. "But I know some nice spots to go to. . ."
"I wanna go to the Thames. . .", said Rachel. "It's supposed to be nice. . .And I wanna make fun of those soldiers outside the palace gates! And uh. . .that Ferris wheel thing. . ."
"What? The London Eye?" guessed Andariel.
"Oh yeah, you're English, too. . . ," Rachel remembered. "Why is it called Britain and England? Can't you just pick one?"
"Uh. . .", went Jessie. "Um. . .Why CAN'T we just pick one?" Holly shrugged.
"But. . .What are we gonna do when we get there?" asked Yuffie. "I mean, we should do something fun, right?"
"We're not sight-seeing. . . ," said Tifa. "We're getting Laura, and we're taking her back home. . ."
"Awww. . . ," said Rachel. "Madam Grumpy-skirt is being mean. . ."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
"NOTHING!"
"What are we even arguing about?" asked Aeris, sitting by Bahamut's right wing, and petting its side. "We didn't want Laura to go, right?"
"But we have a responsibility, because she is wanted back home. . . ," Tifa protested.
"But. . . ," said Rachel. ". . .She's wanted here too, right?" Tifa was quiet for a moment, before speaking.
"Of course she is," Tifa said. "But she has a family elsewhere that must want to see her. I don't know how far this crazy trip will take us in this weird world you call home, but we have to see it through that she gets home, all right?" Rachel sighed, and Tifa took it as an agreement.
"Hmmm. . . ," went Holly. "A bit of bad news. . ."
"What? WE'RE GONNA DIE IN A BALL OF FLAMES, RIGHT?!", shouted Chikara, still panicking about the height they were up in.
"No. . .", she said. "I just remembered that London is the most expensive place to get a hotel. . .Anyone got a euro? A pound, maybe? Possibly even a shilling?"
"A shilling is not about to save our asses. . . ," said Jessie.
"Uh. . ." Everyone went nervous. "Do we even have any money?! asked Red.
"Erm. . .Well. . .We could all get jobs. . . ," Aeris suggested.
"HAH! YEAH, RIGHT!", shouted Yuffie, reclined around Bahamut's tail. "As if I'm gonna work for a living. . ."
"I should've expected that. . .", Tifa sighed, slumping her head. Her head twisted around to look at Cloud. "You. Got any money?"
"Hmmm. . ." He checked his pockets, and out scattered some coins and dollar bills. "I got. . .7,000 gil, but that's all."
"Um, Cloud?", said Sky. "In this world, we don't use gil."
". . .Wha?", said Cloud, in disbelief. "FIRST NO CHOCOBOS, AND NOW THERE'S NO GIL! WHAT KINDA WHACKED OUT FREAKY WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN?!"
"One where aliens can't be a bishonen's mother, where our hair does not defy gravity, where we have more than ten towns, more 'airships', no monsters, no evil electric companies with armies, no MAKO, more terrorist groups, less sense, aaaaaannnnnd. . ." Rachel, the one who was explaining all the differences, looked at both Aeris and Tifa. "Well, no Cetra, and more people hit on people like Tifa. I mean, in the game, NOBODY even hit on her. Is that for real or what?!"
"Am I always some source of strange subject matter?" Tifa asked, turning to her right to look at Rachel. "Is there something about me that just sparks weird conversations?"
"We talk about anyone who comes with above standard equipment, Tifa," said Rachel. "OUCH!" Tifa punched her in the arm, and went back to trying to steer Bahamut.
". . . .Tifa, why is Bahamut flying even lower?", asked Keily, looking at the distance between the ground and the dragon.
"Um. . ." Tifa had a nervous smile. "Because, uh. . .I mean, the shorter the fall, the less broken bones, right?"
"WHADDYA MEAN, 'FALL', HUH?!", shouted Rachel. "IF YOU WANNA KILL ME, YOU SHOULD'VE JUST PUSHED ME OFF!. . .Never mind that thought. I want to bring people down in flames with me."
"That's not the point. . .",Tifa said, making a steady descent. "You see, a summon lasts for only so long, and I'm running out of magic. . ."
"OH, WELL HOW WONDERFUL! ANYONE GOT A TURBO ETHER?!", asked Rachel.
"Um. . .Hey, I do!", said Cloud, pulling out one.
"And I could've just restored your magic. . . ," said Aeris.
"Or given you a hp - mp materia.", said Yuffie, pulling out a purple orb.
"QUICK!", said Tifa, holding out her hand. "HAND ME OOOOOOOONNNNNNE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bahamut had disappeared, and they all fell tumbling to the ground, from hundreds of feet in the air.
"I NEVER THOUGHT I'D DIE THIS WAAAAAAAAAAY!" cried Rachel. "I ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D DIE GETTING HIT BY A TRUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREEWAY AS I PICKED UP A PENNY!"
"AND I WANNA DIE IN RUFFY'S ARMS!" shouted Keily.
"Is it just me, or do I detect a strong breeze?" asked Konoshi, falling headfirst.
"IT'S NEITHER! WE'RE GONNA DIE-?!" Sky was cut off, when she hit something hard, and it got really, REALLY, HOT.
"What the. . .?" Rachel sat up after taking a hit onto the warm surface of something. "Is this. . .Phoenix?!"
"You ninnies. . .", said Condrugon, sitting cross-legged on the center of the bird's back. "There's more than one flying summon, you realize. . ."
"GAH! I LOVE YOU!" shouted Sky, giving him a hug. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHAAAAAANKYOOOOOUUUUUU!"
"HEY, STOP THE HUGGING!" he shouted, pushing her off.
"Ow. Thanks," said Rachel, rubbing her head.
". . .I don't think even Rachel's thick head could've saved her from that fall. . . ," said Christina, getting up.
"And I don't think your HARD head would've saved you either. . . ," Rachel replied.
"Okay, no time for arguing. . .", said Aeris. "Um. . .Why are we descending now? Don't tell me we're gonna-
"No. Not for a few minutes, Condrugon said, landing Phoenix. Phoenix had set its talons firmly on the ground, and everyone began to hop off, until Condrugon was the last one, and he too jumped off, scratched Phoenix on the head, and Phoenix disappeared.
". . .Where are we? I'm damn sure this isn't. . .Hello. . ." Apparently, where they had landed was a grassy field, and it wasn't exactly the most reclusive spot to land. . .
"Gah, gyah, gah, gah. . ." This girl, standing by the edge of a road. ". . ."
"Oh dear. We've traumatized her. . . ," said Aeris, looking nervously over to the girl.
"Don't worry about it. . .", said Cloud. "As long as she's frozen there, we can just summon something else, and fly off, right?" Rachel stepped forward instead up to the girl, and peered at her.
". . .Could you tell us where we are?", asked Rachel.
"Gah. . .Ireland.", said the girl, staring. "Northern Ireland. . ."
". . .Okaaaaay. . . .", said Rachel. "Now. . .Are you okay?"
"Big. . .Fiery. . .Bird. . .BIG. . . ," she said. "And. . .FF7?"
"Damn popular game. . . ," Rachel grumbled. "Um. . .Hey, what are you doing?"
"POKE!"
"AAAAH!" The girl was poking Aeris on the arm. "WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PICK ME TO POKE?!"
"I think it's because you're supposed to be dead. . . ," said Tifa.
"Holy crap. . . ," said the girl, looking at Tifa. "THOSE REALLY ARE REAL!"
"Okay, enough ogling!" said Tifa, stepping backwards, trying to increase the distance between her and the girl.
"Um. . .Tifa? Here." Cloud threw her the Turbo Ether, and she swallowed it quickly, and took the red materia and inserted it back into her glove. After doing so, she lifted her hand, and there was a quick dimming of the sky except for the spot Tifa stood in, and after the dim, Bahamut reappeared in a flash.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH. . . ," the girl's mouth dropped. "B-B-BAHAMUT. . ."
"Er. . .Let's just go. . . ," said Tifa, seeing as the girl wasn't doing much, and that nobody would believe her anyway.
"Riiiiiight. . . ," said Andariel, hopping on.
". . .Are we there yet?" said Konoshi.
"SHUT UP!" they all said.
"Hey!", said Kiro. "You finally didn't mean ME! Ya-
"SHUT UP, KIRO. . . ," they said together again. Bahamut began flapping its wings, stirring up a lot of wind on the ground, causing the girl to try and latch onto something. . .That something being Bahamut's tail. Bahamut took to the skies, and then tried tracking down the plane again.
"Well, that was weird," said Yuffie. "Glad to be gone and. . .WHAT THE-?!"
"HEEEEEEELLLLLLP!" The girl was stuck on the back of Bahamut's tail.
"Oh Jesus. . . ," said Vincent, moving to the tail. He reached out his hand to her as he made his way up the tail. She hung on, reaching out to him against the pounding wind, stretching until she finally took hold of his metal claw, and he hauled her up, and guided her to Bahamut's back. She sat down abruptly, breathing hard, a little traumatized from what just happened.
"I. . .it. . .WHA?!" the girl finally said. "Wh-who are you people?! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE?! WHERE AM I?!"
"We're AVALANCHE, we're humans, and you're riding on the dragon, Bahamut. Sit down and shut the ($ up," Cid grumbled, crossing his arms.
"CID!" said Tifa, wanting him to be just a little more hospitable. "Don't frighten the girl even more than she is lost. . ."
"Well, she brought it on herself. . . ," he argued. "Let's drop her back off, okay?!"
"Can't do that!" Tifa said. "If we do, we'll never catch up with the plane."
"Why can't we just push her off? She looks hard-headed," Konoshi suggested.
"Sorry, right now I'm busy contesting who's dumber. You, or Rachel," Tifa said, irritably. "We have to reach the plane. We'll drop her off later."
"Hey," said Christina, trying to communicate with the girl. "What's your name? If you're riding with us, we might as well have some idea to who you are."
"I, uh, huh?" said the girl. "I. . .the. . .BAHAMUT. . ." She was still a little spaced out.
"We're getting nowhere. . . ," Christina sighed. "Let me start off than, okay? I'm Christina. That dummy over there is Rachel." Rachel scowled, made a proud face, and twisted her head sharply away. "Hmm. Ignore her. So, what's your name?"
". . .Alannah," the girl said. "The name's Alannah. Uh. . . ,"
"What?" asked Christina.
". . . .WHY AM I RIDING A DRAGON?!" Alannah finally shouted. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED! AHHHHHHHH!"
"Shut up or we'll throw you off," said Nyow, getting annoyed. "We'll take you back home as soon as-
"AS SOON AS YOU GET MY RANSOM, RIGHT?!" she continued to yell. "I WANNA GO HOME! AHHH! SOMEONE HELP. . .Myuh?" She looked over to Vincent, Cloud, Reno, and Rufus. ". . .Nevermind. I'll stay."
". . .What?" asked Rachel. "She decides to stay all of a sudden? What-HEY!" Alannah scooted herself over to the guys.
"Hihi," she said. "Call me 'Lenny'. Soooo. . .HOW YA' DOIN'?!" She sat between Cloud and Vincent and put her arms around them.
"Uh. . . ," said Cloud. ". . .I have a girlfriend."
"And so do I. . . ," Vincent chimed in.
"So, you're Reno, right? As long as I'm having delusions, I can call you whatever I want, and you look like Reno. You don't have a girlfriend, do you?" Alannah asked. "I mean, come on! You're Reno! You don't have girlfriends!"
"No, but he has an ex," said B.T.
"And two very angry girls who want to kill him and kiss him at the same time," Selena grumbled.
"I still have my guns," said Andariel.
"Eeeeep. . . ," went Alannah, cowering at the prospect of dying with a bullet beside her heart. "Um. . .How about-
"NO," said Rufus, not even looking at her.
"THAT'S RIGHT!" shouted Keily. "SISTER LOVES HIM THE MOST! SQUEE!" Keily jumped over, glomping Rufus with a loud thud. Quietly, he sobbed under the weight. "HUGGLES!"
"PLEASE, LET ME GO. . . ," he whined.
"BROTHER!"
"Dear Lord. . ."
"Ignore them, okay?" said Tifa, looking over he shoulder at Lenny. "They're just stupid. By the way, you're not having a delusion."
"Oh," Alannah said. "So, I'm drunk? Or am I high? I KNEW THOSE WERE 'SPECIAL' BROWNIES!"
"Neither," Tifa said. "We're real. Come on, you poked Aeris and she was real, right?"
"I don't know whether you're trying to insist we're real, or point out that I should be dead right now," Aeris sighed.
". . .I think she's trying for both," Rachel whispered over to her.
"I can hear you, dummy."
"D'OH!"
"Meep. . ." Laura was still buried underneath all the luggage. She sat there the entire time, under the pile of suitcases and bags, wondering when the plane would land. It was near stifling hot underneath the weight of the bags, but she didn't risk moving, lest she were to be found, and having been here so long, she expected the plane to land very soon. It was too dark to look at her watch, leaving her to estimate the time elapsed until she'd either be free, or suffocate.
The plane shifted. She could feel it move to the left, and hoped that the plane was zeroing in to land on the London airstrip. Why in God's name did she have to wind up on some international escapade? It was their entire fault, wasn't it? She couldn't blame them for not wanting her to leave, but she could blame them for putting her in this tight spot. And she felt it certain that she could also kick their sorry asses.
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there-
"RACHEL, SHUT THE FREAK UP!" Tifa bellowed, leading Bahamut trailing behind the plane.
"I'm just wondering-
"WHEN WE GET THERE IS WHEN WE GET THERE! HAVE WE LANDED?! HUH?! HUH?!" Tifa shouted.
"Tifa, your blood pressure. . . ," Aeris sighed, still petting Bahamut's side, leaning on one hand.
"What do you mean? I don't have high blood pressure," said Tifa, also still sitting on the head of the winged dragon.
"At this rate, you will," said Cloud, sitting next to Alannah, who was just trying to play cards with the rest.
"Oh, what do you know?" asked Tifa, cranky as ever. "It doesn't matter. I can see the plane diving to land." She slowed Bahamut down, having it circle above the large airport, trying to hide it in the clouds. It would be a very bad thing if people below were to think that the true British lore of dragons were really more than something of tales and myth.
"Kinda funny how we're in England an on a dragon, huh?" asked Rachel. "I mean, this is where all those stories originated, right?"
"I don't think so," said Andariel. "What about China? They have dragons, and their society is older than that of the time of the Middle Ages, where the idea of dragons had been constructed."
"Why did your IQ levels just skyrocket? Shut up, we're making a dive!" shouted Tifa, motioning her hand to help lead Bahamut through its descent. Everyone tried to hold onto their spot as well as they could, without trying to harm the lizard (for that could kill them), and braced for the spiraled lunge.
"EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Rachel screamed, holding on. ". . .THIS IS FUN!"
"THIS IS FUN?!" asked Sky. "WHY DON'T WE PUSH YOU OFF AND SEE IF THAT'S FUN, HUH?!"
"NO, WHEN WE WERE FALLING, THE FEELING OF CERTAIN DOOM SORT OF ROBBED ME OF THE EXPERIENCE!" Rachel replied.
"AHHHHH! MY DELUSION IS GOING TO KILL ME!" Alannah screamed.
"IF YOU DON'T STOP SHOUTING, I'M SURE I WILL!" Surka yelled.
"Dragons are fun," said Mars.
"WILL HE EVER WAKE UP?!" asked Mike.
"No. No he won't," said Steve. "He's just as persistent as Kiro."
"LET ME GO!" Rachel was trying to shake Kiro off her leg, for that is the object she chose to cling onto, of course.
"AW, BUT RACHEL, YOU CERTAINLY WOULDN'T WANT ME TO D-
"YES, I WOULD!" Rachel butted in. "I MORE THAN LIKELY WOULD!"
"BRACE YOURSELVES!" Tifa warned. Bahamut was ending its circled drop, with the ground not being too far away to come out with only a few broken ribs. "WE'RE GONNA HIT GROUND!"
"Because someone is going to shove us off?" asked Rachel.
"I'LL SHOVE YOU OFF!" said an annoyed Tifa. "HOLD ON!" After a few brief moments, everybody was jolted forward a bit, as Bahamut set its talons into the ground, and bent forward to let everyone off. Shaken (but not stirred. Um, sorry.), they uneasily slid off its sides to the ground.
"FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES!" Rachel was singing the theme song while she slid off the tail like Fred does in the opening.
"Tell me she's not a fully evolved human," said Tifa.
"Sorry, she stands upright like one, so I'd have to say she's evolved enough," said Cloud. "But don't worry. We love her just as she is, right?"
"No," sighed Tifa. "We love her stupid, not just the way she is."
"She is stupid."
"Not all the time. . . ," said Tifa, rolling her eyes, her hands on her hips, watching everyone get off the summon. "She can be another person the next moment."
"OW!" Mia stood off the ground after Kiro punched Nyow in the head just for laughs. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU, SO LIKE, YEAH!"
"HAHA!" Kiro went off running from Mia, who was right behind her.
". . .Just not like that, right?" asked Tifa, wondering about how Mia and Nyow can actually change like that.
"No. Thank the Lord. That would be twice the Rachel we don't need," replied Cloud. "But she means well. We'll put up with her for that."
"T. . .Tifa. . . ," said Rachel, running up to her and panting.
"DID YOU LIGHT BAHAMUT ON FIRE OR SOMETHING?!" asked Tifa, wondering what dunderheaded stunt Rachel pulled now.
"N. . .no. . . ," said Rachel, getting her wind back. "I saw Laura's plane land, so we should all get into the terminal and get her."
"Oh," said Tifa, not expecting something rational from her. "Right."
"Okay, so I'm in a foreign country and I hardly have any money, and my cell phone, of course, ISN'T WORKING! DAMMIT!" Laura was wandering about in the terminal, brushing past people and places she wasn't familiar with in the least. Tugging her jacket closer to her, she filed through her items, which had miraculously stayed put while they left abandoned, during her unpleasant holiday in the back. A few anonymous people were looking over at her, wondering about what she was so flustered about, muttering to each other their ideas. She sighed and rolled her eyes, continuing through, trying to grasp staying in another country, all by herself.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee dee, there they are a-standing in a row. . .COME ON TIFA, SING WITH ME!" Rachel was encouraging Tifa to put on a smile for once and not have a stroke at the age of 21.
"It's a stupid song, and I refuse to sing with you," said Tifa, hurrying through the terminal. "And we'll never find Laura just by wandering about."
"That's why we split up," said Rachel. "I'm the one that was picked to go along with you."
"OH GREAT, WONDERFUL. . . ," said Tifa, gritting her teeth, trying to ignore the miscellaneous array of odd looks shot at her. ". . .Why are they staring? Oh wait, let me guess. Videogame?"
"That, or they really like your miniskirt," said Rachel. Tifa grumbled. "Come on! Be happy! Sing with me! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. . . ," Tifa sighed, and caved.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee dee. . . ," Tifa began singing. "There they are a standing in a row. . ."
"BUMP, BUMP, BUMP. . . ," Rachel was providing the barber shop quartet effect of a baritone.
"Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head!" sang Tifa.
"SO YOU ADMIT IT!" said Rachel.
"Admit what?"
"'Lovely bunch of coconuts'? 'Ones as big as your head'? I'LL TAKE THAT AS YOUR CONFESSION!" Rachel said. "YOU HAVE COME TO THE FACT THAT. . .YOU KNOW! You just have a lot of. . .femininity?"
"What?!" asked Tifa. "You mean. . .HEY! I'M GONNA KILL-
"LAURA!" shouted Rachel.
"No, you!" said Tifa.
"No, LAURA!" Rachel was pointing behind Tifa, to the head of a confused Laura, still sorting through some items, and tugging at whatever luggage of hers that was thrown back on the plane after not getting picked up.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!" asked Tifa. Rachel sighed. "LET'S GO!" Tifa tugged Rachel along towards Laura, knocking people out of the way.
"Isn't this what I'm supposed to do to you?" asked Rachel, wondering about the sudden change of positions.
"WHATEVER!" said Tifa. "DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!"
"See? THAT'S the Tifa we know and love! . . .Waaaaait. . .No it's not! What did you do to 'loveable Tifa'?!" asked Rachel.
"Shut up. . . ," sighed Tifa. "LAURA!"
Upon hearing her name from quite a distance, she had a feeling that it was probably someone calling another by the same name. But by detecting the voice was almost uncomfortably familiar by the way it was shouted, she had this pit-falling feeling in her stomach, like she was about to be punished; she didn't know why. She turned around to see who it was.
It was Tifa, which explained the dead sort of feeling in her stomach, remembering those early times when. . .Tifa was the type of caretaker for her and Rachel. Which really meant she was head of punishment. Despite all this, she was happy to see her, knowing she wasn't left alone in a foreign land.
She was left in a foreign land with someone with no clue what the world looks like, nor has ever heard of a place called "Britain".
"TIFA!" She called over to the woman struggling through the crowds past people and onlookers, dragging what seemed to be someone quite familiar. . .
"Jesus child. . .We were worried. . . ," said Tifa, after running up to Laura, and taking hold of her shoulder. "Oh. And I brought Rachel."
"Wow. Now I know what it's like to be trampled," said Rachel, looking a little disoriented.
"Good. It's a little more experience for you," said Tifa. "Laura, are you all right? Anything broken?"
"Oh, nothing but my spirit. . . ," Laura sighed. She leaned over and gave Tifa a quick hug, and returned back, and looked around. "Do you know any way out of this place?"
"I sure as hell do." They turned around and saw Christina looking back at them, appearing to be bored.
"Do you have to be smug and so self-assured in everything you do?" asked Rachel.
"I am self-assured, and I wouldn't call it smug. It's called being decisive, which is something you are not. Are you going to follow me out or not?" she asked. "Dad is waiting over on the side of the terminal, at the exit."
"Dad? Oh right, Cloud. . . ," muttered Tifa. "I guess I'm still a little unused to that. I always thought if Cloud had a child, they'd be a little brain-dead, just like him."
"What if they were your kid, too?" asked Rachel.
"Then they'd be a genius like their mother," said Tifa. "And completely physically fit, too. Come on, we don't have any time to waste!" She took some of Laura's items, and charged on behind Christina, while Rachel and Laura were left to trail close behind.
"What is this, a marathon?!" asked Rachel.
"Just keep moving!" said Laura, a little in front of her. "I hope I have enough money to get us out of here. . ."
"There you are!" Cloud was waiting at the exit, with a group of the others who had returned from scouring their designated areas.
"NOPE! DIDN'T FIND-THERE THEY ARE! I'M BRILLIANT!" Yuffie hopped out of nowhere from searching, only to turn around and see that Tifa, Rachel, Laura, and Christina were approaching.
"Yeah. Real brilliant, Yuff," said Cloud, sarcastically. "I must be totally blind."
"NO DUH, BLONDIE!" Yuffie exclaimed. "You're just lucky to have me tagging along."
"Enough, Yuffie," Tifa sighed, walking up with the group.
"Yeah, you just take me for granted, Boobs. You'd miss me if-
"If we could ever get rid of you?" asked Tifa. "Speaking of missing items, Yuffie. . ."
"FINE!" Yuffie handed over a fistful of materia. "I never thought you'd notice. . ."
"Like in proving a previous point, we're not blind," said Cloud. "Laura, you okay?"
"Is it 'Take Care of Laura' day? Yeah, I'm okay," said Laura. "How did you guys get here?"
"We got here by dragon," said Tifa. "I suppose summoning Bahamut a lot on our little trip afforded me time to get to know it. Lucky, I suppose."
"Hey, who's she?" Alannah walked up to Laura. "She's not from FF7."
"Neither is more than half the group here," said Cloud. "Her name's Laura. Laura, this is Alannah. We got her at a, er. . . 'stop off', in Ireland. . . .Hey Rachel. By the way, what's 'Ireland'?"
"If you think we prance about doing Irish jigs and spouting 'top 'o the marnin' to ye!' kind of crap, you can forget about it," said Alannah with a bit of a glare.
"Oh my, how friendly the Irish are. . . ," thought Laura, trying to smile through slight hostility.
". . .But you seem nice enough," Alannah concluded. "Nice to meet you. Call me Lenny. I don't know how they gave me that name, but. . . Still, nice to meet you."
"You, too," said Laura, giving her a smile.
"Hey, uh. . .they wouldn't tell me but. . .I'm sure you'll tell me, right?" whispered Alannah, while the rest were in some sort of idle chatter.
"What?" asked Laura.
"Who's his girlfriend?" She pointed at Vincent, who was being glomped by Sky, hanging off his back.
"Er. . .that would be me," said Laura. Alannah's eyes widened, and she squinted her eyes at Laura, inspecting her face. She zoomed back out, and made her conclusion.
"No. Nah. Not good enough," said Alannah. "You have a pretty face, but. . .You're so. . .so. . ."
"What?" Laura asked.
"Short," Alannah said abruptly. "You're very short." Laura grumbled, being reminded of her stature, and sighed.
"GET OFF OF ME!" shouted Vincent, waving his arms to try and get Sky to fall off.
"COME ON, VINNIE!" she exclaimed, taking a piggy back ride on him. "I'M BLOND! I'M TALLER THAN LAURA! RIDE AWAY WITH MEEEEEEE!"
"AHEM." Sky found Laura right beside her, giving her the all-purpose, "ignore me and die", fully patented "Tifa glare". Sky gave a sheepish smile, and hopped off.
"Sorry. . . ," said Sky, waving, then running off.
"Temperamental, I see," said Vincent, looking down at Laura. "Did they already explain how-
"I'm jealous," said Laura.
"What?!" said Vincent, turning red. "THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN SKY AND ME! I SWEAR! SHE JUST HOPPED ON AND I-
"I meant that I always wanted to ride Bahamut. . . ," said Laura, with a cocked eyebrow. "Vincent, is there something you must tell me?"
"NO!" shouted Vincent. "I just thought-
"Yeah, I know. But it's funny seeing you get all flustered," said Laura with a childish grin. "I know what you mean."
"Ah, happy family reunions. . . ," Cid sighed. ". . .I hate them. Can we go now?"
"I don't see why not," said Tifa. "And I hate these people. . .What are they looking at?!" All the passers-by were either staring, glancing as they walked past, or snickering. "Is it my clothes? Is there something in my teeth? Wait. Wait. I know this answer. I hate that videogame."
"AND I LOVE IT!" shouted Rachel. "And they do, too. That's why they stare, now get used to it. At least you're not in Japan."
"Japan? You never explained to me what that was," said Tifa. "Is it a disease? A mental condition?"
"I think that sounds pretty good to eat. . . ," said Yuffie. They turned in her direction. "Eheh. I'm sorry. Hungry."
"Japan is a country. A large island in East Asia," Rachel explained. Tifa still looked clueless. "Um. . .Asia is another region on this planet, which name is, by the way, Earth."
"Earth? Like, what you call dirt?" asked Cid. "What does that mean? This is just a giant mudball you live on?"
"You could call it that, I suppose. . . ," said Laura. "But it's really composed of 75% water. You have to see a picture of it. It's a really pretty planet."
"Hey Laura. Could I borrow ten bucks?" asked Rachel.
"Ten bucks?" Cloud whispered to Tifa. "Why does she want to borrow male deer?"
"She's a strange child. . . ," Tifa whispered back.
"Yeah. . . ," said Laura. "Why do you want-HEY!" Rachel grabbed the money Laura rummaged out of her pockets, and ran off.
"YEAH! RUN MY STUDENT, RUN!" shouted Yuffie. Again, they stared. ". . .WHAT?!"
"What do you think she's doing?" asked Sky.
"I think she's been around Yuffie too much. . ." Keily whispered back.
"Is she a kleptomaniac?" asked Alannah.
"Only when it comes to food. No, wait. . .THAT'S SOMEONE ELSE. . ." Keily glared at Chikara.
". . .Huh? What? THAT WAS ONLY ONCE!" said Chikara. "Bunch of paranoids. . ." They saw Rachel run into a gift shop after disappearing into the crowd, and after a few moments of observation, Rachel ran back holding a laminated scroll.
"Here!" said Rachel, unraveling it in front of Cloud and Tifa.
"Hooray? Shiny paper?" said Cloud.
"No, a world map!" said Rachel, having undone completely. Upon the paper shown a picture of the Earth taken from space, showing the deserts and jungles of the world, as well as having outlined the countries as well. Made by National Geographic, of course.
"We're here," said Laura, pointing to the island of England, and more directly, at a small black star that had the word 'London' right beside it.
"This dinky little place?" asked Cloud. "And why does it have a star? Is it that shape?" Everyone from the real world bowed their heads in exasperation and sighed.
"Cloud, are you stupid?" asked Tifa. "I'm not even from here, but I know how to read a map! It's an important city!"
"You bet it is," said Jessie, looking at everything. "And I can show you around."
"What about me? Are you forgetting me?" asked Holly.
"I'm older, so I should be able to do that," said Andariel.
"We're not sightseeing. We're going home," said Tifa. "Come on and give me a Turbo Ether so I can call Bahamut and we can go home. Wherever that is."
"Here," said Rachel, pointing to the East Coast of the United States. "It's that little outward spot right there because of the bay."
"I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT! THAT'S NOT SOMETHING I NEEDED ANSWERING!" said Tifa. "I want to go home, all right?!"
"I don't think we can do that for a while. . ." said Lucrecia, just popping over like she normally does, in her own spacey way. "Not unless I can launch you at such a speed your skin rips off in the most horribly painful way into space, hoping the speed tears a hole into another dimension, which more than likely won't be the right one."
"Uh. . .I think I'll pass. . ." said Yuffie, hearing the description.
"But what chance do you get to be in England?" asked Rachel. "Come on Tifa, let's just look around, please?" Tifa scowled. "Pleeeaaaaaase?" Tifa didn't budge. "Awww! Cloud, do something!" Cloud looked a little edgy, until he leaned over and whispered something into Tifa's ear that made her turn red and her expression grow embarrassed.
"Okay, fine!" she said quickly, walking to the terminal exit. "One quick stop around whatever you call this place, and then we go home!" She stepped swiftly through the doors, and her head poked a little out. "Well, aren't you coming?! We don't have all day!" She went onward, while everyone exchanged a few glances. Some followed, but Rachel, Laura, and Cloud, stayed behind for a moment.
"Cloud, what did you tell her?" asked Rachel.
"What do you think?" said Cloud. "Let your imagination tell you what you think."
"If you let me do that, I'll become blind with disgust," said Rachel.
". . .You can't tell anyone. Okay?" Rachel nodded, and Cloud whispered what he told Tifa into Rachel's ear, that made Rachel become the exact shade of red Tifa went into. Cloud nodded, and walked through the doors after everyone.
". . .What did he say?" asked Laura. "Come on!"
"I. . .I can't tell you," said Rachel. "He. . .He told me not to tell, so. . .so. . .Let's go. . ." Rachel drifted off following them.
"UGH!" Laura ran off to follow them. "DID IT INVOLVE SEX?! I KNOW IT DID! I KNOW IT WAS SSEEEEEXXX!" While she ran off, whoever heard her was muttering things to the adjacent person.
"Did you see that American?" asked one woman to another. "Dreadfully uncultured, that one at least. Are they all about sex these days?"
"Well. . ." said the other woman. "This country DOES give out condoms to teenagers, if they do so need them, and they must buy theirs in America. . . So I suppose maybe we can't say as much, either." The first woman shrugged.
"Totally uncultured. . . Did you see how that one man dressed? The tall one, with the black hair? How could he let his hair grow like that?"
"Hmph," said the second woman. "I thought he was handsome, like the blond man with the tall hair."
"I liked the one with the orange hair and white suit. At least HE knew how to dress," the first one replied.
"The one with the red hair was a little scraggly in the way he dressed. . ." said the second. "Oh, pay it no mind. They are foreigners. . ."
"Yeah, foreigners who aren't deaf." Reno had been left behind while he was in the bathroom. "Scraggly, eh?" The second woman went pink with embarrassment. "Heh. Only Elena tells me that, and I'm just relieved to know she's not here with me. I'll let the comment slide lady, but I wouldn't suggest giving me fashion tips, all right? See ya'." He ran off, out to the doors. The first one sighed.
"And no manners, either. . ."
"Reno, where was your skinny pale ass, huh?" asked Cloud when Reno finally came out.
"Skinny and pale? Yeah, you really can't say the same about yourself, huh?" Reno retorted. "You only wish you attracted as many women as I do."
"If it's skinny and pale. . ." Laura looked at Vincent out of the corner of her eye, which Vincent caught.
"WHAT, YOU'VE SEEN MY BUTT?!", asked Vincent. "WELL, I'M SORRY IF I'M PALE, BUT I JUST DON'T-
"No, that was a guess," said Laura. "Wow Vincent, you've been telling me a lot of things I didn't need to know lately. What honesty. How wonderful."
"Oh, if you wanted to know if his butt was pale, you could've just asked ME. . .I've seen it loads of times!" said Lucrecia, completely bubbly. "It's one of those few things I remember at least. . .Explains why I thought Vincent was a little familiar. I remembered his ass!"
"I think a lot of people would remember that. . ." said Sky, looking at it. Laura growled, triggering Sky to back away. "I gotcha, I gotcha. . ."
"Can we stop talking about pale asses and focus?" asked Tifa.
"Why?" asked Rachel. "This is fun!" Tifa glared at her, and Rachel went quiet.
"So, where do we want to go first? It's getting late, don't you think?" said Tifa, looking at the sun in the horizon.
"I don't know what time it is. . ." said Rachel. "Our watches must be completely wrong because of the time zones. . .Man, this sucks. We don't have a lot of time! I WANTED TO MAKE FUN OF THE ROYAL GUARDS!"
"Everyone does," said Nyow. "Damn, it's getting late. . ."
"Nyow? I thought you were Mia," said Rachel.
"Kiro thought it would be fun to lead me into a pole. . ." Nyow growled. Kiro was trying her best to contain her laughter.
"We're wasting time. Shall we try and get a hotel room?" Tifa suggested. Everyone either shrugged or nodded. "I'll take that as a yes. . .Come on, let's scout out a place to stay. It couldn't be that bad."
"$250 PER NIGHT?!" Tifa walked out from a hotel with the rest, her eyes dilated with shock. "DEAR SWEET JESUS!"
"How did you know that was expensive?" asked Laura.
"Easy. I saw your expression and figured it was," said Tifa.
"You know, I just realized Tifa's a lot like Rachel in this place. . . ," said Cloud. "Makes you wonder if Rachel's stupidity and confusion was just induced by location."
"OW!" Rachel walked into a pole. "THAT HURT!"
". . .Um. . .no, she's just genuinely slow. . . ," said Vincent.
"Meh, well I guess it makes her cuter that way. Or tolerable, whatever way you look at it," said Cloud, shrugging. "I guess her purpose serves as someone to make everyone feel smart."
"And that is always something important," Vincent replied.
"Okay. . . ," Tifa sighed, walking down the road. "Let's find another place. . ." They tread down the corner, and looked for a road sign. ". . .What is this place?"
"I think the sign says 'Northumberland Avenue'," said Jessie, peering upwards. ". . .I think that means we're around Trafalgar Square."
"Oh, how navigationally oriented we are," said Holly. "Of course we're around there."
"Anyone see any hotels?" asked Rufus. "My feet are killing me. . ."
"Wearing dress shoes instead of walking shoes, huh?" asked Reno. "How very typical."
"You're wearing dress shoes, too," Rufus said dryly. Reno's mouth twisted into a frown, then into a smirk.
"There's a hotel. . ." said Laura, pointing up to a sign. "Citadines Apart'Hotel Trafalgar Square," she read. "Wow, what a catchy name."
"It's a French-based franchise hotel. Of course it's not catchy," said Andariel.
"Is it because it's a franchise, or because it's French?" asked Rachel. Laura gave her a deprecating look. "Right. Because it's French."
"Laura, how much money do you have?", asked Tifa.
"I dunno. . ." said Laura. "About. . .two-hundred dollars, I suppose." Tifa sighed.
"Let's try it. . ."
"OH MY GOD! SHE NEEDS AIR!" Rachel and Laura began dragging Tifa's fainted body to a couch in the hotel lobby. With her boots sliding behind her, they hung off the sofa, which she lay slumped in, and quickly recuperating, she tried to sit up.
"O-okay. . . ," said Tifa. "This is fine. . .$140 is okay. We can afford that. It's not like we were staying here long in London."
"And it's surprising we could get such a discount from the normal $225," said Holly. ". . .Why didn't we get our money changed?"
"Oh, nobody cares. . .It may not be the national currency, but it's not like we're paying in yen," said Rachel. ". . .Or pesos. Whatever."
"You okay?" asked Laura, pulling Tifa out of her seat.
"I'm. . .I'm good," said Tifa, brushing herself off, and correcting her clothing.
"Hmm. Must've given you the discount 'cause the desk clerk must like pretty ladies. . . ," said Reno.
"Reno?" said Tifa. "Shove it. All of you, just hang around at the elevator, okay?"
"You got it. . . ," said Cloud, turning around. "You heard the lady. Let's move before she tears our heads off."
"You and you." Tifa was looking over at Rachel and Laura.
"PLEASE, IT WASN'T ME!" shouted Rachel. "IT'S CHRISTINA'S FAULT!"
"HEY!" Christina shouted, Cloud having to restrain her from running over and killing her.
"You're not in trouble. . . ," Tifa sighed.
"Oh. Really?!" asked Rachel. "For once! Yes! Maybe my luck is turning around! AWESOME! NOW, ALL I NEED TO DO IS-OW!" Tifa was forced to punch Rachel to shut her up. "THAT HURT!"
"Quiet down. They'll raise the rate if we keep disturbing everyone like this," Tifa said. "I want either one of you to tell me how this hotel thing works."
"What? You've never been to a hotel to stay in?" asked Laura.
"Yeah Tifa, you look like the sort of woman who's been brought to a motel more than once by a gu-OWWWWWWWW!" Tifa now hit Rachel upside the head.
"Dummy. . . ," Tifa sighed. "Just help me through it, okay?"
"Right," said Laura, nodding. They walked up to the clerk, an old man with a moustache who stood very erect, with gray hair and a lanky body. He turned towards them stiffly, and pulled out a card.
"Are you going to take the room?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah. . . ," said Tifa.
"All right, how will you be paying?" he then asked.
"In cash," said Laura, taking out some money. "$140 was it?"
"Yes, miss," he said. Laura laid the money out on the spotless marble counter and he took it, handed them the card, and then quickly glanced over all three of them.
". . .Are you in charge of these three?" asked the clerk, looking to Tifa.
"I guess you could call it that. . .Considering this one is brain-dead," said Tifa, looking at Rachel, who was staring blankly at her reflection in the marble counter. Noticing Tifa's eyes on her, Rachel was a little startled and snapped to attention with a dainty little smile like she wasn't doing anything. "Yeah. . . ," Tifa said. "I'm in charge of them."
"I hope you didn't mind the question. . . ," he said. "It's just that even though the room is a double with a fold out sofa-bed but, there are three of you, and. . .it's not very often we have. . .three girls altogether in the same room. . ." All their eyes widened and gave each other freaked out expressions, then backed away from each other. "Oh dear, now I've made you all uncomfortable. . .Short on cash I presume, yes, that's it. Well uh, your room is 782. It's on the right side of the corridor, and of course, on the seventh floor. Just slide in the card until the light is green, then you can open it. Have a good stay."
"Uh. . .Thank you. . . ," said Tifa, hoping he didn't imply anything by that last statement of his, hoping it was standard protocol.
"EW. . . ," said Rachel, looking at her arms and rubbing them of profusely. "I FEEL SO ICKY! I NEED SOAP! GET THE ICKY FEELING OFF!"
"Oh, like I feel very good myself. . . ," said Tifa, like she was about to puke.
"Moist towelette? Please, SOMETHING. . . ," said Laura, with the same expression Rachel had to the clerk's innuendo. "Even if it doesn't help, the lemon scent will make me feel better. . ."
"Um, Tifa?" asked Rachel. Tifa pressed the "up" button on the elevator, and waited for it to arrive.
"What? Have any stupid comments for us today?" asked Tifa.
"I was just wondering. . . Um, it's a double, meaning there are two beds, and he said there was a sofa-bed, that makes three. . .But there really aren't just three of use, so. . ."
"YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" People were jumping on the beds, flipping channels, trying to escape out to the balcony above the square, running into the bathroom, and Andariel locked herself into the closet. . .with Reno. . .
"CALM DOWN!" said Vincent, trying to bring some order. "WE CAN'T TRASH THIS PLACE!"
"HURRY UP IN THE BATHROOM! I'M DYING OUT HERE!" shouted Jessie, pounding on the door to the bathroom.
"HEY! YOU STEPPED ON ME!" said Kristi, trying to change the channel on the TV, when Chikara accidentally jumped on her.
"SORRY!" Chikara apologized, still jumping.
"Ooh, more than one bed. . . ," said Kiro, who had suddenly taken Rachel's arm. "Don't worry about it, we'll only need one. . .but if you want to make it interesting, we'll need more than just these two and the sofa. . ."
"SOMEONE, SAVE ME!" Rachel screeched.
"Come on, stop it!" said Tifa, trying as hard as Vincent to quiet everyone down. "Stop jumping! Don't scream! Hey! Don't break that! Grrrr. . . ." Nobody was listening as she stood in the middle of the crowded, dual bed room, surrounding by people, the lights flickering on and off by whomever was playing with them. ". . . .SHUT THE &$)(&#! UP!"
"I knew she'd convert one day. . . ," said Cid, out on the balcony. "They always do. . ."
Everybody was motionless after Tifa had screamed. No one even blinked. They just stared at Tifa, who was completely red with her temple throbbing
"I don't even know why I put up with you people. . . ," Tifa sighed. "I try to help you, I try to house you, I try to organize you. . .I'm going for some air. . . "She walked out over to the door and shut it. Everyone was still quiet. "Oh." Her head poked through the gap between the door. "There are two spare keys on the dresser." She slammed it shut, and you could hear her footsteps clunk away.
". . . .LET ME IN THE BATHROOM!"
"Where does the light go when you turn it off?"
"YOU'RE STILL STEPPING ON ME!" As you could've guessed, they broke away from suspended animation, back to real life.
"DIDN'T ANYBODY SEE THAT?!" asked Laura. They sort of quieted down again. "We've just knocked her off her rocker!"
"It's about time. . . ," said Rachel. Laura sort of gave her an evil glare that made Rachel go silent.
"Rachel, you're coming with me to find her, all right? Is anyone coming?"
". . .I'll go," said Cloud, standing up from his seat in the corner.
"Me, too," said Christina, wanting to tag along from the crowded room.
"I can cover this place in no time," said Vincent, volunteering.
"Yeah, I'm bored," said Kiro.
"All right. . .I'm tired of being stepped on," said Kristi.
". . .Good. The rest of you, stay here." Laura turned towards the door. "Don't move a muscle until I come back with Tifa." She took a spare key and strode up to the door, the rest of the volunteers moving out.
"Whoa," said Andariel, coming out of the closet with Reno. ". . .Did we miss anything?"
". . .So. . ." said Keily, after a period of silence. ". . .Anyone up for a game of Yahtzee?"
"If we split up, we'll cover more ground," said Laura, out on the sidewalk with everyone. "Rachel and Kiro can come with me."
"WHY KIRO?!" asked Rachel, who had just paled out from the decision.
"Christina can stick with Cloud," Laura decided, ignoring Rachel. "Vincent, you can cover a lot of area by yourself, right?"
"Yeah," he said, jumping up to a pole. "I wonder why Yuffie didn't come. . .She's just as good as me with acrobatics. . ."
"BATHROOM. . . ," moaned Yuffie, hovering over the toilet. "I HATE FLYING. . ."
"Never mind her," said Laura. "Let's get moving. And Vincent?"
"What?" he asked.
"Get going. People are staring." Everyone was crowding around, expecting a show of some sort.
"Oh!" he said. "Right!" He continued upwards onto the building.
"You two can head that way,?" said Laura, pointing in front of her. "We'll take the left. When it's 9:00, we should meet back. That gives use three hours."
"Our watches are screwed up, though. . . ," said Christina.
"Yes, but that one isn't" She pointed up to Big Ben, the clock tower.
"Ooh, pretty," said Rachel. "And it faces all four directions, thank God. . ."
"You ready?" Nobody had any objections. "Okay, let's start looking."
"Hmm. . . ," said Tifa, looking over the square. ". . .This place it pretty. . ." She sat down on a park bench, meticulously eyeing over the trees that sat in corners, and the one she was under. Leaning forward, her elbows found her knees, shifting their weight comfortably from her shoulders onward, and her head lifted to find a flock of pigeons and children try to chase them, only to have the pigeons stubbornly land again, even on some of the kids. Her mouth wrung itself into a smile. She felt the dimples in her cheeks dot themselves beside her lips, and her ears even shift when the perfectly arched eyebrows on her head moved up her forehead. All those funny little quirks about her face stood out in that one passing smile. The splashing of the twin fountains was soothing; the surroundings of the stone walls were calming, with the towering columns above in the center of the square, with four stone lions sitting tamely beneath. The wind whispered its solitude. Well. . .
"Excuse me. . . ," said a young girl with a large bag, brown hair that met her mid-back, perfectly brown skin, and she came jogging up in a pair of black boots. "Uh, do you know where the tube leading to Bond street is? I'm kinda new here, and. . ." Tifa just raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I'm sorry! My name is Dayna. What about you? You look familiar." Dayna held out her hand and Tifa hesitantly shook it, before realizing her question.
"I'm Tifa. Nice to meet you," said Tifa, taking a quick deep breath, snapping out of her stupor. Dayna recoiled slightly at the name, and then browsed very quickly over Tifa's clothes, before staring right at Tifa's head. "Uh. . .Something in my teeth?"
"EYAAAAH! I DIDN'T KNOW SQUARESOFT BASED ITS CHARACTERS ON REAL PEOPLE! OR, OR. . . ," Dayna was obviously very. . .astonished. "OR THAT THEY HAD AN FF7 CLOTHING LINE! I LOVE YOUR SKIRT!"
"Uh. . .But you're wearing a black skirt, too. . . ," said Tifa. "Um. . .Would you care to sit? I'm just taking a break."
"YES, I'D LOVE TO, BUT, I. . . ," Dayna glanced at her watch. "Oh, I'm already late for the job interview. . . I'm here studying from America, so I'm not very familiar with this place. What about you?" She just sort of collapsed on the bench in frustration.
"I know the feeling. . . ," Tifa muttered. "I'm not really familiar with this world-er, country, yeah, country."
"I know some places," said Dayna. "I run through this park every day, but I can never really navigate myself any farther. . . London is really confusing, I guess, but not a bad place to walk in."
"Yes, it's rather kind of pretty, isn't it?" asked Tifa, looking up through the leaves shading her.
"I live over in. . .that direction," said Dayna, pointing a little behind her. "It's expensive, but it's paid for by the exchange student service."
"Where are you from, specifically?" Tifa was trying to make some small talk, before she got back to the room.
"I'm from Maryland. Er, Baltimore. Er, I uh. . . Oh nevermind, I'm confusing myself. Um. . ." Dayna was once again peering over Tifa, a little confused by her appearance.
Tifa felt self-conscious, being stared at by everyone. If the way she looked was a problem. . .
"Has anyone ever told you-
"I look like a videogame character? Many, many times," Tifa said, already catching the question. "Don't tell me. I look like Tifa Lockheart."
"And you have the same first name," said Dayna.
"And the same last name," Tifa grumbled.
"I swear, it's like you popped right out of the TV screen or something! Well. . .just not in chibi form."
"What form? Huh?"
"SD? Super-dimensional?" said Dayna, trying to clue her in. "Damn, the hair, the red-brown eyes, the clothes, the ARMOR. . . ," Tifa glanced down at the metal armor on her left elbow. "And well. . .the. . ."
"Yes, quite, I understand that one," Tifa said, feeling more self-conscious than ever, not even willing to look down and tell her that she understood the point.
"Hey, you hungry? I'm loaded with cash that my parents sent me, and there's a café in the northern part of the square." Tifa felt her stomach churn and beckon it be fed. It gave an incentive growl, forcing her to turn pink with a little embarrassment rather than immediately take the offer.
"I haven't actually eaten lately, and it's getting late, so I think I'll probably just eat something when-
"OKAY, WE'RE GOING!" shouted Dayna, pulling Tifa up from her seat. "I'm starving, let's go! Eating is social, and dieting isn't! And I'm fairly sure I'm not on a diet!"
"Are you-
"YES, POSITIVE!" said Dayna, still stringing her along. "Hope you don't mind pigeons!"
"Pigeons?" asked Tifa. "Why would I mind-YAH!" They stepped through the sea of birds, as the pigeons were jumping from their spots everywhere, trying frantically not to get stepped on. One pigeon set itself on Tifa's head when trying to land. "Very loveable creatures, aren't they?"
"Oh, not if you want bird poop on you," said Dayna. Tifa's eyes widened. "Come on, they won't do that there! Have you ever seen a bird try and go on something when they're sitting?!"
"Well, now that you mention it, not r-
"Yeah, okay, keep moving!"
"I don't want to step on a bird!"
"They'll move, but you need to move, too! The café closes in an hour!"
"R-RUNNING. . .B-BAD. . . ," heaved Rachel, her hands on her knees, bent over. "I'M NOT ON THE TRACK TEAM!"
"Yeah, but I am, so try and suck it up," said Laura, quickly, scouring the sidewalks. "Kiro, ya' see something?"
"I see many people, but no Tifa," said Kiro, leaning on a wall to a very Victorian looking building. ". . .How come all of these places look like some work of art?"
"Because it's London?" Rachel guessed. ". . .How many miles has it been?"
"I'd say twenty," said Laura.
"TWENTY?!" shouted Rachel. "NO WONDER I'M SO FRIGGIN' TIRED!"
"We took breaks in-between every mile," said Laura. "How is that possible?"
"Maybe that everyone doesn't have the same chunk of stamina you do?" said Rachel.
"Ow. . .my head hurts. . . ," said Kiro. "What hit me in the head back there?"
"Ehhh. . .Nothing. . . ," said Rachel, hiding a small stone behind her back in her palm. "It must be just a sudden headache."
"I don't think headaches feel like a rock hitting your head. . . ," said Kiro. Laura sighed tiredly and her back hit the wall, and she slid to the cement. Her wrists rested over her knees, and she turned her head around anxiously. "What time is it?"
"Oh, I'd say. . ." Kiro looked up to the giant clock. "Seven 'o clock. And a quarter."
"Ugh, thanks. . ." Laura sighed. ". . .I wonder if they destroyed the room yet."
"WOOOOOOO! NO PARENTAL GUIDANCE!" shouted Chikara, throwing a pillow.
"Why don't I count?" asked Lucrecia.
"Or me?" asked Shera.
"What the # about me?!" asked Cid.
"Don't look at me," said Reno. Rufus was sitting outside.
"Because you're ditsy, you're an airhead, you're a smoker and a bad example, and Reno? You're just drunk," said Sky.
"Hey, I'm sober now!" said Reno.
"Yeah, NOW. . . ," said Selena, rolling her eyes, sitting on the sofa.
"Didn't have any complaints about my sobriety LAST NIGHT. . . ," said Reno.
"I was sleeping in the living room last night, dirtbag. . . ," said Selena. "Hm, let's see, who ELSE could you be talking about? And, at any rate, where WERE you last night?"
"I know for one thing, that I was in your dreams, baby. . . ," he said with his trademark smile. Selena sighed, and went back to just trying to take a nap.
"What's this? A list of extras for the room?" asked Surka, picking up a sheet of paper on the table. ". . .EIGHT DOLLARS FOR FRESH TOWELS EVERY DAY?!"
"Well, we know now how they were able to give us such a big discount on our room. . . ," said Jessie, wandering out of the bathroom. "At least we have a fully equipped kitchen."
"But nothing to cook, duh," said Holly, changing the channels boredly. "And we have no cash."
"Great. We're in London, with no money, no freedom to go anywhere, and we're missing people. What a splendid vacation, wouldn't you say?" asked Kyoko, lying flat on the bed, taking up most of the room for herself.
"Hm, well, I wouldn't say we don't have any money. . . ," said Yuffie, looking very innocent. "I'd say we have about, oh. . . . two-thousand of these funny things. Is this money?" Yuffie pulled out of her pockets wads of English pounds. "The people in the lobby had 'em, so I figured. . ."
"YES! PERFECT!" shouted Holly, jumping up from her spot and taking hold of a few of the bills. "HUGS!"
"AAAAAAAACK!" shouted Yuffie, getting squeezed to death by a short but similar sized, pale girl. "PLEASE, NINJAS NEED THEIR SPACE. . ."
"Let the poor girl go. . . ," sighed Jessie. "I say while we're here, we go out and just hang around."
"But didn't Tifa say-
"Oh, we're not going to start the next burning of London. . . ," Jessie said, cutting off Holly. "We have money, no real parental guidance. . ." Reno was currently passed out in a chair. "And a ninja who can just take money as she pleases."
"Hey, do you even have any morals?" asked Stephen, turning his head towards Yuffie.
"Only two," said Yuffie. "No sex before marriage, and always floss your teeth."
"Is that last one even a moral?" asked Sky.
"You shouldn't neglect your gums. . . ," said Yuffie, rolling her eyes. "Jesus, wanna have gingivitis?"
"Does this mean you've neglected all of the ten commandments or something?" asked Keily.
"Well, I don't listen to Godo, I've killed a bunch of monsters and Shinra soldiers, it's obvious I steal, I'm practically better than everyone else, so I don't think I've really treated others like I want to be treated. . .Lord knows I've done things to deserve better treatment from Blondie and Boobs, anyway. . .I think the only thing I haven't done is to commit adultery aaaaand. . . I DEFINITELY have NOT coveted my neighbor's wife. . . So hey, I have some purity left, right?" They all gave her silent, skeptical stares. "Hey why are you even asking me this?! I'm not even Christian!"
"Hm. She's got a point," said Holly. "Why are we even still sitting here?! Shouldn't we be knocking things over, buying overpriced stuff, and just overall disturb the peace?!"
"Sounds like fun," said Surka. "When do we go?!"
"How about as soon as Reno wakes up?" asked Kristi.
"Why do we have to wait up for him?" said a confused Andariel. "He's pretty much useless, overall. . ."
"Because it's just funnier that way," said Chikara.
"And I think he'd destroy the room by himself, OR. . . ," Selena said, beginning to look a little angry. "He'd probably bring some little 'playmates' in here, and we wouldn't want to walk in on their 'quality time'. Catch my drift?"
"Like a rip-tide," said Kiako. "I KNOW CIDDY-BUNCHKINS WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ME, RIGHT?!"
"Huh?" said Cid, taking up another bed, slouched on a pillow. "Er, yeah, right, whatever," he said gruffly.
"I KNEW IT!" Kiako shouted. "YOU LOOOOOVE ME!"
"Did I mention that Shera and I are engaged?" he asked.
"And that your grammar has suddenly improved. . . ," said Kyoko.
"WHAT?!" said Kiako, her eyes dilated with shock. "NOOOOOO! BUT THERE IS STILL TIME! AND WITH TIME, THERE IS HOPE! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, CIDDY-BEAR!"
"When Vincent gets back, tell him to shoot me, please. . . ," Cid whispered to Shera.
"Why not ask Barret?" said Shera.
"Because he'd enjoy it, I think. . . ," replied Cid. "And I only need one bullet, not an entire magazine. . ."
"Ah, I don't think they could burn down the room that quickly. . . ," said Kiro. "It could take them a while to find matches, or a gas line. . ." They were still hanging out in the street, when Laura finally stood back up and look around a little.
"It's 7:15. We should be going. . . ," Laura sighed.
"No, no, rest is good. . . ," said Rachel. "Look, I wouldn't so much if I had something to drink." Laura rolled her eyes, and reached into her pocket, grabbing the wad of her money.
"Fine, but just buy a water oka-HEY!" Rachel went running after snatching the money.
"BE BACK SOON! YOU STAY THERE, ALL RIGHT?!" Rachel went running to the corner of a far off street where they were selling drinks.
"Tell me she didn't just do that," said Laura.
"Sorry. . .She did. . . ," said Kiro, watching Rachel run through the mass of people crowding the street. "It can't be long until she comes back, though. . ."
"What fascinates me is that she'll run off for a drink, but not to find a missing person," Laura said.
"Meh. She's a funny person," Kiro shrugged. "While we're here, the best thing we can do is keep an eye out."
Tifa was sitting at a café table beside a stone wall that really housed a café in the famous Trafalgar Square. Her eyes were still set on the fountains and pigeons that perched themselves upon the heads of the four, cold gray stone lions. Shuffling her feet on the ground, her attention returned to Dayna, who was just coming out with some coffee.
"I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting," said Dayna with a smile. "Coffee isn't the fastest drink to make."
"I dunno about that. . . ," said Tifa. "I've made some in ten minutes every single morning." Dayna smirked.
"I mean, lattes, of course," Dayna said. "Expensive, small, and very, very strong."
"Oh, you mean frilly coffee," said Tifa, looking straight down into her own, small, white porcelain cup, staring at her own reflection in the light brown substance. "I don't happen to drink this very often. . ."
"Hm. Well then I hope you like it strong. European coffee is much stronger than American coffee. You did say you just came over here too, right?" asked Dayna.
"Uh, yeah," Tifa replied. The conversation sort of halted for a moment there, when Dayna put her hand behind her head nervously.
"Er. . . ," said Dayna. "Have I made you uncomfortable? I'm sorry if I just pulled you over here. . ."
"No, it's what I needed, I think," said Tifa. "I came out for some solitude, and maybe that's not exactly what I needed. . . ,"
"What did you need?" asked Dayna.
"Civil, decent conversation," Tifa grumbled. "You wouldn't believe the people I'm staying with in my hotel room. . ."
"And what would they be like?" Dayna didn't seem to have any trouble conversing while Tifa remained slightly hesitant.
"My ex, his girlfriend who happens to be my friend, a smoker and his fiancée, a slightly gothic friend with an interesting wardrobe, his ex, his girlfriend, a drunk, his two on and off girlfriends and his ex, and an assortment of monkeys," said Tifa.
"All in the same room?" asked Dayna. "How big is it?"
"A double," Tifa sighed.
"I guess that explains why you needed the fresh air. . .," she said, finishing off the small coffee. "Tiny little things they give these to you in. . ."
"Strange. . . ," said Tifa. "Why is mine bigger?"
"Because what I have here is straight, unchanged espresso. Not tampered with," said Dayna. "I need the pick-me-up after missing the interview."
"Is it my fault?" asked Tifa.
"No, I was running late when I left my apartment. . . ," Dayna sighed. "Happens a lot. . ." Tifa smiled and looked back into her cup. A droplet of water splashed into it, sending little ripples around it, making it appear to be something of a bulls-eye. She looked up into the slate-gray sky that was quickly consuming the rest of the sunlight. "Crap," Dayna said flatly. "Damn meteorologists, they can never get anything right. . . Sunny day, my ass. Well, I suppose I should be going. It's nice meeting you." Dayna held out her hand like she did upon first meeting Tifa. Tifa looked over her shoulder, to the hotel that was a few minutes away.
"Uh, would you like to meet everyone in my hotel room?" asked Tifa. "I can use your story as an alibi to not being responsible if they ruined the room."
"They're really that destructive?" asked Dayna. "Oh, whatever. I've still got time, and we'd better move if we want to avoid the rain. . ."
"YEAAAAAH! CIRCUSES ROCK!" Chikara was bouncing about in the crowd to a Chinese acrobatic circus.
"How in bloody hell did we get to Victoria Park?" asked Holly.
"I wouldn't suggest asking. . . ," said Jessie. "And it took us a good half hour to get here."
"What time is it?" asked Keily, being shoved around in the crowd.
"Eight o'clock," said Andariel, squinting her eyes to see the clock tower. "And isn't it beginning to rain?"
"And so is our luck. . . ," said Sky. "We manage to get some money, we go out, and it rains. Some lovely vacation we're having."
"This is a vacation?" asked Mike.
"It kinda feels like a family vacation, doesn't it?" said Kiako.
"Meh," Kyoko shrugged. "I don't really like family vacations. . .This is better than one, I think."
"Why?" asked Holly.
"Because there aren't any real parents," she said, looking at Reno.
"WHY AM I ALWAYS THE EXAMPLE?!" asked Reno.
"Because you're always the perfect example of a bad example," said Rufus.
"Whatever you say, Mr. 'White Pants are Unfashionable After Labor Day'," said Reno.
"It's not past Labor Day. You must've been too drunk to realize that," Rufus sighed.
"Ah, you're worse than your father. . . ," Reno grumbled.
"Really?" asked Rufus. "I'm worse than dead?"
"You get my point. . . ," said Reno in a highly irritated tone. "We'll stay for as long as the show is, then we go back to a club, all right?"
"Think they'll let us in?" asked Holly.
"Well, who asked about you?" said Reno. "All of us who can go, will, and you can just order a movie in the room or something. . ."
"Oh, you're a lot of fun. . . ," Holly muttered. "Killjoy. . ."
"Oh dear Reno, you've been proclaimed boring. . . ," said Rufus. "Losing your subtle touch?"
"Yeah, you're a real blast too, Rufus. . .," said Reno. "What was the last thing you did that was fun? Golf with Heideggar? How did the earplugs work?"
"That wasn't fun, and marvelously," said Rufus. "Almost makes me wish he weren't dead. Almost."
"Oh, crap," Dayna said in the middle of a sidewalk. "Was that left? Or was that left?" She was turning around in all directions. "Maybe that wasn't a shortcut after all. . ."
"I figured it wasn't a shortcut. . . ," said Tifa.
"Why do you figure that?" asked Dayna.
"We were heading in the opposite direction of the hotel. Are you sure you knew where the Citadines Apart'Hotel Trafalgar Square was?"
"OHHH, TRAFALGAR SQUARE, NOT COVENANT GARDEN!" said Dayna. Tifa almost tipped over.
"It's no problem. . . ," Tifa sighed. "The rain's beginning to come down, too. . . Come on, I think we should just retrace our steps. . ."
"How perfectly wonderful," said Rachel, noticing the rain. "I just buy some water, and then God gives me some free. NICE TIMING, GOD!" She heard a crack of thunder, and cringed. "I mean, uh, thanks?"
"How long has it been since she ran off?" asked Laura.
"Don't worry. . . ," said Kiro. "She'll be back soon."
"It's taken her an eternity, and-TIFA!" Laura bounced forward, at the sight of Tifa wandering about.
"What about Tifa?" asked Kiro. "Wait, you found her? HEY!" Laura had already taken off. "BUT WHAT ABOUT RACHEL?! SHE SAID TO STAY PUT HERE!"
"GO GET HER, WILL YA'?!" shouted Laura, still running. "I'LL MEET YOU BACK THERE!"
"Ugh. . ." Kiro went off in the same direction as Rachel.
"Or. . .was it that way? Jesus. . . ," Tifa sighed. "This is hopeless."
"TIFA!" Laura ran up to her side, and halted quickly. "Where have you been?"
"The square," said Tifa. Laura gave her this odd look.
"But, I thought I sent Cloud and Christina in the direction of the square," said Laura.
"They must've missed me when I went off to get a coffee," said Tifa.
"A coffee?" asked Laura. "But I thought you didn't have any money."
"I don't," said Tifa. "Uh, this is Dayna. She got it for me. We just kinda of stayed outside the café."
"Hi," said Dayna, lifting her arm and waving slightly. "Nice to meet you. Dayna Wilmington."
"Laura Cruz," said Laura, making the same gesture. "Rachel and Kiro should be waiting back there. . ." Laura pointed to the sidewalk strip they were waiting on previously.
"Back to the insanity. . . ," sighed Tifa. "Ready to meet them?"
"They sounds interesting. . . ," said Dayna. "Okay. Let's go."
"HELLOOOOO?!" Rachel was lost in the crowd, around where Laura and Kiro used to be. "Damn, they know I'm navigationally challenged!"
"RACHEL!" Kiro bounded up to Rachel, a little exhausted. "Where were you?"
"There, at that street corner." Rachel pointed to the small stand that was packing itself up. "Water?"
"No thanks," said Kiro, holding out her hand to the rain that was pouring down now, the sidewalks emptying. Kiro was under a veranda, but Rachel was still in the rain. ". . .Rachel?"
"Yeah?" she asked, still a little bit out, pacing to find Laura. It shouldn't be this hard with less people.
"Are you daft?!" asked Kiro. "You're getting soaked!"
"I need to find Laura and get back to the hotel!" said Rachel. "You know where we were, right?!"
"Uh. . . ." But with people leaving the streets, it was filling with those who had umbrellas, making visibility even worse, not to mention the rain. ". . .Your guess is as good as mine. . ."
"Jesus, why aren't they back yet?!" asked Laura.
"Did you let Rachel run out on her own?" Tifa gave Laura a troubled look.
"Oh. Right," said Laura. "It's like letting a blind dog off its leash."
"You're learning. . . ," Tifa sighed.
"RACHEL, SLOW DOWN!" Kiro was trying to get Rachel out of the rain and calm.
"NO WAY! I'M SURE THAT THE HOTEL WAS IN THIS DIRECTION! IT'S GETTING TO BE AROUND NINE, RIGHT?! WE CAN MEET THEM THERE!" Rachel refused to slow down as she got herself lost in a maze of buildings. Kiro was still following, but trying to keep dry under the small shelter the tops of the buildings provided.
"RACHEL, YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST!" Rachel disappeared around the corner of a building.
". . .Laura, we have to go," said Tifa finally, after a while. "You said we had to meet everyone at the front of the hotel." Laura grumbled.
". . .I guess you're right," said Laura. "They'll get worried and panic if we don't meet them. When we see them, we'll have them look." Tifa nodded.
"Can I help at all?" asked Dayna.
"We can't ask that much of you. . .," said Tifa.
"No, that's all right," said Dayna. "I'd be happy to. And rainy days are all dull, anyway."
"Thanks," said Tifa. "Come on, this way. . ."
"I knew they were there. . ." Rachel stopped at the corner, adjacent to where Laura and the rest had just disappeared.
"If Laura's not there, I guess it's not it. . . ," said Kiro, catching up to her. "Is this the right direction?"
"You said it yourself," said Rachel. "I guess not. I could've sworn. . .Ugh!" Rachel ran off again.
"HEY!" Kiro took off after her. Around the brick and cement buildings, from neat ones to crumbling ones, to the darker ones, Rachel ran through the alleys with no regard for whether she was wet or not. Kiro, almost losing track of her, was able to just catch sight of the back of her before she disappeared around the last corner, or she could hear her footsteps splashing in the puddles. Until she hit a clear alleyway behind some buildings, she lost sight of both Rachel, and couldn't hear the rhythm of her shoes through the rain. Kiro tread into the center of the large alleyway, until her foot hit something firm but moving slightly. She had hit Rachel's back, collapsed on the ground.
"I. . . ," said Rachel, trying to talk past her exhaustion. "I knew it was. . .around. . ." Her other knee hit the wet pavement, and she fell in a heap. She blanked out.
"Ugh. . .Rachel. . .," said Kiro, kneeling down. Kiro took off a jacket she was wearing and tossed it over Rachel, trying to pick her up. "We need to get you out of here. . ."
Just barely able to walk with Rachel's weight over her shoulders, Kiro dragged her feet out of the alleyway into some unknown area. A broken, flashing neon sign was emitting sparks from a high up sign on a building, catching Kiro's eye. She walked up to the building, and sighed. A motel.
Stephen and AN3: ::making out on wall::
Everyone: ::STARES::
AN3: . . .Huh? AHHH! WHEN DID THE EPISODE END?!
Tifa: Just now, thank God. What on the Planet do you think you're doing?!
AN3: ::deep purple:: NOTHING!
Tifa: And what about you, Steve?
Stephen: ::equal color shade:: I DENY ALL ACCOUNTS OF WHAT YOU JUST SAW! YOU SAW NOTHING!
AN3: THAT'S RIGHT! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! FIGMENTS OF YOUR IMAGINATION! WE WEREN'T JUST KISSING!
Tifa: Oh really? And how do you suppose you know about what we were imagining?
AN3: I uh, I. . .I'M PSYCHIC!
Tifa: Oh please. You can hardly think, let alone use your mind for telepathy.
Laura: Wow. I think I'm going to pass out. AN3 just-
AN3: NO, NOT AT ALL! NADA!
Stephen: ::really, really red::
AN3: ::about to faint:: AAHHHH! STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH YOUR ACCUSING EYES! GO! GO TO THE TIFA BEFORE I START MAKING YOU PAY FOR THE FREE FOOD!
Surka: MY MUFFINS! ::charges for the snack bar::
Everyone: ::runs to get food::
AN3: ::sigh of relief:: I though that'd work.
Stephen:: You really weren't going to charge them, were you?
AN3: No, I really was.
Stephen: ::panics and runs to get food::
AN3: Ah, nothing like a little distraction to get people's prying eyes off of you until they bore into your soul and extract every little bit of information and embarrassing detail so that they have enough blackmail on you for the rest of existence. And he's right. I really wasn't going to charge them. . .
Everyone: ::runs back angrily with food in their mouths::
AN3: BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT FROM ME!
Stephen: ::mouth full of ramen:: Yeah, we did.
AN3: Oh, whose side are you on?! Okay, you all read that last chapter, right?
Cloud: I can't believe you're putting Kiro and Rachel in a motel together. Didn't you say there aren't going to be any girl to girl pairings?
AN3: THERE AREN'T ANY, AND NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!
Kiro: ::pouts::
Everyone eager to see something strange happen between them: ::sad::
AN3: ::sighs:: Bunch of perverts. . .So, the next chapter should be in the official book format. All you people who hate the format now, suck. We're already not too far off book format, anyway.
Tifa: Shoot me. Kill the series now.
AN3: Oh, aren't we little Miss Optimistic! Buck up, we have supporters.
Tifa: Supporters? You mean you either bribed people or the mentally deranged people are reading this?
AN3: I didn't bribe people, and nobody here is mentally deranged. Well. . .scratch that last one. It applies to some. On another note. . .YESSS! WOOHOO! BEING AUTHORESS OF THIS FIC ROCKS! AFTER PLUGGING IN "THIS IS NOT A YUFFENTINE", I GET SHIRTLESS CLOUD PICS! AWESOME! PAYMENT FOR MY PLIGHT!
Holly: Well, a lot of people do read this story, and more reviews would be nice. . .
AN3: For all of you people that just suck and didn't read the notes in the first chapter of the second season, go! Go and read Holly's story! It's funny, entertaining, and I swear if you like CloYus, you'll love it!
Sky: You like CloYus?
AN3: Why not? CloYus tend to be funny, so of course I like CloYus. In fact, I'll probably read anything that involves Cloud in something.
Cloud: Yeah, I'm special.
Tifa: Real "special". ::does finger quotation movement::Cloud: What was that for?
Tifa: Oh, I was just quoting you and giving you credit. . .::whistles "farm boy" tune::
Cloud: Oh. Thanks.
Tifa: ::sighs::
Cloud: Tired?
Tifa: You could say that. . .
AN3: ::nervously laughs:: Yeah, love is in the air.
Tifa: ::looks at AN3 out of corner of eye:: Evidently. . . ::continues whistling::
AN3: ::red again:: SHUT UP! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!
Surka: It's supposed to mean that we have to pull out the barf bags and get used to seeing you in a lip lock.
AN3: ::panicking and flustered:: I, UH, WAIT, UM, AHHHH! ::flapping arms:: N-NOOO!
Sephiroth: If love is in the air, Surka, how come-
Surka: You stop right there. No thank you.
Konoshi: SEPHYYY! JUST PRETEND I'M SURKA AND-
Sephiroth: No.
Konoshi: ::sobs::
Kyoko: Yeah Vincent, just pretend I'm Laura and-
Vincent: No.
Kyoko: ::sobs with Konoshi::
AN3: What a weird cast we have.
B.T.: Hey, you're the one who accepted our résumés.
AN3: ::sighs:: I know, I know. . .I have to redraw the cast picture for season one because I lost it. . .And now, looking at the new one I have to draw, just looking at it gives me a headache for everyone I need to include. . . WHY DID THERE HAVE TO BE SO MANY OF YOU?!
Beppi: WE LOVE YOU TOO, RACHEL! . . .IN A TOTALLY PLATONIC WAY!
Nyow: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET ON THE SET?! ::shoves into crate and orders it off the set::
AN3: . . .Please don't ask about that.
Chikara: Hey AN3, what was up with that?
AN3: I SAID NOT TO ASK! Are you people hard of hearing?
Kami: Naaaw. . .Unless you did some strange experiment on my ears! ::looks at Lucrecia::
Lucrecia: No, just your bladder.
Kami: WHAT?! ::runs to bathroom::
AN3: Jesus, you all are-
Tifa: Strange, we know.
AN3: Well. . .You're one of the few normal people. . .
Tifa: That's good to know. . .
AN3: Isn't there some sort of subtle charm in how all of the FF7 characters are out of character? And nobody really complains, whereas Holly won't post as long as the characters in her fic are OOC? What's up with that?
Holly: What? It's just better if they're not OOC, and fit the role better without stretching the idea of a real CloYu happening, so it's not like something has to change for it to happen.
AN3: ::silent::
Everyone else: ::silent::
AN3: . . .She makes a damn good point. But it won't work here! Welcome to AE, the most OOC fic on The Planet! Funny here only comes from the idea of stretching ideas!
Tifa: And plots.
Cloud: And characters.
Kiako: And jokes. SQUEE! CIDDY!
Cid: AHH!
AN3: Not to mention author's notes! Where we bring up updates and random crap about nothing! It's a story in itself!
Stephen: When do we blow up AOL?
Jessie: When do we blow up for trying to remove this?
Mars: When do we blow up Ferrix? ::mutters:: Heartless bastard. . .
AN3: Uh. . .When we get a large cult?
Konoshi: Who's the deity we worship?
Surka: THE MUFFIN!
Sephiroth: ENOUGH WITH THE MUFFINS!
AN3: I DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT WE WORSHIP! HOW ABOUT WE STICK TO OUR RELIGIONS, OKAY?!
Tifa: Fine. Everything will work here on the set as normal, or as normal as it can get, and can we keep one subtle rule?
AN3: What?
Tifa: No kissing on the set.Surka and Sephiroth: ::kissing::
Konoshi: ::almost shooting lasers out of eyes::
Tifa: STOPPIT!
Sephiroth: Damn. . .I almost had her, too.
Surka: ::laughs nervously::
AN3: I'm fine with it.
Stephen: Okay. Where's the trailer?
AN3: Out back.
Stephen: See ya' there?
AN3: Uh. . .
Everyone: ::staring again::
AN3: . . .Maybe later.
Stephen: You got it.
Reno and Selena: ::making out as well::
Tifa: WILL THE INSANITY EVER END?!
Laura: Hey, at least I'm not. . .
Vincent: Wanna test that? ::bows Laura backwards and kisses her::
Tifa: And I used to be the one getting the most action around here.
Cloud: Yeah, and then you got the disposition of my grandmother.
Tifa: ::glares::
Cloud: Whoops. I'm going. ::runs off::
AN3: And he's doing what we should be doing right now! LEAVING!
Tifa: Longest notes, EVER.
Sephiroth: ::carries Surka to trailer::
Surka: WHA?!
AN3: EW, NOT IN MY TRAILER! GET YOUR OWN!
Sephiroth: We do have our own.
AN3: WELL. . .THEN USE YOURS, NOT MINE!
Sephiroth: ::halfway out set door:: YOU GOT IT!
AN3: I need a personal masseuse. . .Or a Tylenol. Whatever will make me feel better. You all have a nice day now. I'm off to see the wizard!
Everyone: . . .
AN3: Oh. Right. Wrong story. ::coughs:: I'm just splitting to do some random stuff right now. Just a word of advice if anyone sees Sephiroth's trailer. . .If the trailer's a rockin' don't come a knockin'!
Chikara: Ewwwww. . .
AN3: Just pretend it's not moving. ::hears a loud slap::
Surka: ::bustles in all red::
Sephiroth: ::hand mark on cheek::
AN3: Uh. . .Scratch that. It's not happening. Bye bye! I'm off to my own trailer!
Stephen: I'm following!
Tifa: And I'm just good enough to give them PARENTAL GUIDANCE. . .
AN3: Pheh. As if we were going to do anything nasty, anyway. Bye now! Ready Steve?!
Stephen: ::pulls up Gamecube controller:: YEAH! YOU'RE GOING DOWN IN SOUL CALIBUR 2!
Everyone: ::falls over::
AN3: WHAT ELSE DID YOU PERVS THINK?! GOOD-BYE ALREADY!