Chapter 6: Every Time a Bell Rings. . .
Note: FF7 belongs to Squaresoft, Laura belongs to LadyTifa26, and all other characters, belong to miscellaneous reviewers and authors.
"Tell me there's something wrong."
"CAMPTOWN LADIES SING THIS SONG!" Yes, Tifa, Rachel's benevolent dictator, was indeed singing.
"DOO DAH! DOO DAH!" With Rachel.
"CAMPTOWN RACES, FIVE MILES LONG!"
"OH DAH DOO DAH DAAAAAY!" And Laura.
"I know what's wrong. . .," Cid replied to Cloud's response. "MY EARS ARE BLEEDING, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!"
"Tifa? Tifa? Tiiiiifaaaaaaa. . . .," said Aeris, poking Tifa in the back. "Are you feeling okay?"
Tifa spun around with this dumb smile and unusual red tint to her cheeks, barely able to stand herself. "Whatsh? I can't shpend my time wif my friendsh?"
"AHHHH! IT'S HORRIBLE, CLOUD!" Aeris screamed. "TIFA JUST CALLED RACHEL AND LAURA HER FRIENDS! BUT WHAT WORSE, IS THAT SHE JUST CALLED RACHEL HER FRIEND!"
"HEY!" Rachel exclaimed in response. "THAT'S NOT NICE!"
"Even when it's apparent you were the one that got her drunk?" asked Aeris, pointing to the bottle of whiskey in Rachel's hand. "Did you take that from Reno?"
"HEEEEYYYYYY!" Reno snatched his bottle back. ". . .Damn, Tifa! It's all gone! . . .I like a woman who can take her alcohol."
"So do I!" said Kiro.
"Shut up, Kiro," said Aeris.
"Temper, temper. . ."
"Wait. . . . ," said Christina, just thinking about Tifa's condition. ". . .Does this mean we have a drunk driver?" In case you haven't noticed, it's morning now, and Tifa had just taken her shift to ride Bahamut back home.
"A drunk dragon driver. That's funny," said Laura.
"Is there even a LAW that says she can be arrested?" asked Dayna. "I mean, she IS a driver, but I don't think there are any laws applicable to someone on a dragon. . ."
"You can't fly a plane drunk, can you?" asked Sky. "Maybe that's the law that applies to this."
"Anyway. . . ," said Aeris, getting back to the point. "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS?!"
"I hear that if we give Tifa enough water, she'll be sober again. I think being drunk is much like dehydration," said Rachel.
"I think she meant what we're going to do about flying Bahamut," said Cloud.
"CAN I DR-
"NO, YOU CAN'T, RACHEL," said everyone.
"Mean. . ."
"I suppose we don't have any choice," said Vincent. "We're going to have to land."
"SEPHIR-VHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-EEZ!" A few steps were heard thumping up a staircase, near the door to his room. A tall, dark-haired woman with a dark tan in a ruffled shirt, sandals, and pink skirt that fell down to her ankles stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, scowled and spoke a heavily accented Italian voice. "VAKE UP AND MOVE YOUR WOMANLY ASS!"
". . .Ung. . ." Sephiroth slowly sat up in a small bed, sitting in a large white button-up shirt, covered in a layer of sheets and linen, in a small room with bookshelves, while the intense sunlight radiated through the window right beside him. He held his head as if he had a headache, and slid his legs off the bed and onto the stone floor of the bright room.
"Grrrrr. . ." It was apparent that she wasn't satisfied by his slow pace, and took a stack of books off a desk, and started chucking them at him. "MOVE-EET-NOW-FREELOADER!"
"Huh?" he said, looking at the books flying at his face. "AHHH! AH! OW! OW! NOT THE FACE! AHHHHHHHH! NOT THE HAIR! ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR! Ugh. . .Ah, dammit, you don't have to throw things. . .," he growled, moving over to some clothes on the floor.
"Eet'z about time you voke up!" she exclaimed, glaring at him. "You'll be late for vork!"
"Yes, yes, I'm coming. . . ," he sighed, picking up what appeared to be his uniform on the ground.
"Vee're not letting you stay for nootheeng, eh!" she continued. "Move it!" She muttered some angry Italian while she left the room and stepped down the stairs.
"I must be in Hell. . .," he groaned. Putting on the black pants, shoes, and the white shirt, he rolled up the long sleeves to his upper arms, and climbed down the stairs, into what was a bar with the same stone floor, large windows, a polished wood bar with a myriad of liquor bottles behind it, a heavy-set bartender, and the same woman who yelled at him earlier, but instead she was now seated at on of the tables beside a window, who frowned upon the sight of him.
"Yes, vhatever, Sephiroth. 'Appy? I remembered you're damned name," she said, resting her head on both of her hands. "Who de 'ell ver your parents? Naming you THAT. . ."
"Vittoria is NOT a common name, either. . .," he said, sitting at the bar.
"Eet'z a better name than yours!" she said, crossing her arms. "Go, you're going to be late! Get some exeercize, you look too much like a girl!"
"Shut up, you talk like a man," he replied, walking out the door. "That is, if I could understand what you're saying." He opened the door and stepped out, and grimaced. "I hate my job. . ."
". . .This doesn't look like GUAM. . . ," said Laura, standing out on a cobblestone sidewalk, outside a shop. "THIS IS VENICE! VINCENT!"
They all stood look glare at Vincent, who backed away slightly.
"I guess that teaches us to have anyone other than Tifa guide Bahamut to Guam, huh?" asked Rachel. "At least, when she's sober."
"And WHO do we have to thank for her getting drunk?" asked Cid.
"IT'S CHRISTINA'S FAULT!" shouted Rachel.
"HEY!"
"NO IT'S NOT. . . ," said B.T. "We can solve this all diplomatically, right? I'm sure we don't mind staying in Venice, now do we?"
"Except, there's one thing. . . ," said Lucrecia. "Looking at the map, we were supposed to head West, but we went East. Vincent, are you really THAT bad at directions?"
"HEY! I WAS TRAPPED IN A COFFIN FOR YEARS! I LOST MY SENSE OF DIRECTION! AND I'M NOT EVEN FROM HERE, ANYWAY!" he shouted in his defense.
"Well, Tifa's not from here, and she could navigate. . . ," said Keily. "And even if you DO have a bad sense of direction, we have a map."
"Wait, I thought we WERE going the right way," said Rachel, looking at the map in front of her.
"Rachel? IT'S UPSIDE DOWN!" shouted Laura, snatching it. "What is my family thinking? Do they think I'm dead? Ay, yi, yi. . . ."
"Watch your temper. . . ," said Rachel in a sing-song voice. "Your family is worried, but you know about flight delays and such. . ."
"For three days?!" asked Laura.
Everyone gave her a skeptical look.
"Oh. Right. That might work," she agreed.
"Well. . . .," said Kiro, still looking cheery enough. "I still have money. . .THIS IS HOW IT WILL WORK!" she exclaimed. "WE FIND A KICK ASS HOTEL, AND WE GET OUR OWN ROOMS! . . .BUT BEING THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO FEELS THE NEED TO SAVE MONEY SO THERE'S ROOM FOR OTHER STUFF, I'LL BE AS SO KIND AS TO-
"Forget it!" said Rachel, even before Kiro finished her sentence.
"Forget what?" asked Kiro. "You didn't even know what I was going to say!"
"You were going to say you'll, 'be as so kind as to take the liberty in sharing a room with Rachel to save money, instead of forcing any one of you to share a room.' Right?"
"NONSENSE!" said Kiro, waving off the thought. "I was going to say, 'be as so kind as to bunk with Rachel to relieve her of her virginity problem and save money by doing so, not having to burden the rest of you with the task,'."
"THAT'S THE SAME THING!" Rachel shouted. "AND YOU WERE EVEN MORE BLUNT!"
"No, you said something different, and I was just telling the truth," said Kiro with her arms folded. "I demand an apology."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me! LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP, SHALL WE?!" Kiro shouted, throwing herself at Rachel. "COME ON! I BOUGHT HANDCUFFS!"
"I guess I'll be filling in for Tifa. . .," said Aeris, separating Kiro and Rachel before Kiro could get to her. "What would Tifa say. . .? Um. . .Laura, some help here?"
Laura leaned over and whispered a line into Aeris' ear, and nodded.
"Right!" said Aeris. "Tifa would say, 'Kiro, give all the money to Laura so she and Vincent can have a romantic vacation!'"
Everyone fell down. "AERIS!"
"LAURA!" Aeris shouted, giving Laura a stern eye, Laura in return smiling innocently at Aeris.
"I'm not saying it's a bad idea, though. . . ," said Vincent.
"Don't get your trousers in a bunch. . .," said Holly, stepping forward. "We'll just get some money from Kiro, NO SEX, and get rooms accordingly to whatever groups we all can agree on."
"Small, pale child is right!" said Cloud. "Wait. . .Were we all outsmarted by her?"
"Depends on your idea of outsmarted. . . ," said B.T. "Is it not having as good an idea as a thirteen year-old, or is it something different?"
"AND MY NAME IS HOLLY!" she shouted. "But Cloudy can call me whatever he wants! Preferably 'lover', though."
"Riiiiiiight. . . .," he said, taking a step back from her. "I guess we'll go get a hotel then. . ."
"But first, we need to get Tifa some water. . . ," said Lucrecia, trying to keep Tifa balanced.
"W-water. . .," Tifa echoed, swaying in all directions, then looking into the water of the Venice canals. "Water. . ." Passing out, her weight shifted to the side into the water, catching Lucrecia off guard, sending her falling into the water.
"GYAAAH!" Lucrecia, lacking as much common sense as she does, had tried pulling Tifa up by trying to catch her arm, and despite a knowledge of physics, after yanking Tifa safely back up, the inertia of the counterforce (I've been watching too much Martian Successor Nadesico, people), or rather, pulling so hard, she in turn tipped over into the water, fell in instead of Tifa.
"AAAAACK! NOOOOO!" shouted Rachel. "AT LEAST IF TIFA FELL IN, I'D HAVE LESS BRUISES! LUCRECIAAAAA! COME BAAAACK! . . .Aw, crap."
"Have a nice day. . . ," said Sephiroth, disliking the taste of the words on his tongue, standing on a gondola with a pole in hand to push the small boat, saying good-bye to the person who had paid for the ride. He sighed, and pushed the boat down the canal. "This job is entirely too boring. . .No blood, no fire, no death, and most of all, NO WOMEN! Huh? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He spied Lucrecia's unconscious body in the water. "I DIDN'T DO IT! I SWEAR! Well. . .I DIDN'T DO IT THIS TIME! I need that paycheck to get away from that crazy woman! GOD, YOU CAN'T BE THIS CRUEL TO ME! I'VE MET THE DEVIL AND SHE CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME! I DON'T LIKE YOU, AND YOU DON'T LIKE ME, BUT-
"Are you going to pull me in?" asked Lucrecia, now holding onto the side of the boat. "People are staring at you, sir."
"Eh?" he said, looking around amidst the stares. "Uh. . .Eheheheheh. I guess I'm losing my subtle touch. . ."
"Well, no sense in diving after her, right?" asked Kyoko. "That canal was a bit deep. . ."
"And some of us can't swim. . .," said Mars.
"And I look terrible in a bathing suit. . .," said Rachel. "OW!"
"You look FINE in a bathing suit. . .," said Kyoko. ". . .WHAT?!"
"THAT'S MY LINE!" shouted Kiro, who was glaring at her. "Except I would've said she's HOT. . .'CAUSE SHE IS!"
"LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOONE!" Rachel sobbed.
"And we'd attract unwanted attention. . . ," said Aeris. "Although, you'd think more people would notice a woman falling into the water."
Walking along the sidewalk, past the inns and the shops, they looked up, and stared at what seemed to be a relatively expensive hotel, and all turned to Kiro.
"What?" she asked. "Is it only NOW you see how breathtakingly gorgeous I am?! Oh yeah, the money. . ."
"You're one weird lady. . .," said Sephiroth, throwing a towel over Lucrecia. "I find you half-dead in the water, then you reach up onto the boat like a waterlogged zombie and correct my behavior."
"Don't complain so much. . . ," said Lucrecia, wringing some of her long hair to get the water out. ". . .You know. . . ," she said, looking at him.
"What?" he asked.
"Hmm. . .You'd be much better looking if you sat up straight," she concluded. "And you're wet from pulling me in. Take a towel or something and dry yourself off."
"You're doing it again. . . ," he said. "Don't reprimand me, lady! What are you, my mother?!"
"Oh, certainly not. . .I hardly remember him because it was so long ago. . .But even then, I doubt he'd look like you. You have very interesting. . .uh. . .Where did you get that hair color? Are you old?" she inquired with a clueless smile.
"I AM NOT OLD!" he shouted. "I'M ONLY. . .only. . .uh. . ." Poor Sephy. He doesn't know his own birthday. "Well, I know I'm not middle-aged!"
"You don't know your own birthday, mister?" she asked, curiously. "That's funny. . ."
He scowled with slight embarrassment.
"I don't know mine, either!"
"GYAH!" He almost fell off the boat. "I knew you were one strange lady, but Jesus. . . You know, if you keep wandering off into waterways, I wouldn't be surprised if you were kidnapped."
"I'm not THAT hopeless. . ."
"Yeah?," he asked. "You seem like such a ditz, any guy would try to pick you up. . .You married, lady?"
"I WAS married. . .but I don't remember my last name. . ."
"I don't remember mine, either. . . ," he sighed. "Whatever last name it was, I frankly don't care. The man who raised me. . .I'd hate to carry on his name."
"The man who married me. . . ," said Lucrecia, ". . .I'm not sure if I really loved him or not, so I guess that last name doesn't matter to me, like you. Funny. . .Do you have problems with your memory?"
"Sokyu," said Surka. "Does that make him, 'Sephiroth Sokyu'?"
"What do you mean? That was random. . .," said Aeris, sitting on a nearby cushioned chair in the hotel room, where she, Surka, Holly, and Keily were staying in.
"Oh, nothing," said Surka. "Just I haven't seen Sephiroth in a while. . .And I was wondering if he had a last name or not. So, if he doesn't he can just have my last name."
"Your last name is 'Sokyu'? Funny," said Keily, lying flat upon her stomach on a bed.
"What's so funny about it?!" asked an insulted Surka.
"Don't get me wrong, if you think about it, all our names sound really funny, especially if you're a foreigner," Keily explained. "Although. . .Aeris, your real last name is 'Gast', and your adopted name is, 'Gainsborough', either way, your initials would be 'A.G.'. Now that you know what your real last name is, which are you keeping?" She bit into a doughnut. "Mm, doughnut. . ."
"WHERE did you get that?!" asked Aeris.
"Took it from a guy who wasn't looking," said Keily. "Don't worry, I'm just borrowing it."
"You're EATING it!" Aeris exclaimed.
"Yeah, but it'll be out the other end by tomorrow, right?" Keily asked. "I won't want it then."
"NOBODY will want it then. . .," Holly sighed.
"I'm keeping, 'Gainsborough'," said Aeris. "Why not keep it?"
"Good point," said Keily.
"Anyway, while we're introducing ourselves. . .What IS your last name? Come on, you on the couch." Aeris was talking to Holly. "You never really say much. . ."
"Firefly," Holly said flatly.
"LIAAAARRRR!" shouted Jessie, walking into the room. "Your last name REALLY is-
"SHHHHHHHHH!" went Holly, clamping a hand onto Jessie's mouth. "Don't go about letting the whole bloody world know. . ."
"Jessie, Tifa said to meet in the lobbyyyyyyyy. . . ," Konoshi whined, following Jessie inside the hotel room. "Everyone is leaving us behiiiiind. . ."
"She also told me to tell these two," said Jessie. "COME ON, HOLLY! OR I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOUR REAL NAME!"
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" she yelled.
"HER NAME IS-AHHHHHH!"
Holly scrambled up from her seat, and lunged at Jessie who began fleeing in terror of her enraged friend. "COME BACK HERE!"
"I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEE!"
"All righty, let's go!" said Konoshi, as happy as ever. "You too, Sarah!"
"SHUT UP!" Surka yelled. "I don't like that name. . ."
"Sarah?" asked Aeris.
"It's the boring name my mother gave me. . .," she sighed. "I like Surka much better. So, I never told Sephiroth my real name. . ."
"Oh, what a close relationship you two must have, not even knowing each others' names. . ." said Aeris. "Of course, I'm just bitter about it. . ."
"Yes. . . ," Surka sighed, standing from her chair. "Why like conversation about a man who killed you?"
"Yeah, that's it, pretty much. . .," said Aeris, standing up with her.
"Just one thing. . .," said Surka.
"Yes?" asked Aeris.
"I don't like you very much. . . ," she said. "So if you tell anyone my real name-
"I understand," said Aeris, smiling. "It's fine." Walking off, she apprehended Jessie and Holly by their collars. "Come on, munchkins, I'm filling in for Tifa."
"AHHHH! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!" shouted Jessie.
"Grrrr. . ."
"See ya' later, lady. . .," Sephiroth said, letting her off the gondola.
"I didn't catch your name," she said, stepping out and onto the side. "What was it?"
He smirked. "It's not important. Nobody can remember it, anyway. . . And I'm outta here as soon as I can get out, so I doubt you'll ever need to know."
"Fine, be difficult," said Lucrecia, sighing. "Well, bye then."
"I can't believe we keep losing people. How repetitive is that?" asked Cloud.
"Very. God must be running out of plot twists," said Christina.
"Then again, God never really did have any good plot twists for us. . .Not much of a plot, either," said Keily.
"You feeling okay, Tifa?" asked Aeris.
"Yeah, I think the water worked. . . ," Tifa replied. "Anyway, getting on with it. . ." She stood up from leaning against the wall of their hotel; all of them were congregated outside. "Now we have to find-
"Hihi. . . ," said Lucrecia, walking up to them.
"Hi Lucrecia. . . ," said Tifa. "But like I was saying-LUCRECIA!"
"Yes, get on with it. . . ," said Rachel. "We have to find Lucrecia-ohhhhhh. . . ," she said, finally catching on. "Hihi, Lucrecia!"
"Hihi!" Lucrecia replied happily.
"When will it end?!" Tifa sobbed into her arms.
"There, there. . . ," said Aeris, patting Tifa's back. "I'm sure God's plot twists will eventually end it. . ."
"I wonder if I just go on a killing spree, will I get fired?" asked Sephiroth to himself. "I never saw such a gay looking uniform in my entire life. . ." he said, tugging at his white long-sleeve shirt. "But if I quit, I won't get severance pay, and I'll never get out of this hell hole. . ."
"Tifa's sober, Lucrecia's back. . . Can we leave now?" asked B.T.
"I don't think so. . . ," said Tifa. "Look."
"HAHA! CAN'T CATCH ME!" said Jessie, being chased around by Holly again.
"YOU'VE GOT TO STOP RUNNING ONE OF THESE DAYS!" Holly shouted after her.
"I COULD SAY THE SAME TO YOU! MISSED ME!" Jessie called back.
"Hey, Laura. . .," said Rachel, holding a pixie stick. "I read something about sugar affecting your memory. . .They say you could forget things more easily." She tore off the top of the pixie stick and ate some of the orange powder that filtered into her mouth. "By the way, where are we?"
"They're having fun," said Tifa to B.T. "If this boosts moral, why leave now? Anyway, I'd like a vacation. . ."
"After yesterday's fiasco?" asked B.T.
"You know it. . . ," Tifa sighed. "But I have a feeling we're forgetting something. . ."
"Damn right, you are!" Cloud shouted.
"What is it NOW?" asked Tifa.
"MY BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT! IT WAS TWO DAYS AGO!" he complained.
"Big deal, birthday boy," said Tifa. "Nobody remembered mine, either. Suck it up."
"But. . ." he said, still whining. "I LIKE free stuff. . ."
"I GIVE YOU MY HEART!" shouted Jessie.
"I GIVE YOU MY LOVE!" Holly yelled.
"Want a pixie stick?" asked Rachel. "It's ooraaaaaange. . ."
"I'll give you a kick in the pants if you don't shut up," said Tifa.
"Cloud, you never told me when your birthday was," said Aeris. "What do you want for your birthday?"
"Wellllllll. . ." he said, thinking about it. "Hmmm. . .Let's go THIS way. . .," he said, grabbing Aeris' wrist and tugging her along.
"ACK!" she said, being pulled forward.
"Let's go. . .," said Tifa. "We don't want any pregnancies. . ."
"TIFAAAAAA!" shouted Aeris. "THAT'S NOT NICE!"
While everyone followed, Lucrecia looked out of the corner of her eye at them leaving, and promptly dropped one small stone and one larger stone into the water, then stood up. "Yep," she said. "Both fall at the same rate. Or maybe I haven't dropped them from a high enough place. . . .HEY! I'M COMING, TOO!" She ran off, when a familiar looking gondola rowed itself past a nearby waterway.
"Hm," Sephiroth said, stopping and then rowing again. "She sure likes hanging around my normal route. . ."
"Byyyye, byyye, Miss American pie!" sang Cloud, rather off key. "Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry!"
"Cloud-
"Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singin'-
"CLOUD!"
"WHAT?!" he asked.
"Please, my ears burn. . . ," said Tifa.
"You can't sing, can ya' Cloudy?" asked Rachel, walking a little faster to catch up with him, while everyone else trailed behind.
"I sing beautifully!" he said. "I sing like the angels! Girls melt when they hear-
"Your squawkbox?" said Tifa. "You haven't even told us where we're going yet."
"Just some place to crash. . ." said Cloud. "Besides, I need Kiro to pay for this, so it's a good thing you all came."
"Cloudy, all you need to do to sing better is to think of what the song means to you," said Rachel. "If you can get that, I betcha you'll sing better. People naturally excel at things that have meaning to them."
"Aw, how cute and after-school special. . .," said Cloud, giving her a noogie.
"AHHHH! I HATE THAT!" Rachel complained.
"Then don't call me 'Cloudy'!" he said, walking quickly, and then stopping outside a wooden door outside a pub. "This is it,"
"You dragged us to a BAR?!" asked Tifa in disbelief. "How special. . ."
"Sorry, but I could use a drink. . .," he said. "Let's go in, shall we?"
"Yeah, let's go in before everyone sees me kill you. . .," Tifa sighed. "The less witnesses, the better."
"In fact, you could use a drink yourself," said Cloud, opening the door. "Ladies first."
"Then go in," said Tifa. "You're the first lady at the door."
"Haha," said Cloud, walking in. "How droll. You'll warm up to me again, you'll see."
"I'll warm up to you when Hell freezes over."
"Is that a pun?"
"Are you a sex fiend?"
"No!"
"Wrong again."
"Aw, isn't it cute?" asked Laura, putting Rachel into another headlock to amuse her. "They're already speaking sweet nothings to each other."
"Uh. . .Laura?" asked Rachel. "Could you please let me go? It's just that you're so short, it HURTS bending over like this. . .," she said in a pained voice, bent over like a hunchback.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Laura shouted. "I'M AN INFINITESIMAL LITTLE FREAK?!"
"NOOOOOO!"
"A CARNY SIDESHOW?!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"THE LITTLEST TROLL?!"
"LAURA, PLEASE CALM DOWN!"
"I THOUGHT you didn't. . .," said Laura, giving Rachel the evil eye as she released her head.
"Damn Laura, you're sensitive about your height, aren't you?" asked Rachel, rubbing her neck and taking a seat with Sky and Keily in part of the bar. ". . .And are we even ALLOWED in here?"
"Don't ask questions," said Sky. "And don't say a word. . .They have ears everywhere. . .," she whispered.
"Uh-HUH. . . ," said Laura, a little freaked out by that statement.
It was a dimly lit bar with a stage and a piano atop the dais, and a microphone, apparently something for entertainment. Some people were already in there, filling the bar, and some of the tables, while a few more people entered.
Kiro looked nervous. "Uh, Cloud-
"HEY, GIVE US A ROUND OVER HERE!" Cloud shouted over to the bar.
"Cloud, um-
"AND KEEP THE DRINKS COMING!" he called.
"CLOUD, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T-
"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, SO GIVE THE ENTIRE BAR A ROUND!" he said, the bar giving a happy shout.
"PLEASE CLOUD, JUST LISTEN!" Kiro said. "Um, about the money. . ."
"What about it? Come on, don't be greedy. . .I'm twenty-two!"
"That makes me think. . .," said Rachel. "Tifa just turned twenty-one, right?"
"Yeah," said Laura.
"So. . .She was a bartender when she was twenty and younger. . ."
"Your point?"
"How come she could own a bar and serve beer when she was underage to even drink it?" asked Rachel.
"I think she flirted with the guy who gave out the alcohol permits. . .," Laura whispered.
"I HEARD THAT!" Tifa said.
"Not that I'm being greedy. . ." said Kiro. "But. . .I'd say we only have enough money left for, oh say. . .Two drinks?"
"WHAT?!" Cloud shouted jumping out of his seat. The entire bar was giving him weird looks, and he smiled and waved, sitting back down. "What?!" he hissed.
"Yeah, I wanted to tell you that but-
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
"I TRIED, but-
"Oh crap. . .Quick, let's sneak out the back! Did they already serve the drinks?"
"Your round. . ." said a waitress with a tray of drinks, handing them out.
"We didn't drink them yet!" he said. "Loophole!"
"Reno already did. . .," said Kiro.
"DAMMIT, RENO!" said Cloud.
"Ooh, I wonder what this tastes like. . .," said Rachel, looking at the frothy substance.
"It's not bad," said Laura, taking a drink. "Try it."
"Laura's baaaaaaaaad. . .," said Chikara. "She likes her alcohol too much, and she's underage. . ."
"I TOLD you, the EARS. . .," Sky whispered.
"Stop scaring me!" said Keily.
"Welcome, everyone!" said a man, walking up to the microphone. "Welcome to the talent night! I suppose you all know the prize of five hundred euros. . ."
"We're dead, we're dead. . ." Cloud sobbed.
"Well Cloud. . .," said Aeris. "Not if you enter the talent contest. There's a piano. . ."
"So what if there's a piano?" asked Cid.
"Cloud can read sheet music, remember?" said Aeris. "And you play the piano, right?"
"That's true. . .," said Cloud. "But, I don't CARRY sheet music, so-
"I carry sheet music," said Kristi, at the table next to him. "I wouldn't be much of a musician if I didn't know what I was playing."
"How come having you around is so convenient?" asked Cloud.
"What can I say? I make life easier," she replied.
"Couch potato girl is right," said Konoshi. "Come on, play something and win the contest!"
"Yeah, what do you want to play?" asked Kristi, pulling out stacks of music sheets from the lining of her guitar and violin cases.
"Hmm. . . ," he said, glancing over the papers, then stopping when his eyes fell on one, and he smirked. "This one."
"Which one is. . .CLOUD! NOOOO!" said Aeris, looking at it.
"What is he doing THIS time?!" asked Tifa. "What's the so-FORGET IT, CLOUD!"
"Aw, but it's such a catchy song. . .I don't even know what America IS, and I like it!" he said in his defense.
"America is, well. . .," said Rachel. "America mainly refers to the United States, where my house was. . .But if you think about it, there's North America, Central America, and South America. . ." She pulled out the map and stretched it over the table, pointing to what she meant. "So, if you think about it, all of that could be America, because the term is rather general. . .But like I said, most people take it as being the U.S."
"Oh," he said, blinking rapidly. "Riiiight. . .But. . .I haven't played in forever, so Kristi, why don't YOU-
"No, it's not a song unless you play the piano," said Kristi.
"Laura, you can-
"Nope," she said, refusing.
"Rachel, why not-
"Hey, I'm only a beginner on the piano," said Rachel, shrugging.
"FINE! . . . .Tifa-
"Finish that sentence and die," she threatened.
He sighed and put down his beer, scooted his chair behind him, and stood up. "Fine. BUT YOU TWO ARE COMING WITH ME!" he shouted, dragging Kristi and Reno with him.
"I would've agreed if you asked me to. . .," said Kristi.
"I DON'T LIKE YOU! LEMME GO!" said Reno, trying to get away, but Cloud wouldn't let go of his tie. "I'M. . .I. . .I CAN'T BREATHE. . ."
"Good," said Cloud with a satisfied smile. "You won't need to. You just need to play some drums."
"I. . .I HATE YOU. . ."
"He should be on, soon," said Tifa, her legs crossed along with her arms, at a table near the stage.
"Everyone, get your ear plugs. . .," said Aeris with a nervous smile.
"Left my &$#&#! ones at home. . .," said Cid, glowering. "Coulda really used 'em. . "
"I like vodka," said Andariel with a ditzy smile, holding her bottle of the clear yet potent liquid.
"Sure makes YOU happy. . .," said B.T.
"INDEED IT DOES!" she shouted, taking another swig. "Did I mention I can really handle my liquor?"
Rachel picked up the bottle of vodka and sniffed it, flinching at the smell and coughing. "Ack! I have vodka at home, but you couldn't make me touch it. . .Oh, but I found over six bottle of untouched Jack Daniel's scattered in various places in my house. Gifts from people, but nobody in my house drinks. . ."
"I'LL HAVE IT!" shouted Andariel.
"Do you have any wine?" asked Rufus.
"Too much, really. . .," said Rachel.
"I shouldn't ask. . .You already think I'm an alcoholic. . .," said Laura. "Just an occasional drink, and somebody marks you as an addict!"
"Laura, that's the fifth one you had," said Rachel. "Aren't you even getting a buzz?"
"Not until the seventh," said Laura.
There was an eruption of clapping when the man, supposedly the manager, had taken the stage again, to introduce the next act. He grinned and picked up the mic, and spoke in his enthusiastic voice.
"For our next act, we have a guy who can sure as hell play piano, along with two others, manning the drums, and another for a guitar! Now, I hope you don't have to be from the States to understand the song. . .," he said, looking at the card that told him what the act was. "But I understand that it's pretty damn good any way you look at it! People, please, I'm not talking about a weather report, but here is our next act, a guy called. . .Cloud?"
"CLOUD! HE SAID YOUR NAME!" said Kristi, urging him onto the stage.
"He could've been talking about the weather!" Cloud said. "He said something about it!"
"Cloud, it's perfectly sunny out," Kristi said.
"I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! I'M NOT GOING OUT! YOU GO!" he simpered.
"Cloud, stop being a baby and GO!" Reno shoved him out onstage, where he was immediately greeted with anxious clapping, particularly from his little fan club.
"He looks even better in a spotlight. . .," sighed Jessie, staring at him dreamily.
"He looks good no matter WHAT light he's in," said Holly.
"You know. . .," said Rachel, "Since he's wearing that shirt, the muscle definition looks even better in a bright light. . .More shadowing. . ."
"Uh, hihi. . .," he said shyly, taking a seat in front of the piano.
"Don't be so nervous. . .," said Kristi, taking a seat on the stage.
"And don't be such a screw-up!" said Reno, sitting behind a drum set.
"Ooh, there's my Reny. . .," said Andariel, getting a buzz and spotting Reno on the dais. "Nothin' like Reny and some vodka. . .HUGS!" She reached an arm over and grabbed Vincent. "NOW IT'S A PARTY! KISS ME, VINNIE!" I guess she's finally drunk.
"She's drunk, so should I STILL kill her?" asked Laura.
"She doesn't know what she's doing, so just rescue Vincent and be done with it," said Rachel.
"AHHHHH! HELLLLLP!" Vincent screamed, dodging Andariel's lips. "PLEASE, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME!"
"But Vinnie, don'tcha love me?" asked Andariel with a reddish blush. " 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU, VINNIE!"
"You have to admire how well she speaks when drunk," said Rachel.
"IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE, BUT-
"DIDJA HEAR THAT?! HE THINKS I'M ATTRACTIVE! OKAY VINNIE, YOU CAN CALL ME 'ANDY'!" she shouted happily. Cloud, Kristi, and Reno were all staring from the stage. "HE LOVES ME!"
"THAT'S IT!" Laura shouted, clocking Andariel behind her head, until she blacked out. "Sorry I had to, but Vincent was getting traumatized. You okay, Vinnie?"
"Did you really have to do that?" asked Vincent.
"Yes," said Laura with a wide smile.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. . .," said Lucrecia, suspiciously as red as Andariel.
"Uh, okaaaay. . .," said Tifa. "Just get back here soon. You wouldn't want to miss Cloud making a fool of himself."
"Er, right. . . ," said the manager after all that was over and the rest of the bar was completely amused. "Start when you're ready. . ."
Taking a deep breath, Cloud placed his hands on the ivory keys and drew a short smile, and started. "A long, long time ago. . .I can still remember, how that music used to make me smile. . .And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance, and maybe they'd be happy for a while. . ."
"Wow," said Rachel. "He IS singing it."
"Dear gods, no. . . ," said Laura. "But. . .he really doesn't sound as bad as he normally does."
"Probably acoustics," said Tifa.
"Maybe. . . ," said Rachel. "Although I wonder if teaching him that song was a bad idea."
"THAT WAS YOU?!" asked Tifa, then she sighed. "Well, of COURSE it was you. . .You only make situation worse, so why not?"
"Tifa, you're being mean again. . .," said Aeris.
"Yes, I know. . .," Tifa said. "Deep healing breaths. . .And liquor never hurt. . ."
"But February made me shiver. . .with every paper I'd deliver. . .," he continued, playing slowly. "Bad news on the doorstep. . .I couldn't take one more step. . .I can't remember if I cried when I . . .heard about his widowed bride. . .but something touched me deep inside. . .the day the music. . .died. . ."
"Here we go. . .," said Cid in a gruff voice.
It was at this point in time that Kristi began playing her guitar, Reno still waiting for his cue.
Cloud picked up speed a bit. "So bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. . .Them good ole boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye, singin' this'll be the day that I die. . .This'll be the day that I die. . ."
"It gets fast from here. . .," said Rachel. "Let's hope he hits the notes. . ."
"The right ones, that is. . .," Laura noted.
The drums kicked in, and Cloud smiled wider, finally hitting the fast part. "Did you write the book of love, and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so. . ?"
"And do you believe in rock and roll; can music save your mortal soul-" sang Reno, taking over this part.
"Hey, Reno can sing better than Cloud. . .Who knew?" asked Rachel.
"-And can you teach me how to dance, reaaaal sloooww?" Cloud sang, smiling at Tifa, who glared and stepped onto the stage, taking the microphone.
"Well I KNOW that you're in love with HIM-", she sang, looking at Aeris who blushed pink. "'Cause I, saw you dancin' in the gym! You both kicked off your shoes. . ."
"MAN I DIG THOSE RHYTHM AND BLUUUEES!" he sang, sweating bullets, nervous, changing the subject off Aeris and him.
"I didn't know Tifa knew the lyrics. . .," said Rachel.
"Don't ask," said Laura. "Just listen."
"I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck, with a pink carnation and a pickup truck," sang a perfect boy band voice that seemed to come out of nowhere, but somewhere out of the corner of her eye, Aeris could spot an after-image of Zack near a microphone. "But I knew that I was out of luck, the day the music died! So I started singin'. . ." He winked at Aeris then faded back into nothing, while everyone else onstage just picked up where they were, freaked out by the phenomena.
"Bye, bye Miss American pie! Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry!" sang Cloud again.
"Them good ole boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye!" sang Reno and some of the Turks who were in the bar, raising their drinks.
"Singin' this'll be the day that I die. . .," Cloud picked up, "This'll be the day that I die. . ."
"Finally over. . .," said Sephiroth, sighing and stepping out of his gondola at the dock where he kept it with everyone else who had the same job. "I can't believe this is the only job you can get without experience around here. . ."
"Now for ten years we've been on our own, and moss grows fat on a rolling stone, but that's not how it used to be. . .," Cloud crooned into the microphone atop the piano.
"When the jester sang for the king and queen, in a coat he borrowed from James Dean, with a voice, that came from you and me. . ." In another strange occurrence, Rufus spoke up in a near Frank Sinatra voice, leaving everyone around him to stare. "Oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown, the courtroom was adjourned. . ."
"No verdict was returned!" Cloud sang energetically. "And while Lenin read a book of Marx, the quartet practiced in the park-
"And we sang dirges in the dark, the day the music died!" Vincent finished.
"Wow, the song MUST be catchy if they're ALL singing. . .," said Laura. "And I didn't know Vinnie could sing so well."
"I guess if we've learned anything from living with them, is that they're anything but normal people. . .," said Rachel.
"And I'm sure they could say the same about us," Laura concluded.
"We were singin'-", said Cloud, motioning for some to sing, AVALANCHE responding and singing this part of the refrain.
"Bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry! Them good ole boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye, singin' this'll be the day that I die. . .this'll be the day that I die. . ."
"Helter-skelter in the Summer swelter, the birds flew off with a fallout shelter, eight thousand miles high and fallin' faaaaaaaaast-!" Cloud shouted.
"Isn't the line, 'eight miles high'?" asked Rachel.
"Think about it. . .," said Laura. "What could he be talking about that's eight thousand miles up high and falling fast?"
". . . .Wow. I guess he figured out what to focus on that has meaning. WHOO! MY AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL ADVICE WORKED!" Rachel exclaimed.
"And landed a foul on the grass, the players tried for a forward pass, with the jester, on the sidelines, in a cast. . .Now the halftime air was sweet perfume-
"While the sergeants played a marching tune. . .," Rufus sighed, recalling his own embarrassing marching theme.
"We all got up to dance. . .," continued Cloud. "Oh, but we never got the chance! 'Cause the players tried to take the field-
"The marching band REFUSED to yield. . .," Rufus said, holding his forehead, thinking how stupid the song was.
"Do you recall what was revealed the day. . .the music died?"
"This doesn't look like the bathroom. . .," said Lucrecia, outside the bar, walking away, beside the waterways. She stumbled forward, walking on the sidewalk, aimlessly searching.
"Well now, if that isn't interesting. . .," said Sephiroth, standing over a bridge, looking into the moonlit water, then turning his head up and seeing Lucrecia there. "When found three times. . ." He sighed, and picked up his feet to meet her, noticing her stumble.
"We started singin'," said Rachel, singing along with the rest of those who chimed in. "THIS IS FUN!"
"Don't tell me you're drunk. . .," he muttered, while she nearly tripped over herself and past him. "Hey! Hey! GET BACK HERE!"
"Easy squeezy, lemon peezy. . ." she said, with that overly red color markered on her face.
"Does EVERYONE say that?!" he exclaimed.
"Yes, I suppose they do," she said, almost dumbly.
"What are you, the world's largest buffoon?" he asked.
"Say that again, and I'll have my acetylene torch up your skinny ass. . .," she muttered irritably. "So mister, you know where the bathroom is?"
"I'm not going to repeat my question. . .," he sighed.
"And then we were all in one place," Cid actually sang, "a generation lost in space, with no time left to start again."
"So, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick," sang Aeris, taking a turn after enough drinks, "Jack Flash sat on a candlestick-
"'cause, fire is the devil's only friend. . .," said Cloud, taking over the line.
"What WAS the question again?" asked Lucrecia. "Oh yeah. Bathroom."
"I'M NOT THE KEEPER OF BATHROOMS!" he shouted.
"You sure look like it, 'cause you must have to go in one a lot to keep your hair like that. . .," said Lucrecia.
"Everyone just ENVIES my looks. . .," he grumbled. "I'm just wondering. . .Why do you look so familiar?"
"I guess just 'cause you see a lot of cute girls and I'm one of them. . ." she said, stumbling forward.
"STEADY YOURSELF, WOMAN!" He said, grabbing her shoulders, standing a full arm's length apart. "What HAVE you been drinking?"
"Well. . . ," said Lucrecia, recalling whatever she drank. "A little bit of everything. . .Whiskey, beer, wine, vodka, Irish cream, and some mixtures. . ."
"Lord help us. . .," he sighed. "Look, I'll help you, but. . .Hey lady, what's your name?"
". . . . .Hmmmmm. . . .," she said, thinking. "I am. . .I AM. . ."
"You are. . .?"
"Princess Consuelo Banana Hammock," she said.
"YOUR REAL NAME!" he shouted impatiently.
"I am Lucrecia. . .Lucrecia. . .uh. . .Lucrecia SOMETHING. . .," said Lucrecia, sounding half-asleep.
"Lucrecia, Lucrecia. . .Sounds familiar," he replied. "Lucrecia. . .AHHHHHH!" he screamed, letting go of her shoulders, recoiling. "YOU'RE LUCRECIA?!"
"The mad scientist, you betcha. . .," she said happily. "What's YOUR name?"
"Uh. . . .," he said. "Hmmm. . .", he thought. "What do I say?! Hey mom, I'm your son! I kill people! Nooo. . . Long time, never see! No. . .Never mind, there will be time for this later," he decided. "There's nothing to know about me, really."
"Other than the fact it's very difficult to decipher whether you're a man or a woman? I'm pretty sure you're a guy, but if not, you're an awfully MASCULINE woman. . .Nice abs," she said.
"I AM A MAN!" he roared. "Who knew my mother was this spacey. . .?"
"What didja say, mister?" she asked.
"NOTHING!"
"Oh, and as I watched my stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage!" Cloud continued singing. "No angel born in Hell. . ."
"Could break that Satan's spell!" Aeris finished.
"Do you know someone named Vincent?" asked Sephiroth.
"Oh, Vinnie-san?" asked Lucrecia. "Of COURSE I know him! I was his old lover, of course. . ."
"Was he the one you were married to?" he asked.
"No. . .," Lucrecia sighed. "That was Hojo. . ."
"EW, REALLY?!" he asked, disgusted. "I mean, uh. . .really?"
"Yeah. . .And I had a son. . .," she said.
"Could you tell me. . .," he intently asked. "Who was his real father?"
"And as the flames climbed high into the night, to light the sacrificial rite, I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day. . .the music died! He started singin'. . ."
"His father was. . .Nope, I still can't remember!" said Lucrecia.
Sephiroth, of course, fell over.
"But I think I do know something. . .," she continued, and he took attention. "I never really did love Hojo. . .But I had to protect Vincent somehow. . ."
"So. . .you protected him by MARRYING another guy?!" Sephiroth asked. "There IS something wrong with you, lady."
"You must understand. . .," she said, solemnly. "I married Hojo to protect him because he was jealous. . .He loved me and hated Vincent, because Vincent was the one I loved. . .I knew Hojo was crazed, so it was apparent that by any means he would remove Vincent so I fell in love with him. . .I spent many happy days with Vincent. I guess I can remember now those nights I would sneak around with him in the town-
"What town?"
"I suppose you wouldn'tve heard of it. . .," said Lucrecia. "But it was a place called Nibelheim."
Sephiroth narrowed his eyes and scowled. "Go on."
"Well, I would sneak around with Vincent, trying not to be caught by everyone else. . .Although, I guess I secretly wanted to be. . .I didn't want to hide it. . .And then I got my wish. Hojo found out. He couldn't stand it, of course. . .He threatened me. . .But then again, he really didn't threaten me exactly, but Vincent. I knew he was serious when he wanted to kill Vincent. I remember spending many nights with him. . ."
"OH GOD, NOT HOJO!" said Sephiroth, making a funny, nauseated face.
"No, Vincent," she said.
". . .Oh. Good then," he said, recovering. "Continue, if you will."
The fast part had ended. Cloud and the rest slowed the pace back like the beginning. "I met a girl who sang the blues, and I asked her for some happy news, but she just smiled and turned away. . .," Cloud sang.
"Why do I have the feeling he means Aeris?" asked Rachel.
"You ask too many questions," said Laura.
"I went down to the sacred store, where I'd heard the music years before. . .But the man there said the music wouldn't play. . .And in the streets the children screamed. . .The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed. . ."
"But not a word was spoken. . .," sang Aeris, as sadly as he sounded. "The church bells all were broken. . ."
"Fitting," said Rachel.
"He sensed it as much as I, Hojo did," Lucrecia continued. "After all those nights, I became pregnant from Vincent. Then, I married Hojo. Hojo was satisfied. . .And he filled his end of the bargain. He didn't kill Vincent. He merely mutilated him by taking his arm. . .He wanted to give Vincent a permanent scar. Not by some means of torture. But he did it by taking something he used, that not a day that went by, he'd always remember never to cross Hojo of Shinra Incorporated. . .So that every time he used that arm to fire a gun or any other thing, he'd be brought far more emotional pain than physical, and remember something else that he had lost, something more precious than that arm."
"And what about your child?" asked Sephiroth.
"I can only guess from here. . .," Lucrecia said, "but I'm pretty sure. After putting Vincent alive in a coffin where he'd never age and spend the rest of eternity with his inner demons, when my child was born and fully understanding it was Vincent's, Hojo didn't have a problem putting it through experiments. Not that Hojo wasn't insane enough to use his OWN flesh and blood, but this made it much easier for him. I think he enjoyed it. He put the child through rigorous testing, implanting him with JENOVA cells, and putting it through massive MAKO showers. . .And through time since the child was put through it at a young age when he was still to develop into a man, naturally he grew up more physically capable than the other children."
"What do you remember about that child?" he asked.
"I don't have many memories," said Lucrecia. "I knew that I only held my child not many more times than once. I named him Sephiroth. His hair was black like his father's, and he had my eyes. . .It tormented me to see him experimented on by Hojo. . .His perfect black hair turned to silver because of all the MAKO. . .His eyes changed very bright. I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked that Hojo would send me away to something of a similar fate to Vincent's. I was imprisoned, never to age like him, far off around a lake. Then, I blanked out and woke up in Icicle Inn, where then a few people found me and I returned to Nibelheim. That's basically it. . ."
"So, that means. . ." said Sephiroth, deducing it.
"Yes, Vincent's your father, Sephiroth," Lucrecia said, with tears in her eyes.
"How did you-
"A mother never forgets her child. . .," she cried. "I may be drunk, but I'm not blind!"
"The two men I admired most. . .," Cloud said slowly, "the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. . .they caught the last train for the coast. . .the day. . .the music. . .died. . . And they were singin'. . .Bye, bye Miss American Pie-
"Took my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. . .," sang everyone, picking up the refrain.
"Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye. . ." The entire bar was joining in by this time. "Singin' this'll be the day that I die. . .this'll be the day that I die. . ."
"Calm down! AHHH!"
Lucrecia had finally given into her tears and collapsed onto Sephiroth, holding onto his shoulders. "I finally get to see my little boy. . ."
"Please mom, don't call me your little boy. . .," Sephiroth whined.
"Don't talk to your mother like that!" Lucrecia said sternly. "I can't believe this. . .You've grown up so well. . .I bet the girls chase you everywhere. . ."
"I wouldn't say that, exactly. . ."
"I bet even more guys chase you, too!"
"MOTHER!"
Lucrecia laughed. "I'm just kidding. Tell me, how was Hojo as a father?"
"I wanted to kill him."
"I'm not surprised. . .," said Lucrecia. "I wish you could've kept your hair. . .Your father would've liked that. . ."
"I saw him," said Sephiroth. "That's why I asked. I saw him before Cloud and everyone else stopped Meteor. He looked as if his soul had died. . ."
"A soul never truly dies. . .," said Lucrecia. "But it's true, by that time, he hasn't felt any happiness for. . .I'd say twenty-six years."
"How old are you?" asked Sephiroth.
"Come now, Sephiroth. . .," she said. "You never ask a woman her age. But if you're really curious, I'm twenty five."
"Then. . .how could-
"I never aged, remember?" she asked. "I'm really fifty-one, but never tell anyone that, will you? Vincent should be in his early fifties. Fifty-four, really. . .But he never aged, as well. So, right now, I am twenty-five, and he is twenty-eight!"
"And, if he has been like that for approximately 26 years. . .does that mean-
"Yes," she said with a smile.
"And you're-
"I'd like to still say I'm twenty-five, thank you very much," she said.
"Okay, so you're twenty-five, that means. . .Ew," he said.
"Yeah, well don't talk to Aeris, she's 22, and her mother is 25. . .," said Lucrecia. "That means eventually, she'll be older than her mother."
"By the way, how is she?"
"She's fine."
"Dammit."
"Oh, what do you have against her, huh?! She's not blocking you on your road to power, and her parents are even helping you!" Lucrecia exclaimed. "And. . .And I think I'm getting woooooozyyyyy. . .Nighty, night. . .," she said, tipping over.
"YOU CAN'T SLEEP NOW!" he shouted.
"Why not?" she asked, looking straight up at him, adjusting her spectacles. ". . .Your eyes have grown cold. . ."
"And what does THAT have to do with anything?!" he asked.
"The son I remember had the sweetest little smile and warm green eyes. . .Yours remind me of the snow that would frost the windows every winter in Nibelheim," she explained. "Now you're a brutal killing machine with no heart! HOW COULD YOU SHAME YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT?!"
"I DIDN'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!" he shouted. "DON'T BLAME ME!"
"I CAN BLAME YOU AS MUCH AS I WANT!"
"WHY?!"
"BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER!"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"
"Listen to the wisdom of your mother!"
"You're still one crazy lady!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL YOUR MUMSY?!"
"Uh. . .Want a. . .a. . ." He had great difficulty saying this. "A. . .A. . . A HUG?"
"YES, PLEASE!" she said cheerily, giving him giant hug only a mother could give. "I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!"
"I feel so disgusting. . .," he said, taking her hug. "It's so. . .so LOVING, it's nauseates me. . ."
"You're MARRIED," said Lucrecia. "Get used to it!"
"HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M MARRIED?!" he asked.
"They were singin'! Bye, bye, Miss American pie!" sang the entire bar. "Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry! Them good ole boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye, singin' this'll be the day that I die!"
"I lost her," he said flatly, noticing she fell right to sleep. "Oh well. . .Now I know." He walked over to the side of the road and sat her up against the wall, grumbling as he took off his shirt and put it over Lucrecia for a blanket. "I hate that shirt, anyway. . .Just do one thing for me. . .Don't tell anyone I'm here, will you lady?"
"D. . .don't back sass me, Sephiroth Sokyu. . .," mumbled Lucrecia in her sleep.
"Sephiroth Sokyu?" he asked confused, blinking rapidly. ". . . .Riiiiiiiight. . ."
"Damn, that was weird, wasn't it?" asked a voice in the distance.
"Gotta go!" he said, running off. "Back to that demon of a woman. . .UGH!"
"Hey, we're missing. . .Lucrecia?" The voice came from the rest of everyone, and Laura noticed her foot nudged up against Lucrecia's leg. "AHHHHHH! SHE'S DEAD!"
"No, just asleep," said Tifa. "She's still breathing. I guess she missed the bathroom. . ."
Lucrecia opened her eyes slightly. ". . .Well, hello there."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ZOOOMMMMBIIIEEEEE!" shrieked both Rachel and Laura.
"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD I JUST SAID?!" Tifa exclaimed. "SHE WAS ASLEEP! But whose shirt is that?"
"AHHHHHH! LUCRECIA WAS RAPED AND THEY LEFT HER HERE!" shouted Rachel. "THEY LEFT HER WITH A SHIRT!"
"I am surrounded by idiots. . .," Tifa sobbed again into her arms against the wall.
"I guess we're all idiots, here. . .," Sephiroth sighed, watching the scene from a nearby rooftop, casting an ominous silhouette against the moon. "I must be getting soft. . .I need to maim a squirrel or something. . ."
"Aw, isn't that sweeeeeeeet?" asked Zack, also on an adjacent rooftop.
"MORON!"
"OW!"
Ifalna smacked him over his head. "You're not supposed to come out of nowhere and start SINGING!"
"I COULDN'T RESIST!" he said in his defense. "Anyway, why are we following them again?"
"We're not following Cloud OR the rest. . .," said Gast, sitting on the roof. "But I must admit, Lucrecia did a good job of gathering the information. WHAT A BRILLIANT ASSISTANT I HAD! . . .UNTIL HOJO CAME ALONG AND KILLED ME. . ."
"WHO WANTS TO TORTURE HIS IMMORTAL SOUL WHEN WE GET BACK HOME?!" shouted Zack, raising his hand.
Gast's hand shot up in the air immediately. "What about you, honey?"
"We're ANGELS, remember? We don't torture people on the other side of the Planet. Hell, we don't even torture people!" she said. "No WONDER you two don't have your wings yet. . ."
"You don't have YOUR wings yet, remember?" said Zack.
"But I'm more qualified than you are, and thus I should receive mine sooner," said Ifalna proudly.
Church bells began crashing in the distance, letting out prolonged rings that traveled throughout the night. A few birds that were nesting nearby flew off, directing fleeting black streaks beneath them, over the heads of Rachel and everyone else.
"EW! ONE ALMOST CRAPPED ON ME!" shouted Rachel, looking at some bird poo that landed right beside her.
"One DID crap on me. . .," sighed Steve with the icky object on his shoulder. "Anyone have a moist towelette?"
The final ringing of the bell sounded like a groan associated with a ring, the ring muted with a small thud.
"It's midnight. . .," said Tifa. "But. . .what the HELL was that last ring?!"
"Whoa. SOMETHING happened to that last bell. . .," said Zack.
"It broke," said Gast. "That bell broke."
"You think so?" asked Ifalna.
"I know so," Gast said. "Look at Sephiroth."
Sephiroth was looking down at them all, taking one last look before he ran off. But what trailed behind him could only have been seen in the silvery light; one singular luminescent wing that seemed to come from his back.
"Where've you guys been?" asked Lucrecia.
"We should be asking YOU that. . .," Tifa sighed, "but we were sidetracked."
"Hey, but we got MONEY. . .," Cloud said, smiling at all the leftover euros.
"I won that money, thank you very much. . .," Tifa said, snatching it back.
Lucrecia blinked. "But. . .I thought YOU were the one that entered, Cloud."
"I was. . .," he said. "But after they all sang, they technically registered, and I won second place, which was one hundred euros. Tifa, however. . ."
"I took a bow after we were done singing, and well, let's just say the bar was loaded with guys, and I won. . . ," she said.
Lucrecia smiled and laughed. "I guess we can always count on you for the bombshell vote. . ."
"Not to mention the fanboy vote. . .," Rachel muttered.
". . .I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Zack shouted. "HE WAS ELIGIBLE TO BE AN ANGEL BEFORE US?! HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN DEAD, HUH?! HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD THIS JOB?!"
"He's only a HALF angel. . .," said Gast. "Every time a bell rings. . ."
"But the ring was broken," said Ifalna.
"So, he only gets one wing. He was only eligible to be a half angel, anyway."
"Why only half?" asked Ifalna.
"Well, he's not dead, and you have to be dead to be a full angel. . .And next of all, he's not the most pure figure, is he?" asked Gast.
"I'LL KILL 'IM!" shouted Zack. "I WORK HARD, DAMMIT! HE'S NOT GONNA UPSTAGE ME! NOT THE GUY WHO KILLS WHO HE WANTS AND GETS TO WALK AWAY!"
"YOU'VE killed people, Zack," said Ifalna.
"Yeah, but. . .," he said. "But it was a war, so-
"It doesn't matter. . .Death doesn't justify anything. . .," Ifalna sighed. "Death is neither anything particularly noble. Let it go. . ."
"FINE!" Zack shouted irritably. "BUT WHEN HE DIES, I GET TO KICK HIS ASS WHEN HE GETS TO THE PLANET! LET'S GO!" With those words, he vanished into thin air.
"I'm surprised," said Gast. "He didn't even stick around to let me tell him whom we're here to see."
"Well, we saw him, anyway," said Ifalna. "And Aeris is doing well. . ."
"Ifalna dear, she's drunk."
"WHOAAAA!" Cloud and Condrugon were carrying Aeris; Aeris almost tipping over.
"NOTHING wrong with an occasional drink!" Ifalna said in high spirits.
"Pooky, she has a thing for SAKE," said Gast. "I'm SURE that's a bit more serious-
"FINE!" Ifalna shouted. "SO SHE MUST HAVE SOMEHOW PICKED UP THE SAKE THING FROM ME! I ADMIT IT! SO SUE ME!"
". . .Uh. . .I didn't need to know that. . .but thank you for the honesty," said Gast.
"Huh?" asked Ifalna.
"Nothing, dear," said Gast. "Come on, let's go," he said, vanishing like Zack.
"Wait. . .HEY! NO! I MEAN, I ONLY TAKE AN OCCASIONAL DRINK, TOO! JOHN MICHAEL GAST, YOU REAPPEAR, RIGHT THIS INSTANT! GRAAAAH!"
"I'm finished here. . .I'll have enough to get out of this watery hell. . .," said Sephiroth, jumping to another house. With a final jump into the alley, he disappeared into the twilight darkness that cloaked him completely, leaving one large raven black feather, falling gently on the rooftop. "I'll figure out how to get what I want. . ."
Everyone: . . .Wow. Vincent's a daddy.
Vincent: DON'T RUB IT IN!
Lucrecia: Aw, don't you love your son?
Christina: Does this mean I have a half-brother?
Tifa: And with all these relationships and strange family ties, why does this feel like a soap opera?
AN3: Technically, there's three relationships, Laura and Vincent's, Cloud and Aeris', and Sephiroth and Surka's. . .Although I fail to mention Cid and Shera's, but that one is less prominent. And anyway, this is something that was introduced in the videogame, so deal with it! Can we get on with the notes!
Vincent: After one thing.
AN3: Yes, Vinnie-san?
Vincent: Don't you think this theory about me being his father will be shot down by those who believe Hojo is Sephiroth's father?
AN3: I'm just saying that I fully believe that Sephiroth is your son, and I'm providing basis with the facts that were revealed in the game, along with the suggestion about why Hojo would use Lucrecia's son. Because it wasn't Hojo's son, but Vincent's and he knew. Get it?
Vincent: Whatever you say. . .Anyway, what's up with the late update?
AN3: I was at Otakon and then vacation.
Cloud: Otakon? Refresh my memory.
Reno: REFRESH MY DRINK!
AN3: Go refresh your own damn drink yourself!
Tifa: ::at the bar:: ::sighs and hands him another one:: WHY am I the bartender here?! I'm part of the cast!
AN3: Because you have the most experience!
Kiro: She has experience in more than one way. . .
Everyone: SHUT UP, KIRO!
AN3: Anyway. . .Otakon is that anime convention that's held in the Baltimore Convention Center, and is supposedly the largest anime expo in the U.S. Steve and I went.
Kyoko: ALONG WITH ME!
Konoshi: ME, TOO!
Dayna: Uh. . .me, too?
AN3: Hey, she finally made an appearance in the notes!
Dayna: Woohoo?
AN3: Woohoo, indeed! But you know, since I met Steve on the Internet, I never met him. . .UNTIL NOW!
Everyone: OOH LA LAAAAA!
AN3: You people suggesting something? ::evil eye::
Everyone: NOTHING!
AN3: Good.
Konoshi: But. . .he had a hotel room.
AN3: NOTHING HAPPENED, YOU DORKWADS!
Tifa: Nothing? ABSOLUTELY nothing?
AN3: Well, I kissed him, but that's just about it. It was kinda funny how it happened. . .
Steve: Are you REALLY going to tell them?
AN3: WHY NOT?!
Steve: Isn't it bad to kiss and tell?
AN3: . . .No!
Steve: ::sighs::
AN3: It happened like this. . .I said I had this present for him and it was in my bag, but I wasn't sure if he'd like it or not, so I told him to close his eyes. He did, and tackled and kissed him.
Cloud: Well. . .It IS certainly unorthodox. . .You can't say anything against that.
AN3: But I shocked him so much, that when I tackled him he knocked him over and afterwards, I was just laughing on my back on the pavement. He was sorta laughing too, and he helped me up. That's essentially all you need to know.
Konoshi: Oh, so you DID do something else.
AN3: No, that's all you need to know because I'm not going to tell you how it was BEFORE I kissed him (it's a long story), but I will say, my friends were all. . .weirded out.
Kyoko: You don't need to tell me THAT. . .
AN3: She saw.
Everyone: TELL US THE DETAILS!
AN3: Say that, and I'll never let you kiss Cloud.
Kyoko: ::shutting up::
Cloud: WHAT?!
AN3: I said nothing. . .Well, that's the story of my first kiss. Interesting, no? I wouldn't have settled for anything traditional, so I got my wish. But for all of those who saw Love Hina and for some strange and unfathomable reason have not been kissed yet (I'm sure you're all older than me), it is NOT like a lemon, nor a marshmallow.
Everyone: We're not going to ask.
AN3: It's best you don't. Oh yeah, and I have souvenirs from vacation. But, I BOUGHT A MR. WARKSTER PLUSHIE AT OTAKON! ::pulls up Mr. Warkster:: Isn't he cuuuuuute? Oh, I also bought an FF7 doujinshi, FF7 original art, I have a Cloud tee shirt, and this funny "Hentai Inside" bag that makes fun of the "Pentium Inside" emblem. And from vacation, I BOUGHT SWORDS!
Everyone: DEAR GOD!
AN3: Yes, now I have a katana, a wakizashi, and a seppuku knife! But they're all decoration. . .
Tifa: Thank GOD.
AN3: Ah, now I can stare at pretty dull but semi-sharp objects that bring me utter delight! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! . . .I forgot what I was supposed to tell you in the notes.
Everyone: ::falls over::
AN3: OH YEAH! It's almost AE's first birthday!
Everyone: Wow. We never thought this would last as long.
AN3: Well, I expected the series completion in February. . .But since you wanted it to be longer, we have the second season. I think I'm out of my normal writing randomness like the first season because of the time of year. . .
Tifa: What kind of excuse is THAT?!
AN3: I already told you, the story actually depends on what mood I'm in and what currently inspires me. Since I have no strange sugary inspirations, and for some reason, am all burnt out until October, you won't be getting the same sugar high until them. . .
AE Cult: Damn.
AN3: Yeah, I just thought I'd mention that in late September, AE was made. . .I'm yet to remember a specific date.
Everyone: ::falls over again::
AN3: HEY, I HAVE A BAD MEMORY! Anyway, I gotta go already because I need to be fast! Bye bye!