Thanksgiving Interlude on Set
A/N: Forgive the half-assedness. I'm only writing it right now on Thanksgiving, so I don't have time for a story right now. . .It's quick. Squaresoft owns FF7 and LadyTifa26 owns Laura.
"OH CHRISTMAS TREE, OH CHRISTMAS TREE! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, SOMETHING, BEAUUUUTY! Is that camera on?" Rachel walked over to the camera and adjusted the angle up to her eye. "I don't see a little red light!"
"That's because your face is too close" said Tifa, pulling her away from the camera by the scruff of her collar. "It's THANKSGIVING, not CHRISTMAS!"
"Yeah, what did I say?" asked Rachel.
"Hopeless. . .," Tifa sighed. "Anyway, tilt that thing over to the table! Why are we even having Thanksgiving on the set, huh?"
"Because we needed to film an episode but there's not enough time?" Rachel guessed.
"Brilliant deduction," Tifa said flatly. "Is it angled?"
"Yes, my captain!" Rachel saluted.
"Greaaaaat. . .Let's get this thing over with. . .," said Tifa.
"Watch your prepositions! Don't end sentences with them!" Rachel cautioned.
"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!"
"Yes'm. . .," she whimpered.
"Okay. . .," said Tifa, looking into the camera. "We are here. . .with the entire set."
"I WANNA CUT THE TURKEY!" Cloud shouted, raising his sword.
"THE TURKEY IS MINE!" shouted Sephiroth, scrambling for it with his masamune.
"QUIT IT!" Tifa bellowed.
They both sat down, pouting.
Tifa coughed. "Ahem. . .now, to bless this damned thing and go home. Okay! We are here today to bless this food and-
"It sounds like someone is getting married. . .," Rachel whispered to Laura.
"We're marrying a turkey?" Laura whispered back.
"QUIET OVER THERE! I wanna get outta here. . .," Tifa grumbled. "We thank the reviewers for not killing us about not posting in an eternity, and we also want to thank the readers for not blitzing out with insanity because of our insane plot holes. Oh yeah, and thanks to Lucrecia for the lovely turkey."
"I enhanced it!" Lucrecia said happily, holding up a syringe, which squirted out a yellow liquid.
Everyone backed away. ". . ."
"I MEAN INJECTED IT WITH BUTTER FLAVORING!" Lucrecia said quickly.
Everyone scooted back. "Good!"
"OOH! OOH! I HAVE A STORY!" Rachel said.
"But," said Tifa, "I'm not done doing the blessi-
"OKAY! THE STORY OF THANKSGIVING!" Rachel said. "When AVALANCHE first set out for the Promised Land, they realized it would be a hard journey. At length, it took them over sixth months and great hardships, but they knew it would allow them much more freedom than under the tyranny of the Shinra."
"Ohhhh dear. . ." Tifa sighed, looking down at the table, massaging her temples.
"Freedom for religion and way of life was at stake. So when they finally landed, they rejoiced!" Rachel said. "But it was cold, up there in the north...Aeris had already died...and a great long winter was ahead...until, the natives of the Planet had arrived! The Ancients of the land had come to help AVALANCHE."
"WHY does everyone have to keep reminding me I DIED?" asked Aeris.
"AHHHH, ZOMBIE!" Sky screamed, pointing a shaking finger at Aeris.
Aeris sighed, and looked down like Tifa.
"After cultivating the land of the Knowlespole, as the place was called, the somehow found out how to survive with potions, tents, and yes, snowboarding. The first meal, however, was provided by Chubby Chocobo Catering! Yay, Chubby Chocobo!"
"Is this food drugged?" asked Wraithe.
"I don't think so. . .," said Dayna.
"FOOD!" shouted Konoshi, trying to stab the turkey.
"Unfortunately, Chubby Chocobo was the main dish! Oh dear!" said Rachel, now reading from a piece of paper while everyone eyed her incredulously. "But the world was saved, anyway! HOORAY! AND THAT IS HOW THANKSGIVING STARTED!"
". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ." Everyone simply stared.
"WHAT?! WHAT?! I see none of you appreciate fine literature! HMPH!" Rachel stuck her nose up in the air.
". . .Rachel? Please stop talking," said Tifa, now that it was over. "Or better yet, drop dead."
"YES, BUT I'M JUST FREAKIN' PROOF THAT WON'T KEEP HER QUIET!" Aeris suddenly blurted. "I CAN SEE I AM NOT WANTED HERE!"
"YEAAAH!" Konoshi agreed.
"Fine with me," said Surka.
"AERIIIIIS!" Tifa said. "Please, it's FINE. . ."
"I'M GOING WITH MY PARENTS FOR THANKSGIVING!" she continued to rant. "NOBODY WANTS TO EAT WITH A DEAD GIRL! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A PULSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Somebody say, 'parents'?" asked Gast, appearing out of nowhere with Ifalna and Zack.
"All right, another chance to win the girl. . .," said Zack. "COME ON, AERIS! TO TRUE LOVE!"
"Yes, over HERE. . . ," said Cloud, pulling her arm towards him.
"No, over HERE. . .," Zack said, pulling her towards his direction.
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"H-
"HOLY HELL, JUST EAT THE DAMN TURKEY!" Cid yelled, kicking over a chair for Zack.
"WAAAAH!" Kiako cried.
"Forgive me," said Vincent. "Due to recent events. . .AND the decibel levels, I must depart. Happy Thanksgiving." He ascended into the shadows.
". . .That's just damn creepy," said Rachel. "Don't you agree, Tifa?"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"HERE!"
"#$!"
"WAAAAH!"
"DIE TURKEY!"
Tifa was sobbing over the disarray. "I hate Thanksgiving. . ."
"AMEN TO THAT!" Rachel said, concluding Tifa's blessing. "A MERRY THANKSGIVING TO ALL, AND ALL A GOODNIGHT!"
"TURN OFF THAT CAMERA!"