Alternate Earth: Season Two

by A. Nonymous III esq

After the grand finale of the first season, Rachel and Laura return back home, but with little expectance the entire crew would be here. As difficult as it was living in the FF7 world, can the Cloud, Tifa, and the rest survive normal living to us,that is?

9. Chapter 8: Last Stop

Chapter 8: Last Stop

A/N: Errrrrgh, I am angry because the file I had originally for this chapter got erased more than halfway through and I had to start from scratch. . .Oh well. Let's get on with this. Squaresoft owns FF7, LadyTifa26 owns Laura, and there are other miscellaneous reviewers who own other, miscellaneous characters. I think I should be reposting the new versions of the resumes, so if you want to be a character (although, I think I'm running out of room. . .fast. And I probably already have too many), send me one. I'll see what I can do. Oh, and I also of course don't own Fullmetal Panic!, Azumanga Daioh, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty, Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater (Dear God, I smell merchandising all of a sudden), nor do I own Mobile Suit Gundam, Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team, Mobile Suit Gundam: (Universal Century) 0080, Mobile Suit Gundam: Stardust Memory (Universal Century) 0083, Mobile Suit Gundam Seed, G Gundam, dear GOD do I not own SD Gundam (Thankyouthankyouthankyou), Mobile Suit Gundam: F19, Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam Zeta, and I don't own the damn games, either. I've named all these series' so nobody sues me, JUST because I mention them in here. Oh, I don't own the games, either, of course, or should I name them aloud and say, I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam: Zeonic Front, Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo, Mobile Suit Gundam: Encounters in Space, Mobile Suit Gundam: Battle Assault, Mobile Suit Gundam: Battle Assault 2, or Mobile Suit Gundam: Battle Assault 3. You know, it's awfully hard thinking up all the Gundam series I know, considering I have a bad memory and all, so appreciate it, damn you! And besides. . .This isn't ALL the Gundam there is. So, let's say in general, that I am a poor sad person who does not own squat. The end.

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"On top of spagheeetti. . ."

"Dun, dunnn. . ."

"All covered with cheeeese. . ."

"Dum, dummm, with cheese. . ."

"I lost my poor meeaatballl. . ."

"Poooor meatbaaalll. . ."

"When somebody sneeeezed. . ."

"Someboooooody sneeeeezed. . ."

"What's with the barber shop renditions?" asked Keily, curiously watching Rachel and Laura sing "On Top of Spaghetti".

"Yes," Vincent agreed, "especially with children's songs."

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAAAAND?!" Rachel wailed. "THIS IS A SONG ABOUT THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE!"

"It's about a loss of a meatball. . .," said Surka, a little weirded out.

"YES!" Rachel sobbed. "THE LOSS! I LOVE THIS MEATBALL!" Suddenly, she grabbed Laura in a death hug. "MEAAAAAAAATBAAAAAAALLLL!"

"AHHHHHH!" Laura shouted, flailing. "SINCE WHEN WAS I THE MEATBALL?!"

"IT'S NOT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE SMALL," Rachel sobbed, "OR THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE BIGGER BOOBS THAN ME!"

"Since when was THAT a factor?" asked Laura.

"IT'S THAT YOU'RE GOING AWAY! AWAY FROM ME! THE SPAGHETTI!" Rachel shouted, trying to clarify. "YOU ARE THE MEAT! AND I, THE PASTA! TIFA CAN BE THE SAUCE!"

"What?!" asked Tifa.

"AND AERIS! YOU'RE THE CHEESE!"
"Eh?" asked Aeris.

"AND ALL OF YOU! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!" Rachel cried.

"Ewww. . .," they all said.

"BUT, WE ARE ALL INCOMPLETE WITHOUT. . .THE MEATBALL!"

"Rachel, I think you're taking Laura's departure too hard," said Tifa.

"NEVAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Rachel. . .," said Laura, "isn't that metaphor rather. . .vague?"

"Or psychopathic. . .," Christina mumbled.

"And what really holds spaghetti together?" asked Sky. "It all falls off your plate."

"I'm a dairy product?" asked Aeris, still on the "cheese" part.

"And I'VE got nicer meatballs. . .," muttered Reno.

"FIIIIINE. . .," Rachel sighed. "DON'T agree with my description. . ."

"Rachel? One final question," said Laura.

"Yes?" Rachel asked.

"Um. . .COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME GO?!" Laura was in a life-or-death choke hold.

Rachel blinked. "Oh. Okay!" she said, cheerfully.

Laura was half passed out on the dragon. ". . .Thank. . .you. . ."

"Tifaaaaa. . .," Chikara complained. "Are we there yeeeettt?"

"According to the maaaap. . .," she said, opening it slowing.

Everyone anticipated the answer.

". . .No."

"WHAT?!"
"Yes! Yes! Of course! Jesus!" Tifa sighed. "We're here!"

The dragon swayed, starting to turn down to the island that sat in the water beneath, slowly going into a descent.

"We. . .we're. . .HERE?!" asked Rachel.

"Seems so. . .," Laura said, scratching her scalp.

" . . . .MEAAAAAAAATBAAAAAALLLLLLL!" Rachel sobbed, gripping Laura in the same, deadly fashion.

"AAAAAAAAAACK!"

"Yay. The one time we descend to the ground without our lives flashing before our eyes," said Cloud, hopping down off Bahamut.

"I kinda miss it. . .," said Sky.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because when my life did that, I always got action replays of that time I whacked Surka upside the head with a snowball."

"You're a very cruel person. . .," Surka grumbled.

"Okaaay. . .," said Tifa. "Laura, how far would your house be from here?" They were located on an empty road, quiet with little traffic at night.

"Ummmm. . .," Laura went, looking at the location. ". . .about ten miles."

"Okay, back on the dragon," said Cloud, trying to get back on, when suddenly Bahamut disappeared. "OW!" With the disappearance, it left him falling flat on his face. "M-my face. . .my beautiful visage. . ."

"Oh, how people change in two years. . .," Tifa said.

"YEAH! YOU USED TO BE NICE!" said Rachel. "AND AERIS! YOU USED TO BE DEAD!"

"Gee, thank you for reminding me?" asked Aeris.

"ANYWAY. . .," said Tifa, continuing. "I say, either we hoof it, or we hitch a ride. All in favor of being strong and walking, say 'yea'. All in favor of being a bunch of pantywaists, say 'nay'.

". . . .NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" they all shouted, after looking at each other.

"Sorry Tifa. . .," said Chikara. "I wear panties. . ."

"I do, too!" Mars sobbed.

Everyone stared at him.

"METAPHORICALLY!" he yelled. "I ASSURE YOU, I AM A MAN!"

Condrugon held up Mars' boxers, covered in little hearts and snickered, grinning wickedly. "Really?"

"Actually," Vincent coughed, "those are mine."

". . . .Oh." said Condrugon. "Then um. . .here." He tossed them to a blushing Vincent who hurriedly stuffed them away.

"Eeeeyyyyesss. . . ," said Tifa, through the awkward air, "BACK on topic. . .We need somebody to get us a ride."

"Well Tifa, you could certainly ride ME. . .," Reno said, giving her two-thumbs up.

"STAY DOWN, ROMEO. . .," said Andariel and Selena, pulling him back.

"Nooooo. . ."

"Oookaaay. . .Rachel, fetch us a ride," Tifa concluded.

"WHAT AM I?!" Rachel exclaimed. "YOUR HANDSERVANT! YOUR LITTLE MAID! YOUR-

Tifa clenched a fist.

"Yes ma'am," Rachel said, hopping to the task. She grabbed Cloud's hand, pulling him to the center of the road.

"H-heyyyy. . .Is this going to involve sexual misconduct?" he asked.

"Did somebody say, 'sexual misconduct'?!" asked Reno, perking up again.

"No, nobody said anything!" said Andariel. ". . .Unless I'm included in that sexual misconduct."

"I like sexual misconduct. . .," whimpered Mars.

"No, no sexual misconduct," Rachel replied. She heard a large groan of disappointment from the group somewhere.

"Phew. . .," Cloud sighed, his butt dragging listlessly over the pavement. "Soo. . .what am I doing?"

"I'm going to tie you up," said Rachel.

"I thought you said no sexual misconduct!" Cloud complained, while she bonded his hands together.

"Why isn't he fighting back?" Aeris whispered to Tifa.

"Because he's a moron," Tifa said flatly. ". . .And maybe he expects her to actually not have the nerve to do him. In front of all of us."

"Unless. . .you WANT to, Cloudy," she grinned, mischievously. "YES! YES! SEX FOR RACHEL!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cloud sobbed uncontrollably.

"Uh, I was only kidding, Cloud," said Rachel, finishing up his feet.

"Yes, but," he sniffed, "it was a scary thought."

"Gee," she said, with her spirits dampened with the thought of dying a virgin. "I may get strange and overly emotional, but-

"You were singing. . .about a MEATBALL. . .and started SOBBING about it," said Cloud.

"I'M KIDDING! KIDDING! WHY IS EVERYTHING I DO TAKEN SERIOUSLY!"

"Because, most of the time you're being serious?" asked Tifa, sitting by the road. "It's sad, because that means you're seriously stupid."

Rachel sniffled, "You're all heartless. . ." Finally done, she grinned with satisfaction. "AHAHAHAHAAA! YES! IRRESISTABLE!"

"Yes, I know aren't I?" he replied. "Wait. . .what to you mean?"

Some car lights appeared in the distance.

"Bye-bye, Cloud!" said Rachel, walking off to the side of the road.

"WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIT!" he sobbed. "I CAN'T DIE YET!"

"Are you so sure of that?" asked Tifa.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE!"

The car lights went speeding around the corner.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shouted, almost ready to start crying like a schoolgirl.

"Oh, damn. . .," Tifa sighed, standing up.

"Tifa?" asked Aeris.

"What can I say? I'm a softie." She sprinted up to Cloud, starting to pull him away.

THUD!

"HOLY CRAP!" A short, blonde, college age girl came running out of what was speeding down the road, ironically, a Camry. "ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?!"

"Owww. . .," said Tifa, taking the brunt of the 65 mile per hour assault, slightly denting the car, making an impact on her side, Cloud hardly feeling anything.

"Ooh, shiny liiiiights. . .," he said, in a state of delirium.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the girl exclaimed, picking up Cloud. "I KILLED HIM!"

"No. . .," said Tifa. "You can't kill a man with a skull that thick."

She completely ignored Tifa. "HOSPITAL! I NEED TO GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL!"

"Listen lady-

"QUIIIIICK!"

"Hey, lady-

She started putting Cloud into the passenger side.

"LADY, CALM DOWN!" shouted Tifa, slamming her palm next to the girl's head in anger, finally catching her attention, but leaving another dent in the car. "CAN YOU GIVE US A FREAKING RIDE?!"

"Y-yes?!" the girl shouted, thoroughly shocked.

"Thank you," Tifa said finally and triumphantly, motioning everyone to the car, while everyone approached hesitantly. "What? I say something wrong?"

"I think I almost wet myself," Reno whimpered.

"WHATEVER! GET IN!"

"Myou, myou. . .," said Rachel, cramped in the back. "Well, at least this should only take ten minutes to get to Laura's house.

"YOU POOR MAN!" the girl said, petting Cloud's head in her lap. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THIS BETTER!"

"I-it's all right," Cloud sobbed. "I'm abused like this ALL the time. . ."

"Oh, you poor baby. . .," she cooed. "There, there just rest your head."

Cloud sniffed. "You're so nice, lady."

"Call me Lisa!" she said. "I don't know what horrible people would tie you up in the street to die!"

"I would," said Cleo.

"Cleo, that's because you're mean," said Hype.

"Hee, hee. . .Kitty," said Korus, eyeing Hype.

"Eheheheh. . .," laughed Mars, on the other side of them.

"I can't feel my arm," said Barret, squished in the back. ". . .Oh yeah, that's right. . ."

"Dear God. . .," Tifa sighed. "At least I'm happy I'm actually not being sexually assaulted, like the last time I was squished in the back with all of you."

"Yeah, but. . .," Aeris whispered. "What's up with the girl in the front?"

"I don't know. . .," replied Tifa. "But I know she's really. . .odd."

"And, and, and. . .," he whimpered. "SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!"

"THAT HEARTLESS SLUT!" Lisa exclaimed. "HOW COULD SHE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU THAT WAY, THEN DUMP YOU?!"

Tifa's eyes narrowed in an unpleasant way, her nose beginning to flare.

"I don't know. . .," Cloud continued, "I only tried to be good for her. . ."

"I KNOW, I KNOW. . .," she agreed.

Tifa's mouth curled angrily, her fists tightening on the car seat.

"Uhhh. . .Tifa?" asked Aeris. "You okay?"

"And now, my current girlfriend. . .WON'T EVEN KISS ME!"

"Poor thing. . ."

Now, Aeris took on the same expression.

"Don't worry," said Lisa, "you just talk to me about it. . .By the way, I like your hair."

"Heheheh. . .," Cloud laughed. "You're a nice lady."

"Guys? Guuuuyyys?" Rachel waved a hand in front of both of them? "You guys okay?"

"MRAAAAAAAAAH!" Tifa lunged, trying to bite Rachel's arm.

"YEEEP!" she screamed, recoiling. "QUIET!" she said, laughing nervously. "QUIET IS GOOD! Eeeee. . ."

"There you go," said Lisa, helping Cloud out of the car. "This the house?"

"Laura?" asked Rachel, looking at her.

"Eeeeyup," said Laura, nervously. "That's mine." She stood on the yard, looking up at the house.

"So. . .will you be around?" asked Lisa to Cloud.

It seemed he was recuperating just fine, ironically. He was leaning on the car. "Well, for a little bit, I suppose. . ."

"Excuse me. . .," Tifa sighed, brushing past Rachel.

"Ohhh dear, clear the blast zone. . ." said Sky, running with the others.

"Hello, Lisa, isn't it?" asked Tifa.

"Oh, yes, hi," said Lisa, shaking Tifa's hand. "Are you the one taking care of this poor man?"

"Yes, yes I am," said Tifa, smiling warmly. "And I think I'll carry him inside. Thank you for your help."

"Oh, I'll help you, too!" she said, holding onto Cloud's legs, while Tifa had his torso.

Tifa paused, then smiled again. "Yes, yes, why thank you!" She started for the door, with Lisa following.

Everyone back away from their path.

"Ahh. . .," said Lisa, fumbling with him slightly. "So, who did this to him, huh? He says it's some bitch woman. . ."

"OW!" Cloud was dropped on his head. Blinking, he realized something, scrambled up, and ran, screaming bloody murder.

"Ooh, he got a second wind. . .," said Lisa, watching him run off. "Don't you think so? . . .Ma'am?"

Tifa had a very stiff and stiff smile, her cocked eyebrow twitching a little.

"I think she's going to have an aneurysm," said Rachel, watching.

"RACHEL!" Dayna hissed, motioning to the bushes. "COME ONNNN!"

"Okay. . .," Tifa sighed, walking back to the car, leaning on it, "I'm sorry. . ." she laughed slightly. "I'm really sorry. . ."

"Huh?" asked Lisa, confused. "What? You haven't gone anything wrong."

Tifa laughed slightly again. "Yeah. . .but. . ." Tifa picked Lisa up, and started for her car.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELLLLLLLLLP!" She pulled out her cell phone, and started dialing.

"Yoink," said Tifa, taking her cell phone and crushing it in her fist. "Lesson time." She sat Lisa down firmly in her seat. "First, sit in car." Then, Tifa reached over and buckled Lisa in. "Then, safety first!" Tifa shut the door, and went to the back of the car, and fixed her palms firmly on the trunk. "Then. . .VROOM VROOM!" Tifa started forward, inching the car forward.

"She isn't. . .is she?" asked Rachel.

A vein began to rear itself over Tifa's temple. The car began to gain momentum.

"Dear God. . .," Rachel muttered.

"DAMMIT!" Tifa kicked her heel into the car, denting the bumper, but sending it cruising at least 40-mph. down the road, then finally launching itself at 70, after Lisa finally inserted the keys, pushed the pedal down, and got the hell out. "Ah. . .," she sighed, brushing herself off. "Let's see Laura's parents, shall we?" She began marching up to the door. "Coming?"

Everyone started coming out of the bushes. "Uhhh. . .sure?"

"Ah, I see," said Laura's mother, sitting down to a cup of tea. "You're all my daughter's friends."

Rachel stared into hers. "Uh . . .Could I just have some coffee?"

"Heathen," said Andariel, taking Rachel's. "It's lovely tea."

"Yes, we're all Laura's. . .friends," said Tifa, agreeing with her as much as possible. "Anyway-

"So Laura, how didja rack up all these friends to come with you back here?" said her mother, spacily cutting Tifa off. "And most of them are girls. . .Laura, do you have something to tell me?"

"No mom, I'm not a les-

"ANYWAY, DEAR. . .," said her mother, "Good thing you're back! And, and. . .is your friend putting whiskey into his tea?"

Reno was contentedly adding the spirit to his drink. "La, la, laaaaa. . .The faster I get drunk, the faster I'm not responsible for my aaaactionnnnns. . .," he said in a singsong manner.

"Uhhh. . .no?" said Laura. She elbowed him in the stomach.

"OW! Fine, you could've just ASKED for some. . .," he replied, rubbing his side.

"That's not the poooooiiiiiiiiiiint. . .," Selena hissed in his ear. "Put it awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. . ."

"Killjoys. . ."

"Okaaay. . ., said Rachel, cutting the awkwardness. "So, how 'bout that Guam weather?"

"We've had several monsoons, and three power outages," said Laura's mom.

". . .Oh," said Rachel. "Um. . .How 'bout that creepy guy at the fridge? The one without a shirt. . ."

"Hmm, phmm, phmm, phyou?" said the college-age man, chugging milk. "Phyum phyou?"

"I think he's saying, 'Hey, who are you? What's up?'," said Laura. "That's my older brother."

"And this boy. . .," said Vincent. He lifted up a teenage one with is metal claw. "Is he your younger? And why does he keep tugging my hair, and calling me 'gay'?"

"Yes, he's my younger brother. . .," she sighed. "And don't worry, he calls everything gay."

"That's so gay!" he spouted, talking about her last statement.

"Oh," said Vincent. "I see. . ."

"So mom. . .," said Laura, "uh-

"I know what you're thinking. . .," said her mom. "But I don't see how we can house THIS many people. They need another place to spend the night." She looked at all the people who were crowded into the kitchen, and partially even spilling out into other rooms, sitting down with some tea.

"It's all right," said Tifa. "There's a solution to all of this."

"What? You're going to be a part-time stripper and get us money for a hotel?" asked Rachel.

"No, nitwit. . .," said Tifa, smacking the back of Rachel's head. "We have TENTS, remember?"

"Oh, oh yeaaah. . .hp/mp restored, baby!" said Rachel.

Laura's mom was grasping none of this.

"Yeah, whatever you said. . .," said Tifa.

"Of couuuurse. . .," said Rachel, "I haven't been able to think about 'tents' the same way since Steve. But, I think thinking about 'tents' in that context is cuter. Or maybe I'm just a pervert that way. What do you think?"

This time, nobody grasped Rachel's concept.

Except for Steve, who blushed and turned around. "Ahem. . .Nothing."

"OKAAAY. . .," said Tifa, ending that moment, "Righty! We have some tents with us, actually, so uh. . .would you mind up camping outside?"

"No, it's not problem," said her mother. "How soon will you be staying?"

"I expect we'll leave sometime tomorrow, or the next day," Tifa said. "Just making sure everything is okay with Laura."

"Oh, I can see you must have been Laura's guardian while she was away," said Laura's mom. "I can't thank you enough."

"Actually, I was," said Cloud, raising his hand. "Thank you, thank you. . .," he said, bowing his head like he expected applause.

Instead, Laura's mother was quiet. ". . . .Laura, you stayed alone, with a MAN?!"

Laura's eyes widened. "AHHH! NO, I DIDN-

"I KNEW YOU HAD SOME STRANGE VIXEN STREAK IN YOU!" said her mom, slapping her daughter's back, somewhat encouragingly. "Well, never do it again dear, but at least I can look forward to grandchildren in a few years."

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!" Laura sobbed, "I'M EIGHTEEEEEEEEN! NOT NOWWWWWWW!"

"I SAID A FEW YEARS!"

"Grandchildren," said Laura's younger brother. "That's gonna be gay."

Laura's older brother was already gone, but left an empty milk carton on the counter.

"Mom. . .," said Christina, sitting next to Lucrecia, "at least I know you're not as out-of-the ordinary from most mothers."

"Thank you! . . .I think," said Lucrecia. "Want some salt in your tea, dear?" she asked sweetly to her daughter.

"Uhhh. . . .I'm okay, mom," said Christina.

"Sooo. . .," said Laura's mom, now trying to engage in conversation with Cloud, which could not in any universe be a good idea, or at least intelligent, "have you been taking care of my daughter?"

"Wow, that's a loaded question. . .," Cloud responded, wondering whether Laura's mom put quotes over "taking care". "Yeah, I housed her for a bit, next door to Tifa and Aeris who were taking care of Rachel."

Tifa, Aeris, and Rachel raised their hands to identify themselves.

"Yeah. . .I'm Tifa, and the one in pink is Aeris," said Tifa.

"Hello," said Aeris, friendly as ever. "Thank you for the tea," she said, smilingly.

"Heyhi, Madam Captain!" Rachel saluted.

Tifa smacked Rachel over the head again, "How many times have I told you NOT to greet people like that?!"

"I think you should count the bruises. . .," Rachel whimpered.

Laura's mom suddenly was thankful Tifa wasn't the one taking care of Laura instead. "Well, uh. . .that's nice. . ." But, she was still skeptical over Cloud. "Well then Cloud, ever been married?"

Cloud suddenly began to sweat nervously, noticing how there wasn't a father in this household. "Uhhh. . .YES, I AM HAPPILY MARRIED!" He pulled over Holly. "AND THIS IS MY BRIDE!"

"Swimming. . .," muttered Holly in a dream world. "Swimming in ecstasy. . ."

"CLOUUUUUUUUUUUUUD. . .," Tifa grumbled, giving him her special, death-like gaze.

"Okay, fine. . .," Cloud whimpered. "JESSIE IS!" Now, he pulled her over.

"I think I'm about to wet my trousers. . .," she said, having the same look Holly did.

"CLOUD!" Tifa barked.

"Okay, okay. . .," he sighed. "No, I'm not married. . ."

"Do you have. . .children, then?" Laura's mother asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Um. . .," he stuttered.

Everyone pointed in the direction of Christina.

"Hi, everybody?" she said, shyly waving. "That's mom. . ." Now, she pointed to Lucrecia, whom was scarcely paying any attention whatsoever.

"Hm?" asked Lucrecia. "Pass the salt?"

"Laura. . .," said her mother. "Did you know about this? About this woman and this girl you were staying with. . .?"

"Yep," said Laura, calmly drinking the last of her tea. "Been there since the beginning."

Her mother blinked. "The. . .beginning?"

"Yep," Laura repeated.

"I'm only about four months old-!" Christina's mouth was clasped over by Tifa, probably the only one who had sense in the bunch.

"She doesn't know about THE SECRET. . .," Tifa hissed.

Christina nodded and apologized. "Sorry. . ."

"Yup!" said Cloud, grinning all of a sudden. "But, it's not like I did anything with Lucrecia over there."

"Huh?" Laura's mom was suddenly confused. "Is she biological?"

"Yeah," said Cloud, Christina, and Lucrecia in unison.

". . . Eh?" Laura's mom was suddenly lost.

"Don't worry about it, mom," said the younger brother. "He looks gay."

"Am I free to plaster him on a shiska-bob?" asked Cloud, irritated.

"Go to bed, Jesus child! It's late!" said his mom.

"That's so gay. . .," he grumbled, trudging up the stairs.

"So, let me get this straight. . .," said Laura's mom. "She's your daughter, and even though she's biological, there are NO sexual relations between either of you?"

Cloud and Lucrecia both nodded.

"I'm a GENIUS!" said Lucrecia. "All I did was take-

"Not the sex talk. . .," said Sky, poking Lucrecia on the shoulder. "That last one where you explained orgasms and the first time a girl ever does it has now scared me into everlasting virginity."

"Said the hooker. . .," Surka mumbled.

"HEY!"

"It's getting late. . .Shall we go?" Tifa stood up, and naturally, people began to get up as well. "Thank you, for letting us use parts of your residence." She bowed thankfully, and stuck out her hand, shaking the hand of Laura's mother. "Good night."

Laura's mom blinked again, while everyone crowded out. ". . .Biological without. . .Huh?"

"Lu, I think you have to stop talking sometimes," Tifa sighed, tossing out the equipment. "It confuses and scares people."

"Anyone ever wonder how you can carry hundreds of items in their pockets?" asked Rachel. "I don't get that kind of capacity."

"You're telling me. . .," Tifa grumbled. "Don't ask me, though. For some reason, we've always been able to carry all our stuff with us and be able to use it all."

"The mysteries of Final Fantasy. . .," said Rachel, starting to put hers up.

The tents were camped out at odd angles, with no particular set space between them. All were a medium size, good enough to fit three people (obviously, because of the normal party size you could have with you), and were of a blue and gray color. Some chose to situate themselves close to the house (indoor plumbing, don'tcha know?); others chose to afford themselves more of an outdoorsy feel, by admitting themselves further away.

"I don't know about you ladies, but. . .," said Reno, "the night's still young, and I'm blowing this party. Come on Rufus, I'll treat you to a strip club."

"How many pornographic images do you capture in that mind of yours. . .," Rufus sighed.

"What?" asked Reno. "Sorry, I thinking about boobs. Let's go!" He encouragingly slapped Rufus' back and led him off in any which way his trained nose could sniff the slightest whiff of alcohol.

"Well, that leaves me bored," said Rachel. "I wanna go somewhere, tooooooo!"

"Rachel, we're not ready to release you back into the wild while you're still rabid," said Tifa. "Get some sleep."

"You awful, mean people. . .," Rachel mumbled. "Can I please go for a walk, then? I've never been on a tropical island before. Well, one that wasn't infested with Amazons and rapists."

"Rapists?" asked Kiro, sticking her head out of her tent. "What rapists?"

"Never mind, Kiro. . .," everyone grumbled.

"Come!" shouted Rachel, grabbing Laura's arm. "We shall depart from port, Madam Captain!"

"Rachel. . .," said Laura, "I don't have a problem with going on a walk, but why persist in calling all of us weird names?"

"I watch too much anime. I picked it up from Azumanga Daioh. That, and I hear them use 'madam captain' in Fullmetal Panic. Can you blame the media?"

"Well-

"Yes, yes you can! It's a free country!" Rachel declared, marching off away from the house.

"Rachel, you DO realize that Guam is only a U.S. TERRITORY, right?"

"Yeah, of course," said Rachel. "But the only difference is certain voting rights and such, soooo. . .Hey Laura, is it always muggy?" Rachel waved her hand in the middle of the air. "Kinda humid. My hair'll be all frizzy."

Laura sighed and smirked. "Oh ye of simple mind." She stuffed her hands in her pockets and resumed walking, staring at her feet. "Yeah, it's kinda humid here, but it's not really that bad, I guess."

Rachel had her simplistic smile, while her feet hit the cement sidewalk, suddenly hopping ahead. "Doo, doo do doooo. . .So Laura, you're goin' to be in college, eh? Parties, exams, parties, work, parties, essays, parties. . .and beer! Eh, wish I could come, but I'm not legal."

"Neither am I, I'm not 21. . .," said Laura. ". . .Wait, you mean- Ewwww! Come now, woman! I'm not going to make nightly 'visits' to dormitories!"

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. . .," said Rachel, with a very demure look. "Laura, guys LIKE your ass!"

Laura scowled. "Thank you for the update on my ass. Anything else you'd like to comment on?"

"Yeah," said Rachel. "Have you heard from Angelo?"

Laura thought and kept walking. ". . .Welllll. . .considering I've spent the last six or so months in a place that technically shouldn't exist, no," said Laura. "And, considering the time lapse is minimal from both places, there shouldn't be much reason to contact me if I was coming home so soon."

"Is that a noooooooooo?" asked Rachel slowly, picking on Laura.

"Yes, that's a no," said Laura.

"Yes? No? Maybe?" asked Rachel.

Laura had a very Tifa-esque look of irritation.

Rachel blinked with a very blank look. "Wow Laura, you could scare small children like that." Suddenly, she took on a very tight smile. "TINY!" She poked Laura in between her eyes. "Heheheh. . .When did you stop growing?"

"I HATE YOU. . .," Laura growled, flailing her arms, cross-eyed. "MYAHA!" She grabbed the sides of Rachel's stomach.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rachel grabbed her sides, painfully laughing. "I. . .I hate you, too. . .I'm cursed with being tickling nearly everywhere. Especially in the back of my thighs. . ."

Laura coughed and blinked. "Thank you, my nightmares are complete." She sighed and stuck her hands behind her head. "Okay Rachel. . .What would you do if-

"I had a muffin?! I'm starving, so I'd eat it instead of leave it for later. Take no prisoners!" Rachel shouted, jumping up on the sidewalk. They were some distance away from the house, following a linear path of pavement.

"Uh, no," said Laura. "Tell me, if you had to pick two guys and they were really great but could only have ONE, and even though one is cute but unrealistic, and the other is more realistic but probably more of an ego job. . .who would you pick?"

Rachel sighed. "Well. . .First of all, to clear this up I'm dying a lonely, lonely virgin because nobody loves me. NEXT OF ALL. . .," she continued, "I certainly wouldn't ask that question to a boyfriend-less girl. But since it's MY opinion-

"Involving no allusion or comparison with MUFFINS. . .," said Laura.

"You suck. Okay, well, I'd say you should pick whoever makes you happier. Simple, no?" asked Rachel.

"No," Laura concluded. "That's the thing. It's generally the same amount."

"Okay then, we'll settle this the Yuffie way," said Rachel. "Who's RICHER?!"

"That's a very BAD way. . .," said Laura. "Any other way?"

"The Aeris way. Who's sweeter? Or, who has spikier hair. . .Cloud or Zack. . .Meh."

"That latter one is also a bad way. . .But their both very sweet, too," said Laura. "Go on."

"The Reno way. Who has bigger boobs?"

". . . ."

"AHAHAHA! I'm kidding, Laura. They both have FINE boobs," said Rachel, slapping Laura's back. "Ahahahaha. . ."

"If either had any, I'd shoot myself," said Laura. "Okay, next. This BETTER BE GOOD. . ."

"Right. Then we'll have the TIFA way. . ."

"Who can take the most sadism?" asked Laura curiously.

"No," said Rachel. "Who's the one who's more passionate about what they do and who they are?"

". . .That's certainly different," said Laura, blinkingly. "I thought you would've asked who can take a kick in the pants and not cry. Interesting, that you told me something serious when it come to Tifa. . .I KNOW, YOU'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS! HAH! I KNEW IT!"

Rachel gave Laura a very serious look. "Hey, do you WANT to see my scars?!" She started lifting her shirt. "BECAUSE-

"AHHHHH!" Laura screamed. "DOWN! DOWN! SHIRT, DOWN! OKAY, I GET IT! YOU'RE BITTER ENEMIES!"

"Thank you. . .," Rachel sighed, turning around for the house again. "I think that's about half a mile."

It was dark, save for the streetlights, the lights of cars passing, and a few glimmering stars that were barely noticeable from the populated area, and some light from the moon. It seemed half the world was asleep (which is true, considering one half of the world is dark and the other is. . .uh, you get the point), due to the lonely clunking of their sneakers on the sidewalk.

"Hm. . .To answer that method. . .," said Laura, "They're both very much, well. . .Of course they're very different, but the way their passionate is very different, too."

"Like how?"

"One is a depressed vampire who likes guns, and the other loves Halo with a bloodlust," Laura sighed.

"He's a GUY. . .," said Rachel. "And we like Halo, too!"

"That's true. . .and both have guns in their description. . .Guys like explosions, don't they?"

Rachel was fiddling with her Fire materia. "Heheheh, this newly mastered materia will surely destroy my enemies. . .as well as a few buildings. Huh? What was your question, Laura?"

She nearly fell over. "Nothing, Rachel. . .Nothing."

Tifa sat under a tree, arms folded, solemn, drinking a hi-potion she scrounged somewhere. "I don't get paid to babysit. . .," she muttered, then sighed. "But it's soon over from here. . ."

"Not quite."

"WHYYYY?!" she shouted. "Cloud, stop doing that. I saw your hair from a mile away."

"Dammit," said Cloud, standing and leaning on the tree. ". . .Isn't that my-

"Not anymore. . .," said Tifa with satisfaction, drinking the last of the hi-potion. "Haha, snooze ya' lose, sucker."

He sniffled. "And you used to be NICE. . ."

"I also used to be your girlfriend, but I'm not in a destructive cycle here, now am I?" she asked. "You have something to ask me?"

"How very businesslike of you. . .," he said. "Can't we just talk, like we're FRIENDS? We are still friends, aren't we?"

Tifa closed her eyes halfway and smiled an exceptionally sly smile. "Yeah, I guess we are, Cloud Strife. Now, do you have something to ask me?"

"Yes, yes I do," said Cloud, planting a hand down to the ground, and situating himself there. "Are we staying here," he said, folding his feet. "Or, are we going to leave?"

"Hm. Well, seeing as we have to put people back in their rightful place-

"You mean, Rachel?" he asked.

". . .Yeah, I guess she qualifies for that. . .," Tifa agreed. "So yeah, as well as every other person who needs to go back to their home from this world. That all?"

"I have more questions. . .," said Cloud. "Okay, then where are all the ones of us not from this world, or were too young to remember where they're from here, going to go?"

"Where we wish. Sounds fun, right?" asked Tifa. "Like a new adventure." Her lips curled up at the edges. "I wonder about the next time I'll ever get to take a rest again."

"No problem!" said Cloud, comfortably lifting up his hands to cushion his head against the trunk of the tree. "Take a rest now. Nobody's going to criticize you if you're not working hard like you always do."

She folded her arms tighter and the smile transformed to a frown. "Yeah, is that so? It seems like I'm the only one here who gets work done, because you're all too busy doing whatever you want."

"Too busy having FUN," he corrected. "Do you remember FUN? Or are you too busy counting the wrinkles that are going to form on your face after being such a tightwad?"

"Heheheh. . .," she laughed. "Okay, Cloud, you made me laugh. Is that what you wanted?"

"It's nice," he said, "after hearing only your yelling. Mission accomplished, save one thing."

"What is it? That long lost nap you speak of sounds lovely," she sighed, sitting up again, and hunching over on her arms, angling her face slightly to allow her eyes on Cloud. "Speak! Speak, your soul!"

He grinned with childishness. "Ya' miss me, sweetcheeks?"

Tifa had this indescribably sour scowl. "Cloud, I SWEAR if you call me that again, I'll-

"You'll what?" He pulled down his lower eyelid, and stuck out his tongue. "BLEHBLEHBLEHBLEH!"

"Eh?" she asked confused. "What are you-

"Come on, sweetcheeks! You want the answer?!" he asked. He hopped up, turned around, and slapped his own butt in front of her (by the way, cue the odd chocobo music from FFV. I'm not listening to it right now, but there's also a very apt one from it, too. Listen to it, it's lovely). "HAHAHA! WANT A PIECE OF THIS?!"

"CLOOUUUUUUUD!" she roared, jumping up, nearly catching him until he started running, and she chased after. "YOU'RE SO DEAAAAAAD!"

"AAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!" he laughed, running in-between the tents to avoid her, in zigzags and circles. "SLOWIN' DOWN, OLD LADY?!"

"I HAAAAAATE YOUUUUUUUUU!" she screamed after him, running after in a dash beneath the moon.

"My feet hurt," said Rachel, finally arriving back at the house, fifteen minutes after the chase ensued. "What about you, Laura? Laura?"

Laura stared at Cloud's knocked-out corpse on the ground. "I think he did something to get Tifa angry.

"Myehhh, I'll 'sweetcheeks' you. . .," she snarled, rubbing off her hands triumphantly above Cloud.

Rachel and Laura stared.

"Huh? OHHHHH!" said Tifa, blushing. "Eheheheh! Uh-m, you saw nothing, you heard nothing. Got it?"

"What happened to Cloud. . .?" asked Aeris, miraculously appearing behind them, yawing, obviously groggy. "I was sleeping in the tent when I heard a high-pitched scream. . .But I knew it wasn't Tifa because she could scare away a bear just by looking it in the eye."

"Thanks for the vote of femininity, Aeris," Tifa sighed. "It was nothing. And Cloud? Decided to take a nap outside."

"Oh, okay. . .," Aeris spacily yawned. "Good night. . .," she said, stumbling back off to her tent.

Tifa looked back at the other two. "Yes, good night, indeed. Rachel, I would suggest the same thing."

"Madam meanie skirt. . .," Rachel sighed. "Well, good night, Laura." Rachel waved and walked off to her tent.

Laura was about to walk away when Tifa spoke. "If you have a problem choosing, consider what you really want, and it'll become clear. See you in the morning." She picked up her heavy, steel-toed boots and marched off back to her tent.

". . ." Laura blinked. ". . .Damn, I didn't have to go for that walk, after all. Oh well."

The morning was sunny, and the humidity had cleared from the air. Warm and bright, Rachel stepped out of her tent.

"Mommy, I want pancakes. . .," she said, rubbing her eyes, hugging Mr. Warkster.

"Rachel!" It was Tifa's voice.

"AHHHH, MOMMY SOUNDS SCARY!" Rachel yelped, hopping back into her tent. "Hp/mp restored, nothin'! I need a battalion of tanks to even start to scare her away!"

"Rachel. . ." It was indeed Tifa, but she wasn't as angry as she normally seemed. "I'm just here to say that Laura wants to see you."

". . .Oh. No pancakes, then?" asked Rachel.

Tifa had no idea what she was talking about. "Uh, not unless you're making them yourself. . .Anyway, meet her over at the park."

". . .Park?" asked Rachel. "Laura knows I'm terrible with directions, and how am I supposed to get there in a place I've only seen at 500 feet above the ground?"

"MAP," said Tifa, shoving it in Rachel's face. "Breakfast however, you'll be on your own. I'm taking a rest while I'm here. We're going to leave tonight, okay?"

"Uh. . .sure," said Rachel.

Sky and Keily were watching Rachel leave, while Rachel was intently staring at the map, but really paying little or no attention to where she was actually heading, turning and walking in small circles.

"Think she'll be all right?" asked Sky.

"No," said Keily. "But if she gets hit by a car, maybe they'll let her off at the park."

"Take a right. . .or is that a left?" asked Rachel. "Hmm, three lefts make a right, so to be safe. . ." She turned three lefts and went right. Obviously, this will take a while.

"Eeyup. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right, Angelo. Yeah. See ya'." Laura promptly closed her cellphone and plopped down on a park bench, and sighed. Curiously, she looked at her watch. "Rachel's supposed to be here by now. The park's not too far away."

"HEY, YOU! YEAH, YOU BUDDY!" shouted Rachel, flipping off the guy in the truck, standing at a crosswalk. "PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! . . .Although, maybe not in the middle of traffic."

Vincent, as vertically loving as he is, was sitting up a tree, drinking another cup of tea. Silent as usual, he quietly sat on top of the soles of his feet, perfectly balanced, leaning against the mossy trunk, shaded by a few overhanging branches.

"Hello, Vincent," said Christina, popping up from overhead, upside-down, hanging from a branch. "What brings you to this tree?"

"Tea," he said flatly, lifting up his cup. "And you?"

A dozen raccoons suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Oh," he said, a feeling a little dumb. "I guess it's nice to know somebody else likes being in high places."

"Oh sure," said Christina with a smile, "trees are great. They provide oxygen, miscellaneous wood and paper goods, maple trees are used for their sap, and. . .Oh, I'm guessing you wouldn't like to know the statistics of how many species of animals, birds, and insects live in the rainforest."

He blinked. "But. . .you're not from here, so why would you know the statistics for their-

"Bewildering, isn't it?" she asked. "I'm a brainchild, so sue me. You sure look like a sad-sack up here."

"This is how I always am," he replied.

"No, not lately. . .," she said. "Right now, you just look like a creepy stalker man in a vampire suit, drinking tea like a weirdo."

Suitably, he grumbled.

She laughed, and flipped herself over neatly onto his branch and sat in front of him. "Okay, Vincent, tell me what's wrong. I haven't been too far learned in the field of psychology. . .," she said, "but I think that's because mom lost the textbook I needed for it."

"Are you really comfortable calling her, 'mom'?" he asked, shifting his weight on his feet, slightly.

"Yeah, she always told me to call her mom, so it's pretty natural, now," she said. "Although, I must admit that from what I normally see from normal parental examples, she's not all that typical."

"Agreed," he said, "most mothers don't carry a blowtorch with them, and if they did, they'd probably try to make dinner with them."

"Or, try and make crème brulée," she considered. "Not make scale models of Metal Gears and Zakus from scrap metal to try and conquer the west coast."

He was confused by the Metal Gear and Zaku part. "Um-

"Pop culture from Japan," said Christina.

"And you know this by-

"Compiling many magazines and periodicals," she said, pulling out a magazine, entirely in Japanese. "Japan is like Wutai, and since mom taught me Wutaian, I can read it. Look at this, though." She tossed him one, and his eyes lit up with surprise.

"Isn't this-

"Yes, it's you," she said. "Apparently, we are pop culture icons in Japan. It says we come out in a movie called 'Advent Children', as well as appear in other games. According to that, you have one of your own."

He blinked in confusion. "This is one strange world we live in. . .The people are dressed obscurely, there are no monsters, or potion shops to be found. . ."

"Yes, I know," she sighed. "But, you have to imagine the surprise and bewilderment of everyone else, don't you think?"

"I think they seemed more HAPPY than SURPRISED. . .," Vincent muttered, thinking back on it, then settling his face back into solemnity. "Whatever," he sighed. "These worlds are practically in whole different from each other. They don't even share the same dimensions, according to Lucrecia. . ."

"No, probably not," said Christina, shrugging.

"Anyway. . .," he sighed. "It's the least of our problems. We should focus more on going home." Again, he shifted and looked away.

Christina looked sad for him a moment, until a small flicker of strength returned. "Vincent, why don't you do anything?!" she asked urgently.

He grumbled, and tilted his head down.

"Vincennnnnt!" she nagged. "Haven't you ever felt sad for losing Lucrecia?!"

His face darkened and almost looked as demonic as the rest of his forms. "Ugh. . .For years! Shut up!" he growled.

But, she was ever persistent. "Vincent, you have a chance to change that!"

"Shut up!"

"I've only known you for months. . .," she said, "But you still look like you have sadness in your eyes, increasing every day. If you have any remorse for the past-

"I've heard enough!"

"-then try to create a better ending!"

". . ." He remained silent, his head buried in the shade and shadow.

Again, she looked sad and almost empathetic, until she briskly climbed back into the branches of the trees.

"I. . .I. . .here. . .LAURA!" panted Rachel, stumbling up to Laura, holding the map.

Laura blinked. "What have YOU been doing? It was only a mile and a half, and it took you an HOUR and a half."

"Dodging. . .TRAFFIC. . .," she panted. "People here in Guam are CRAZY. . ."

"Suuuuurrre, they are. . .," she said, blinking again. "Anyway, it took you so long, I thought after standing here all this while, the pigeons would start using me as a bombing target. I didn't think your navigation sucked that much."

Rachel grumbled. "Laura, you know I couldn't get out of a closet with a map."

"Rachel. . .," said Laura, smiling happily, "that because if you're in a closet, you'd need a FLASHLIGHT to read the map!"

Rachel fell over. "Impressive, Laura. You've made even ME fall down."

"I'm special," she shrugged.

"YES, INDEEDY!" said a guy from behind, grabbing Laura in a massive hug. "So, how was it in the states?"

Laura stiffened up by surprise, and then loosened after realization. "Oh. Hi, Angelo."

He was tall, had a bit of a jaunty, reassuring smile, with short, dark-hair. "Hey there. You must be Rachel?" he asked. "Yeah, you look about as smart as Laura described."

"I sure hope that's a COMPLIMENT. . .," muttered Rachel, leering over at Laura who was smiling, sweating bullets.

"Um, yeah, it. . .was?" said Angelo, scratching his head, nervous much like Laura about that last comment. "Anyway. . .HIYAAAAA!" He lifted Laura up in a bear hug. "Haha, you're so short."

"HEEEEYYYYYY!" she shouted, squirming. "THAT'S NOT A NICE THING TO DO!"

Rachel had a sweatmark. "Uh. . .I can see this is a rather dysfunctional relationship."

"Oh, it's fine. You wouldn't know it, but this guy has a one of those BIG MANLY EGOS. . .," she said, in a very deep, burly voice, mocking him, and hunching around like a monkey.

"Makes me wonder about you. . .," he sighed. "Anyway, so you're that friend she talks about sometimes, eh? I'm guessing you were the one who destroyed her Marine Biology class project?"

"I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KNOW!" Rachel said, throwing up her arm. "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD CATCH ON FIRE UNDER THE RADIATOR!"

"Suuuurrrre. . .," said Laura. "That's what you ALWAYS say. . .Anyhoo, I wanted to spend today with my two favorite people!"
Rachel blinked. ". . .YAY! I'M A FAVORITE PERSON!"

"And I guess that's no surprise to me. . .," said Angelo. "Yep, yep, I'm LOOOVED."

Rachel whispered to Laura. "He kinda reminds me of Zack."

"Don't be surprised about that. . .," she muttered back to Rachel.

"What are you two muttering about?" he asked, curious.

"Nooothing!" said Laura, walking ahead. "Come on! We have an entire day ahead!"

". . .Of walking?" he asked.

"YES!" she said. "I don't have to work at that blasted hotel pool for another week! (that's Laura's job, by the way) And college can obviously just hold on!"

"I like that philosophy," said Rachel, watching. ". . .Are we going to follow her?"

"We have no other choice," he said with a nervous smile. "Let's goooo. . ."

A short moment of peace. . .

"Ahhhh. . .," said Tifa, relaxing on a beach chair in Laura's back yard, sun bathing in a bathing suit. "It's quiet. . .There's nobody about. . .And there's great weather. . .," she sighed. ". . .Sure wish I knew where the beach was, considering it's a TROPICAL ISLAND. . ."

"Yes yes, TROPICAL ISLAND. . .," said Mars, through binoculars on top of the house, spying on Tifa. "You think we should tell her where it is so we can watch her there? That's where the others are. . ."

"Maaaybe. . .," said Condrugon, scratching his chin. "And as expected, she DOES look remarkable in a bathing suit. . ."

"Heheheh. . .," laughed Mars like a pure pervert. "We shall tell, indeed."

"Mars, put away the binoculars!" Tifa yelled from the ground.

"Huh?" he asked. "She knew I was here? Why isn't she doing anyth-OW!" He was hit in the head by a medium-size rock. "Yes, tell now, tell now. . .Why weren't YOU hit by a rock?"

"Because she realizes how sexy and irresistible my hardcore, tough-guy masculinity is," said Condrugon. "Come, to the beach!"

"Dude, as your DATE?! I'm sorry, but-

"Don't make ME hit you with that rock! Let's go!"

"So, here we are on this happy tropical island. . .and I haven't gone to the beach yet," said Rachel, traipsing after Laura and Angelo. "Why can't we go there?"

"Rachel," said Laura, "I thought you weren't that fond of the beach."

"The beach?" asked Rachel. "Oh, the beach is fine. It's just something terrible always happens in the water. Except for that time I found a dollar floating in front of me."

"Uh. . .you sure you want to go to the beach, then?" Laura asked.

"Yeah, then I get to see you in a bikini," said Angelo, grinning mischievously.

"Getaroom!" Rachel coughed, almost unable to be translated.

"Right, right, I get it. . .," said Laura. "Okay, to the beach it is!"

"Won't be as nice as Costa del Sol, though. . .," said Rachel.

Laura gave her a foreboding look. "EX-NAY ON THE OSTA-CAY EL-DAY OL-SAY!"

"Costa del Sol?" asked Angelo. "Definitely won't be as nice."

Rachel blinked. "Eh?"

"Costa del Sol? In the south of Spain? Huge tourist attraction, white beaches, clear water. . .That place, right?"

"EHEHEHEHEHEH! YEAH!" said Laura, anxiously laughing. "Yeaaaaah. . ."

"RUFFY!" Keily went running over to him, across the beach, wearing her own bikini. "Havin' fun, Ruffy?"

"This is NOT my idea of FUN. . .," he grumbled, buried to his head in the sand. ". . .But. . .it's warm and. . .almost pleasant."

"YAY!" she shouted. "Just make sure nobody steps on you. And if they do. . .I'll whack 'em for you!"

"That's why I have the Turks, though. . .," he said.

"Bye, Ruffy!" she said, running off.

"Eh. . .," he was left alone again. "Meh. Quieter this way. Hello, there," he said to a dog, who wouldn't seem to get away. "Hey, HEYYY!"

The dog wouldn't stop sniffing his head, until it turned and walked away a little.

"Phew. . .," he sighed. ". . .EH?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screeched while the dog lifted up it's leg at him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"So, how are YOU doin'?" asked Reno in black trunks, talking to this tall, blonde woman.

She grumbled, splashed her drink on him, and strolled off.

"YEAH, I KNOW YOU WANT ME!" he called after her. "YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE WANTON URGES I GIVE YOU!"

"How suave," said B.T., walking over in a similarly black bikini, with a silky white cloth tied at her hips. "Is that how you get all your dates?"

"Said the old school marm," he sneered. "You think you can do better, you dried up old killjoy?"

She glared. "I'm younger than you are."

Now his smile was more innocent. "Okay, then snag someone with your undying youth, why don't you?"

Her stare was very flat. She turned very quickly with her hips, grabbed the closest guy, gave him mouth-to-mouth, and shoved a piece of paper at him. "Call me," she said, the man blushing, a little fixating with her chest, then nodded with her face and strolled away, staring at the paper still blushing.

"How. . .aggressive. So like you," he blinked, staring at what B.T. just did. "But, you still lose."

Very irritated, she growled, "And why?!"

"Because, I wanted you to get a GIRL, like ME," he said, with a toothy grin.

She stared blankly this time. "A. . .girl?"

"Yeah," he said.

". . . .Hmph." She walked right past him.

"Heheheh-YOW!" he screeched.

"Serves you right," said B.T., issuing him a wedgie, holding onto the elastic waistband. "I used to like you, but you're just so. . .so-

"Irresistible?" he asked, teeth clenched in pain.

"Pig-headed," she replied. "Have a good day" She gave a quick salute and turned, heading down the beach.

"Yes, yes, YESSSSSS!" shouted Korus, with Mars and Condrugon, at a lookout station, watching Tifa reach over for the suntan oil. "AAAAHAHAHAAA!"

"Hmm. . .," thought Mars, looking at Tifa with the oil. "Bathroom."

"Bathroom?" asked Korus. "Just when it's getting good?!" He was sitting around in some green trunks.

Mars had a pair of red, and Condrugon sat in a pair of black and two thin vertical stripes on the side. "Yeah, got a problem with that?" asked Mars. "I'll be back in a sec." He climbed down from the wooden structure and started down the beach.

"How unlike him," said Condrugon, also wearing a black, sleeveless shirt.

"Dude, isn't all the black kind of. . ."

"What?" Condrugon asked.

"Hot?" asked Korus.

Condrugon smiled. "Only for the ladies."

Korus blinked. ". . .Yeah, sure, whatever. . ."

Tifa was sitting on a large, layback beach chair, black sunglasses propped up behind her ears and resting on her forehead. She was sitting up, applying some of the shiny, clear liquid over her arms, in a tied-over, wrap white top and black, thong-like bikini bottom (what's up with this woman and that monochromatic color combination?) over her smooth skin, with a loose upturn to her mouth, finally getting some peace. Gripping the bottle, it was suddenly snatched out of her hands. ". . .Eh?"

Mars stood with a moderately, unknowingly truthful face over her. "Need someone to put some on your back?"

". . ." Tifa was a little more than skeptical about this. But somehow, with at least the expression he had, she decided to give him a shot. "Uh, yeah I guess." She set the beach chair flat and laid over on her stomach, untying the back. "There. Any funny business and you become the new Rachel."

He grinned. "Yes, madam! Heheheheheheheheheheh. . ."

"What was that overly disturbing laugh for?"

"NOTHING!"

"This beach seems, uh. . .," said Rachel, staring along with Laura, but not Angelo who didn't suspect a thing, "invaded."

Laura nodded. "Uh-huh."

"What? Invaded?" asked Angelo. "Only with pretty girls."

"Hiiiiii!" said Sky, walking over. "Rachel? Laura? About time you got here. Who's the dude?" she asked.

"Who's the hooker and why do you know her?" asked Angelo, talking over to Laura. "Is there something you have to tell me? Don't worry, I only want a tape of it."

"I AM NOT A LESBIAN!" Laura screamed.

The entire beach stared silently.

" . . . .Eeeeheheheheheheheheheh. . .," she laughed, entirely pink, then grumbled. "Why is the entire island questioning my sexuality?"

"Because we're in front of your boyfriend?" asked Rachel.

"Ooooooh, this is her boyfriend?!" asked Sky eagerly in her red bikini. "Does that mean I can have Vincent?"

Angelo blinked. "Vincent?"

"Er, it's uh, it's nothing! NOTHING AT ALL!" she said, sweating.

"And you're sweating because. . .?"

"It's the heat!" she feigned. "I, uh, I'll go fetch my bathing suit. . ."

Surka sat at a refreshment stand, looking rather bitter about it all.

"Awww, what's the problem?" asked Ifalna, sitting next to her.

"I'm visited by undead spirits so often, I'm not surprised anymore?" Surka guessed. "I don't have a bathing suit, and next of all, as if I'd let anyone catch me dead in one."

"Sucker. . .," muttered Zack, in the opposite chair beside her. "Eh, you'd look just FINE in one."

"That's what you think," said Surka.

POOF!

"I don't like that sound-EHHHHHH?!" shouted Surka, jumping up from her seat in a purple, somewhat revealing bathing suit.

"There ya' go!" said Zack, smacking her ass and ushering her over to the rest of everyone else. "Have fun!"

"BUT-

"FUUUUUUUN!" he said, shoving her over, then hopping back over on his seat. "Yep yep. . .Why are we here again?"

"Is it so wrong to spend our time off here?" Ifalna asked. "And besides, I like to think of it as a family vacation with my daughter."

"Aw, isn't that sweet? But, I'm not your daughter. . .," said Zack. "Or do I not have adorable eyes?" he asked sweetly, batting his eyelashes.

"They're adorable enough. Hi, Zack," said Aeris, waving behind him, obviously wearing a pink bikini.

"Eh?" asked Zack. "How did you know we were-

"Surka's in a bikini and thus is a miracle from God. Who works for God?"

"Strippers," said Zack.

"Noooo. . .," said Aeris. "YOU do! So, I went to the direction she came from, and there you are!"

"Ten points for Aeris!" said Zack. "Yaaaay!"

"Is that mockery?" asked Aeris.

"Yeah, playful mockery," he said.

"Okay," said Aeris. "Just checking. Hi, mom."

"Aeris! HUGS!" Ifalna was squeezing the life out of her daughter. "It's rare when I get to see you!"

"Considering you're dead, yes. . .," Aeris gasped. "LEMME. . .LEMME BREATHE, MOM. . ."

"Oohoohoo, whoops. . .," said Ifalna. "Your father is collecting shells, classifying them with their 'respective binomial nomenclature'," she said, doing those quotation handmotion. "He never quits."

"ARTHROPAEDA!" he shouted from down the beach, in one of those old looking men's bathing suits, in white and red stripes.

"YAAAAY! ARTHROPAEDA!" shouted Lucrecia, standing next to him, holding up a shell in either hand.

"Eheheh. What those two consider fun. . .," Ifalna sighed, also wondering how weird it was that Lucrecia was still wearing a white lab coat on the beach, even more curious how that was over her white bikini.

"You're all, uh. . .hi," said Laura, her bikini being of a more lavender color. "What are all of you guys doing?"

"Sobbing. . .," said Rufus' head in the sand.

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH. . .," laughed Mars, sitting on Tifa's lower back, rubbing on the oil.

"He's actually very good at that. . .," said Tifa. "So I'm letting him give me a massage."

"Volleyball!" said Sky, over at a net. "OW!"

"AAAHAHAHAAA!" laughed Surka, who just whacked one into Sky's face.

"Making fun of Reno's manhood," said B.T., lying on a beach chair with many pretty men tending to her needs.

"Learning new languages," said Christina, apparently talking to a dog.

"Plotting against our colleague," grumbled Korus and Condrugon.

"Um. . .That's nice," said Laura. "Angelo, these are my friends. . .Who have almost complete control of this section of the beach."

Everyone was using this part of the beach it seemed, hardly paying attention to any of the work at hand.

"This many came with you?" asked Angelo, blinking. "I didn't know you were this popular."

"Believe it or not. . .," Rachel sighed. "OW!"

Laura whacked her over the head much like Tifa.

"Ooh, aggressive. . .," said Angelo. "Anyhow, you gonna introduce me to any of them?"

"Uh. . ." Laura looked to her left at Rachel, who nodded. "Okay. . .that first one you met is Sky-

"The hooker?" asked Angelo.

"I AM NOT A HOOKER!" she sobbed.

"Um. . .okay. . .," said Angelo. "And these people?"

"Uh. . .," she pointed to each one. "Nyow, Jessie, Holly, Selena, Andariel, Kristi, Korus, Keily, Condrugon, Steve, Mars, Wraithe, Kiako, uh. . .Kiro. . ."

"RACHEL! WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A BIKINI?!" Kiro exclaimed, in her own two-piece. "ARE YOU NOT GOING TO FIT IN WITH THE OCCASION?!"

"Uh, well about that, Kiro. . .," said Rachel, "I REALLY dislike wearing bathing suits, as well as even short pants. I'm just fine. . ."

"YES, OF COURSE YOU'RE FINE! YOU'RE CUTE! NOW, SHOW IT TO THE WORLD!" said Kiro, grabbing Rachel to her, hugging. "Come on, my muffin. . ."

"Ahhhahahahah. . .," Rachel sobbed.

". . .Can I take a picture of that?" asked Angelo, staring, fixated.

"LET ME CONTINUE. . .," said Laura. "There's also, uh. . .I can't remember all their names while they're not immediately in front of me. . .," she said. "Erg, uh. . .Sadi, Mia, Eternal, Mike, Chikara, Konoshi, Dayna, Kami, Surka, Hype, Cleo-

"MROW!" Cleow stabbed her claws into the volleyball when they knocked it at her. "Serves you right. . ." She tossed back the deflated remnants.

"Eheheheh. . .Christina, Lucrecia, Tifa, Reno, Cloud-

"Okay, okay, okaaay. . .," said Angelo. "Now you're just naming FF7 characters."

"No, I could give you a photo I.D.," said Tifa. "I swear, that's our names."

Angelo blinked and just thought these people were the most remarkable cosplayers he'd ever seen. ". . .Suuuuure. . .And I suppose there's a Yuffie."

"Yeah," Yuffie said, still wearing her normal clothes. "But since you remembered me, here's your wallet back." She tossed him his wallet.

". . .Eh?!" he said, seeing as it really was his. "That's just too much. . ."

"Too much money?" asked Aeris. "What's he talking about?"

"I dunno," said Tifa.

"Well, yes yes. . .," said Laura. "It's about 3:00. . .so what do you want to do? . . .Rachel?"

Rachel was hiding from the sun under an umbrella. "My eyes are sensitive to light."

"I'm sensitive to light, period," said Vincent, walking over. "Hello, Laura."

Angelo's eyes widen and he stared down. "Is that. . .that a-

"Metal arm. Yes," said Vincent, in his crimson red trunks. "Um. . .Laura, he's staring. . ."

"Heheh. That's actually pretty understandable. . .Nobody in this world has appendages like that," said Laura.

"This world?" asked Angelo.

"AHHH! THIS IS GETTING COMPLICATED!" shouted Laura. "Look, um. . ." She was getting confused between the both of them. "Vincent, let me see you, privately for a second. . ."

Vincent hesitantly nodded, and moved off.

"Oh, before you go, I forgot," said Angelo.

"Yeah?" asked Laura. "Hmm?!"

Angelo pretty much to say. . .planted her a pretty big one right there and then.

Vincent stared, and shook his head, turning around.

Rachel grinned and took a picture. "HEHEHEHEHEH. . .THAT'S A KEEPER!"

"Heheh," Angelo laughed. "Forgot when I first saw you."

Laura blushed. "Oh. . .Heh, see you in a second. . .," she said strenuously, going after Vincent, who she knew caught the tail end, at least.

"Er. . .okaaaaaaay. . .," said Angelo, expecting her to say something a little more than that. "See you. . ."

But she was already a little too far to hear.

Laura eventually caught up to a quieter spot that Vincent chose, around the refreshment bar, where Ifalna and Zack were, but had vanished from the spot.

"Vincent, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't like beaches," said Laura.

He spoke pretty calmly. "I was coaxed into it," he said, with finality. "I figured I'd just stay around here, where it's cooler. Why, did you want to be alone?"

As calm as he sounded, she took it as a bit of a blow. "N-no, I mean, Rachel's with me. . ."

"Okay then," he shrugged. "Laura, did you intend to. . .eventually tell me about that?"

"Um. . .yeah, but it's a lot harder to actually do it than it is to intend. . .," she said, nervously. "I'm sorry. . ."

He shook his head. "It was. . .disappointing to watch," he said, "but it wasn't unexpected. That is to say, if you did ever return here."

"What do you mean by, 'wasn't unexpected'?" she asked. "Does that mean you knew?"

"It means what it means," he said, still calm. "I didn't actually know, but I had a feeling."

Sighing, she looked away slightly. "Uhm. . ." She was nervous. "So, if it was expected, why do you, you know. . .YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. . .," she continued.

"I guess I was sort of hoping you wouldn't return," he said. "But things happen."

"And you expected it because. . .?"

"Because, I think you're beautiful, that's why," he said. "I can't make your decisions for you, but I'll do my best to change your mind."

Zack, Ifalna, and Gast were watching from a distance.

"Aahahaha. . .," laughed Zack. "This is getting heated up, what say?"

"Young love. . .," Ifalna sniffed. " 'TIS SO CONFUSING. . ."

"Uh, yes. . .," said Gast, watching his wife. "I didn't know you liked soap operas."

"Well, not really," said Ifalna, having control again. "It's just that it's so much fun watching these people."

"But don't we have probation over Sephiroth?" asked Zack.

"Meh! It's our vacation! We can do what we want. . .," said Ifalna. "And I say, we watch this to the bitter end! Pass the popcorn!"

Laura was blushing at both the comment and how he was taking this. "Change my mind. . .?"

"I made a mistake," Vincent said, "and I'd be more than an idiot if I made it twice."

Angelo was trying to watch what they were doing, but everyone was doing their best to block his view. "What are they doing? HEY!"

Sky jumped over to make a block.

"Just lemme-

This time, it was Jessie.

"I WANT TO- AHHHH!"

They all shoved Tifa's chest in his face.

"AAAHAHAHAA!" laughed Mars. "THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION!"

Tifa sobbed. "Why me?!"

"Because nobody is more properly equipped than you are," said Rachel. "I mean, REALLY. . ."

"I'd smack you if I weren't already helping Laura. . .," Tifa grumbled. ". . .He's pretty submerged in there," she remarked, seeing as his face hadn't moved.

"I think he fainted," said Wraithe. "Shall we revive him?"

Angelo, was almost an unhealthy shade of red when he fell over. "HEHEHEH. . .BOOBS. . ."

"No, I think that worked," said Rachel. "Let's camp!"

"I can't believe we actually listen to you," said Tifa, roasting a marshmallow over a fire.

"Isn't this reminiscent, Rachel?" Kiro cooed into Rachel's ear. "Like, the first time we met?"

"Kiro, don't make me stab this hot marshmallow up your ass," said Rachel, a little disturbed. "AND GET AWAY FROM MY EAR!"

"Excuse me, when Kiro finally does Rachel, I want a video," said Mars, raising his hand.

"Oh, shut up. . ."

Laura sighed, and put an ice pack on Angelo's head. "You perv. . .," she grumbled. "But, you are a guy. . .Thanks for helping, Vinnie."

Vincent nodded and gave a rare smile. "He needed the help. Especially after the. . .well, the-

"Boob assault?" Laura guessed. "I hear he had a nosebleed that went down Tifa's shirt."

"You going to whack him for that?" asked Vincent, on the other side of Angelo's unconscious body.

"Maaaybe. . .," said Laura, sitting down comfortably, while they were only a little way off from the fire. "Except, if I did, he'd probably jump to many, many conclusions. . . That's a bit of a flaw he has."

"I. . .I do NOT jump to conclusions!" he said, waking up. "Laura, that's not nice to say. . ."

"Pfft! It's the TRUTH. . .," she said. "Heheh. Angelo, this is Vincent. Vincent, Angelo. Introduced well?"

"Well enough," said both Angelo and Vincent at the same time, then looking at each other, and back to Laura.

"Wow, Laura. . .," said Angelo. "He sure looks like. . .you know…VINCENT. . ."

"Cosplay skills are incredible. . .," she said, trying to make an excuse. "They're all huge fans, as you can imagine. . ."

"Yeah. Is that real?" asked Angelo, poking Vincent's arm.

"Yes, it is 100 titanium with, uh. . ." Vincent saw Laura's very nervous glare. ". . .It's fake."

"But very lifelike. . .," said Angelo, still poking it. "Can you spar with it?"

"Easily. Why?" asked Vincent, curious.

"How about it, then?" asked Angelo.

"Moron. . .," Laira sighed. "Weren't you unconscious five minutes ago? Don't you think you should-

"HAHA!" laughed Angelo, jumping up to his feet. "REST IS FOR THE WEAK! THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG! . . .How long have I been out?"

"About FIVE HOURS. . .," grumbled Laura. "And you were drooling, too. What WERE you dreaming about?"

"Ohhh, nothing. . .," he said. "Come on Vince, I challenge ya'!"

"I SMELL SPARRING. . .," said Steve, whipping his head around to see where.

"DOWN. . .," said Rachel, holding the top of his head with her right hand, to stop it from spinning. "Not today. . ."

"Meanie. . ."

"Heyyy! LAAAUUURAAA!" shouted Rachel, calling for her. "C'MEEERE!"

Laura heard her. "Uhhh. . .okay, you two be good, and please, don't bleed on the beach," she said, running for the fire.

". . .She's gone," said Angelo. "Soooo. . .wanna fight? It's great exercise. . ."

"If you wish," said Vincent, putting on his right-hand glove.

"Nyess, Rachel?" asked Laura, bounding next to her. "What's up?"

"My my, you're handling this very well. . .," said Rachel, with a mischievous grin and accusing eyes, that the rest of the group shared.

"H-hey!" said Laura. "There's no reason I should be overreacting, is there?"

Tifa snickered.

"What? WHAAAT?!" asked Laura.

"Overreacting is your middle name," said Tifa. "OH, VINCENT!" she mocked, pressing the back of her palm on her forehead dramatically. "TOGETHER, WE'LL FILL THE WORLD WITH OUT CHILDREN!"

Then, they all snickered while she grumbled.

"Okay, okay, that's what's called a FANGIRL REFLEX. . .," said Laura. "FANGIRL REFLEX!"

"Is THIS a fangirl reflex?!" asked Cid, wondering about Kiako on his arm.

"Oh, my dear Captain Cuddlecakes! We'll fly to the STARS!" she cooed, swooning on his arm.

"Yes, yes it is," said Laura, nodding.

"I see. . .," said Reno, taking notes. "So, essentially, fangirls must be bred for undying love and aggressive sex."

They were all quiet.

". . .Actually, that's pretty accurate," said Rachel. "But, their love is only directed towards certain things, the rest they ignore."

Mars sniffled. "Wish I had fangirls. . .and aggressive sex. . ."

"Been there, done that. . .," said Mike.

Again, there was quiet.

"Wh-what?!" he asked. "There's nothing wrong with that!"

"No, no there isn't. . .," said Tifa. "It's just maybe something you should keep to yourself. . .CLOUD. . ."

"Oh, you suck. . .," Cloud grumbled, folding his arms.

"Okay then. . .," said Rachel. ". . .Are you okay, Laura?"

Laura was quiet.

". . .Eh?" asked Rachel.

". . .NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Laura sobbed. "I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!"

"I knew it," said Sky.

"I say, you pick the hottest one," said Jessie.

"Or, the most sensitive," said Aeris.

"Perhaps the one who'll be able to protect you the best," said Holly.

"OOH!" said Kiro. "HAVE SEX WITH BOTH AND DECIDE WHO'S BETTER!"

"NO, KIRO. . .," they all said.

"Who do you care for most?" asked Rachel.

"Hmmm. . .," thought Laura. ". . .Pretty much both."

"FLIP A COIN!" shouted Steve.

Rachel smacked him behind the head. "That is THE MOST insensitive idea of deciding between people I've EVER heard!"

"Owie. . ."

"Well, on one side, you get a dark-spirited, droolably hot gunslinger with compassion. Almost," said Rachel. "You've known him for about ten months. On the other hand, there's Angelo, whom you've been with for. . .?"

"About the same. . .," Laura sighed.

"OWWW!"

Laura turned around, and saw Angelo pinned with his arm on the ground. "OWWW! YOU WIN! YOU WIN! Damn, you're good. . .," he said about Vincent and his sparring.

"Well, I was a Turk," Vincent shrugged, standing up.

Angelo laughed. "Okay, okay, nice joke."

Vincent cocked a confused eyebrow. "Oookay. . ."

"Didn't I tell you, no bleeding?" said Laura, running over.

Rachel watched from the campsite. "I hope she makes the right choice."

"Her head doesn't know, but her feelings must be correct," said Tifa. "I mean, I was 100 right dumping Dusseldorf here.

"HEYYY! I'm not German. . .Whatever 'German is'. . .," said Cloud.

"Hey, we're not bleeding. . .," said Angelo. "Heh, at least I know I wouldn't make this guy here bleed, right Vincent?"

"Probably not," said Vincent. "Laura, your boyfriend is quite good. . .But he still needs to work on his reflexive timing."

"This guy's lightning, I swear. . .," said Angelo. "I'm getting a rematch. But, you're leaving tomorrow, right?"

Laura sighed and looked down, rubbing her arm nervously.

Vincent looked down, and felt the need to console her, but instead remained firm and nodded. "Later tonight, actually. Laura, say thank you to your mother for us," he said. "I'm afraid that rematch would have to wait, unless you'd like one now."

"Nah, maybe when my ARM heals. . .," said Angelo, rubbing it more briskly than Laura. "Like, in an hour or so."

"All right, I'll speak to Tifa when we're leaving. . .," Vincent said.

"How many cosplay contests have you actually won?" asked Angelo.

"Cos. . .play?" asked Vincent.

"Yeah, with the arm, the cape, the headband. . .Looks rather exact if you ask me," Angelo said.

"Uhhhh. . .," said Vincent.

"Oh well, just drop by soon, all right?" said Angelo. "You really didn't have enough time to enjoy this place."

"Um. . .all right. . .," said Vincent, nodding. "I'm sort of deciding where to live, anyway. . ."

Laura shook her head, and gave him a very wide-eyed expression.

"Uh. . .A decision that shall soon be resolved elsewhere?" Vincent replied.

"Um, ooookay there. . .," said Angelo, wondering about that last part.

"This is taking too looooong. . .," Tifa sighed.

"NOOOO! NOOOOO! YOU CAN'T BREAK THE BONDS OF TRUE LOOOOOVE!" Rachel whined.

"What IS it with you and that true love bit?" asked Cloud.

"I dunno," said Rachel. "I guess I use it for ever drop dead sexy guy I see."

All the guys blinked, then smiled and waved.

"Errr. . .I'll give my decision on that one later. . .," said Rachel. "Tifa, stop being so meaaaan!"

"It can't be helped," Tifa sighed. "It's now or never, and as much I do think something like this can't be rushed, she also can't just debate on this forever."

Heading off in Laura's direction, she strode quickly, and took a hold of Laura's shoulder.

"Huh?" asked Laura, turning around.

Tifa had a sympathetic expression for a split-second for reassurance, but faced both Vincent and Angelo that reflected more seriousness. "Vincent, it's time we had to go. We have to go."

Vincent nodded, and then nodded, looked at Laura who stared back up, but he couldn't do more but wave and go.

"See ya'!" said Angelo, waving to him. "Uh. . .Laura?"

She sat completely silent, a little pale.

"Doo, doo, doo, doooo. . .", she thought. "Oookaaay. . .Either I stay here, at home. . .or, either I leave with Vincent. Leave, or stay. . .Leave, or STAAAAY. . .The inner voice says go, but another say leave. The head says stay, but the heart says go. . .Stay, or go, stay or, go, stay or- NOOOOOO! HE'S GETTING FARTHER AWAY, YOU MORON! GOOOO! RUNNN! RUNNN LIKE THE WIIIIIND! . . .Am I talking to myself? Is the voice yelling at me? Am I yelling at me, or are you yelling at me? Or are WE talking to myself? I'm getting confused with my pronouns! GAAAH, I'M LIKE RACHEL ON A GRAMMAR RANT! . . .Oh poo, he's gone."

"I guess we gotta pack up," said Angelo, gathering up the towel he was lying on. "You ready to go?"

"Hmm. . .yeah," Laura nodded. "I'm ready."

"Awww, poor V-kun," said Rachel, watching him as he climbed onto Bahamut, then sniffled. ". . .POOR ME! I'M WITHOUT A CO-STAR!"

"Co-star?" asked Tifa, looking at her, baffled. "What the crap are you talking about?"

"It's more fun to think about it like a sitcom," said Rachel, Cloud nodding in agreement.

"Of course, the idiots agree," said Tifa.

"WHO WANTS TO BE MY CO-STAR?!" asked Rachel, waving her hand. "IT HAS NO PAY OR BENEFITS WHATSOEVER!"

"I WILL!" shouted Kiro. "IT HAS ONE BENEFIT, AND THAT'S ALL I NEED!"

"Uh. . .We don't pay for dental," said Rachel, blinking.

"I'm sorry, Vincent," said Christina, sitting at her usual spot, around the tail. "Maybe it's for the best."

He shook his head. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, just me."

"That's surprising. . .," said Keily. "She didn't pick tall, dark, and handsome."

"AND THEY WERE SO GOOD FOR EACH OTHER!" Konoshi sobbed. ". . .Say anything about it, and I'll kill you with a pencil."

"Suuuurrre. . .," said Keily, a little weirded out. "Ooookaaay. . ."

"Is everyone onboard?" asked Tifa, calling from Bahamut's head. "Anyone want to stay? The next stop is the U.S. . . .Whatever that means."

Not willing to risk losing another person, nobody said a word.

"Okay," Tifa nodded. "I guess we're off." She quickly sat down, and hesitantly, patted the left side of Bahamut's head, signaling for taking off.

With powerful wing beats, the sky dragon Bahamut, left the island, and-

"WAIT! WAAAAAAAAAAIT!" shouted Rachel. "NOOOOO!"

"We've already LEFT!" shouted Tifa. "We're already 200 feet in the air! DID YOU LEAVE YOUR RUBBER CHOCOBO IN THE BATHTUB?!"

"No, and his name is BOKIE," Rachel pouted. "I just don't think it's fair to end it this way!"

"End what?" asked Cloud. "We're not ending anything."

"NO! It's NOT a story without Laura!" Rachel said.

"Rachel, this ISN'T a sitcom," said Tifa. "And if it WERE, we'd already be CANCELED. NOTHING happens to us, and when somebody leaves, it's JUST A PART OF LIFE. You knew it would happen one day."

"Well. . .not exactly. . .," said Laura.

"Yes, it WOULD-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tifa shouted. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH US, 500 FEET IN THE AIR?!"

"Um. . .flying?" Laura guessed. "I decided to come with you. That a problem?"

Vincent stood up. "Laura I-

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Rachel wailed, knocking Vincent aside. "YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, EVER!"

"Gee, thanks?" said Laura, kinda sad she missed the Vincent part. "Rachel, my LUNGS. . .I can't inhale while my face is in your SHOULDER. . ."

And, Vincent kind of leered at Rachel.

". . .OHHHHH!" said Rachel, quickly releasing Laura. "I GET IT!" She winked. "YEAAAAAAAAH, I KNEW IT ALL THIS TIME! I. . .I'll go now," she said, walking away.

"Uh. . .," said Vincent, knowing that some were indeed, staring. "How, and why-

"I told him I wanted to go," Laura shrugged. "And, I sorta, maybe, uh. . .I told him there was somebody I cared about," she sighed, nervously.

"Heheheh, that person is ME," said Rachel.

Then, everyone leered at her.

"Oh, FINE, it was VINCENT," Rachel grumbled. "Ya' can't get any respect and/or love. . ."

"Heh. . .," said Vincent. "I almost considered jumping off this thing, too. I, uh. . .I-

She held up a finger, knowingly. "I think we'd be best off not saying it. I already understand. But. . ."

"But. . .?" he asked.

"Angelo kind of figured what I meant, I mean, he may jump to conclusions, but, he's not exactly what you'd call stupid. . .," she said, then rolled her eyes and coughed. "Eheh. Yeah, well, he said that 'going after something from your dreams is important because you'll only have one chance, but if it involves losing something you already have, you only have one chance to keep it, too.'"

"So, you chose to give it up?" Vincent said.

"It's also been said that you can't gain anything without losing something. . .," said Laura. "I thought about what I wanted, and I guess I picked you because you let me have my own sovereignty about what I wanted to do. And besides. . .I think it's a lot more fun to chase your dreams. But, in the meantime. . ."

He eagerly anticipated her saying something about her being "legal".

"I THINK I WANNA TAKE A NAP. . .," she sighed, lying down. "Chasing after all of you and climbing up the backside of a ferocious dragon is pretty exhausting, especially while you're climbing up in the air at a high rate. . ." After that, it seemed she was completely clocked out.

"Not what I was hoping for. . .," he sighed, frowning, sitting down and folding his legs, then easing her head into his lap, brushing her hair out of her eyes, quietly asleep. ". . .But, exactly what I wanted, too."

"Hello? HELLO?!" shouted Rufus, still buried up to his head in the sand on the beach. "ANYONE REMEMBER ME?! TIFA! RACHEL! CLOUD! RENO, FOR GOD'S SAKE! . . .Keily?! HELLLLLP!"

---

AN3: Aaaahahahaha. I'm back with a vengeance.

Tifa: But, that doesn't mean you have a license to kill the name of all that is literature.

AN3: ::grumbles:: Critics. Anyway, I realize it's been about, oh, three or four months since I did anything. But you know, I'd like to say that this should be that last of one of those episodes that have those dosages of drama, and we'll be back to being stupid about nothing.

Everyone: . . .Yay?

AN3: I kinda hope so. . .Hey, that was half of last season, and you all seemed to like it. But yes, we're going to try out some new costumes, explore the other half of this story, to discover what it's like for the FF7 characters figuring out how to live in the so-called, "real world", but there's a problem.

Everyone: What?

AN3: Time lag.

Christina: Well, that's what you get for that unannounced and unprepared for hiatus.

AN3: ::sighs:: I know. So, we're going to be making up for lost time, so this will still be set back to last year until we catch up. One question, though. . .

Tifa: Nyess?

AN3: Should we still do a Christmas episode? Now, I'm going to guess some people will just say, "Why don't you decide?". But you know what?! I'M A LIBRA! I CAN'T MAKE SNAP DECISIONS! I'm very indecisive, so I want YOU to tell me! Why do you think I ask you?! BECAUSE, I'M TERRIBLE AT MAKING DECISIONS, SO I INCORPORATE FAIR JUDGEMENT FROM THE GROUP. So please, help this poor authoress and her meager, decision-making capabilities.

Reno: Okay then. . .Tell me, are there anymore updates while you're at it? Liiiike. . .Reno gets some. . .?

AN3: Yes, and no. Or, at least not yet.

Reno: ::sobs::

AN3: Okay, I've planned out at least 3 seasons of this crud, unless I get a new idea/perspective. Will THREE, count them, THREE seasons suffice?!

Cult: GO ON FOREVERRRRRR!

AN3: I really ought to do something with that cult.

Konoshi: Liiike, CONQUER THE WORLD?! Or, actually please them with frequent updates?

AN3: Considering the next part of season 2 ought to be all about fun, there should be more frequent updates with, hopefully, shorter chapters. Also, if we pray to God, less typos.

Tifa: You don't check over your work, do you? Shouldn't you get a beta reader?

AN3: Sound advice! But, no, because that takes too much time! These people are smart! They can figure it out!

Holly: What if we're grammar nazis who feel physical pain when we see a mistake.

AN3: Then, you're just like me.

Holly: But, you said you don't check over your work.

AN3: LONG LIVE LAZINESS!

Lazy people: YAAAAY!

AN3: Long live semicolons, contractions, and improper uses of prepositions! . . .Okay, not that last one, but slang is ALL RIGHT. I mean, I won't walk up to Tifa and say, "How art thou, good madam? Shall I set thine dinnerware betwixt thy glassware? And shall I removeth thee of the good, blonde knave?".

Cloud: Heheheheh. . .wait. . .Blonde knave?

AN3: ::coughs:: Nothing. I sure say mean things about the characters I love. Like, Cloud and Tifa! Tifa's being bitchy, and Cloud, is well. . .He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but now he's ever duller.

Cloud: . . .Eh?

AN3: See? I'm an American! I am RUDE, I am LAZY, and I AM DAMN PROUD OF IT! Fortunately, I'm not fat like the other half of America. But you know what? So what if they're overweight?! STOP PICKING ON THEM! THAT'S JUST MEAN!

Cid: What are you DOING?!

AN3: Goin' on a rant! I think I should smack my picture up on my deviantart page, but I'm rather hesitant letting the entire world see my hideous, abhor-able face.

Everyone: ::falls over and sighs:: That's it. Instead of correcting her, we'll just let her insult herself.

AN3: Thank you.

Everyone: ::sobs::

AN3: Okay, okay, more updates, more updates. . .Hmmm. . .We'll be having fun with the ever classic school setting. Yes, all the high-school aged girls will be going to MY school! AAAHAHAHAHAAA! . . .The other ones, I'll figure out. ::hands Vincent a suit::

Vincent: . . .This looks a lot like a Turk suit. What is it for?

AN3: You, my good blood-sucking dweller of the night, are going to be a teacher.

Vincent: . . .I'm not a vampire.

AN3: Deal with it! Okay, now, Lucrecia's gonna be a teacher, too. Yuffie's gonna be a student. Now, both of you. . .PLEASE don't destroy anything.

Yuffie: Won't be fun that way!

Lucrecia: Accidents are part of progress!

AN3: Ugh. Tifa, you're NOT going to be a teacher.

Tifa: Why not?

AN3: I don't believe in corporal punishment, especially when inflicted upon students.

Tifa: ::grumble grumble grumble::

AN3: Okay, enough dictation of roles! You know what? Since my school has two plays each year, we should do another play for AE.

Tifa: And I bet it'll be just as tortuous as the last.

AN3: YOU BET! We're doing King Henry the V this time! . . .Or was it the VIII?

Everyone: ::sighs::

AN3: Okay, okay. . .Who had a good Christmas.

Everyone: ::wiped::

AN3: Oh, today is Monday. . .I guess most of you went to school. My goal was to update before the end of break, and since I'm still on break. . .I met MY goal, just maybe not to you. . .

Everyone: ::homicidal::

AN3: ::nervous:: Uhhh, off that topic! Yes, there will be perverted moments! Horrible accidents! Strange misunderstandings, and as little plot as possible until I introduce the next end of season, when it ALL TIES TOGETHER!

Nyow: I dunno about you, but the last season ending was tolerable, so this season's ending ought to be tolerable, too.

AN3: Yeah, that's the last time I spend 3 days and countless hours of my life on you, just for the sake of an ending. I never have a set plan of ideas for this, so I just have an agenda on how to get there. Most of the last season ending was me running in circles on how to achieve the effect I wanted.

Nyow: What effect was that?

AN3: For nobody to start throwing carrots at me. Or any other vegetables for that matter. I lost all my reviews, so I sorta forgot what people said. . .Hope last ending was okay, and I'm trying my best to make this season as good as the last! We don't want to be the Matrix and get suckier as we go along in the seasons.

Mars: Does MARS get any action?

AN3: Will it make the season any better?

Mars: . . . . .Yes, yes it will.

AN3: Riiiiight. Any other complaints and suggestions?

Korus: Does KORUS get any action?

Reno: AND MEEEEE!

AN3: YOU SEX OBSESSED PEOPLE! YOU DON'T SEE ME HAVING OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE SEX WITH STEVE, NOW DO YOU?! NO! JUST BECAUSE I HAVE PERVERTED TENDENCIES DOESN'T MEAN. . .doesn't. . .mean. . .Steve, go to my trailer. I expect to find you naked.

Steve: ::sweatdrop, but runs off anyway::

AN3: Aaahahahaha. Just kidding.

Steve: ::falls over, grumbling::

Everyone: ::freaked out and scared::

AN3: JUST KIDDING! Geez, you people are SENSITIVE. Anyway, I HOPE to catch up. And I want that Christmas episode input! When we get back, I do believe we'll be starting all that promised lunacy. Tifa finding an apartment and a job, which ought to be hard because everyone thinks she's lying about her name and occupation-

Tifa: IT'S NOT EASY, BEING FICTIONAL!

AN3: ::sweatdrop:: and other things, like registering all these other people as students and such. But remember. . .This stuff was supposed to be at the end of the SUMMER. So think SEPTEMBER. I know that's painful, but just for the sake of the story. Bye, bye!

Vincent and Laura: ::making out::

AN3: OH, GOD! BREAK IT UP!

Vincent and Laura: ::looking in opposite directions, whistling::

AN3: THAT'S BETTER. . .Keep this story KOSHER. . .Is anybody Jewish?

Everyone: END THE DAMN CREDITS!

AN3: KILLJOYS! ::grumbles:: Bye!