Chapter 10: Getting on with our Lives

A/N: Well, if you thought that living in the real world would not be as fun as living in the FF7 world. . .You are absolutely correct! Anyway, this chapter for a tiny summary (as if you couldn't already guess) is trying to get everyone along in their new lifestyle. Hey, if Rachel had to live with getting a new welt from Tifa's gloves every day, Tifa ought to start living with random men passing her their numbers on the street. Hey, that's not fair. . .Oh, right. FF7 is owned by Squaresoft, LadyTifa26 owns Laura, and random people own everything else. Gotcha?

"Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. . .," sang Hype, clanking her knife and fork at the breakfast table, happily. "I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver! (we don't own Meow Mix, either)"

"Hype. . .Stop degrading yourself to human advertisement jingles. . .," Cleo, her sister, chastised. "It's not right!"
"I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!" Rachel sang with her, too. "I love that song!"

Cleo sank in her chair and sighed, her cat ears drooping slightly. "Oh, never mind. . ."

"Breakfast!" Tifa announced, setting the food on the table. "It's not easy feeding an army, buuut. . ." She twirled her spatula expertly, flung it in the air, and caught it back when it fell, by the handle. "It's a piece of cake for me," she grinned in egotism.

"OOH, WE HAVE CAKE!" asked Beppi. "Mommy never lets me eat cake for breakfast."

"Who's the chick?" asked Mars, helping himself to some bacon. "She's weird."

"Just ignore her," said Mike. "Maybe she'll go away. And don't look at her in the eyes. . .Funny things happen. . ."

Mars tried it. "Sooo, Beppi. . .Where ya' from?"

She smiled, crossed her eyes, and they changed a funny color. "CLEVELAND!" She laughed and went back to normal. "I'm running out of sugar. . .Where's that cake?"

Mars blinked. ". . .Figures, she's from Cleveland. . ."

"Ohio?" asked Mike. "Yeah, only the weirdoes come from Cleveland, Ohio. . ."

"I thought only weirdoes came from Reno, Utah," said Rachel.

"Heeyyyyyy!" said Reno, adding some whiskey to his coffee, a bit of pancake on the side of his cheek. "I DO NOT PRODUCE WEIRDOES! . . .I DIDN'T IMPREGNATE ANYBODY!"

"Your sperm are probably infertile, anyway. . .," said Rufus, drinking his normal, sugarless, black coffee. "You drown them in that whiskey of yours."

"As a preventive measure," Reno nodded.

Everyone sighed. "Can we stop talking about sperm in the morning?"

If you had already guessed, this was a fairly regular morning. A couple weeks had already passed, in adjustment to the school. It was a clear, Saturday morning. But it was going to be a little different this week, from the rest.

"All right, suckers!" Tifa announced, finally getting to sit down to a seat at the table. Fortunately, Rachel's family is now accustomed to eating out. Having so many strangers not only wore on their nerves, but on the body to try and reserve a seat somewhere CLOSE to the kitchen. "Tomorrow, I'm moving out! Now, don't cry because you won't have this good food, but-

"WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rachel shouted suddenly. "MY WOUNDS WILL HEAL!"

Silence. . . .

". . .I'm sorry," Rachel apologized, sweating nervously. "You were saying, Lady Ironboot?"

"Riiiiight. . .," Tifa continued. "I got myself an apartment, and I'm moving in tomorrow! I have myself a job, nyeheh. . .But, I promise to visit, if you want me. . .However, that's not the only change around here. . ."

"Why are you dictating orders in MY house?" Rachel asked. "You should listen to ME! MY grand decree is. . .is. . .Um. . .Please, pass the syrup."

Tifa sighed, and tossed it over to Rachel.

"WHEE!" Rachel squealed. "Thank youuuuuuuuu!"

". . .Uh-HUH. Okay," Tifa continued, "it is at the request of Rachel's family, to say in a short way. . .GET THE HELL OUT! They put it rather nicely when talking to me last night, but you have to admit, they've been good sports for THREE WEEKS of this. . .insanity. . ."

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRP!" Cloud belched. "What insanity?"

"Thank you for that great visual aid, Lord of the Flatulence. . .," Tifa commended. "But-

"I thought 'flatulence' was. . .um. . .excessive gas in the, er. . .," said Rachel. "The-

"Ass. Ass gas," said Lucrecia. "See?" she said with a smile. "That wasn't so bad!"

"It's the DIGESTIVE tract. . .Close enough," said Tifa. "And it could also mean he's self-important."

"MY HAIIIIIRRRR!" he screamed, when Kiako accidentally got ketchup on it. "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!"
"I WAS TRYING TO SQUIRT A BIG, RED HEART ON CIDDY-DUMPLING'S PLATE!" she sobbed, in terror.

"LET ME FINISH. . .," Tifa said, irritably. "We have to move out."

". . ." More breakfast table silence. ". . . .NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they screamed. "WE'RE MOOCHERS! LET US STAAAAAAAAY, RACHELLLLLLLLLLLL!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The last thing Rachel knew before passing out, was the giant group "hug" from everyone.

Feel the love. . .

On the couch, Rachel lay unmoving and unconscious.

"See? I'm the only one who can properly brutalize the poor girl," Tifa sighed. "At least when I do it, she learns a lesson."

"I'm not sure that's the case, Tifa. . .," said Aeris, sighing. "I get the impression she doesn't learn so much."

"Eh! She's slow!" Tifa shrugged. "She requires repetitive learning. . ." The sound of her cracking knuckles unsettled some, Rachel almost noticeably twitching. "Point is, I'm SURE some of you can get a job. . .Not by whoring."

Kiro slunk and pouted.

"And, the job will be respectable. . .Not by whoring. Besides- NOT BY WHORING!"

"I get the point!" Kiro said to Tifa. "Jesus. . ."

"Yay, now that we've learned a little lesson in SELF-RESPECT. . ." Tifa glared at Mars, who attempted stuffing a dollar down Kiro's bra, then meekly retracted his hand and smiled. "Ahem. We can get on with our lives in a timely manner, until, hopefully, one day we get home. Lucrecia, how's the project working on that?"

"Hmmmm. . . ." Lucrecia was meticulously flipping through her noted on the clipboard. ". . .I have no funding, no supplies, no lab, and I can't get my guinea pig down from the ceiling."

"NOO! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" shouted Kami, somehow managing to clutch onto a smooth ceiling. "I SWEAR, I CAN STAY UP HERE! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!"

"Rachel, do you have a stepladder?" Lucrecia asked sweetly.

"Uh-huh," Rachel nodded, suddenly awake. "But it's a little rickety."

"All right, then," decided Lucrecia. "I have a ray gun that'll do the trick."

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Kami fell straight down. ". . .Ow. I hope you're happy. My fingers are killing me."

"Ooh, I have a paste diluted from frogs' eyes for that!" said Lucrecia. "Now, I can experiment that!"

Kami passed out on the "frogs' eyes" part.

"What a scaredy cat. I was kidding," Lucrecia said, holding a tube of regular ointment. "I wouldn't do that to my precious experimental animals."

"HE'S your experimental animal," said Rachel. ". . . .That sounds hot."

"Can Aeris be MY experimental animal?" asked Cloud.

"Eh?" Aeris asked, as red as her jacket. "What?"

"No," said Tifa. "No experimental animals."

"Can Kiro give me a full body massage?" asked Mars, with a slight nosebleed.

"Ooh, really?" said Kiro. "Does that mean I touch your entire body, or my entire body gives you that massage? Either way, WE CAN HAVE A THREESOME WITH RACHEL!"

Rachel passed out again.

Kiro was somehow with delight. "ALL RIGHT! SHE'S VULNERABLE! LET'S GO!"

Now, Mars passed out with delight.

". . .Awww. . .," Kiro whined. "That was gonna be FUN. Still got that ointment, Lucrecia?"

"FORGET THE OINTMENT!" shouted Tifa. "FORGET THE MASSAGE, AND THE THREESOME, AND THE SEX, AND THE RACHEL! WE NEED TO GET OUR PRIORITIES IN ORDER!"

"Our experimental animals?" asked Cloud, halfway on top of a blushing and delusional Aeris.

"NOOOOO! NO EXPERIMENTAL ANIMALS!" Tifa screamed. "Look. . .," she sighed, calming down. "We're going to get our jobs. And, interesting mail came in. . ." She handed them out to all the mooching high school girls. "It's the same program Laura had. You get housing."

"Do we get sexy, vampire boyfriends?" asked Jessie. "I sure like that kind of program."

"I am not a vampire!" Vincent protested. "I NEVER WAS!"

"And it's not like we see much of each other anymore. . .," said Laura. "I have college too, you know. And, we haven't even done the nasty."

". . . .You say that so incredibly casually, you know that?" asked Rachel. "Rubbing it in to all virgins like me."

Tifa sighed wishfully. "I kinda wish I were a virgin. . ."

Nobody in the room said a word.

". . .What? What?" asked Tifa. "Just a passing thought!"
Blinkity, blink, blink.

". . .Oh, you people suck," she grumbled. "That's enough time sitting here! GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE! GET A JOB! BE PRODUCTIVE!"
"I can do that," said Reno, all the way on top of Andariel. "I just need to remove our clothes, and-

"PRODUCTIVE, NOT REPRODUCTIVE! How many times has that joke been done, anyway? OH, SHUT UP AND GET OFF OF HER!" Tifa picked him off her, and booted him out the door. "FIND A JOB!"

The job hunt ensues. . .

"I think Tifa has a blood pressure issue," said Sky, looking at the job listings while she walked on the street. "I mean, I saw that vein in her temple that she gets. . .It was looking right at me. . .The vein of DEATH. . ."

"I think we have to get used to that," said Keily, her hands deep in her coat pockets. "I, however, know what job I shall pursue."

". . . .A singing telegram?" Sky guessed.

"Noooo! . . .Wait, what?" Keily asked, confused.

"Nothing," said Sky. "What were you saying?"

". . . .Okaaaaaay. . .," she continued. "I, my friend, am a manga-ka."

". . . .You're a funny girl," Sky said, patting Keily on the shoulder. "Very funny, indeed."

"It's not a joke! I draw stuff, and get paid!" Keily said, stubbornly. "I have a talent! And it's not dancing on a pole!"
"I AM NOT A STRIPPER!"

To Mars' Land. . .

"Someone mentioned 'pole dancing'. . .," said Mars, sniffing the air, in some other neighborhood for a job.

"I smell it too, brother. . .," said Korus, sniffing like Mars, as if a dog on a trail. "And where there's a stripper pole, I follow valiantly. . . . .With one dollar bills, in hand."

"You people are freaks. . .," Mike sighed.

Ironically enough, they just passed a strip club. We all saw that one coming.

Tally ho, the job search. . .

Cleo rolled over on the couch and yawned, stretching out her claws. Soon enough, she curled back up, and tried to take a long catnap.

"Didn't I tell you to get a job?" asked Tifa, hands on her hips.

"And?" Cleo asked. "Do YOU see any job openings for a Japanese cat demon?"

At that time, Selena walked past, with the classifieds. "I wonder if there are any openings for an Amazon Princess. . ."

"There are other options. . .," said Tifa. "Like, uh. . .like. . .like. . . .GET A JOB!"

"I don't have any educational experience," said Cleo, rolling over and examining her claws. "The only experience I've had is living in a secluded, haunted forest, driving away trespassers, and killing things."

"You sound like the old lady next door," Rachel blinked.

". . . Right. Anyway. . .," said Cleo. "Unless I'm the new, 'old lady next door', AND I'M NOT VERY OLD-

"Meow!" Hype ran by as an orange tabby, then transformed back.

POOF!

"Ow. . .," Hype said. "Cleo, you're HUNDREDS of years old! You're crabby, and you LIKE killing things! You ought to be the best candidate for 'old lady next door' ever!"

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, just where I don't need it, Hype. . .," Cleo sighed. ". . .Wait, how would you know about the old lady?"

"She gave me some catnip!" said Hype. "Touch it and die." She had a deathly, and uncharacteristically serious face on. "Heheh!" Giggly again, she continued. "She likes cats, and has this mouse problem, you see. Sooo, while inadvertently tearing an innocent mouse to shreds for my single, solitary meal, she thanked me for helping her, gave me some catnip, and I was on my way!"

Tifa had this evil look on her face.

"Hah?" asked Cleo, for once not the most evil thing in the room, and suddenly clueless. "What's going on? Eh? Tifa? TIFA!"

Next door. . .

"Hello?" Tifa was knocking on the door, with both Hype and Cleo in her hands. "Hellooo?"

With a short series of thuds to the door, it creaked open on an otherwise pleasant looking house, the door revealed a hunched over, rather angry looking woman. "I don't want any!"

Tifa stopped the door before the woman slammed it. "Hey, hey, hey. . .I heard you liked cats, AND you had a mouse problem."

The woman was wary. ". . .Who told you that?"

"Um, news travels fast? Anyway, I know Hype wandered into your yard and-

"Oh, that pumpkin-colored one?" the woman asked, her scowl turning into a more friendly smile, picking Hype up out of Tifa arms.

Cleo was about to bite something.

"She's a wonderful little kitty. . .," the woman said, petting Hype with her finger on her head. "Very pleasant, too. That other one you have, though. . ."

Cleo glared scornfully at the woman.

"Oh, her? She needs exercise. Too much napping, not enough, uh. . .you know. . .," said Tifa. "Whatever cats do. The point is, how would you like these cats to take care of your little mousey dilemma?"

". . .There's no catch to this, is there?" the woman said. "I love cats, but I can't afford to keep 'em."

"No, noooo!" Tifa said, blowing off that idea. "Just, um…$10 an hour."

". . . .Deal," the woman said, after a few moments of deliberating. "But afterwards, if I find one leftover mouse-

"They're thorough," Tifa assured. "Regular hunters. Especially this one." Holding up Cleo, she gently set her down and let Cleo resume licking her paws. "THOROUGH. . ." Tifa winked at Cleo, who received the ultimatum the first time.

"Fine," said the woman. "And, I expect with the mice, I won't have to feed them?"

"Certainly not!" Tifa said. "And if they still are hungry, THEY WILL SWALLOW THEIR PRIDE. . ."

"Eh?" The woman was confused.

"Eheheh! Nothing at all!" Tifa feigned. "All right, I'll be back when they're done!"

Income problems. . .

"How, at my age, will I find a job?" asked Jessie. "I CANNOT FIND A JOB!"

"The point isn't FINDING a job, it's GETTING a job. . .," said Holly. "I don't think we can get a job."

"Oh yeah!" Jessie said, overreacting. "If we don't get a job, Tifa will skin our hides and put our head on a mantle! She gave EVERYONE an instruction sheet, for JOBS! A sheet with job OPENINGS! But, we are YOUNG! YOUTHFUL! WITH LIVES AHEAD OF US! YET, WE CANNOT ATTAIN A JOB, WITH THIS SHEET OF INSTRUCTIONS TO-

"Go two blocks and find our new, paid apartment, thanks to the state government school system for foreign exchange students, issuing a helping hand to our allies, the British," said Holly, looking at the paper. "Not only do you start whining ON THE PORCH. . ."

Believe it or not, they were only five steps out of the house.

"But you don't read the directions, either," she sighed. "I'm questioning your 'oh-so-subtle genius', woman." A little exasperated, she plodded on without her companion.

". . .Doubting my genius?" Jessie finally said. "MY genius! I'm the smartest person you will EVER meet!"

"That really scares me, you know?"

"STOP BEING SO SMART! THAT'S MY JOB! HEY! HEYYY! WAIT UP!"

An actual computer café. . .

"You're a. . .what?" asked the manager.

"A computer analyst and technician," said Kiako, looking up at him hopefully. "I need a job! My cranky caretaker has anger management issues. . .I won't let you down!"

"Is that the BEST way to get a job?" Chikara whispered, nudging her. "You sound mentally imbalanced. Ooh, cookies! GAK!"

Kiako held onto her friend's collar to prevent her from running off. "And, this one makes rather nice coffee. Whaddya say, huh mister?" She gave him the usual, googly-eyed bit she gave to Cid.

The manager looked around a little uneasily. "Sure, but. . .your school will need to give you a work permit, first."

"WOOHOO! HEAR THAT CHIKARA! WE HAVE JOBS!" Kiako celebrated.

"Not quite yet. . .," the manager said. "And until then. . .STOP EATING THE COOKIES!"

Half a dozen were scarfed down her throat. "Shorry, shirr. . ."

"We're a little down on help, you know. . .," he sighed. "Got any friends who can help? Preferably older, so I can hire them right away. . ."

The two had very mischievous looks on their faces.

At the bookstore. . .

"Ha, ha. How does it feel to settle for less?" asked Sky, talking to Keily. "You got a bookstore job, instead."

"What do you mean? You have the SAME JOB. . .," Keily growled.

"Yeah, but. . .I had no expectations," said Sky. "Besides, it's a good thing that manager lady liked Chobits because I apparently have something of 'Chi' hair."

"Not exactly, but I think if we stuck you in a skimpy white sundress and some persocom ears, we might have a nice source of income. . ." Keily sounded a little evil by the end of that, dark circles appearing under her eyes, the mood turning somewhat murky.

Thoroughly frightened, Sky settled for less. "I LIKE BOOKSTORES! DON'T YOU LIKE BOOKSTORES! HEY, DISCOUNTS!" She panicked.

"Good girl." Keily patted her on the head. "Let's go home, shall we?"

Job competition. . .

"ALLLL RIIIIGHT!" shouted Mars triumphantly, on a café table. "I SCORED A JOB!"

"Just not a girl. . .," said Korus, absent-mindedly picking his teeth.

"SHUT UP!" Mars said bitterly. "One day, I'll land a beautiful supermodel, and we'll have fantastic, highly orgasmic sex on the beach in scenic, Rio de Janeiro. . .Then, she'll introduce me to her friends, have rough, sweaty threesomes, and-

"ALL RIGHT! DAMMIT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" said Korus. "You killed my happiness over getting a new job, too."

"What?" Mars sneered. "Too much information, oh high and mighty one?"

"No. . .," Korus sniffled. "You're reminding me of that summer two years ago. . .I do so miss that summer. . .," he sobbed.

Mars' jaw dropped. "You're kidding me. NO MAN IS THAT LUCKY!"

"Well, not in my ca- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAHHHHHCK!"

"STOP the choking. . .," said Condrugon, pulling Mars' hands off Korus. "If one is to be killing, that will be me."

"Please, murder this bastard. . .," Mars sniffled.

". . .Give me $500, and I shall do so gladly, then it must be in a private, secluded place. . .," Condrugon decided, plotting out the murder in his head. "I think he shall be buried in Oklahoma. . .NOBODY goes to Oklahoma. . ."

While a homicide was being plotted, Konoshi and Surka were battling it out for a job, in which case may result in a homicide.

"PICK ME!" both shouted, getting within an inch of the manager's face, fogging up his small, rectangular glasses.

"Eheheheheh. . .," he laughed nervously, backing away and readjusting his glasses. "Look ladies, just fill out a résumé like the rest, and I can hire-

"NEVER! IT SHALL BE DECIDED, HERE AND NOW!" the two yelled.

"YOU CANNOT STEAL THIS JOB, LIKE MY LOVE!" Konoshi shouted.

"WHAT! I'M MARRIED TO HIM!" Surka argued back. "AND, HE'S HAPPY!" Then, she shook her fist angrily. "He'd BETTER be happy. . ."

"Not in bed. . .," said Konoshi, innocently.

"HEYYY!" said Surka. "We're the SAME AGE! At least I'm not giving it up yet!"

"And?" said Konoshi. "That must mean I'm more MATURE. HAH! I CAN PUT THAT ON MY RESUME!"

"Actually. . .," said the manager, in a nervous, cracking voice. "Maybe on a doctor's form that asks if you're sexually active. . ."

Konoshi blinked. "No, I'm a virgin. I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR MY ONE, TRUE LOVE, AND HE HAS FRIGHTENING, ICY GREEN EYES, SHIMMERING, INHUMAN SILVER HAIR, AND A THIRST FOR BLOOD AND VENGEANCE. . ." She was off in her own little world.

The manager blinked several times. ". . .That sounds, erm. . .lovely?"

"She just described my HUSBAND," said Surka. "That's ILLEGAL! . . .I think. And what kind of description was that! You didn't even GET to his ass!" Now, SHE was off in her own little world. "Oh, so firm, and so round. . ."

Everyone else in the background simply fell.

"PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE!" the two squealed. "I KNOW!"

The two lifted their shirt and flashed him. "JUDGE! YOU'RE A HEALTHY GUY!"

Mars, Condrugon, and Korus magically floated over. "Nyeheheheheheh. . ."

"I dunno, guys. . .," drooled Mars. "Surka's are pretty nice and perky."

"I know what you mean. . .," said Korus. "But. . .LOOK AT THE SIZE OF KONOSHI'S. . ."

"I'm a little indecisive. . .," said Condrugon. "Both are of nice shape and size. . .but I can tell once I TOUCH. . ."

They both put their shirts back down in hopes of victory.

"Awww. . ."

"Well, um. . .," said the manager, sweating and tugging at his collar. "That's, um, a very close competition there. . ."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!" the two sobbed.

"Uh. . .You're both hired?"

"HOW CAN YOU SAAAAAAAAAAY THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" The two felt too equal. "Oh, defeat shall come your way. . .Rest assured. . ."

"Meeoowwww. . ." Cleo was sitting lazily in the backyard, yawning. "Meow. . ."

"Meow!" Hype was hopping about, chasing a little mouse. "Meoooww!" She suddenly stopped and peered next to her sister. "Meow?"

POOF!

"Cleo, help me with some mice, pleaaaase?" Hype asked in her human form.

"Meow." From a cat, it was a surprisingly flat response, and then Cleo turned her head away.

"PLEAAAASE. . .?" Hype sniffled, showing off a very googly gaze. "Myouuuu?" She sniffled even more.

"Meow." Cleo turned away again.

Hype sat there for a few seconds. ". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HELP ME WITH THE MICE, DAMMIT!"

"MEOOOOW!" Cleo was started, sprang up, and then glared at Hype. "Meow." Nose in the air, she finally got up and came back promptly with two mice in her mouth. "Meooowww. . ."

"Yeah, I know that wasn't so hard," Hype said in response to her sister. "So help?"

". . . .Meow. . ." Cleo spat.

"YAY!" Hype exclaimed. ". . .Eh?" She noticed the old lady coming out. "AAAACK!"

Poof!

"Eh?" The lady looked back outside, and besides the light bit of fog around Hype, Hype just mewed back and ran off. She blinked. ". . . .I ought to stop using those smelling salts. . ."

"OW!" Sometime later, a certain female blonde was kicked out of a bar. She sniffled. "Rude, these people are, well. . .rude."

Rude, the much taller, much brawnier man walked out after her, unable to be thrown out. ". . ."

She sighed. "I know what you mean. Work is hard to find in this world."

Rude, however, held up a paper. ". . ."

"What do you mean, 'a surefire job'?" she asked. ". . .You want to be a bouncer?"

Rude shrugged.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Reno was on the street, just pointing at them. "DEMON! . . .Oh, hi Rude!" he waved, cutely.

Rude raised his hand slowly and waved back. ". . ."

"Save the drinks for later, buddy. Glad you're back," Reno said, patting his friend on the back. "I was hoping I'd see you again one day. Just never put dragonlady back into the picture."

". . .?" Rude asked.

"No, not Tifa. . .," said Reno. "But she's still up for grabs if you want her."

". . ." Rude blushed.

"Oh, and look," said Reno, blinking at Elena who was quietly sobbing in the corner at her luck. "It's the scary lady with the expensive haircut. How are you?"

"HOW AM I!" Elena sobbed. "I CAN'T FIND WORK! I'M GENERALLY HOMELESS! THEY TOOK MY GUNNNNN!" She sniffled a little more. ". . .How about you?" she blinked.

"Not bad," Reno shrugged. "BUT RUDE! YOU LOOK SO THIN! You haven't been taking care of my good buddy, now have you?" Reno enquired. "Hmm?"

"Awfully hard to do that when nobody accepts gil. . .," Elena sobbed. "How much do you think my soul is worth?"

Reno laughed. "Ahahaha, not as far as I can throw you in inches. . .But you might get a slight net gain if Rude throws you."

Rude cracked his knuckles.

Laughing nervously, Elena started marching along the sidewalk again. "Okay then Reno, if you're so confident living in this world. . ."

"What?" he asked. "I'm sorry Elena, I know I'm devilishly handsome, but there are limits to-

"EW, GOD NO!" she said. "DRINKS!"

"Eh?" he blinked. "Drinks?"

"Christina? Hello? Where are you?" Tifa was wandering through the house, looking for her. "I think Lucrecia is asking the same question. . .Eh?" She stumbled across Rachel's room which she heard a noise, and when she walked in, dust was coming out of the open closet. "Christina?"

There was some loud coughing from where the dust came; a square opening in the roof of the closet. "I found the attic! I heard scratching noises, so I looked. Doesn't seem that anyone has been here anytime soon. Wanna come up?"

"Um. . .All right. . ." Tifa jumped up and took hold of the rim of the opening, and pulled herself up easily enough. ". . . .Daaaaaaamn. . ."

What she saw was is essence, dust, spiders, and cobwebs.

"Hey," said Christina, waving. "The scratching I heard was apparently-

"Raccoons," said Tifa, blinking. "They just loooove you, don't they?"

"I seem to find them," said Christina, rubbing its stomach. ". . .Tifa, spider on your boot."

"EEK!" It seems the almighty Tifa has a fear of something. "Sorry." She flicked the spider off. "Almost fell down the hole."

Christina fell over.

I guess we haven't found that fear yet.

"Cookie!" Chikara was up at the register of the café, selling coffee and pastries as people came in to surf the Internet. "Right-o! Your total is. . .$6.50!"

Mars was mopping the floor. "MENIAL LABOR! WHY AM I STUCK WITH MENIAL LABOR!"

"Making coffee isn't very scintillating either, Mars. . .," Holly yawned behind the counter. "Hey, how did I get stuck with this job?"

"You applied," said the manager. "You get $7.50 an hour. So there."

"Mm, $7.50. That won't pay for gas," Surka sighed.

"You don't have a car," said Condrugon.

"WHY AM I SCRUBBING TOILETS!" Korus shouted out of the men's room.

"Because you're a bastard who gets more than I do," Mars grumbled.

"THEN WHY AM I CLEANING THE LADIES' ROOM!" Jessie sobbed, behind the door.

". . . . . .Because you applied for a job?" Holly guessed.

"Good work!" said the manager to her. "You get paid $8.00 now!"

Holly smiled evilly at the rest, who glared angrily back.

"Oh, you'll get yours, sister. . .Just you wait. . .," Korus muttered. "I NEED A URINAL CAKE! Ugh. . .and maybe some commercial-grade disinfectant. . ."

Laura's major complaint. . .

"Doot doot doooo, duh doot doot. . .do?" Laura wandered into the seemingly empty house. "Great. It's true nobody listens to me. Hmph," she said, looking around and pausing, before she went up the stairs.

Lucrecia stood up from behind the stairs with a tape recorder, and clicked the stop button. There was writing on her clipboard, which she added to. "Nyeheheh. . .Excellent."

Tifa was walking along the sidewalk, trying to get used to her surroundings, ignoring any catcall that came her way, and the occasional stranger pointing at her and whisper. However, there was a little something obstructing her view to get used to.

Aeris came out of a building, covered with flower petals. "Huh? Oh, hi Tifa!" she waved, calling to her friend.

"Uh. . .Aeris?" asked Tifa, wondering if Aeris suddenly had a major malfunction. "Excuse me for speaking like the idiot, but. . . .What the crap!"

"Hm? Oh, right. . .," Aeris said, brushing the random petals out of her hair and clothes. "Didn't you notice?" She pointed to a sign. "It's a florist. I start Monday. I arrange and cut flowers."

". . . . . . . . . ." Tifa said nothing for a moment, and blinked. ". . . .Why am I not surprised?"

"I WAS a flower girl. . .," Aeris replied.

"In the slums, I remember. . .," Tifa sighed. ". . .You know, Aeris, if you lived in the slums, exposed to all that sex and drugs, why are you so sensitive?"

Aeris had a bit of a strained look. "Um, when someone mentions sex, it's not so bad, but when I see it, I can't help but remember I'm a virgin, then wonder about what it's gonna be like ANDANDANDANDNOWYOUGOTMESOWORKEDUPI'MSO-I'MSO-I'MSO-SOFLUSTEREDNOWANDANDANDCLOUD'SSUCHAPERV!" Aeris by this time was flailing her arms, beet red.

"HEY, HEY, CALM DOWN, LITTLE FLOWER GIRL!" shouted Tifa, bringing Aeris' arm down to her sides. "Sweet Planet, it's not that big of a deal."

Aeris again had a very stressed look. "So that means. . .It wasn't a big deal when you lost it to Cloud?"

Tifa blanked for a moment. ". . . . .It's always good to wait until you're sure," she said absent-mindedly, patting her friend's back. "Let's go." She seemed to wander off.

". . .Tifa?" Aeris blinked. "TIFA! HEYYY!" she called, running after. "I TOLD YOU SEX IS A BIG DEAL!"

Some men paused at the pair of extremely attractive women calling back to each other about sex. ". . .God bless America," they nodded. (As a random author's note, here I am at deviantart, and here I see a lovely Zack pic. . .HE'S LIKE AN ORGASM FOR THE EYES! . . .Please, ignore that. . . .A SEPHY PIC!)

After the momentary lapse of insanity. . .

"Right. . .," Laura said, disregarding being by herself. She tore through the mail on the table, (her address was still set here) and pulled open another one. ". . .AW, DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN!"

Back at La Casa de Jessie. . .

"Why were we gone?" Jessie blinked.

"Because, we were pulled over on our way to this house, and got a job," Holly sighed. "How many houses do you think were commissioned to us by the government?"

"About as many as they believe can fit all of us," figured Jessie. ". . .I think that means the cheapo U.S. government is gonna pack us in like sardines."

Sure enough, there was a number of people at their house, going to board with them, fortunately the ones they knew.

Reno was on the doorstep, laughing incessantly. "NYAHAHAHAAA! I GET A HOUSE!"

"WE get a house," Elena corrected them. "With Rude."

"Hey, I agreed with Rude. . .But no scary blonde chicks with a big mouth allowed! . . .Unless their big mouth is giving me a-

"THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT. . .," B.T. said, covering Reno's mouth.

"I'm gonna live with Turks?" Kiako blinked. ". . .But. . .BUT. . .CIDDY-PIE NEEDS ME!" she sobbed.

"No curfew," Reno said.

Kiako blinked. ". . .WAHOO!" She pranced around a bit. "I'm good!"

"Reno. . .," Holly said. "You're not a student. . .So why are you BUNKING IN MY HOUSE!"
". . .Tifa said so. . .," he replied, looking around edgily. "Yes. . .HER WORD IS GOD. . ."

Everyone nodded frightfully. "Meep."

"She wouldn't let you guys stay alone, being that you're both still pipsqueaks. . .," he replied, much more casually. "You could use our divine guidance!"

"Tifa wouldn't let us stay in a house of drunk, womanizing murderers. . .," Holly grumbled.

"Hey, hey!" said Elena, defensively. ". . .You better only be talking about HIM."

"We are."

"HEY!" Reno shouted.

"Anyhoo. . .," said Jessie, trying to aid in the defense of her own house. "We're grown up enough! I have technical genius. . .And Holly can be my lawyer!"

"Certified in 32 states," Holly nodded.

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN AMERICAN!" Reno defended.

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN FROM THIS DIMENSION!" Holly retorted.

Elena blinked. ". . .She's got you there, Reno."

"Excuuuuse me. . .," said Andariel, walking up to the porch. "Fine. I CAN BE IN CHARGE OF THIS HOUSE! NYAHAHAHAAA!" she laughed, half-scary, and half with authority. "THE POWER! THE POWER!"

"But what, about us?" It seemed the other half of the house was with them.

Everyone stood on the steps. ". . .ALL of us are living here!"

If you can't imagine it, it's a rather large house and townhouse neighborhood, reachable one block from Rachel's house, and the shortcut is through her backyard, and a large neighbor's one (true, AND convenient). "No. . .," one voice from the crowd said. "We're living in this general establishment."

They blinked. ". . .PHEW!"

For one final night. . .

"So, you buncha losers. . .," Tifa grumbled, cleaning the table from dinner while everyone was in their usual mixed array to fit in the kitchen and general area. "What did you do today?"

"I got a job," said Konoshi. "And I spilled hot coffee on Surka!"
"I got a job. . .," Surka sighed. "And I stuffed used coffee filters down Konoshi's pants."

The two glared, growled for a moment, then looks away, agreeing to disagree.

"Right. . .," Tifa blinked. "You do anything useful, Laura?"

She sobbed in the corner, holding her letter. "I found out nobody listens to me. . .I got another letter from Guam, though."

"ALL RIGHT!" Tifa continued, ignoring her. "WHO'S NEXT!"

"WHAT! HEY!"

"I. . .I'm stuffed. . .," grumbled Hype, rolled over on her side, head in Korus' lap. "THE MICE. . ."

"I'm gonna ignore that one. . .," Korus blinked, scratching Hype's head. "Kitty. . ."

"I WAS GENERALLY USELESS!" Rachel exclaimed happily.

Everyone paused.

"Oh. . .," she said. ". . .That's not really a good thing, is it?"

"No," said Mike. "Anyway, what's the point of this exercise?"

"To kill time," said Tifa. "As if we really have anything interesting to say to each other. Anyone realize how little point there is to life?"

"Naw, there's a lot to life. . .," said Rachel. "And I figure the more sadness you have, the more happiness. LIFE IS A GREAT BALANCING ACT!"

"Shut up, you Libra," said a random voice.

"I hate being balancing scales," Rachel muttered. "However, Libras are meant to be much sexy." She scooted next to Steve. "HELLOOOO, SEXY!"

He blinked, blushed, and started to sweat. "Uh. . .Hello. . ."

"STOP HITTING ON RANDOM PEOPLE!" Tifa thwacked her over the head.

"Ow. . .I could say the same to you, T-sama. . .," said Rachel, rubbing her head. "Hitting HURTS. . .Besides being pretty people, Tauruses are supposed to be damn hot, too."

"WHO HERE IS A TAURUS!" Mars shouted, looking around eagerly.

Tifa blinked, and slowly raised her hand.

"Oooooooh. . .It is the TRUTH. . .," said everyone. ". . .And Rachel is okay."

"What about STEVE!" asked Rachel, trying to defend herself.

The looked at him, then back at her. ". . .You're a fluke."

"You're all so MEAN. . .," she said, folding her arms. ". . .Aeris is an aquarius."

"HAH!" she laughed. "THOUGHT I WAS AN ARIES, DIDN'TCHA!"

Some people had some guilty looks. "Well, it would be IRONIC. . ."

"My name is AIR-ISS. NOT AIR-EEZ. I sound like a decongestant, or a scented room fragrance that way. . .," she sniffled. ". . .Why are we talking about this?"

"We ramble," Steve shrugged. ". . .WHO'S UP FOR PIE!"

"We don't have pie," Tifa muttered.

". . .Dammit," he said.

"Yes, dammit indeed. . .," Cloud said, strolling in casually like he always does. "I wouldn't mind a little Tifa for dessert, though." He grinned mischievously. "Tifa, we could always do the BANANA SPLIT-OUCH!" Afterwards, he fell in a bloody mess on the floor.

"It's about time I hit my boyfriend for hitting on my best friend," Aeris blinked. "Come, you wanton sack of sex. . .," she sighed, dragging his carcass away. "Outside, and you can get some air." She opened the door, and tossed him out. ". . .Better?"

"Better," Tifa nodded.

About one hour later. . .

"P-pudding pie. . .," Cloud muttered, in a state of delirium. When he opened his eyes, he saw an angry looking swirl of red and brown. "AHHHHH, THE FIERY GATES OF HELL!" He got a quick smack to the head.

"You suck. . ." It was Tifa's voice. "I'm bandaging your head, and that's all you can say. . ." She scooted back a bit, and he realized he was looking into her eyes.

". . .Oh," he said. "It was your eyes. No wonder I thought it was the gates of Hell. OUCH!" He received another punishing smack. "Lighten up. . ."

She pocketed the bandages, and sat down. "I hope you got another place to stay."

"Ohhh, suuure. . .," he said, feeling his head. "I have a job, I can get another place, what with this place being one weird residential district. . .Here, a lovely little cul de sac neighborhood, one block away are townhouses and apartments for lease. A mile or even less than that is a grocery store, beyond that in the area are about FIVE, and this place has about 3 schools. . .It's a place meant for living, huh?" he asked, almost sarcastically.

"Yes," she agreed. "Because, it's dull. But the less attention dragged upon us, the better. I'm moving in tomorrow."

"Lovely. You can take those bandages because without you, there'll be less fatalities," he smiled sharply. ". . .Aeris, isn't here. Wanna get busy?"

"DO YOU WANT THESE BANDAGES SHOVED UP YOUR-

"Calm down, you neo nazi!" he exclaimed. "Take a joke. Smile. Relax. Take off your shiny combat boots. . . .You ever take those off?"

"I have to be aware of any moronic activity at all times. . .So, no," she said flatly, and a little aggressively.

He sighed, lying against the red door of the house. ". . .What are you taking with you when you move?"

"Whatever I have. It isn't much," she shrugged. "I'm gonna need furniture, and appliances, and. . .I'd have Lucrecia make me some, but I fear it'll irradiate me." She held her head, in a rare appearance of weakness and frustration. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do for all that. . ."

"Then stay," he said, nonchalantly. "Nobody asked you to go, and with everyone moving out, I'm sure Rachel's family wouldn't mind supporting you for-

"No," she said, cutting him off. "I'm not gonna do that."

". . .You have some sort of dominatrix complex, don't you?" he smiled.

She shot him a very weird look. "Uh. . .Excuse me?"

"You're in charge of everything," he said, looking away offhandedly. "You're completely independent, and you want to keep it that way. You should rely more on people."

"Ah. So, you want me to be a moocher like you."

"No, that's not what I'm-HEY!" he protested. "You know why you don't have friends? 'Cause your mean and cynical."

"I have friends," she said. "There's-

"Other than people in AVALANCHE," he said.
". . .Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .Lu and Shera?" She laughed nervously. "What about you, Mr. Smarty-pants?"

". . .Shut up. I ASKED YOU FIRST!" he said, looking around for an excuse. "Oy. . ." He stood up, staggering for a moment. "She's got a good left. . ."

"I taught her all she knows," Tifa said proudly, standing up as well. "Focus chi, you know?"

"Chi?" he blinked. ". . .I read that in a book in Rachel's room."

"Oh?" Tifa asked, curious if her begrudging "student" was willing to learn.

"Yeah, it was this girl with funny ears and-

"NOOO. . ." Tifa heard Rachel explain this before the last time "chi" came up. "Chi, is like a fighter's spiritual energy. You focus it, and the result is devastating. See? It cracked your thick head."

"You know what? How about if I insulted you?" he asked, a little irritated.

"Huh? What?" she asked, with a bit of a clueless look. "Your presence insults me. Come on, let's go inside." She made a hand for the door and twisted the knob. "Are you coming?"

He sighed. "Of course. But you know. . .," he said, lowering his head. ". . .We're all gonna miss you."

She paused, the door halfway open. ". . .Really?"

"I know it. . .," he said, looking away. "Sooo. . ." He turned his head, puckered his lips as if to kiss her, but only had the dry, dusty taste of leather on his tongue. ". . .Mwamphwa?" His lips were pressed up against her glove.

She had a very flat and tired look. "I could see that from a mile away, Cloud Strife. Get your dirty, lascivious ass in there. . ."

"GAK!"

She practically strangled him when she pulled his collar and flung him inside. "I swear, why does Aeris put up with you. . .?" Tifa closed the door, and tread up the stairs with Cloud at fist-point.

But they didn't quite see Aeris who was trying to sleep in the adjacent room, and was still awake.

AN3: Ahem. . . .JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE ALL THE-

Tifa: -FREAKING WAY! YOU WANT MY BOOT UP YOUR ASS!

AN3: PFFT! No Christmas spirit. . .We're doing the Christmas episode next.

Mars:in heaven, receiving his full body massage from Kiro: I know what I want for Christmas. . .

Mike: Why the crap did it take so long?

AN3: Hey, it COULD be Christmas in July.

Mike: . . .Keep talkin'.

AN3: Gladly! Next chapter, we see the results of the last scene, what's in Laura's next little envelope, whatever the hell Lucrecia is up to, and PAINE KISARAGI OR ANY OF HER AFFILIATES, PLEASE NOTIFY HER THAT I WILL BE ADDING HER CHARACTER BUT HAVE LOST HER RESUME! If I do no receive it before the next chapter, I cannot add it and another character will be added in her place.

Korus: Aren't there too many characters as it stands? . . .:thinks:. . .Is it a girl character?

AN3: Yes.

Korus: SEND IN YOUR RESUME!

Girls: BUT, WE'RE ALREADY THE VAST MAJORITY! WE WANT MEN!

Guys:smiling widely with flowers in hand:

AN3:drags Steve out of the crowd:

Steve: I CAN ALWAYS DREAM:looks longingly at Tifa:

Tifa:coughs and laughs nervously:

AN3:angry vein sticking out of temple: Right. . .Hey, you guys know I'm having a contest, right?

Everyone:trying to exit the room at once:

AN3: GET BACK HERE! You know, I want a new cover for the webcomic, and by the time I'm done judging covers, it should be done. Could someone please draw me a cover? Pretty please? If you want the rules, it's on the Deviantart page in my Journal. THE LINK IS IN MY BIO, FOR PETE'S SAKE! And if you don't know what Laura and Rachel look like, I'm putting up sketches in the scrap gallery! SOMEBODY, PLEASE MAKE ME A COVER! ANYTHING'LL DO! I'll draw you a commission!

Tifa: . . .We want something of VALUE.

AN3: I'M POOR! SHUT UP! I'll make you a commission of anything! REALLY! As long as it's, you know, something I know of. And if not, I'll probably be so desperate as to look it up.

Mars: Kiro fanart. :bliss:

AN3: Yes, whatever. . .Even if you believe you lack artistic talent, I'll take it! I JUST WANT AN IDEA! 'Kay? Well, I gotta go now, so send me an e-mail or a note on Deviantart to enter! Bye!