Chapter 11: Excuses

A/N: Well, hello there, my people. I'm still breaking out of hiatus mode, and am currently busying myself with finishing art projects. School? Pfft, when I disappear again is when I get swamped. And no, I probably won't be doing anything then, just coping with being swamped. Being a junior in high school is tough. What? Ah, I remember when I started this the beginning of freshman year. . .Um, but anyway, I digress. FF7 is property of Squeenix, Laura belongs to LadyTifa26, and all other characters belong to their respective writers/reviewers. As for those updates I promised last time, I put them up on my deviantart journal if you wanna take a look. . .Or not. I'm self-conscious, anyway. Heheh. Enjoy.

"There is no such thing as algebra," Rachel squinted, stepping inside the house.

It was Winter now, and deep into November, when the wind picked up and chilled the nearby lakes. As much as people think Maryland is in the south, it still gets frosty, and no, it's not really a southern state (It's MID-ATLANTIC. Hah, gotcha there. Hey, I live there. DO NOT DENY THIS TRUTH! I SHOULD KNOW! . . .I'm sorry for scaring you).

"Oh, nonsense," said Cloud. "Math is sexy!"
"He suddenly seems so appealing when he says that. . .," Lucrecia sighed dreamily, stepping inside with the group. "But, we all know he's just a dumb blonde."

"But he's so pretty. . .," said Rachel.

"It's the math," he said, proudly.

"But, grammar makes ME sexy!" Rachel protested.

"And lo, see how much it's done for you," said Tifa, ushering them inside. "I didn't even know Cloud could count, but hey, I guess you learn something new every day. Like how many slackers will follow you to mooch."

Mars, Condrugon, and Mike were sitting around in the living room, lazily watching the TV.

"Hey, we have jobs. . .," said Mike. "It's just not apparent right now."

"Work hard, play hard. . .," said Condrugon. "Believe me. . ."

"Says the man, scratching his ass," Tifa sighed.

Slowly, Condrugon removed his hand. "Sorry."

"Hey, I'm back," said Keily, looking exhausted.

"You work at a bookstore," said Tifa. "It can't be that hard."

"Long hours, stupid people. . .," she replied, scratching her head. "I'd just like a long nap, and a little-RUFFY-KUN!"

"Say wha-AHHHHHHHH!" Faster than a speeding bullet, Rufus was down for the count. "FOUL GIRL! RELEASE ME!"
"I remember those days. . .," said Vincent, watching them.

"Ah, sweet they were," Laura smiled, becoming nostalgic at the fangirl-induced violence. "Remember that time I de-pantsed you in front of everyone?"
"And they saw my heart boxers and made 'Valentine' jokes all week?" Vincent asked. "Of course I do," he said more lovingly than embarrassed.
"Ah, sweet days they were. . .," she sighed.

"Ruffy-kun. . .," Keily muttered, snuggling. "Didja miss me?"

"Like rape," he grumbled. "Of my ARM. Oh please, it's a white jacket! Don't make a mess of it!"

"Well, it's not like I want you for anything DIRTY," said Keily. "You're like. . .Y'know. . ."

"Ew, you like cousins!" he spat.

But she was already someplace else (like a fangirl always is in her mind), and likewise strode off without so much as a hint.

"Weird," said Lucrecia.

Christina, coming in with her book bag from the cold, looked at her strangely. "Well mom, you're one to talk."

"Hah! Well, point taken," said Lucrecia, slapping her daughter heartily on the back. "Don'tcha just love her!"
"O-OW! MOOOMMM!"
"Oh yes, like leeches," Rachel replied. "What's for dinner? YOWCH!"

Christina briskly stomped on her foot and went the same direction upstairs as Keily.

"You all have attention spans of lab mice," said Tifa. "Didn't you notice Keily was acting strangely?"

"How is that any different?" asked Rufus.

"Who's Keily?" asked Cloud. "YOWCH!"
Tifa briskly stomped on his foot and shot him a look. "Don't be stupid!"
"It's hard. . .," he whimpered.

She regained her composure. "Normally, she doesn't release him for hours. Laura, you know the phenomena."

"Righty," said Laura, breaking out the charts and graphs. "Here you see the fangirl brain. . ." She took out a laser pointer and circled around the medulla oblongata. "This controls such functions as respiration, like lungs, the heart, etc," she explained. "Now, say she couldn't get her daily dose of glompage. . .IT WOULD EXPLODE! KABOOM!"

Everyone eyed her skeptically.

"Oh, fine," said Laura. "Lucrecia, how do you get all these people to believe you?"
"Oh honey, I've got a PHD!" said Lucrecia, randomly taking out a picture frame. "I take it with me everywhere. It gives me +5 authority!"

"Rachel, keep her away from your videogames. . .," Tifa whispered.

"I can't help it. She's from one," Rachel whispered back. "Like you, but with extra crazy."

"Right. . .," Laura sniffled. "Anyway, the point of the matter is. . .," she said, walking away from the display, "she's a GIRL."

". . .Uh-huh," everyone nodded. "So?"
"Really?" Rufus blinked. "Well, I hadn't a clue in a world."
Then, everyone stared at him.

"It's SARCASM; every evil villain has it. . .," he said passively. "You guys stare at me so unbelievably like a woman at the Neverland Ranch."

"What I'm trying to say is, that she's a girl so you can try as much as you like, but you'll never crack it," Laura shrugged. "Well, I can, but that's 'cause I'm a girl."
"I still don't get it," said Rachel.

"Well, that's 'cause you're you," said Tifa. "I think the problem will become more apparent as the evening continues, and even if it doesn't, it's Keily. She's practically never down about anything."

"I bet it's that time of the month, huh?" Cloud smirked.

The girls glared at him menacingly. "Say what?"
"N-nothing!"

"Heyyy, Aeris," said Cloud, landing next to her on the couch. "What's up?" It was after dinner, and everyone was settling into his or her normal little corners.

"Hmph." Aeris apparently had nothing to say to him.

"Oh, c'mon," he tried again. "What's got your panties in a bunch?"
With that remark, she leered at him out of the corner of her eye.

"What? What?" he persisted.

She stood up, hands on her hips, before turning and going down the hall. "Dumb blonde!"

"Haaaaah?" Cloud whimpered. "What is UP with women these days?"

"No clue, man," said Mike, sprawling about in a recliner. "Christina won't even spend time with me."

Cloud narrowed his eyes. " 'Cause you're generally using her for sex."

"Well, I haven't gotten that far, but I tell ya', it's not like I wouldn't mind!" he said, scratching his head with a smile. "H-wha!"
A dark, looming shadow appeared above him, eyes glowing. The apparition clutched a monstrous blade, capable of slitting through all the veins in a man's body. Seething, it spoke, and suddenly diminished in stature. "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!" Cloud sobbed.

"Oh, right. . .," thought Mike, having it just come to him. ". . .You know, nobody really recognizes that."

He scratched his head. "Yeah, well. . .I just have no clue what's up with girls these days."

"You could always buy her presents, butter her up a bit," Mike suggested, shrugging. "Girls love that pampering, fu-fu crap."

"I remember the last time I buttered Tifa up," Cloud reminisced. "Well, really oiled, but it was very nice. . ." He was sucked into a vortex of nostalgia.

"Suddenly, aside from blondeness, I realize why you're so confused with girls. . .," Mike grumbled.

In the meantime where people where not focusing on oily, naked women, Keily sat at a desk, jotting down a few notes, thinking to herself. Hey, it can happen.

"Yosh," said Rachel, popping in. "Whatcha doin' at my desk?"

"Making a few plans," Keily replied, sticking the pen behind her ear. "What are the odds of Ruffy-kun agreeing to go out with me?"
Rachel looked at her oddly for a moment. "You said he reminds you of your brother."
"Yeah, but I don't mean like a date," said Keily. "I just wanna take him out for a day."

"I'd say you have the same chances as a second Meteor," Rachel said.

"So, pretty good, huh. . .?" Keily pondered. "All right! I'll do it!" She hopped up with her list and ran energetically out of the room.

Rachel merely watched and sighed. "Man, I wish I could ask Cloud out."

"Ew," said Christina, head dangling out from the entrance in the closet ceiling. "You like older guys?"

"Well, I- HEY!" Rachel looked up at Christina, a little angrily. "If you have such an issue with me liking your. . .DAD. . .," said Rachel, really thinking about it, "then you're gonna have all sorts of problems when you realize I'm not the only girl who does."

"Oh, I know," said Christina.

"Mommy. . .," Jessie sniffled, tied up in the corners of the attic. "Holly! Use your awesome ninja skillz!"

"What. . .?" asked a confused Holly. "I'm afraid all we can do now is sit and wait. Or, scream for help, but Rachel's the only one down there that can hear us."

"Yeah, that's no use. . .," Jessie sighed. ". . .MOMMY!"

"What was that?" Rachel blinked.

"Oh, it was nothing," Christina said, innocently. "So, stop bothering my dad. It's not like he likes you."

"It's not like he pays much attention to YOU. . .," Rachel grumbled.

But Christina was far from deaf, scowled in a more hurt than angry way, then shut herself up in the attic once more.

"Huh?" said Rachel, pulling a Tidus. "Ew, I have to stop doing that. . .," she said, absolutely disgusted, and walked out of her room.

"Ruffy-kun, Ruffy-kun!" Keily dashed forward, towards the white-clad semi-villain.

"What, what. . .?" he sighed. "Look, if you're gonna rape me, try the other arm. . .A little differentiation is nice. . ."

Keily stared at him strangely. "What? Oh, well, anyway, you're going out with me tomorrow!"

"I didn't agree to anything like that," he said.

"Yay, you're going out with me!"

"Are you making me go against my own free will?"

"Now Ruffy-kun, I want you to wear your best suit!"

"But, I only have o-

"And then, we're going to go out and buy a few things!"

"TAKE A BREATH, YOU INSUFFERABLE BAG OF AIR!" he shouted.

She pouted, and leered at him angrily. "YOU SAY WHAT!" Thrusting her hands forward, she grabbed his face and started pulling his cheeks. "I DECIDE TO TAKE YOU OUT AND DO A BUNCH OF NICE THINGS, AND YOU INSULT ME! THE NERVE!"

"HEH NEHVE!" He shouted back, her thumbs pulling apart his cheeks making pronunciation obviously difficult. In turn, he began doing the same. "AH SEENK 'OO 'AVE MO' NEHVE 'AN ME! FOH'SING ME!"

"WAI, WAI. . .!" she began. "WAI. . .Wai, 'oo soun' Frenshe."

"FRENSHE!" He started pulling harder. "GRRRR!"

"GRRR!" She was prompted to do the same.

Reno turned the corner, and found this great battle of will. "Oh, great leader!" He bowed to the mighty diplomatic skills of the president.

"SHU' UP!"

The next day, Keily resolved to set out early with Rufus. She wanted to make the destination by about noon to mid-afternoon, so they headed out as soon as the last of the sun departed with the eastern reaches of the horizon. But as to whether he realized where they were going was another thing.

"Where in the Planet's name are we going?" he asked.

"Someplace special," she winked. "And it's fine to say 'where on Earth', y'know?"

"Earth? What's that?" he asked. "You better not be making up some weird-ass, fangirl land."

"No, not at all. . .," she sighed. "Here!" She grabbed his arm and started a proud march down the sidewalk. "March with me!"

He fell forward slightly, until he started to pick his legs up high and start marching, chest thrown out, much like Keily.

"SING WITH ME!" she shouted. "RUFUS SHINRA! RUFUS SHINRA!"

"OH GOD!"

"NEW AGE PRESIDENT!"

"HELLLP! HARRASSMENT!"

All the while, Cloud and Tifa watched them off at the front door. "Ah, so cute together," Tifa sighed, and chuckled. "Makes me wonder where they're going, huh?"

"Well, wherever it is, he's sure not to like it. . .," said Cloud. "And, speaking of cute couples. . ."

Tifa leered at him, almost slightly disgusted.

"No, no, I mean I wanna ask you what's up with Aeris!" he said, trying to explain himself. "D'you know why she's been acting so weird lately?"

"You're such a dumbass," she sighed, waving her hand flippantly. "It makes me wonder if you've been unconscious to everything you've been doing for over a year."

"Wha?" he said, cluelessly.

"That's good enough an answer for me. . .," she shrugged. "If you want to know what's wrong with her, stop flirting with me and start paying some non-sexually related attention to her, you helpless sack of sex. You don't even get how much that can hurt a girl, but then again, all that hair gel has probably seeped too far into your skull that all functions have ceased."

"They oughtta make a warning label for that. . .," he pondered.

"You're not even listening, are you?" she asked, simply unable to comprehend what (or likely, what doesn't) happen in his brain.

"I am, I am. . .," he sighed, then waving his hand much like she did. "I. . .I'm sorry. . ."

She raised her eyebrows, and sighed, walking back into the house. "Say that to Aeris, not me. . .Though. . .," she continued, even when stepping back inside, "that apology is duly appreciated."

He stood next to the opened door that half-expected him to step in. "Hmph. . .," he said, shaking his head. "Girls are weird. . ."

"So, Ruffy-kun. . .," said Keily, browsing some bouquets of flowers. "What do you think looks pretty?"

He stared blank at the face of the question. ". . .Well. . .I'm certainly not asked THAT very often. . ."

"I'm sure you have a good opinion. . .," she said, peering closely at the flowers. "Well, what do you think Aeris would choose?"

"That one!" Aeris stepped out and picked up a bouquet beside the one Keily was inspecting. "Do you like it?"

"Aeris?" Keily blinked. "You work here?"

"Well, it IS a florist. . .," Aeris shrugged. "I've always wanted to work at a flower shop, but being that flowers don't grow in Midgar and I had the only patch. . ."

Rufus' eyes narrowed, in a very 'plotting manner'. "Nyess, you could've cornered the flower market and built yourself your very own flower monopoly, a floral empire. . ."

"Ruffy-kun?" asked Keily, wondering if he was listening to himself.

Aeris laughed nervously. "W-well, it's not like I had the means to make my own shop. . ."

"Sell them on the street, perhaps hire a few workers, give them a cut of the profits, and eventually expand. . .," he smirked. "BRILLIANT! I demand that you incorporate me in your scheme!"

"Ruffy-kun, I don't think Aeris 'schemes'," Keily quoted.

"Ah, what beautiful profit we shall make together, mon cherie. . .," he said with all the charm and charisma in the world, taking her hand and kissing it. "That is, if you'll have me."

"Riiiiight. . .," said Aeris, shifting her eyes warily to see if she was on some hidden camera show or something. "I think I'll just ring these up for you. . ." And off she went, bouquet in hand.

"Oh yeah," he smirked, confident he won the battle. "She wants me."

"You okay now, Ruffy-kun?" Keily asked, looking at him like he had a head condition, which he probably did. "You were talking funny to Aeris."

"So?" Rufus said childishly, folding his arms. "You don't know the business world."

" 'Least I don't sexually charm people into agreeing with me. . .," she mumbled.

"Um, here you go." Aeris returned, holding the flowers at the bottom in a plastic bag. "Keep it in there to hold the moisture."

"Why, thank you?" he said with a sparkle in his smile and a twinkle in his eye.

She looked a touch frightened and backed away. "Ahem. . .Um. . .You have a nice day, Keily."

"Thankee!" Keily said, spinning around and grabbing Rufus' arm. "See ya'!" She began to march off much like before.

"H-hey!" said Rufus. "Why don't I get wished a nice day!"
"Come on, Ruffy-kun. . .," Keily urged. "Leave the nice flower lady alone."

"B-but-!"
"LEAVE HER ALONE! DO IT!"
"AHHH!"

With a nervous laugh, Aeris wondered when reelections in the other world would be.

"I. . .I think I see my mumsy. . ."

"You're looking at her picture, dimwit," Holly grumbled.

They were no longer tied, but it seemed they were having more like a party. Just newly released, after Christina had forgotten leaving them there, she was sitting down in front of them like in a circle, with some food and drinks.

"Hahaha, you're right," Jessie said, tucking the picture away. "Nothing like good ol' mumsy. Y'know, when she wasn't being a pain in the ass."

"I can't believe nobody censored that. Anyway. . .," Holly continued. "What's your deal, oh Queen of the Raccoon People?"

Christina eyed them drolly. "Yeah, well. . .This is a PG-13 fanfic, we can insert some language in some places. . .Here." She had brought some breakfast up to them. "Sorry about leaving you guys stranded. . ."

Holly took some orange juice and a pancake. "I know everyone here isn't exactly NORMAL. . .," she began, taking a bite, "but tying us up in the attic? Weirder things have happened, but I didn't think you'd be one to chip into the effort."

"Sorry. . .," Christina apologized. "It's me. . ." She started the scratch her head nervously.

"How sho?" Jessie's mouth was full of toast. "Ah! Ow. . ."

Holly landed a swift one on the arm. "You really think we're privy to that?"

"No, no, it's fine. . .," Christina replied. "It's my dad. . ."

They became googly eyed. "Ah yes, your dad. . .," they sighed, dreamily.

"Stoppit!" Reluctantly, Christina just let them be. "Well, you know him. . .He's not exactly the brightest bulb, but he's a sweet man. . .Although, he always seems to be chasing after one thing or another headlong. . ."

"You're jealous he's not paying attention to you, or rather, maybe you're worried?" Holly said, curiously, but knowingly. "It seems rather plain you love him. . .Is it something else?"

Christina was impressed. "Perceptive, aren't you? Unlike your friend. . ."

"I AM A GENIUS!" Jessie shouted, a pancake dangling in her teeth.

"Yes, a self-declared one that doesn't count," Holly mumbled.

With a sigh, Christina continued. "There aren't many people I can really talk to on the subject of myself, other than mom. . .And she's crazy. . ."

The two nodded in unanimous agreement.

"I mean, given, she's a nice lady, but a bit of a head case. . .But, sometimes I don't know whether she thinks of me more as her daughter or her creation. . .I just want someone who looks at me like another person."

"Ah shink yer ah pershon," said Jessie, raising her hand.

Holly refused to know her.

"Heheh, well, thanks. . ." she laughed, nervously. "But when I spend time with dad, we can talk about anything. And I don't feel as if he's staring through me like some sort of THING, I mean, it's like. . .You know. . ."

"You're another person. . .," Holly nodded. "I guess talking to the person who artificially created you doesn't cut it?"

"Yeah. . .," Christina said with a little embarrassment. "Sorry to bring this issue upon you, but could I ask you to. . .maybe hold off on dad for a little?

"Oh, fine. . .," Holly said. "Hear that, Pancake Cheeks?"

"Ah dun wanna!" Jessie sniffled. "He's too sexy!"

". . ." Naturally, Christina wasn't all that used to hearing that about a parent.

"Heheh," said Jessie. "Anyway, I think the person you need to worry more about is Rachel."

"There's always something to worry about with her, whether it's ticking someone off, or sharp corners. . .," Christina said. "It's gonna be hard, but I'll reason with her, if she'll listen."

"I wonder why the two of you don't get along. . .," said Jessie. "How'd it start?"

Christina shrugged. "That's a mystery to me, too."

"What's going on now?" Rufus was standing on a street corner, beside a bus stop sign. "You don't expect me to walk on here with. . .PEASANTS, do you?"

A few people sitting on the bench just looked at him rudely and tried ignoring him.

"Ruffy-kun! Watch your manners!" Keily scolded. "You're not the president here!"

Again, the people on the bench had these odd looks, and turned away.

"Well, I still carry my dignity," he said proudly. "And you haven't even told me where we're going yet!"

"It's a special surprise," she smiled softly, making slight eye contact with him. "And, I'd like it if you didn't press further."

He was taken a little aback with her statement. He hadn't been treated like dirt since he was a kid, by his own father. Well, her treatment wasn't so bad, but. . .He was important, so why put up with all this? However, he regarded that he already made himself look like a fool, so he kept his mouth shut.

Keily noticed the effort. "Heh. Thanks," she grinned. "Here it is!"

The bus creaked (yes, CREAKED) to a stop. The bus doors hissed open, and a dirty looking stair awaited their step up and inside.

Rufus couldn't believe the condition of this particular vehicle. Oh sure, buses normally weren't like this. . . "I should keep a note of this when I run for re-election. . .", he thought, staring a little incredulously.

"Come on!" Keily was already inside. "Gonna sit there and stare?"
He rolled his eyes and followed her. "This better be good. . ."

"Aeris! Aaaeeeriiiiis!" Cloud called throughout the house. "Hmm. . ."

"She's not here right now, please leave a message. . ." Tifa was sitting at the table, feet propped up, reading a newspaper, which she now set down with a smile. "Taking my advice, are we?"

"Hey, I'm getting nowhere as it is. . .," he replied. "Where is she?"

"She's got a job, while you haven't been paying attention, AGAIN. . ."

"News to me," Rachel replied, sitting in the living room.

"You don't count," Tifa said. "Righty, well she'll be back around five."

Cloud bowed his head in defeat. "I'm never gonna talk to her, am I. . .?"

"Well," Tifa said, looking the other way, "she goes on break in an hour. . .You. . .COULD always call her. . ."

"Right!" Cloud said, finally putting two and two together. "Now I see why you're the brains of the operation." He walked forward and bent down as to give her a quick, thankful peck on the cheek when she held up a glove.

"Less flirting, more calling, Cloud," she reminded.

"Fine, don't let me say thanks," he said, walking away. "Just LET this studly man walk away from you for another girl. . ."

Tifa rolled her eyes and smiled, going back to her paper.

"Tough, eh?" asked Rachel, sitting on the floor in front of the TV. "I think you still like him."

"And as always, you're wrong. . ." said Tifa, hardly paying any attention, looking through the editorials. "Nobody would want a brainless guy like that. . ."

"Three girls pursuing him and yet, ah, he didn't notice. . .," Rachel replied, trying to instigate something. "Or, did he?"

"Nope!" Tifa was still feigning ignorance. "Nada! Nothing! ZILCH!" She gave a defeated sigh. "It's not meant to be. . ."

Rachel turned around, back to her videogame. "Right. . .It's still sweet how you'll pair 'em together though, huh? . . . Hah?" She saw Tifa's telltale shadow above her. "Oh my. . .," she whimpered.

"BUGGER OFF!"

"YAI!"

Within twenty minutes or so, they arrived at a station in an unfamiliar area. Keily hopped off, and Rufus, still in an attempt to be normal, quietly followed, looking around. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

"Now what?" he asked.

"We hop on another bus," said Keily.

"Oh. . .What!" He couldn't believe it. "Not again!"

"Ruffy-kun, it's only about an hour and a half!" Keily insisted. "Come on, I already bought the tickets. . ."

"Tickets? Hour and a half? What!"

"Just a short trip someplace," she said. "We'll be back before nightfall, I promise. Besides, what else do you think I've been working so hard to buy?"
He finally got why she was working tirelessly, but, he still didn't know why this was so important for her to go out buying tickets and flowers for a trip he hadn't yet agreed to at the time, and was still hesitant to go.

"Okay, we've got fifteen minutes 'til the bus leaves!" she declared, marching along with him again. "Put some spring in your step! Huzzah!"
"Ahhh!"

"Hey, Dad?" Christina was walking downstairs when she found Cloud on the couch.

"Oh, hey kiddo," said Cloud, lounging about. "What's up?"

"I was wondering about Rachel. . .," she said, a little unsure.

"We all do. . .," he replied. "What about her?"

"Now that I think about it," she continued, sitting on the armrest at his feet, "why doesn't she like me? I always assumed it was because it was about you, but. . ."

"Me? Given, she's really odd, but I don't think she's the type to get all angry with someone over that like she's gotten mad at you," he said. "But, I'm not the one to be talking to here."

"I guess it's just that I thought this was all about you," she said. "I just fight with her 'cause she's got this problem with me or something. . .Well, who should I talk to?"

"Simple," he said, rolling over for a nap. "The one that knows her the best."

"HI!" shouted Kiro, hoping to be of some service, and hopefully not what that may imply.

"I am NOT talking to YOU. . .," Christina grumbled, walking away and ignoring her.

"But, why not! I love Rachel!" she protested.

"I think not."

"Come baaaaack!"

"Hello?" Cloud was speaking eagerly into his PHS. "CID! HEY! I WANT AERIS!"

"Well, I don't want you either, sugarplum," he smartly remarked back from the transceiver. "LEAVE ME #(&( BE!" With a click, his voice was gone.

"Why, I oughtta. . .," Cloud muttered, apparently dialing the wrong number. He sighed, and tried again.
One ring. . .

Two rings. . .

Three rings. . .

"Nyello?" answered a feminine voice from the other end. "It's Aeris."

"HEY, AERIS!" Cloud shouted eagerly. "HOW ARE Y-!
Click!

"DAMMIT!" he sniffled, pressing redial.

One ring. . .

Two rings. . .

Three rings. . .

Four rings. . .

Five rings. . .

He thought she'd never pick up.

Six rings. . .

Seven rings. . .

"Hello, you have reached Aeris' PHS," said the voice mail. "If you are alive and well, please leave a message after the beep. However, if you're my deadbeat, deceased ex-boyfriend, STOP CALLING! For crying out loud, I already hear voices in my head! I don't need yours in my message box! Thank you!"
He blinked, and really wondered if he'd make it out alive. "U-um, Aeris. . .," said Cloud, wondering how to put this. "Why are you mad at me? C'mon, gimme another chance?"

Away at the flower shop, Aeris could clearly hear his voice. "I don't want to. . .," she sighed, PHS in her hand. "But I guess I gotta. . ."

"I ADMIT THAT WAS TIFA'S BRA IN MY LAUNDRY, BUT THAT WAS A LONG, LONG TIME AGO!" he wailed into the receiver.

"Hello?" This time it was really Aeris. "Cloud, did I need to know that?"
". . . ." He was a little stunned. ". . . .Hi, Aeris."

She snickered. "Heheh. Hello, Cloud."

Laura looked up from her magazine. "What?"

"Why does Rachel hate me?" Christina asked, completely innocent. Despite being super-smart, it doesn't mean she can't be naïve.

"That's a new one. . .," Laura said with a weird look. "Why? You wanna stop fighting?"

"If she stops being an ass," Christina shrugged. Perhaps she wasn't entirely naïve. "It's just something that's always happened, and I thought it was over Dad or something."

"Rachel does love that father of yours. . .," Laura said, scratching her chin. "But she doesn't really enjoy making feuds out of stuff like that. But, I do know why she doesn't like you, that's for sure."

Christina was desperate for knowledge. "Why?" she said, still genuinely curious.

Laura patted her on the head. "Ah, you kids are so cute sometimes. . ."

"I am only about a year old," said Christina. "So, what's the secret?"

Laura had on a very sly face. "Well, I COULD tell you. . .But. . ."

"Don't tell me I have to go on a quest for the Holy Grail or something," Christina groaned.

"Oh no, I'll tell you, I just wonder how Rachel will react to you knowing," Laura shrugged, putting her face back into the magazine. "She's kinda sensitive about this."

Christina's inquisitive look resembled much like a confused animal. "Eh?"

"She's intimidated by pretty people! Get a load of that!" Laura laughed.

THUNK! Christina fell flat. "WHAT!"

"Well, okay, not so much that, but like, your blonde, blue-eyed, perfect cheerleading types," Laura explained.

"This makes a lot more sense than your explanation on fangirl minds," Christina said. "Continue."

Mildly insulted, Laura continued with a sigh. "Okay, so she's one of those simple minds who was picked on. Easy as that. So, that time she thwarted off those ogres harassing me in line. . .What?"
"Ogres?" she asked.

"Oh, y'know, if you remembered how Rachel and I became friends, it was when there were these girls pushing me in line at school. . .IT'S NOT 'CAUSE I'M SHORT!" she sniffled. "REALLY!"
"Really. . .," Christina awkwardly repeated. "Okay, what else?"

"Ahem," Laura coughed. "Sorry about that. Well, then. . .Eh?" She saw Rachel peering out in the corner. "Um. . .END OF STORY, LET'S GO!" Laura shouted, dashing off. "SEE YOU TOMORROW!"

"What? WAIT!" She wanted her answers. "THAT'S A REALLY BAD STORY!" She knew Laura wasn't coming back. "FINE! I'll ask her myself!"

"What next!" Rufus asked, climbing up some steps along a hill. "Are we searching for Shangri-la or something!"

"No. . .," said Keily, still cheerful, with a knowing smile. "Just a few more steps. . .," she said, climbing up a half-dozen extra stairs, then stopping at the top of the hill.

There was another angry grumble from Rufus, but after he got over his scuffed, black shoes that were normally slick and polished, he reached the top and discovered what he was brought here for.

Late-afternoon sunlight hit the arches and curves of each statue and grave. There were countless names etched into the plaques and worn stone of gray, but the land was well-kept; the grass was trimmed, and people cared for at least the immediate plots. However, you could tell some in the distance lay forgotten, as if there was the end of the family line, and nobody remembered just who they were anymore.

It was a cemetery, and looked strangely serene for one.

"A. . .graveyard?" Rufus asked.

"Yeah," Keily said, calmly. "He's around here, somewhere." She started to walk slowly for another fifteen feet, Rufus warily and reluctantly following. Finally, at a small, gray headstone, a name was carved. "It's my brother, Ruffy-kun!" she declared.

He still seemed confused. "This is what you wanted me to see!"
"Don't be rude!" she lectured, with a few tears, obviously insulted.

"U-um. . .Sorry, then," he apologized, embarrassed. "Really."

Her eyebrows pinched in the middle, and her mouth wrapped in a smile. "It's okay."

"Um. . .Thanks for finally picking up," Cloud apologized.

"No problem," said Aeris' voice over the phone. "You wanted to ask me something?"

Cloud paused, and finalized his question. "Aeris, why are you so mad with me?"

"I'm a hothead, you know it," she joked. "I'd always get mad with you, or start joking with you. It's because you know exactly what the problem is, but you always need to confirm it with someone."

". . .And THAT'S why you're so mad with me?" he asked, puzzled.

There was this audible sigh on the phone. "No, no. . .," she said. "Ah, clueless as ever, Cloud."

Nervously, he laughed. "Well, you know, I always need confirmation. . ."

"You know just what I mean," Aeris said. "And there won't always be someone to answer you, so make up your mind by yourself."

". . ." He was silent for a moment. "Hey, then what about-

"Oh!" she said suddenly. "Hey, I gotta go, right? The boss says my break is over. I'll be home in an hour! Bye!"

The phone was again silent.

He closed his eyes and sighed, with a bit of a relieved face. "Yep," he yawned, putting down the PHS. "There's only one thing left to do."

Keily and Rufus stood before the grave without a word, but the rustling of branches stymied any silence. Clouds began overtaking the sky, but it didn't seem to be of any immediate concern.

She sat the bouquet of flowers on the grave. "You remind me a lot of my brother," she began, still looking forward. "We would always fight with each other, yell at each other, hit each other. I think it was much more than sibling rivalry. . .," she sighed. "November was when I met him. . . He was my real brother."

Rufus looked at her out of the corner of her eye, wanting to know more, but he also didn't want to push it. "And then. . .?"

"Well. . .," she thought, pausing for a moment. "We knew each other for a few years, and then another November, he died. You never know what you have until it's gone, y'know? I do miss him a lot."

"I would imagine. . .," Rufus said, putting his gloved hands into his pockets. "You know, I didn't cry when my father died," he said, as a matter-of-fact. "Not one tear."

"I don't blame you," said Keily, finally looking at him, smiling. "He was an ass."

A suppressed smiled finally overtook Rufus' normally indifferent face. "Yeah, he was, wasn't he?" He and she laughed for a brief moment. "It wasn't of any great loss to me, like my mother. . .Nah, I don't think he cared about her at all. I mean, there was a nice funeral for her, but the way he'd shut himself up in that office while she was lonely at home. . .You know, she had a knack for interior design?"

"Nope, I don't know a thing about your mother," Keily shrugged.

With a smile, he turned back to the grave. "Well, she did, and she worked as a pro at it. But Dad, nah, he didn't care. He said it would look better for her to stay at home and raise me. And she loved him, so she did. I think she was the only one out there with the capacity to love someone like that. . .I wonder what she saw in the man. And then, when he died . . .It took a long time for me to find out exactly what she saw."

"So what? You really loved your dad?" she asked.

"Pfft, naw," he said, nonchalantly, and he smiled slightly and she laughed. "Well, he did work very hard to make money and support us all . . .That, I did appreciate. But, it eventually overtook him, and I think that's what killed my mother."

Keily nodded. "My brother . . .I didn't really believe he was much of a caring person, but I found I cared for him a lot when he was gone," she sighed. "And with the way we fought, maybe he thought I didn't care about him. I'm sure he felt the same way . . ."

"So then, he must've loved you too, huh?" said Rufus. "Must have been nice."

"Whaddya mean?" said Keily. "Still is. Ready to go?"

"Are you DONE?" asked Rufus.

She leered at him again. "You need to stop saying things so rudely."

"What?" He of course didn't see the rudeness in it.

She sighed in forgiveness. "Well then, I guess we can go home now, brother."

"Huh? Ahh!"

"BROTHER!" she shouted, giving him the usual tackle.

He had a very uncomfortable smile. "Y-yeah. . .brother. . .," he repeated, slowly pushing her off. "Let's go find that bus from Hell, what say?"

A touch of rain began to fall on their heads, and she looked up at the slate gray sky. "Sounds good to me," she concluded.

"Ah," he smiled, having his way for once on the excursion. "Let's go then."

She hooked arms again. "ALL RIGHT! ONE MORE TIME! RUFUS SHINRA! RUFUS SHINRA! NEW AGE PRESIDENT!"

"NO MOOOOORE! AHHHHHH!"

"Yosh?" Rachel turned around. "Oh. Hi," she said flatly. "You want somethin'?"
"Yeah, I do," said Christina, just about as excited as Rachel. "Why d'you keep picking fights with me?"
"I KNEW IT WAS YOU, LAURA!" Rachel shouted, shaking her fist to the ceiling. "I'LL FIND YOU ONE DAY! AND YOU'LL BE EVEN MORE UNDERFOOT!"
"I AM NOT SHORT!" came a cry from the upstairs.

"Weird," Christina concluded. "Well, give me an answer."

"I don't need to talk to you," Rachel said, turning her back, doing the dishes. "Nope, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-MUFFIN!"
Christina held this huge, warm, blueberry muffin. She spoke tauntingly. "Ya' waaaaant it?"
Rachel nodded quickly. "Yup-a-yup-a-yup!" Her eyes started to google.

"Reaaaaally?" Christina smiled. "Aw. I guess then. . ."

Rachel held her hands open hopefully.

MUNCH! Christina took an enormous bite out of the muffin. "Mm, yummy."

Rachel's face went deadpan. "M-MUFFIN!" She narrowed her eyes in a glare. "Never hath a fiend existed since the times of Tifa."

"I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW!" Tifa shouted, sitting on the couch. "Geez. . ."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I knew that!" said Rachel. "Now, scoot! Scoot like a good muffin!"
"Fine. No muffin for you," said Christina, taking another bite.

"YEAH, I DON'T NEED YOU AND YOUR BLOODMUFFINS!" Rachel said. "NO MUFFIN CAN MAKE ME DISCLOSE ANY OF MY SECRETS! But if you give me a twenty, I'll tell you Tifa's bra size."
"I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW!" Tifa shouted again, with added anger.

"Right, right. . .," said Rachel. "Well, no muffin of yours is gonna make me tell you."

Christina sighed. "Well then, I have no choice. . ." She took out Mr. Warkster. "How about NOW?"
"EEEK!" Rachel was horrified by the atrocity of the action. "HOW COULD YOU!"

"I'm desperate for answers, and I don't need to be in any fights with people I live with. Makes life hard, you know?" Christina said. "Gonna tell me or what?"

Rachel put an arm around her and ushered her out of the room. "Okay," she said in a raspy, Italian voice. "I'm-a gonna make-a you an offer you can't refuse."

"RACHEL!"

"FIIIIIINE!" Rachel sighed. "I'm not ashamed of telling people this! Just people like you."

"GET ON WITH IT. . ." Christina coaxed.

"Yeah yeah, well. . .So, I was picked on as a little kid. . . I mean, we both know I'm not the most normal-thinking girl. . .And anyway, they were your stereotypical, blonde, blue-eyed, cheerleader people, and. . .So, I guess I have this natural grudge against people like that because I'm afraid-

"I'll jab your little insides with mean words, right?" Christina said in a tiny, squeaky voice and a smile.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I HATE YOU, SHUT UP!" Rachel shouted.

"Hey, you better not be talking about me in there!" Tifa called.

"No, Tifaaaaa!" Rachel groaned.

"Good girl."

"Was that it? REALLY?" Christina couldn't believe how insignificant it was.

"It hurt as a kid. I was by myself all the time, and I didn't feel a part of anything. . .," Rachel said, rubbing her shoulder out of nervousness. "Don't make fun. You don't know anything about it."

Taken aback, Christina said nothing. ". . . . .Hmph. I guess we fight because we have more in common than we think."

"What? I'm not blonde," Rachel spoke cluelessly.

Christina heaved a big, exasperated sigh. "I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER ABOUT IT. . .It's too hard for me to hold a conversation with someone who's as smart as a brick, you know?"

"No skin off my back," Rachel grumbled. "I hate you."

"Oh gee, 'cause of how I look?" said Christina. "I knew you were weird, but I didn't expect you to be so shallow."

"I could explain this scientifically," said Rachel. "But no, nobody think I have anything important to say. . ."

"Shoot," Christina said.

"Okay, so we all know there exist stereotypes," Rachel started to explain. "And then we all have those archetypical ideas of what certain types of people are. And you know, a lot of people are attracted to others much like themselves, and shy away from others they would appear to disagree with. So, it's like people search for archetypes of themselves, for people they would like to be friends with, and others they'd like to avoid. So, in our case, because as a small child I was, through experience, taught to believe those who look like you would obviously, indeed, jab at my soft little insides with mean words," she concluded. "Oh, and I love your dad."

Christina shuddered. "That's so WEIRD. . .," she said, wriggling. "Gross. . ."

"Hey, he's a young, studly man!" said Rachel. "And I don't have a boyfriend. All I need is someone to stare at, and I'm good."

"I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!" Christina shouted. "Y'know, those two could've saved me a lot of time. . ." In her newfound revelation, she took a moment and peered at Rachel through the corner of her eye. ". . .Truce?" She stuck out her hand.

Rachel looked at it. "No, I hate you."

"Oh, thank God, I do, too."

"Hello, hello!" Cloud came tramping down the stairs. "Whatcha up to?"

"Hating each other," both said at the same time, and then looked at each other grossly. "Blech."

"Well. . .that's nice. . .," said Cloud. "You guys got a moment?"

"Now, now, what a nice thing you did for Cloud," said Tifa, sitting on the roof with Rachel. "It sort of astonishes me how little this episode focused on you doing something stupid. Well, kinda."

Rachel still had no idea what she meant by "episode". "Tifa, are you on crack, or are you really dead and all-knowing like Auron when he says, 'This is your story', in a really corny way to Tidus. And no, I refuse to be Tidus. He's a whiney wanker who doesn't deserve a videogame. 'Nuff said. Effeminate wanker."

Tifa blinked a few times. "OKAY, NOW WE REALLY KNOW WHO'S ON CRACK HERE. . ."

"Can't be helped," Laura said, sitting beside Rachel. "She really hates that guy. Personally, I think he's pretty, but yeah, he really gets on your nerves. Especially with all that, 'YOU ARE A DREAM', crap. Entire plot flushed down a toilet when that happened. It's like the idea we all have for a story, but never use because we know it's really bad."

Tifa was again lost. ". . .Mmhmm. I need to find new friends."

"Whom you don't pile drive into the moon," Rachel added.

"Yeah, whatever," said Tifa, brushing that off. "I see Cloud got the point, though."

"What's he doing?" asked Laura, who wasn't there for the event.

"Trying to make it up to Aeris," said Tifa. "And I warned him 'no sex'. Trust me, I have a sixth sense about that."

"Ah, Tifa's 'sex sensors', 'fornication fortification', her. . .Hi, Tifa," Rachel waved and smiled cutely back at Tifa. "Right. You're still here."

"And look who's back," said Tifa, pointing down below at the driveway.

Keily and Rufus were finally getting back.

"RUFFY-KUN!" she squealed, attached to his arm. "We had fun, right?"
"We went to a cemetery."

"Don't be so mean!" she said. "You couldn't be the life of a party at a funeral!"
"Haha," he said. "Focusing on death a lot, aren't we?"

Tifa sighed. "Too be young again. . . ."

Rachel blinked. ". . .Tifa, you're in your early twenties."

"And I feel old," she sighed. "I blame it on you."

Rachel sat in agreement. "Yeah, I don't blame you. No pun intended." She watched Rufus and Keily walk back into the house. "I hope they decide to be quiet while Cloud and Aeris have dinner. That I made."

"And Christina, but she's not here right now, so. . .," said Laura. "Sticking around in the attic."
"The vent's right here." Christina stuck her head out through this circular vent, which she attempted into making a door. "I'm going back inside now." But before she did, she narrowed her eyes at Rachel and stuck out her tongue. "Blehhhh!"
"Blehhhh!" went Rachel, back at her. "Geez. . ."

"Y'know Rachel, you did a nice thing, admitting to her your differences. . .and similarities." Tifa finally decided to give some credit. "Although it might've been under extreme duress, it's good you got it out there."

"YEAH, AND SO DID LAURA." Rachel glared at Laura, sticking the insinuation right up her butt. "THANKS, PAL."

"MMHMM, JUST THE WAY I LIKE BEING TEASED ABOUT MY HEIGHT, BUDDY," Laura said grudgingly back at her. ". . .You know I love you, right?" she said cutely.

"Yup!" said Rachel, right back at her. "LOVE AND PEACE!"

Tifa sighed. "You know, Rachel. . .Despite everything crazy that's happened, I think everything's gonna be all right."

"JERK!" Aeris kicked Cloud out the door.

"B-BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" he cried back.

"Sex sensors?" asked Laura.

"Off the charts," replied Tifa.

"RUFFY-KUN!" came another squeal from Keily.

"GET OFF ME! HAPPY-FUN-TIME-EXCURSION-DAY IS OVER!"

"Yup. . .," Tifa sighed, with a bit of a very weary tone. "Everything is gonna be just fine. . ."

But, things always get worse before they get better.

"My head. . . .," groaned a deep voice, groggily. A pair of scuffed, black leather boots clunked against the cement of a port in the city. "Dammit," he said, looking at his condition through a pair of glowing green eyes. "I'm worse for wear, but it's almost the end, now. . .," he smiled, fingering the hilt of the bloodstained blade at his hip lovingly. "Surka, I'm back again."

AN3: . . . .So. . .I wanted this in November. . .But, uh. . .Merry Christmas?

Tifa: Oh, don't tell me this was the Christmas chapter.

AN3: Oh, Hells no! After missing last year's, you'd think I'd have something for this year.

Tifa: . . .

AN3: I DO! REALLY! So far, I think about 23 pages are typed up. . .I've always planned the season 2 Christmas chapter to be a big thing. Expect a lot of stuff to happen, my people! Oh, and if you're listening to me Keily, I hope this was up to snuff for you. As a Christmas note, I'd like to thank all the readers who've kept this thing going. Without support, I'd probably still be lying asleep in hiatus. I'd never stop for those of you whom I've made laugh and brighten their day. I love reviews like that, really.

Tifa: You're such a tard.

AN3: YOU'RE SO MEAN:sniffles: The woman's got a soft side, but you know. . .She's all squishy and sensitive on the inside, like me.

Rachel: SHADDUP! I HATE YOU:storms off:

Christina: I love Christmas. . . .Okay, no, I'm not that mean. :runs off to check on her:

AN3: You know, Steve's in Florida.

Everyone: . . . .

AN3: . . . .What?

Everyone: You're still dating him?

AN3: ONE YEAR AND SEVEN MONTHS, BABY! . . .Someone, gimme some alcohol, please.

Aeris: Save it for the New Year's chapter.

AN3: Oh yeah, New Year's is another big thing. I love making big chapters out of those. Anyway, has anyone realized how we don't really celebrate birthdays here anymore? I'm sixteen now, by the way. Started when I was thirteen. . .Although one month after the start, I turned fourteen. Still been a while, though.

Tifa: Aeris, I think the alcohol would be great right now.

AN3: Now, hold on, hold on. . .I would like to cover some new things, before I head on back to that fun-filled Christmas chapter. Oh, and it's the 24th right now, so if it's not up tomorrow, uh. . . .Forgive me. You know how late I've been with these things. Um, just a mention here. Anyone play Soul Calibur III? So, I've been all crazy about it because it's my favorite fighting game, right up there with the Super Smash Bros. series. . .And here, you can create a character.

Tifa: Oh, here it comes.

AN3: DO YOU GUYS KNOW JUST HOW MUCH FUN IT IS WHACKING EACH OTHER WITH AE CHARACTERS:giggles: Muahahaha, it's much fun. Although, I've only made a Vincent, Cloud, and yes. . .MISS CLOUD! I love you, Aeris.

Aeris:salutes: Anytime, cap'n!

Cloud: AERIS. . .WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT NAME FOR ME!

Aeris: What, and call you Miss Nesbit or something?

Cloud: At least it wouldn't have anything to do with my real name. . .:grumbles:

AN3: Yes, so it's hilarious seeing Cloud in a dress dance around and attack people with a fan, or a pair of tambourines. Yes, that's right. IT IS AWESOMENESS. Oh, and as for AE characters, I of course made a Rachel. . .But I also made a Kiro. Who also has a vaguely sexual attack. Which is naturally a grapple attack. It's kinda freaky watching her on top of Rachel.

Mars:runs out and buys Soul Calibur III and countless memory cards: I love Christmas.

AN3: Ah, but I also got a special kind of DS this Christmas. I was gonna get a PSP, but nothing I want out so far (although, I did want one for Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, but I'll get them when they're actually here). I did get. . .GUITAR HERO, THOUGH:cackles: I didn't think I'd like it, but I tried it at the store. Much fun.

Tifa: Are we really going to accomplish anything anytime soon?

AN3: Tifa, it's the second season. Of course not.

Tifa: Right, right. . .

AN3: I think I just wanted to tack those in for fun, though.

Tifa:coughAEwebsite/comiccough:

AN3: That is ONE nasty cough. Anyway, yes, about that. . .If I work hard and ignore all the Guitar Hero goodness that makes the baby Jesus smile, I could have the first part done. . .Actually, we'd have countless issues of the AE webcomic out if I could just decide on the way to open it. . .AND HERE IS AN IDEA!

Tifa:bracing for impact:

AN3: WHY DON'T YOU, THE READER, HELP ME DECIDE! Please, I'm a poor, indecisive Libra. I'm not one of your steadfast, decision-making Taureans!

Tifa: Which is why I'm ultimately superior.

AN3: YEAH, YEAH, RUB IT IN, WHY DON'TCHA. . .? So please, help this poor soul, and demand your AE comic! BY TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!

Holly: Why Jessie, I think she's on to something!

Jessie: Mm, pancakes. :has made the pi symbol in maple syrup: I TOLD YOU I WAS SMART!

Holly: Uh-huh. . .Sure. . .

AN3: I didn't want to start the series like I started the fanfiction. . .And there is still the idea of starting off with the opening theme song. But if there are any other suggestions, I'd like to hear them. And no, no weirdo fan service. Well, unless it's good.

Mars:busy typing away:

AN3: Ah, I do love him so. Well, my people! I am off to bed! I await all my shiny loot in the morning. I hope you enjoyed this shiny new chapter, too. Is it just me, or does it hit you in the head like a brick? Eh, maybe 'cause I just skimmed it. . .Merry Christmahanakwanzaakah!