- Chapter Two -
Three weeks had passed since that day. As Jasmine thought back to her last conversation with him, she realized with pure sadness, that today she would have been his bride and began a new life with him. Now, that life would never happen and she would have to go on alone, into her bleak and lonely future. The stars came out in the sky like small, scattered pinpoints that some talented artist had made; each precise and careful on a beautiful blackened canvas. But . . . she had no appreciation for such art, and instead sneered upon it. She turned her back on the sky and walked solemnly to her room.
For days after his death, she didn't eat, sleep or talk; she could not bring herself to speak with anyone that reminded her of him. Genie, Iago, Abu and Carpet became distant from her, trapped on the other side of the wall that she had built between them. She never left the palace, as every step into the marketplace reminded her of their first meeting. Her entire life had become a living memory, filled with flashbacks of excitement and fun, adventure and love; frozen reminders that they would never happen again. Absently she rubbed her abdomen and thought with sorrow of the children they would never make, the love they could never share again.
Jasmine sat down, almost mechanically, on her divan and stared at the curtain wafting in the breeze, her gaze distant and hollow. Rajah sat and nuzzled her leg before whimpering slightly and sinking down to the floor. Jasmine stroked his head lightly and then returned to her empty thoughts. A sudden knock at her door startled her fragile nerves, but Jasmine didn't move, nor flinch at the sound. The knock repeated and an old voice cleared on the other side before talking.
"Jasmine? Dearest?" Her father asked quietly as if he was careful not to wake her if she were asleep. "May I come in?" She was surprised that he actually waited for a response. The door opened behind her after a moment as her father stepped forward.
"Jasmine." He said softly. "Please talk to me." He begged as he approached her. After a few silent moments shared between them, he swallowed and spoke. "I understand what you're going through, I lost your mother at a very young age and I still have yet to recover fully."
Jasmine didn't mean to, but the anger she had pent up for three weeks was suddenly unleashed, and on the last person she wanted to do so on. "What do you mean you understand?" It was so strange to hear her own voice, especially in that tone. Her throat was raw from crying and her mouth was dry, but she needed to expel some of her anger before she completely imploded. After three weeks of practical silence, she almost thought she had forgotten how to speak. "How could you? You and Mother were married and had me before she died, I didn't even get to walk up the alter! I didn't get to start a life with him, or even have a final chance to tell him how much he meant to me. I lost so much with him, more than anyone could ever believe. I died with him!"
The Sultan was silent for several minutes as he watched his daughter fight to hold her composure. She was trembling with anger and sorrow, a sight that nearly broke his heart. When he did speak, it was low, quiet and sincere. "I'm very sorry, Dearest. I know how important he was to you." He came up to her and wrapped her in a loving hug. At first, Jasmine was rigid and stiff, unwilling to give into the warmth of another's touch. But then, desperately longing for love and family again, she encircled him in her arms and embraced him tightly. "He meant so much to us all. I loved him as a son." Tears began to well in his eyes as he fought to hold them back to stay strong for her. "I'm so sorry, Dearest. This is just such a horrible loss for us all."
"Oh Father," She whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "What am I going to do?" She asked him, clinging onto him, never wanting to let go of the safety in his arms. "How can I go on?"
"You have to take it one day at a time and learn for yourself that he's never gone. He'll always be with you. Thank Allah for the time he blessed you together and for letting you both meet in the first place. That truly was an act of Allah that you met, be happy for that." He said as they broke their embrace. He wiped away the fresh tears that Jasmine wept and slightly smiled reassuringly. "I'm sorry this happened, Dearest. I truly am." He kissed her cheek and headed for the door.
"Thank you Father." She whispered.
He nodded lightly and left her room, shutting the door behind him. Jasmine wiped her tears and was stunned that she had any left to shed. She cleared her throat and sat down on her bed. Jasmine reached for her crown that she had set on her night stand and cleaned off the thin layer of dust that had settled on it after the weeks of ignoring it. It was just an object, nothing more, nothing less . . . but it meant so much. It meant a future that was no longer her's, a future she could no longer control. She did not want to think about her status or her place in society anymore. She did not want to be thought of as a Princess anymore, it was too hard to think about. For every time she began to think about being a Princess, her immediate thought was when she would become Sultana, but without her loving Sultan of her dreams at her side.
Her father had not brought up the fact that she would have to see suitors again and pick someone she would marry. Just imagining herself walking up to the wedding pavilion and seeing some stranger on her arm set her mind in a downward spiral and caused her heart to throb in pain. How could she promise herself to another man? How could she say the vows, lie of love, and live her life as if he never existed? How could she eventually sleep in the same bed with some other man? How could she let any other man touch her or kiss her or . . . her thoughts stopped abruptly. What about children? The thought suddenly sickened her. Not long ago, the thought of having children brought nothing but joy . . . yet, now it was simply an obligation she was expected to fulfill. It hurt too much to think about weddings, husbands, Agrabah and even her own life. Everything reminded her of him, everything! It wasn't fair! How could she go on and live her life when he was her life?
Jasmine felt her temper burst as she flung her crown to the other side of her room where it slammed into the marble wall and fell to the floor. It spun in a circle before silently resting on the ground. Jasmine crossed her arms and leaned forward in hopes that her bundled emotions would leave her and take the fear and coldness with it. She didn't want to live the way she was anymore. She wanted to laugh and feel love and happiness again, but knew deep inside that it would never happen again. Everything was over and for some reason, Allah took Aladdin from her in an instant. She would never have the warmth of his arms around hers again, feel his soft lips on her's, or know what it was like to wake up every morning with him sleeping soundly at her side.
All of her thoughts were eating her up inside; she couldn't take it anymore. Why did this have to happen? Why did she have to lose him? It wasn't fair! It wasn't! "Why Allah . . . why? What did we do to deserve this?" Jasmine stood and went back out to her balcony and without even thinking, she ran over to the balustrade and looked down at the ground beneath her. The trees were so small compared to the height she was at; the ground seemed like a million miles away.
Without thinking, Jasmine made sure her balance was steady and slowly placed one foot onto the stone railing before heaving herself up and joining the first foot with the other. She put her arms out to steady herself and closed her eyes. A cold current of wind whipped at her hair and tousled her clothes. When she her balance became perfect, she opened her eyes again and looked down once more. This was the way out; it was the door to Aladdin. She wasn't going to wait years or decades before she could be with him, she wasn't even going to wait seconds; she was going now.
Jasmine said a silent prayer in her mind, sending apologies to her Father and Agrabah for what she was about to do, and hoped that she would be granted forgiveness. Life had betrayed her, so she was leaving it. Memories of her friends and Father came rushing into her mind. Adventures shared with them and Aladdin were played over and over; small tidbits of words she spoke flashed like lightning. One stood out in particular where she spoke with Abu, replaying without an end.
"I can live as a snake, but I can't live without Aladdin."
"Can't live without Aladdin."
"Can't live without Aladdin."
Aladdin.
CAN'T LIVE.
CAN'T!
Just as she was going to lean forward and fall to her fate, she heard a startled gasp from behind, causing her to turn suddenly at the noise. Her balance unraveled as her slippers lost their traction and so, she fell backwards, off the balcony railing and down towards the ground. Before she reached the hard, unforgiving ground, a soft fabric came under her and wrapped around her body to prevent her fall further. Jasmine's eyes fluttered open and she focused on Carpet, who had stopped her decent and saved her life. Without waiting for any words from Jasmine, he flew back up to the balcony and gently set her down.
"Jas, are you okay?" Genie asked as he placed his hands on Jasmine's shoulders; she nodded weakly. Her heart was pounding and fear danced in her eyes. "It's a good thing Carpet caught you in time, whew! What were you doing up there in the first place?" He asked as he led them back into her room. She fought the urge inside her to run back out to the railing and finish the job. She noticed Abu and Iago were with Carpet and Genie, but because they were so silent and out of character, she didn't realize they were there until the group had reached her room. It was almost completely dark outside and Jasmine had only two candles lit, so the room was dimly illuminated. She had come to prefer it that way.
"We just came to see how you've been. We haven't seen you in a while." Genie said quietly, lacking his normal enthusiasm. He sat down on Carpet who was hovering over by Jasmine and sighed. He was unsure of what to say at a time like that, he was completely devastated after losing his best friend and was currently fighting back tears, and so he had no idea what Jasmine was going through after losing her true love. Jasmine remained silent and made very little eye contact with the group, shutting herself out again. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be kept from thinking about anyone or anything. Still, they stayed and surrounded her. Abu whined sadly at her side while Iago sighed mournfully.
Genie's face lit up a little bit and he began to talk again. "You know, we were thinking about going on a little trip, getting out of Agrabah for a few days. Maybe go to some oasis or something. Would you like to come? You can get out of the palace . . ."
The last sentence rang in Jasmine's mind as she snapped her head up and heard his wonderful voice repeatedly in her ears, "We could get out of the palace, see the world . . ." Over and over it played, never stopping and becoming louder each time around. It was like her last replaying thought, but this one was ceaseless and deafening. She pressed her hands against her ears and shook her head slightly, trying to clear the thought. Warm tears flooded her eyes and nearly fell before she wiped them away.
"Please, go away." She stated finally, as the words inside her mind became quieter and eventually stopped. "Just let me be alone, please." Jasmine turned her head and blocked her eyes from seeing them leave. "I just need time. I'm sorry." They obeyed her wishes and left her alone. Genie gave her one last glance before leaving the room, a fleeting connection to someone he loved and knew was suffering enormously. With a sigh, he shut the door behind him.
When they were gone, Jasmine let out a shaky sigh and glanced at the balcony, feeling embarrassed for being caught where she was. Jasmine shook her head at her foolishness and scolded her attempts. She knew that Aladdin would never forgive her if she did that, and she didn't think she would either. Taking her own life would have proved how vain and selfish she was acting. She then doubted she would have actually done it, but it was a good feeling to feel how close she was, it made her more alive than she had been the last three weeks.
"Oh Aladdin," She whispered, her voice cracking slightly as her throat tightened and her eyes burned with new wet tears. "Why did this have to happen? We were supposed to be together forever. You promised me. You were the last person who deserved this. I wish I could just see you once more, tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me." Jasmine paused and looked at the picture of Aladdin that sat on her vanity. "Please Allah, take me. I want to be with him. Please."
She sat there, not really expecting an answer, but hoping for one. Without warning, her thoughts drifted to Aladdin's last moments when she stood motionless in the crowd and saw Mozenrath's burning eyes with hate. She sneered at the thought and felt bile rise into her throat as she thought of Aladdin's murderer. He was the cause of all her pain and emptiness. Why was he still living in his kingdom when Aladdin was dead? Again the fairness flew from reason. He deserved to die a more painful death than even imaginable. Because of his blackened heart, Aladdin was dead and her spirit was as well.
Jasmine's face became red with anger and she gritted her teeth. "He's going to pay for what he's done," Jasmine muttered darkly to the picture of Aladdin. "I promise you." Clenching her fists she rose and hurried over to her closet and put her extra street outfit on. The other dirty one laid in a pile, crumpled in a corner still dusted with the layer of filth and dust from the wind that had happened after Mozenrath's attack. She stared at the heap of cloth and brought on clear flashbacks of the day came back to her in snippets. His blood that stained the clothes was dark and dry, leaving a muddy crimson print. Jasmine bent down and ran her fingers over it momentarily and forced her thoughts away.
She grabbed her sword and whip and walked over to her vanity before picking up the picture of Aladdin and stared at it forlornly. "I promise Aladdin, I'm going to make him pay for what he did to you . . . what he did to us." She lightly kissed the picture and left her room, unsure if she would return, or join Aladdin in the afterlife.
She crept in the moonlight, down the corridors and to the stables where she picked out her horse and set off into the night for the Land of the Black Sands. As the horse galloped through the sand dunes and over the hills and flat lands, she felt meaning in her life for the first time in weeks. She had a reason to live, and that reason was to see to it that Mozenrath didn't.
To Be Continued . . .
Please R/R!