Thanks so much for the reviews! This song took me forever to write because of all the rhyming! GAH! This goes to the tune of "Gaston" from Beauty and the Beast.

Disclaimer: Beauty and the Beast is owned by Disney and the original lyrics and tune belong to Alan Menken blah blah blabbity blah...


Raoul

(Camera zooms in on a bar in the opera house filled with many fops, ballet girls and Nadir. Raoul is upset, because he has been rejected by Christine. Nadir is trying to comfort him)

Raoul: Who does that chick think she is? Christine has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Raoul!

Nadir: Damn straight!

Raoul: (groans) Dismissed, rejected, absolutely humiliated! Why it's more that I can whine about!

Nadir: More wine?

Raoul: What for? Nothing helps…. I'm a disgrace!

Nadir: Who you? Never! Raoul, you have got to pull yourself together! (starts singing)

Gosh it disturbs me to see you vicomte,
looking so totally stressed.
Every fop here wants to be you vicomte!
You are just simply the best!
There's no fop in Paris admired like you!
You're every fops favorite guy!

Erik: (from in the walls coughing mockingly) Girl…

Nadir: Every fop's awed and inspired by you
and I promise it isn't a big lie!

No… one….. skips like Raoul,
does hair flips like Raoul,
no one puts cherry lip gloss on lips like Raoul!
For there's no man in town half as foppy,
stupid but not a moron!
You can ask any Fabio or Percy,
and they'll tell you whose design team they want to be on!

Fops: No... one... wears hairpins like Raoul,
has fair skin like Raoul,
no one's got a small cleft in their chin like Raoul!

Raoul: As a hot guy I am so intoxicating!

Erik: (from behind wall) No you're not.

Fops: Oh what a fop that Vicomte!

Give five "huzzahs!" and twelve hairflips!

Nadir: Raoul is the best and the rest is all drips!

Fops: No... one... shoots guns bad like Raoul,
girlishly runs like Raoul,

Angel (from Rent): No one has incredibly hot buns like Raoul!

Ballet Girls: You can see that he's not really brawny,

Raoul: As you see I have no biceps to spare.

Nadir: Every bit of him's scraggly and scrawny.

Raoul: That's right! But what I lack in muscle I makeup with hair!

Fops: No one girly hits like Raoul,
has rose scented armpits like Raoul,

Nadir: No one puts Erik out of his wits like Raoul!

Raoul: I'm especially good at pissing Erik off!

Fops: Oh what a fop, that vicomte!

Raoul: When I was a lad I had 12 dozen shirts in my closet as big as a house.
But now that I'm grown I have 20 dozen shirts which includes my frilly white blouse!

Fops: No... one... is nosy like Raoul,
is a posy like Raoul,

Nadir: Dresses up little dollies named Rosie like Raoul!

Raoul: I use ponies in all of my decorating!

Fops: Say it again!
Who's the foppiest of men?
And let's say it once more,
who's that fop we adore?
Who is simply the best?
Don't you know?
Can't you guess?
Who's that guy that makes us all drool?

There's just one fop we find,
that we have on our mind!

Raoul: And my name's R-a-u... ummm... -o... R-a-u - u... R-a-u-w- o...? (groans) oh...

Everybody: RAOOOOOOOOOUL!