Lyrics from "The Saddest Song I Got" by Annie Lennox

Chapter Eight: The Saddest Song

Luka looked around the crowded room. Everyone was at their house for the party. The nurses were holding Abby hostage, talking to her about God knows what. They still considered her one of them, even though she was a doctor now. He noticed how Sam has warmed up to the idea of him and Abby. Ray and Neela were talking quietly in one part of the room. He thought it odd, but was more focused on finding someone else. An hour into the party and still no sign of Carter. He tried not to be disappointed, but it was hard.

Abby was furious. She could feel Luka giving her that worried look of his as they cleaned up after the party. Carter missed it. There was no call, no apology. Not a damn word. She could tell Luka was a little hurt by Carter's absence. He was supposed to be a friend. She needed him to come, she needed to know that he was okay with this. She wasn't looking for his approval- hell no. It went deeper than that; something Abby didn't quite understand herself. Abby looked around. The house was clean and all the guests were gone. Finally. She snatched the keys from the counter.

"Luka, I'm heading out." Abby said, walking out the door.

"Ab-" She slammed the door and opened the car. Luka sighed and watched her drive off.

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Carter leaned against the window, head resting on his forearm. It was raining in Chicago. He was amazed at how different it was from Darfur. He didn't go, couldn't bring himself to go. 'God, I'm sucha coward. What am I so scared of?' He ignored thought. He wasn't scared of anything. He was John Truman Carter III. He'd survived medical school, medical students, residency, being chief of the ER. He'd worked through a stabbing, the deaths of colleagues, friends, and family. He'd been to Africa and seen all there was to see and still made it back alive. He wasn't scared of much- nothing else. It was love that scared him. It was something he couldn't force, couldn't bear, and couldn't buy his way out of or into.

"Darling are you feeling
The same thing that I'm seeing
The troubles of the day
Took my breath away
Took my breath away"

From where he stood, he saw a car pulled in. Dread filled him as Abby stepped out. Shit. He opened the door and she stormed in.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Carter? Did you just wake up this morning thinking, 'How can I disappointeveryone today?' How hard is it to show up?" He turned to face her.

"I'm not getting into this with you, Abby. I don't have to explain a damn thing to you."

"God forbid you should actually take responsibility for anything you do. No, you like to hide in the fucking jungle halfway around the world!" It was as though her words let loose a whole flood of anger and resentment. He couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Like you're so perfect. You never even wanted kids! Now look at you. Is this what you want Abby?"

"You bastard. That was low, even for you. It was my decision. I wanted to have this baby with Luka. Why? Because I love him. I love him, Carter. Get that through you thick skull."

"You, in love? No, you're far too selfish for that. You aren't capable of love."

"You're one to talk, Carter. How are things with Kem, again? Not too swell, huh." There was a certain satisfaction for Abby to see the pain in his eyes.

"At least I had the guts to marry her. You're scared shitless at the thought of committing yourself to a relationship." He sneered at her.

"What the hell is this then?" She asked, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Any two people can fuck and make a baby. You don't need a relationship for that."

"You proved that, didn't you? You are so childish, Carter. I'm surprised your stupidity hasn't already gotten you killed over there."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? To never have to deal with me again. Just remember, I'm the reason Luka is even alive. In a sense, you owe me everything you have now." He was right. She looked at him closer.

"That's what this is about. You can't stand that I am doing something with my life." She walked over to stand in front of him. "Get over yourself, Carter." Her words knocked the fight out of him. He turned away from her, standing by the window again.

"I want to be happy for you and Luka. I really do." Carter's voice was soft, broken. "If there's anyone who should be, it's the two of you." Abby's anger dissipated in an instant. He turned around to face her again, his eyes hopeless.

"Carter-" She stopped when he held up a hand.

"I'm tired, Abby. Tired of fighting life for what I want." He sighed. "You know the way out." He laid a soft kiss on her cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear before walking away. Abby debated on whether or not to follow him.

She found him in a large room she's been in only once before. He was crying. Abby took him into her arms, her belly creating a gap between them. They stood there for a while, allowing the shared wounds that at one time had connected them to heal. They finally got the closure they needed from each other, from that chapter in their lives.

"Darling are you healing
From all the scars appearing
Don't it hurt a lot
Don't know how to stop
Now there's no sense in seeing
The colors of the morning
Hold the clouds at bay
Chase them all away
Chase them all away
And I'm frozen still
Unspoken still
Heartbroken
Cos this is the saddest song I've got
The saddest song I've got"

When Abby arrived home later, she said not a word to Luka. Instead she went straight to bed, physically and emotionally drained.