Okay, as you can probably tell, I have had Beauty and the Beast songs stuck in my head. POTO and BATB just blend! lol. Anywho, you know all the disclaimer mumbo jumbo. I want to thank all the reviewers, if not for you, I would not continue to write these. Love ya!


Be My Pests

(You know the story. Erik loves Christine. Raoul loves Christine. Erik gets jealous of Raoul, hence resulting in mass pandemonium.

Erik has kidnapped Christine and taken her to his lair. Of course, Raoul being the nobleman he is, has decided to go rescue her, with the help of Nadir! Little did they know they would fall into Erik's devious torture chamber. Christine watches in horror as Erik acts maliciously snarky and utterly sarcastic towards his… guests.)

Erik: Vicomte and Daroga; it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I welcome you here tonight. And now, I invite you to relax, not despair, as my torture chamber proudly presents…. your death. (smirks evilly)

Be… my… pests.
Be my pests.
Put my sanity to the test!
Tie a Punjab around your necks monsieurs,
and I'll provide the rest!

Torturie!
Iron tree!
(waves mockingly) Au revoir mon amis!
Try the gunpowder, it's delicious!
Though I can't say it's nutricious.

You will scream,
wet your pants,
after all men, this is France!
And the torture here is never second best!
Go on and cower in fear
as you enjoy your stay here
as my pests,
oui, my pests,
be my pests!

Oh you fools
you will pay,
as the heat makes you into soufflés!
I will kill you with such flair
and kick your little derrières!

You're not alone,
but you're scared
and your death is all prepared!
Be all gloomy and complaining
while I'm out here entertaining!

Morbid jokes!-
and a trick
with my skills in weird magic!
Your brains will be jumbled into a mess!
Now go and bang on the glass,
it will kick your ass!
Be my pests!
If your stressed, I don't really give a rat's nest!
Be my pests!
Be my pests!
Be my pests!

(Looks into the torture chamber, acting as if he is depressed.) Life is not so thrilling,
when there's a phantom who's not killing.
He's not whole without a soul to prey upon.

(sighs) Ah, those good old days back in Persia…
Suddenly those good old days are gone.
(glares at Raoul)For awhile I've hated this fop, who's hair is like a mop!
I've wanted exercise, a chance to use my skills!

I thought it would end with the chandelier…
I have been so lazy,
(goes back to his sarcastic ways)but you walked in and oopsy daisy!

Christine: (worrying and crying her little eyes out) They're his "pests"!
They're his" pests"!
They are not really blessed.
It's a war,
oh dear lord!
For all we know I could be next!

Why on Earth
would he want me?
I am only age twenty!
What in God's name is he doing?-
Raoul and the turban guy are brewing!

They'll get warm
they'll get hot!
For heaven's sakes kill them not!
You are making me so utterly depressed!
(pleads with Erik)I'll go away with you!
Have a kid or two!
Just free your "pests"!

Random Chorus: They're his pests!

Christine:Free the "pests"!

Random Chorus: They're his pests!
They're his pests!
They're his pests!
Even if they try to protest!
All he wanted was Christine,
and Jesus Christ he was obsessed!

The fop came
with Nadir
to end the angel's little fear!
While the candlelight's still glowing
Erik's torture will keep going!

Erik (accompanied by random chorus): (Erik appears with fedora on with his pimp cane of doom) Kill… by… kill!
one by one!
You can shout
but I'm not done!
I bet you are sick and tired of my little jests!
Go ahead and die!
You won't make me cry!
You're my pests!
You're my pests!
You're my pests!
Please die…my… PESTS!