Reela interlude. I love them as a couple! There's a scene in here that gets a tiny bit more graphic than some of my Luby scenes. Just a warning.

First two sets of lyrics from "Losing Hope" by Jack Johnson

Second and fourth verses from "Time of Your Life" by Green Day

Third verse from "No Rain" by Blind Melon

Chapter Ten: Losing Hope

"Time of death: 19:21. Damn." I pulled off my gloves and walked out of the trauma room. To say I was having a bad day was a bloody understatement. Beastly was more like it. Four of my patients died today and things with Ray were awkward at best. At least the Gallants left this morning, bickering their way out the door. I was off and soon made my way to a bar, utterly depressed.

In the wake of the Gallants' departure, I was left very uncertain. There was a time when I loved Michael enough to spend the rest of my life with him. Now, I'm not so sure. I followed my emotions when he asked me to marry him, but I'm afraid those feeling were just that- feelings. I don't even know him anymore; Iraq has changed him into a man I no longer recognize. Not that I really knew him to begin with.

A bloody beer wasn't going to do it tonight. I ordered a vodka and tonic. If there was a hope of actually seeing Abby at her apartment, I would've headed there instead. She's pretty much living at Luka's. God, I need someone to talk to. I downed my drink.

Then there was Ray. The look in his eyes the night I moved out broke my heart. I didn't move out because of how Ray feels, but because I'm petrified of what I might do with what I feel. I'm falling for him. It snuck up on me. He was aggravating at first and then tolerable. At some point we became friends, real 'roomies'.

It was the night I came in from the military spouse meeting that I realized we had crossed a dangerous line. I sat for a while in my room, before he came home that night, his shirt in my hands. I barely held back the tears as I gave it back to him. Moving out didn't help a bit. I thought about him all the time, dreamed about him when I slept. Those dreams were far from innocent. Then I see him at work, and Michael is the farthest thing from my mind. I'm a married woman- but I can't stop thinking about another man.

"Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change"

"I'll have another." I stayed there for a while, sipping at my drink. Before I knew it, the time read 1:00am. Shit. I looked around at all the creeps here and realized I didn't want to walk home alone. Two drinks wasn't much, but it was enough. I called the only person I could think of. Ray.

"Hello?"

"Ray, it's Neela."

"I know your voice, Neela." He says it so softly, I barely hear him.

"Oh." I hear glass hit the floor behind me as voice laughs.

"Neela, where are you?" The concern in his voice is touching.

"Umm…" I look around. "I'm at some bar near the hospital. O'Malley's, I think."

"Do you want me to come get you?" I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't have to ask.

"Oh, would you?"

"No prob. I'm on my way." We hung up.

"But hanging on is easy
When you've got a friend to call
When nothings making sense at all
You're not the only one that's afraid of change"

I'm tired, just sitting at a stool, staring at my empty glass. I didn't even notice Ray arrive; I was so preoccupied with the bloomin' glass. He touched my arm.

"I thought hanging out at bars was my job." I looked up at him, shaking my head.

"Nope, it's my turn tonight." I said. We shared a smile. "Thanks for coming, Ray. I really appreciate it."

"What are friends for?" I mentally winced at his particular choice of words. I hurt him, the last thing I wanted to do. "Let's get you home." He helped me up. We were doing fine until I tripped over the door jam. He wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me. What Ray didn't count on was the effect it had on both of us. Our eyes met- yes, crossing that bloody line. We didn't say much on the El to my house. There was so much we could say, but didn't dare. It was easier to say nothing at all. When we eventually reached Abby's place, Ray got out my keys and opened the door. I walked in, turning around when he didn't follow.

"Aren't you coming in?" He looked uncertain.

"I don't think I should, Neela."

"I don't have the plague. I promise." He sighed, hand on the doorknob.

"It's not that. You're drunk and I'm afraid I might take advantage of you."

"I'm not drunk, I had two drinks. And you never had a problem with taking advantage of girls before." I said, getting a little pissed.

"You're different, Neela. You aren't other girls." He began to close the door.

"Ray!" He looked back. "Stay with me, please. I don't want to be alone." I surprised myself with that. Without permission, tears streamed down my cheeks. In a split second, he was holding me. I cried into his shoulder, all the frustration of the day pouring out. Once my sobs quieted down, I just enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me. Things with Michael had never felt so… right.

"I'm sorry, Ray." I whispered. I looked up and for the second time tonight, green met brown. He understood.

"It's okay. You did what you had to do." Without thinking, I reached up and my lips touched his.

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to do.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time."

In that single kiss I could feel his surprise, and then his longing. He kissed me deeply. It was when I began to unbutton his shirt that he took my hands and pulled back.

"I can't do this to you. I mean, you're married, Neela." Before he could walk away, I tugged at his sleeve.

xxxxxxxx

One look at her beautiful, exotic eyes and I melted. "Neela, we can't." I whispered. I held her, resting my chin atop her head.

"I don't care anymore. Fuck the rules and propriety." She looked at me. "I'm tired of doing what I should, instead of what I want. I want this, Ray. I want you."

"Now, I'm craving your body,
Is this real
Temperatures rising, I don't want to feel
I'm in the wrong place to be real

And I'm longing to love you
Just for a night,
Kissing and hugging and holding you tight
Please let me love you
With all my might

Reasons, the reasons that we hear,
The reasons that we fear…"

I couldn't deny her anything in the world right now. All the reasons we shouldn't flew out the window. I kissed her this time, ignoring my head and listening to my heart. Any hurt from her leaving me evaporated. She frantically undid my buttons as I explored her mouth with my tongue. Her blouse joined my shirt on the floor. My mouth traveled to her neck, her bare chest against mine. We were in our own little world. She unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants with her lips on my ear. I pulled at her clips, setting her hair loose to fall around her face. I ran my fingers through the soft masses of it, lips on her supple mouth once more. We fell onto the couch, stripped completely. I ran a hand up here thigh, her skin like silk under my fingers. The whisper of my name on her lips was more heaven then I'd ever known.

As I held her in my arms when we were done, I knew I really loved her with all of my heart and my soul. We complemented each other. Absolute opposites maybe; but that made us all the more perfect for each other. I want to be a better person for her. She can relax around me. Some may call our night together a 'moment of weakness', but it was the most beautiful experience of my life.

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."