People told me that I was just stubborn. Maybe it was like some blow to my pride, and now I have to redeem myself. No one knew what drove me to the brink.
Well, I myself knew, but I'd never tell.
I hadn't slept in three days. Some people would say it was nerves, everyone was on edge lately. But it wasn't that, it was her. She wouldn't leave me alone, damn it!
In my sleep, I always met with her. I would tell myself, "You're dreaming! Wake up!" But I was trapped, no way out. The dream was slightly different each time, but always started in the same setting.
It started out ok, if not a little strangely. I was in a plane of darkness, no horizon for the sun, just a sheet of black, never beginning, never ending. So I would walk. That was always the same. I did not fear the darkness; it was almost a comfort.
It's strange to say that the darkness was warm, but it wrapped around me like a blanket. So I kept walking in this warm cocoon of shadows, never heading anywhere, just walking because I could. Because it was my purpose.
Unconsciously, you could say I knew that I was going to meet her. Don't ask how I knew, but I would just get this shivery feeling, like the blanket was falling away and goose bumps were forming on my arms.
I would see her so suddenly; sometimes it would frighten me, although I learned to expect her there. This was our plane of nothingness; it was the only way that I could ever see her again.
"Neji-kun," She would say softly, her voice ringing like the tinkle of a bell. The suffix had changed again. The 'kun' made it sound almost endearing, like an old friend. Maybe that's what she viewed me as. At least in my dreams.
"Hinata-sama," I would reply in greeting, my suffix for her unchanging. Even in the privacy of my thoughts, I had schooled myself into self-control. She will always be higher than me.
Sometimes she would blush, and refuse the title, others, she would ignore it, like I had said nothing that upset her.
In what happened next was just like the days when she with me. She would talk. Every time it would be of something different, but the sweet sound of her voice was enough to calm me into submission.
The things she talked of were trivial, and of no importance to me, but I listened as though my life depended on the outcome of her words. She would ask what I thought, and I would reply honestly, and it always seemed to be what she wanted to hear.
She would smile brightly, a smile that shone in true happiness. Then I knew what happened next. My mind screamed at me to wake up, but I never did. Her voice would ask me sweetly, "Neji-kun, why have you not saved me?"
Every time, I would answer differently, hoping that it was what she wanted me to say, but it never pleased her. I tried everything, "I tried Hinata-sama, I'm sorry." No, no good. "I swear, I'll find you." Worse. "Please, forgive me." But she wouldn't.
Her face would turn to a frown, and she would tip her head to the side slightly. "Do you not care for me Neji-kun?" She would ask every time, despite my previous reply.
"I care for you very much Hinata-sama, I swear you that." Was always my answer.
"You mustn't, or you would try harder." She would say flippantly with a pout.
"I'm trying so hard Hinata, please," I pleaded, willing to beg for her forgiveness. It was after I said it that I knew I had just said her name affectionately, without the 'sama'. Every time, even though it was the same, it gave me a feeling of longing. Her name tasted sweet on my tongue, like just saying it was forbidden, therefore it tasted all the better.
Her face would calm slightly, and she would extend her hand. "Do you fear to touch me Neji-kun?" I shook my head no, but made no move to reach for her. "Then take my hand. Save me from what life has condemned me to."
My mind screamed in warning, alarms going off like fireworks, but I reached for her, her small warm hand fitting perfectly against mine. "Do you fear death Neji-kun?" I told her no, but I feared having to life without her. Her eyes would fill with what I could only describe as love, and she said to me, "Let me show you." It was all I could do to nod. She had me captivated.
The darkness faded away, and we were in front of a waterfall. "I love waterfalls," she would say, and I would just nod. I would try so many times to pick out something that would distinguish this place from any other, some landmark, some sign. But I could see nothing but the water flowing down the side of this cliff, pooling at the bottom in a misty spray.
She would lead me atop the water, walking so little ripples formed around the bottom of our feet. Such a task was simple, and took no focus for me. She led me to the waterfall, and we walked under it, I could feel the falling water pounding against my skin like little needles hammering against my flesh. She still held my hand.
Dripping wet, we entered a cavern behind the falling water, a tunnel that channeled out the sound of the waterfall as we walked until it could be heard no longer. The darkness grew until I could no longer my hand in front of my face, even with the help of my Byakugan. But, I could always still feel her hand encircling mine, so I kept going.
After what always seemed to be an eternity of listening to my own footfalls, and focusing on her soft hand in mine, we reach a cavern which thankfully has light. The little alarms would go up again, and she would always sense my hesitation. "Nothing can harm you here Neji-kun. You are to walk unseen." Very well then. So we continued until I could make out several bodies through a large wall with the Byakugan.
"Who are they?" I would whisper, although in my heart I already knew. She didn't answer, and we walked around the divider, and into another section of the cave.
"Stop this!" Hinata screamed, but it wasn't the woman beside me. This was the real Hinata, the one tied to a chair, crying horrible tears of anger in the center of the room. Around her eyes were hundreds of small pinpricks, blood dripping down her face, mixing with salty tears.
"Tell us how it works!" Demanded one of the men in the room stepping toward her threateningly.
I would take a step forward as well, my instincts kicking in, but I would feel a hand on my arm and stop. I looked over to Hinata's likeness beside me, and she would shake her head. "You cannot help her here. Just watch."
"I won't tell you!" She screamed, and spat in the man's face when he took a step closer.
"You bitch! I'll kill you!" And he struck her with an open palm across the side of her face, the sickening slap resounding against the caverns walls.
"Let me help her. Please, I have to help her." I whispered desperately, my eyes darting between the woman beside me, and the one tied to a chair.
"There is nothing more to see here," She would say, and turn. "She wanted you to know why she needs you so desperately."
"NEJI!" Hinata would scream from the chair, and everything went black.
And that is where I wake, my body rigid and cold with a sheen of sweat. In the beginning, I would scream out her name, willing myself back, desperate to help. But the call would only wake the household, causing more attention than I desire.
So now when I wake, I lay stiff and shaking, my eyes pinched closed in a pain that is never my own. I feel her pain. Or at least, that's what I make of it.
That is why I never sleep anymore.