Snuffy the elephant was strolling in a beautiful Japanese garden one day, just enjoying himself and minding his own business when suddenly, he spotted a beautiful apple tree hanging in the distance. But when he squinted his eyes, he could see something pink hanging off it. What was it?

As he got closer and closer to the tree, he realised that it was a donut covered in pink cream! He smiled in total joy, for pink donuts were his most favourite food ever. He reached out his long, speckled, grey trunk, gently plucked the donut off the tree and held it close to examine it's pure sugary beauty. But suddenly, he got hit by a giant piece of flying cheese and before you can say "Fanny fucked a flaky French fairy", the donut flew out of his trunk and rolled down the hill. Poor Snuffy could only stare, with tears brimming in his giant purple eyes, as his beloved pink donut kept rolling……and rolling…….and rolling……and rolling…….until it disappeared out of sight.

Now I know what you guys must be thinking.

Did Snuffy ever retrieve his pink donut?

How did that pink donut even get on that tree in the first place?

And what the hell does any of this have to do with RENT and Far Far Away?

The answer to that last question is: Absolutely nothing. But it will make some sense later on. And so having said that, it's on with the story……..

Maureen blinked in shock as she stared at the scary sight that was before her. Her eyes scanned the entire loft, looking at Roger with a lampshade stuck under his neck, a short, smelly guy with curly locks and really hairy feet, Mark sitting frozen on the couch, his pale face looking even paler with fear (if that's even possible, humanely or otherwise), a really handsome-looking rubber chicken, (Glinda was nowhere in sight because she was hiding inside the blender), and her eyes came back to rest on her ex, Elsie the cow, and her unrequited love, Jeff the potato. She nervously swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Um, hi….Elsie," she mumbled. "It's…..very nice to see you again."

"Awww, how sweet," said Elsie sarcastically. "Wish I could say the same for you." Her giant cow-nostrils flared with every word.

Jeff decided to break the awkwardness by stepping in. "Umm, Maureen? Hi. It's me Jeff, but I guess you already knew that, didn't you? It's, uh…..it's great to finally meet you." he stuck out his long potato arm for Maureen to shake.

Maureen looked at the arm and then at him. She shook it hesitantly, but said, "You're not Jeff."

Jeff blinked. "I'm sorry? What do you mean?"

Maureen stared at him. "You are not Jeff. I know it, deep deep down in my womanly heart. You are not the potato I ordered in Food Town. There's something not quite right about you." Her dark, poop-brown eyes analysed him suspiciously.

Jeff cocked his potato head uncomfortably and sweat began to trickle from his head. "What are you saying, Maureen dearest? Of course it's me." He gave her the widest smile he could muster up.

Everyone in the loft – that is, Mark, Roger, The Easter Bunny, Elsie, Brad Pitt, Rob, Frodo and Glinda (even though she was still in the blender) – tuned in to pay close attention to the drama that was unfolding before their very eyes.

Maureen got up and began to walk towards him. "My Jeff had a bright orange spot on his back. I don't think you have one."

Jeff began to tremble ever so slightly, but kept his composure. "But I do have one, Mo-mo. Why don't you check?"

Maureen took a few tentative steps towards him, picked him up and examined his back. To her utmost surprise, she saw a bright orange spot his back, just like he said. Sighing, she put him down on the couch.

"Ok fine, so you do have an orange spot. Welcome home, Jeff," said Maureen with resignation. Jeff relaxed slightly and plopped himself in Maureen's lap and Maureen stroked his potato-ey skin, but something was still telling her that this was not Jeff. But because she had no other way of testing him, she decided to let it go for now.

Meanwhile, Mark got up and asked the room, "I feel like a nice, tall, cool beef jerkey milkshake, anyone else want one?"

Frodo answered for everyone, "We are hobbits of the Shire. Frodo Baggins is my name, and this is Samwise Gamgee" he said, nodding his head.

Mark muttered angrily. "For the love of flying cheese, my name is not Sam Wheat Gloogee!" Frodo just looked at him, his unblinking eyes blinking blankly like Homer Simpson's eyes every time he doesn't understand something (which is pretty much all the time). "Forget it, I'm making that milkshake whether anyone likes it or not. Have some or leave it, I don't care." So he went to the kitchen, took out some beef jerky, Dijon mustard, milk, ice cream and some crushed oregano, which happened to be in their fridge even though that had no money to even pay rent (because this is a magical fairy land, I'm sorry if I failed to mention that earlier), and placed them on the kitchen counter. He then dumped all the ingredients into the blender and shut the lid. But little did he know that Glinda, the love of his life and the smartest Bohemian in the East Village, was hiding inside the ancient appliance. Completely oblivious, he turned the switch of the blender on and set the speed to five……..

Oh my goodness! What happens to Glinda? What's the story behind Jeff? And did Snuffy get his donut back? Stay tuned! –goes off to comfort Snuffy-