"Cold Water" by Damien Rice

"I Can't Smile Without You" by

Chapter 16: Cold Water

Luka sat outside with Abby in the summer sun a couple weeks later. He was leaned against the trunk of a tree in their backyard, Abby held firmly against his chest. She was sleeping with her maternity sundress pulled to her thighs. He'd laughed at her when she said she was trying to tan them and had smacked him for it. He smoothed her hair back, leaving a kiss on her temple. His impending fatherhood weighed heavily on his mind. He just prayed for a normal, uneventful birth for Abby. Luka felt a kick from where his hands were resting on Abby's belly. He rubbed the spot. He was amazed that Abby slept through the constant movement.

But Abby was exhausted. She'd been through a lot lately. Not long after she was released from the hospital, some news reached them about her father…

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Abby lay in bed, leaned up against the backboard. Luka was at work. There was so much that needed to be done, that she couldn't do because of the restrictions that Luka and Kerry had put her on. She turned on the TV, absently flicking though the channels. Nothing interesting was on. She was dressed and in the kitchen when the phone rang. It was her mother.

"Abby, I have some bad news… about your father."

Abby hung up the phone a short while later. She let out a shaky sigh and sunk back down into the pillows, hands covering her face.

Something was wrong. Luka could sense it as he opened the door later that evening. He stopped as he came into the living room. Abby sat on the couch, a bottle of wine sitting in front of her. She held a glass in her hand, partially full, with the red liquid. Abby didn't even look at him as she took a sip. Luka sat down next to her, casually taking the glass from her hand and draining it.

"Hey!"

"Have you had many?" She stared into the glass and shook her head.

"No. That was my first glass." She looked at him and he could see that she had been crying. She pushed back her hair with one hand as she relaxed into the couch. She could see the worry written on his face as he handed her the glass back, full. "I'm not stupid, Luka. I'd never do anything to harm the baby." She said, sharply.

"I know." He said quietly, making Abby feel guilty for snapping as she had. He continued, his voice still soft with pain. "When are you going to learn that I'm not Carter? I'm not going to condemn you for the occasional glass of wine. If you feel comfortable doing that, then go ahead. You're an adult. I will respect the decisions you make. And I trust you not to put yourself or our baby in harm's way."

She set down the wine.

"I'm sorry. It's just… it's been a rough day." Luka took her hand in his, waiting patiently for her to speak. After a few minutes she sighed, finally opening up to him.

"My father died yesterday. Maggie called me today to tell me. It was something to do with his liver." She paused, trying to collect herself. "He knew he was dying. He came here to make things right and… to say goodbye. I wouldn't let him. And now it's too late, he's gone." The tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Luka took Abby into his arms and let her cry. When she was done, he tightened his hold on her.

"Cold, cold water surrounds me now

And all I've got is your hand"

"It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known, Abby."

"I could have talked to him though."

"But you didn't. Now let it go. You can't change things and there's no use in wondering what you should have done different. Trust me, I know." He smiled sadly and rested his head on hers. They sat like that for a while, both lost in thought. She shifted in his arms and brought her lips up to meet his. The kiss was soft and sweet.

"I love you, Luka." He looked at her, amazed that he had ever managed to win her heart. He kissed her in response.

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Abby opened her eyes, trying to get a bearing on where she was. Outside in the backyard, with Luka.

"Hey. Have a nice nap?" Abby stretched, reaching behind her to ruffle Luka's hair.

"Mmm… yeah." She placed her hands over Luka's on her stomach. They smiled as felt their baby kick. "I can't wait for this to be over. Won't be too long now."

"Ten weeks. I'm ready though… to be a father again."

"Will it be hard for you… remind you of your other children?"

"Of course it will. But it's been a long time, Abby. I remember them now as they should be remembered- lovingly, not with sadness. I'll be fine, Abby. Besides, you two are my family now." He kissed her cheek. They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Luka thought about Abby and the baby before his mind wandered to work.

Neela was gone now, on leave. She left for England shortly after Gallant's funeral to be with her family. Ray was moping around and everyone knew it was because Neela was gone. She would break his heart if he weren't careful, quite a switch from the heartbreaking he was used to causing. Pratt was settling back into Chicago life after his time in the Sudan. He'd learned most of what Luka had hoped he would and was a better doctor for it. Sam was still as independent as ever and Luka wished someone would come along and sweep her off her feet. She needed someone in her life to make her smile again after the disaster that was Steve. And there was Alex to think of. Morris was long gone from the hospital. They heard the occasional word through Albright, but she usually made a point to avoid the E.R. Kerry was confidant as ever, getting used to moving around without her cane and attempting to spend more time with her son. He'd received an email from Carter- he and Kem were attempting to work things out. He'd left the Sudan after hopes of peace had completely vanished and it was no longer safe for any outsiders in the Darfur.

"Luka, let's go inside. I'm turning red." Abby said, drawing Luka out of his thoughts.

"Yes, ma'am." Luka chuckled and moved to get up; helping Abby once he was standing. She tried to walk off, but he caught her hand. His hands at her waist brought her as close as her belly would allow. Her arms came up around his neck and she looked up at him, smiling. He kissed her, a smile on his own lips.

"I can't smile without you,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
I just can't smile without you"