Everyone in the house – that is, Elsie, Jeff, Maureen, Roger, Camera, the Easter Bunny, Mark, Glinda and Frodo – all perked up when they heard the knock. Finally, the Easter Bunny got up, opened the door and in came an unusually pale guy with unusually pale skin, spiky, blond hair, glasses and a yellow suit with a pink tie.

Elsie blinked. "Who is this character?" she whispered to Frodo.

"No, it's not. It's not midday, yet. The days are growing darker," whispered Frodo back to her (yet another random line from his third movie, The Return of the King). The rest of the gang just stared at him.

"I'll tell you who I am!!!" said this new stranger. "I'm…..Anthony Rapp!! And I bring…..finger sandwiches!!!" he gestured to the giant steel dish in his hand, that was loaded with thousands of delicious little sandwiches.

"Really?" said Jeff and Elsie in unison, both eyeballing the tray up close. Maureen stared at him suspiciously. Roger started playing a sad version of Musetta's Waltz. Frodo began dancing the Highland fling. Camera clicked a picture of him. Collins scratched his chin. (Whoa, now how did he get here?)

"Yes indeedley!!!" said Anthony. He placed the tray on the coffee table and walked around the house, saying "By golly, this is a beautiful house!!!"

"Beautiful?? This place is a dump," said Roger, who played another sad version of Musetta's Waltz.

"Nooooo, oh no no no, I love it!!!" gushed Anthony. "You see, I am a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent and I know a good house when I see one!!! Oh how I love the flooring, and the curtains, and the walls, and the windows, and the lighting, and…." He continued rattling on and on about the beauty of this dilapidated house.

Elsie shook her head. "What is wrong with you, Mr. Rapp? We just told you that this house is-"

But Anthony didn't pay attention to her once he began describing the house.

"It's got a bedroom over here,

It's got two more up the stairs.

There's a bathroom on the first floor and another on the second.

The floors are solid oak, and the mouldings solid spruce, and the cabinets solid walnut, I have reckoned.

"The hinges on the door

Original brass from 1924

They hearken from a foundry in West Virginia

And the fireplace is a blast,

Burning wood or burning gas,

Nothing's more romantic in my opinia"

He turned around, raised his eyebrows and winked at Mark and Glinda, who had now stumbled out of the bedroom, fully dressed and staring confusifyingly at him. Mark blinked.

"Who the hell are you??" he asked. "And since when do we have a fireplace??"

Anthony smiled creepily at him and continued to dance around the house, while everyone stared at him like he was a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent (Which I think he was).

"And the living room's quite splendid

All the colors niceley blended

The bay windows facing south,

Of that I'm certain

A view of the front yard,

But of course right now it's marred,

Here, let me push back these lovely curtains!"

"For God's sake, what the hell are you trying to tell us, Anthony??" yelled Maureen, who by now was getting very annoyed at this crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent and his stupid antics.

"I'll tell you!!" he said, gesturing dramatically with his hands. "This house iiissss……

"Fantabulous, Fantabulous!

This house is near miraculous

A gloririffic edifice,

Fantaburifficous!!!!!

On this point, I place the emphasis

You're the first ones here, now that's a plus

The decision is quite obvious,

This house is fantabulous!"

"What the fuck does fantabulous even mean??" asked Glinda angrily, sitting next to Camera so that no one would suspect her secret affair with Mark.

"Nothing. That word doesn't even exist," said Maureen, eating a finger sandwich. "This is why I keep telling you guys: never trust a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent, especially one wearing a yellow suit and a pink tie."

Finishing the finger sandwiches, the whole gang turned to stare at Anthony, who was still dancing and singing crazily while singing "Fantabulous, Fantabulous! This house is near miraculous, a gloririffic edifice……" over and over and over again. Finally, Roger couldn't take it anymore and so got up, picked up his guitar and slugged Anthony in the head with it.

"This house is fantaaaaa – OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!" was the last this heard from him before he passed out cold on the floor. Mark suddenly cried out in despair.

"NOOOO!!! Roger!! What did you do?!?" he cried, running to Anthony's side. "Anthony!! Please wake up!! Please!!" he yelled, hugging his head close.

"HEEYYY!!!" yelled Glinda, suddenly forgetting their affair was meant to be secret. "You're only allowed to do that for me!!" she screamed in a jealous rage.

Suddenly, there was another knock on the door. This time, Maureen got up to open it. Lo and Behold! There stood another potato identical to Jeff. When he saw Jeff, he pointed a finger at him in rage.

"Who are you, strange potato?" he bellowed.

Maureen looked at him, then at the newcomer. "Um, that's Jeff, my pet potato. and who are you?"

The new potato scowled. "That's not Jeff! I'm Jeff! That's my evil twin brother Jordan!!" he yelled, pointing to Jeff again.

The whole gang stared at Jeff, then at the new potato, then at Jeff, then at Austin Powers who just randomly popped into the room, then at Jeff, then finally at the new potato. Who was the real Jeff??

Mmmmmm, the plot thickens. Oh, and sorry if this chapter isn't funny enough. My creative river has been a little blocked today. The song is "Fantabulous" from the movie Open House. And Jordan was created by hippy.intellect.