Far Far Away Chapter 8: Will The Real Jeff Please Stand Up?, a rent fanfic

"Don't listen to him!!" cried Jeff, who was now sitting on Frodo's shoulder and hiding in his thick curls. "I'm Jeff!!"

"No, he's lying!!" yelled the new potato. "I'm Jeff!! He's Jordan!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!" yelled Jeff again.

"No, I'm Jeff!!" yelled the new potato again.

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"Your mother got eaten by a blender!!" yelled Jeff cruelly, pointing a long, potato arm at the new potato.

"Umm, I think we have the same mother, dumbass," said the new potato, looking strangely at him.

"Oh right, so we do" said Jeff, blushing and scratching his head. "Dammit."

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang – that is, Elsie, Frodo, Jeff, Maureen, Brad Pitt, Roger, Camera, the Easter Bunny, Mark and Glinda – just stared from one potato to another, their heads going from side to side like they were watching a ping-pong game.

"Ohh goodness!! How are we supposed to know who the real Jeff is?" whined Glinda.

"How are we supposed to know who Jordan is?" whined Roger.

"How are we supposed to figure out what to do about Jordan?" whined Maureen.

"How am I supposed to find my mojo?" whined Austin Powers, who was dressed in a 60's psychedelic pink-and-green suit with a frilly shirt.

"Umm, Austin? I think Dr. Evil has it," said Elsie to him.

"Oh right!! Groovy baby, yeah!! Thanks darling!!" he said as he made his way to the window. But before leaving, he turned around, flashed a crazy, lopsided grin at Elsie and said, "But before I go, I'd like to ask you one thing. Do I make you horny, baby? Huh? Do I make you randy?"

Elsie made a loud, gagging moo. "Ewwww, no way!!! Get outta here, you crazy, British, ugly James Bond rip-off!!" she yelled, kicking his ass with her hoof and sending him flying out the window and landing into a truck full of spicy Mexican food.

Everyone turned back to look at the two potatoes, who now looked like they wanted to kill each other.

'What are we going to do??" wailed Joanne, who just randomly popped into the room for no reason.

"Only one way to find out," said Rob the rubber chicken, who suddenly joined the gang.

"Hey Rob? Where were you during the last chapter? I didn't see you all this while," asked Glinda, her pink forehead crinkling.

Rob blushed as much as a chicken could blush. "Umm, oh…..uh…nothing. I was just….uhhh…in…in the bathroom!! Yeah that's it!!" he added, putting on a fake smile.

"I see. That would explain your wet hand and the magazine with pictures of plucked chickens in it," said Mark, pointing to the magazine in Rob's hand with said pictures of plucked chickens in it. Rob blushed furiously, chucked the magazine under Mark's bed and ran to the living room.

"Um yeah, Rob, you said you knew what to do," said Maureen, eager to find the real Jeff.

"Oh yes. Yes, of course," said Rob. "You need to check them for the orange spot, of course."

But this did not work, as both potatoes had the same orange spot on their backs.

"This is all a trick!!" exclaimed Maureen.

"Not to worry!! I'll find out for you!!" said Anthony Rapp, who suddenly randomly came out of his coma and got up. He picked up the new potato and scratched at the orange spot, but it refused to move. Then he picked up Jeff, scratched the spot at lo and behold! It began to peel off!! Triumphant, he held the new potato up for all to see.

"This is Jordan!! That potato is the real Jeff!!" he declared, pointing to the potato hiding behind Frodo's hair, as a giant parade suddenly came out of nowhere and started playing a special fanfare just for him as people in the streets cheered wildly. (Because this is a magical fairy land. Why couldn't you tell me that I failed to mention that earlier?)

But unfortunately, his moment of glory was cut short when Jordan pulled out a ray gun and shot Anthony, who toppled onto the floor again. Jordan laughed maniacally as he watched Mark wail in misery while he hugged Anthony's body close to him and demanded him to wake up.

"You lied to me!!" growled Rob, who picked up a saucepan to hit Jordan with.

"But you fell for it, didn't you??" gloated Jordan, who shot Rob with the ray gun, turning him into a hot, barbecued chicken.

The whole gang gasped. Glinda screamed. Maureen gagged. Roger's mouth watered. Joanne farted. Mark's glasses fogged up. The Easter Bunny juggled Easter eggs. Anthony started making more finger sandwiches. Elsie mooed. Frodo hid behind Elsie. Camera disappeared into the bathroom. What were they going to do now???

Ohh dearie me!! What are they gonna do now?? Just so you know, Jordan was created by hippy.intellect –mwah mwah-