Hermione hesitated outside of the kitchen door, wondering if now was the best time to pick a fight with Harry. Especially an enraged, hormonally charged Harry. Hermione decided that from what she'd heard, Harry had no right to say the things he did to Ginny, no matter what Ginny had said to deserve it. Someone had to be the bigger man, and it would only be proper if it were Harry.
Taking in a deep breath and setting a fierce expression on her face, Hermione stepped through the kitchen door and slammed it shut behind her. Her first thought was to just slap Harry across the fact for being such an insensitive git, but thought that conversing in a rational and controlled manner would achieve more.
What she saw wasn't what she'd expected. She saw Harry slouching over in his stool by the counter, eating Muggle-brand ice-cream straight from the carton. His face was red and had obviously been tear-stained before he wiped his face. Hermione felt a pang in her heart.
"I know you heard everything, Hermione," Harry croaked, "And I know what you're about to say."
Hermione let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, and strode across the kitchen to Harry, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, Harry."
"Let me explain first, before you go off on a tangent," said Harry, straightening in his seat. "Ginny and I have always had an unusual relationship. When I first met her in my second year, she was in love with me but I didn't reciprocate her feelings. Eventually she got over me or at least it seemed that way. You remember how she was in our 5th year: a feisty red-head who wasn't afraid of me anymore. Then in my 6th year, I realized I had feelings for her. Strong feelings. I was stupidly heroic and broke off our perfect relationship because I feared for her life.
"But I promised myself I would get her back, that I would make her mine again once Voldemort was defeated. Well, the war came and went, and I forgot about my promise. I was so deep in my own self-pity after the war that I hid from society altogether – even from you and Ron. Eventually I became so afraid of losing anyone else in my life that I stopped letting people in. I knew Voldemort was gone, but I still believed that anyone I cared about was destined to be taken away from me. I'd already said goodbye to Ginny once – at the end of 6th year – and I wasn't going to put myself through that again. What if Ginny and I didn't last forever? I couldn't go through that torture again; I couldn't break up with Ginny again. So I just…didn't go back to her."
Hermione could feel her eyes watering throughout Harry's monologue, unaware of how Harry had been feeling for all these years. She had blindly assumed Harry didn't care for Ginny anymore, when it was so obvious to her now that he did, more than Ginny would ever know. Most would say Harry was a coward for being of afraid of getting back together with Ginny, but they wouldn't know Harry at all. Of all the people Hermione knew, Harry deserved to be saved from any more perils the most. It wasn't cowardice that kept him from Ginny, it was self-preservation. Harry had suffered so much loss and pain in his life that if he had even one more devastation, Hermione feared Harry would be physically and mentally exhausted enough to just let go completely. He would die. So that was why everyone in Harry's life worked hard to keep him happy and full of life. He was so close to the edge that everyone was walking on eggshells around him, trying to keep his health and his spirits up.
"You can't shut yourself away from everything, Harry. You can't shut life out anymore," Hermione pleaded, "You don't know how much everyone worries. You need to get out and live. Do something reckless because it's fun, not because someone else's life is at stake. Be brave because you want to be, not because you're expected to be. Live a life that's yours, because you can't live for anyone else, Harry – not anymore.
"As for what you said to Ginny…why did you say those things? She was all but offering herself to you because she knew you'd never make the first move, and you just yelled in her face, calling her horrible things."
Harry looked up at Hermione, his eyes pained, "You know what I'm like when I'm angry, Hermione. You know I can't control what I say no matter how hard I try. What hurts the most is that I wasn't even angry at Ginny; I was angry at myself and at Cho. I was angry at myself for being so cowardly and being so heartless; how could I let Ginny be alone and hurting for ten years? I abandoned her. And I was mad at Cho, for guilting me in to taking her back."
Hermione raised her eyebrows, "What did Cho do?"
Harry sighed, "We ran into each other a month and a half ago at the Ministry. I knew she was working there as well, but I'd tried my hardest to avoid her. Eventually reality catches up with you though, so I knew I was bound to see her. She caught me completely by surprise, showing up in my office. She had been crying, I could tell. Scrimgeour sacked her personally for skiving off work all the time and partaking in illegal activities including selling magical artifacts to Muggles. She came to my office in the hopes that I could put in a good word for her to Scrimgeour and help her get her job back. Scrimgeour was none too pleased, and sent me on my way. I felt so bad for her that I offered to let her stay at my place, since the apartment she was living in was paid for by the Ministry, and when she lost her job she also lost her apartment.
"Needless to say, one thing led to another and we were sleeping together. It was a completely unconscious decision; I didn't even know what we were doing. When I realized I couldn't go through Cho's drama all over again, I told her we couldn't be anything more than friends, and that it would be best if she found another place to live. Cho lied to me, telling me she was pregnant, so of course I couldn't turn her away. I insisted we go to St. Mungo's and have her checked out, and I found out she'd lied."
"Cho…Cho sold magical artifacts to Muggles?" Hermione asked, horrified, "I never thought she'd do something like that! And Harry, why is Cho still here if you found out she was lying to you?"
Harry looked away, embarrassed, "I know it's completely and morally wrong, but I needed someone to help me forget Ginny. With Ginny's boyfriends, I knew I'd never stand a chance, and I guess all I wanted was to feel needed again."
"Oh Harry," Hermione said, "Did you really think you weren't needed? If I didn't have you in my life, I wouldn't be half the person I am now. You keep me sane and afloat in this vast ocean called Life. If Ron didn't have you, he'd surely be in his brothers' shadows, but now he's out there making a name for himself through professional Quidditch. You have affected everyone in your life, Harry, whether you see it or not. I hope you never feel like you aren't needed again, because you are, Harry, you are."
Neither could fall asleep that night, too exhausted from the day and the drama already. They sat in the living area, watching the fish swim in their enormous tank in the wall, bored. They talked and reminisced and advised each other on their lives. Hermione ended up weeping some time after 4 in the morning, after telling Harry about her fears as an adult in the Wizarding world and the growing distance between herself and Muggle society – the society including her parents.
Eventually they feel asleep on a comfortable brown sofa, best friends entwined by limbs and clothes, neither feeling guilty about their sleeping position. Hermione had fallen asleep in Harry's arms on a number of occasions, and had always felt safe and hidden from the world.