Disclaimer: You know the drill.

Author's Notes: Sorry it took me so long to get this posted! I just moved on Tuesday and things have been crazy. But hopefully the next chapter won't take me as long to write. Thank you all so much for the reviews...I appreciate them more than you know. :) As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

- - -

She loves sex with Elliot. She loves feeling him move inside of her, slow and steady, her finger nails raking down his back as she reaches her climax. She loves feeling his weight above her, or his hard body under her as she straddles him; all of his strength pressing her into the wall of the shower, against the door to his apartment, or with the handle on the refrigerator digging into her back. She knows every inch of his body, from the scar on the bottom of his left foot from stepping on a broken glass when he was a kid to his slightly receding hairline, and she loves exploring him, attempting to find scars and memories she's never known about until now. As amazing as she's always thought sex is, she doesn't think it's ever been quite like this.

But to her own surprise, she loves the other things about their relationship even more. As amazing as the sex is, as satisfied as she is after spending an evening in bed with him, it's the little things that make her fall more in love with him every day. That for once in her life, she's warm while she's asleep, with his body acting as a space heater next to her in whichever bed they've fallen asleep in; the way he looks at her over top of the stove, as he cooks dinner and she sets the table. As much as she enjoys the nights of earth shattering sex, she's more satisfied falling asleep with him on the couch before the opening credits of ER, wrapped in his arms.

And her favorite nights are the ones she spends with him and his kids, whether it's just the twins or if Kathleen and Maureen are visiting from school for the weekend. They make dinner together, Elliot doing most of the work and Olivia and the kids splitting up the other tasks, like making salad or setting the table. They eat together, Dickie usually making jokes that make milk come out of his twin sister's nose. And then she and Elliot do the dishes together, sometimes quietly, and sometimes getting into water fights that leave both them and the kitchen soaked with water and soap suds. After they clean up, they all sit together in the living room and watch a movie, usually something PG of the inspirational sports variety. And later, she loves the slow lovemaking in his big bed with blue sheets, especially when he buries his tongue in her mouth when neither of them can stay quiet for much longer, trying to silence both of their climaxes.

She's never felt this way before, and tonight, while she stands next to him in the kitchen, helping him wash the dishes, she can't help but smile.

Elliot catches sight of her smile when he hands her another plate to dry and he, too, grins. "What are you smiling about?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow at her.

His grin widens when he sees the color rush to her face. If someone had told him a year ago that Olivia Benson blushed when she was embarrassed, he never would have believed them. The things he knows about her now, about the way she is when she's not at work, only serve to make him love her even more. He loves how complex she is and he jumps at the chance to search for yet another layer, moving closer and closer to the real her.

"Nothing," she says quickly, shaking her head slightly. Elliot, however, refuses to accept her answer, and sets the plate down in the sink, splashing the counter with apple scented dish soap and warm water. He moves to stand behind her and presses his chest against her back, his lips resting right next to her ear. "Elliot-" she starts, but he doesn't allow her to continue.

"The kids will probably go to bed at eleven. I don't know if I can make it that long with you looking this amazing in your jeans," he whispers, then lowers his lips to her neck, kissing her, tracing circles with his tongue. She moans, leaning into him, and he reaches in front of her, his fingers playing with the button on her jeans. "I love you in these...but I can't wait to get you out of them."

She laughs, and turns in his arms, kissing him soundly on the lips. "How 'bout I let you finish the dishes on your own so you can cool down." He raises an eyebrow at her, but turns back to the sink when she sits down on one of the bar stools next to the counter, picking up the paper and scanning it. "Why were you looking at the real estate section?" she asks, still reading it.

"Oh, uh..." he drops the plate in the water again and turns around to face her. She looks up and studies him for a moment as he formulates his answer. Finally he sits down on the barstool next to her and looks at the counter. "Well. I actually was going to talk to you about this tomorrow, but I might as well just do it now," he starts. "Kathy's moving into Manhattan. Jared asked her to move in with him. And she said that since the twins will be in school here instead of in Queens, that she'd be willing to rethink our custody arrangement so that they could be with me more."

"El, that's wonderful," Olivia says, grinning, and reaching for his hand. She notices that despite his smile, he looks incredibly nervous. "Okay, what?"

"I've been looking at apartments, because I need more space. One bedroom is fine when they're only here for a weekend, but if they're going to be around more, I'm going to need a place with at least two bedrooms so they don't have to sleep on the pull-out or the futon anymore. I was just..." he pauses for a moment and sighs, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Jesus. The way I'm wording this makes it seem like the kids are the only reason I'm going to ask you this. I promise, they're not...I've been thinking about it for weeks, before Kathy even told me and..." He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and finally just comes right out and says it. "Liv, I want you to move in with me."

Olivia stares at him, completely speechless, and tries to think of what to say. Her mind is completely blank. Even if she could figure out what her answer would be, she doesn't think she could make her mouth say the words. So instead, she just sits there, staring at him, and waits, hoping he'll say something more...hopefully that he's kidding.

"You don't have to answer me right now," he says, noticing the fear in her eyes. "I just want you to. I just want us to be together and-"

She suddenly shakes her head, looking away from him. Her heart is screaming at her to stop, to start nodding and tell him yes. But her mind takes over and she continues to shake her head, gently, fighting tears. "I can't, Elliot. I can't." She stands up from the bar stool and grabs her bag off the counter, heading for the door. "I'll call you later...I just need-"

"Jesus Christ, Olivia!" Elliot says, jumping up and standing between her and the door separating the kitchen from the rest of the apartment. "What the hell is it going to take to make you stop being so goddamn afraid of everything?"

She takes a deep, ragged breath, and tries to push past him, almost succeeding before he gets in front of her again. "Elliot, please, just let me go." He can see the tears in her eyes and hears the desperation in her voice, but he doesn't move. He's not going to back down this time and let her run off. "Please, Elliot, I need to be alone tonight."

"What is it you said to me that night you made me talk about the Graves case?" Elliot asks softly, moving closer to her. "'That's not an acceptable answer.' You can't shut people out, Liv. You can't keep living your life like this. I love you and I know that you love me and there's no reason why we can't live together except that you're scared. I cannot believe you're running away from this because you're afraid."

"I'm not running away, Elliot. I'm just saying no, and that I need some time alone right now. I love you, too, but-"

"No. No buts. Either you love me and you want to be with me, or you don't, Olivia." He shakes his head, looking as if he's about to punch something, and moves out of her way, allowing her to pass by him and towards the door. "I just wish you'd make up your goddamn mind."

She rests her forehead against the wooden door, her eyes closed as she fights tears. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he mutters, his back still turned on her as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. "Go home. Let me know when you make your decision."

He can tell, even though they both have their backs turned towards each other, that she is nodding.

- - -

An hour later, Elliot still sits at the counter of his kitchen, his head resting in his hands, trying to figure out what went wrong. He practically jumps when he hears the kitchen door swing open, and from the sound of barefeet on the kitchen floor, he can tell that it's Kathleen, who is visiting for the weekend from college. The steps are too hesitant to be Olivia's, coming back to talk to him; too quiet to be one of the twins. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kathleen sit down on the now empty barstool next to him and he turns his head slightly so he can look at her.

"Why aren't you watching the movie with Dickie and Liz?" Elliot asks kindly, his hand resting on her back.

"Because you sent Dickie and Olivia to pick the movie again. It's The Rookie. Again." Kathleen rolls her eyes, smiling. "It's not like I haven't seen it eighteen million times. I think Liv has a thing for Dennis Quaid."

Elliot smiles softly and nods. "She definitely does."

"Dad, are you okay?" his daughter asks him, looking and sounding so much like her mother. "We heard you and Olivia fighting. Did you guys break up?"

"No, we were just...disagreeing. And I'm fine, I just feel bad about what happened with Olivia," he admits, slowly getting up off the stool. "Do you-"

"How come you guys were fighting?" she asks, this time reminding him of all the traits she's picked up from Olivia over the past few months.

"It was..." he sighs. "Katie, relationships are hard for some people, especially for her. Olivia's had a tough life. She doesn't trust easily, except with people she knows won't hurt her, and I don't think she's ever really been in love before now."

"Because of her mom?" Elliot nods, looking at her curiously, wondering how much his daughter knows. "We talk. She told me a little bit about her mom. And that she doesn't know who her father is." Kathleen thinks for a moment, then adds, "Olivia knows you wouldn't hurt her."

"Not on purpose I wouldn't, and she does know that. But she also knows that I don't know how to do this, either. I had one girlfriend before your mom, when I was fourteen. I don't have much experience with building a relationship with someone. I was in love with your mother, but when she got pregnant with Maureen... there was no work involved in that decision. We got married. It wasn't like it is with Olivia where there are options and decisions that we have to make."

Kathleen nods and looks down at the floor. "Maybe you should let her make the decision. Just let her decide. I know she loves you...I can tell. It just might take her a while to catch up to you. She just might not be ready for this yet."

Elliot smiles softly and puts his arm around her shoulders, hugging her sideways. "How's school going?" he asks and Kathleen can't help but smile. He can't ever talk about himself, not even with his family.

"Good. I love my Creative Writing class," she says. "Liv says I should think about changing my major if I like it that much. She says I'm really good at it."

"That's great, sweetie," Elliot says with a smile. "You making a lot of friends?"

She nods, then reddens slightly. "I'm...seeing someone."

"Really?" Elliot says, trying not to demand his name so he can run a background check. He's trying to be more laid back with Kathleen, so she'll talk to him about things like this. After he gave her a two hour lecture about leaving drinks unattended at parties on the way to take her back to school in September, Olivia suggested that it might help. "What's his name?"

"Michael. He's a sophomore and a Pre-Med major. I think you'd like him." Kathleen hesitates, then adds with a grin, "he drives a motorcycle."

Elliot sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face, practically biting his tongue to keep from saying what he really thinks. Finally, he forces himself to ask, "what kind?" and hopes that he can get through this conversation without finding out about any drug habits or criminal records.

- - -

Olivia leans on the bar, her feet hooked around the bar stool she's seated on, nursing a beer. She feels a hand on her back and John's voice telling the bartender that he wants a Sam Adams. The older man sits down on the bar stool next to her and thanks the bartender when he hands him his beer.

"How long have you been here?" John asks, looking at her over the top of his glasses.

"Couple hours," she says, shrugging. She sees the look he gives her and she shakes her head. "It's my first one, John, I'm not drunk. I wish I was, but I'm not."

He nods, taking a sip of his own beer. "How come you called me?"

"Casey didn't answer her phone and I didn't really want to be alone tonight," she admits, looking down at the bar. "Sorry I called you so late, I just didn't know who else I could call."

"That's what partners are for," he assures her. "I thought you were hanging out with Elliot and the kids tonight."

"I am," she says, then shakes her head. "Was. I was." She looks down at the bar and traces a circle in the condensation left from her beer, then turns her head slightly to look at him. "John..what the hell is wrong with me?"

John smiles slightly, not sure he understands. He and Olivia have been friends for nine years; partners for a little less than two months, and not once has he ever heard her ask him a question quite like this. He's always found her to be reserved, so he usually filled in the silence talking about politics, John F. Kennedy, or the alimony he doesn't think he should have to pay one of his ex-wives. Olivia answers his questions, laughs at his jokes, and offers advice when it's needed, but he's never heard her speak so openly about herself before.

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"Why the hell am I so...fucked up?" she asks, rubbing her forehead with her palm. "I mean, I know my past doesn't help, but why is it that I can't just fall in love with him and have it be easy?"

"What happened with Elliot? Did he do something stupid?" John asks, suddenly understanding a little bit better. "Do I need to go over and have a little talk with him?"

Olivia can't help but smile. "John, leave the intimidation to Fin. It doesn't really work for you." She shakes her head. "He didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I can't..." she hesitates. "Do you believe in love?"

He thinks for a moment before speaking, not sure how to answer. Normally he'd say something sarcastic, something meant to make her laugh. But he sees his partner, his friend, looking lost and confused and needing his help. He'd never tell Olivia this, but he's always seen her as a psuedo little sister, as if despite her past and her experiences, her strength and courage, he still needed to protect her from things she didn't quite understand yet.

Finally, he nods, looking at her over the top of his glasses. "Yes. I do."

"Three divorces and you still believe in love?" she asks, a little dubiously. She hadn't expected him to say something serious.

He can't help it when a little bit of sarcasm makes it's way into his speech. "What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic." He pauses, taking on a serious tone of voice again, and places his hand over hers on the table. "Olivia, I don't necessarily think that there's someone for everyone in the world. Take me for instance. I'll never find that perfect woman I'm looking for...at least until you decide to dump Stabler and accept a date with me." Olivia laughs, rolling her eyes. "But for some people, there is love. For you, there's Elliot, who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, and who you've been waiting your whole life to love back. And you do."

Olivia smirks, running her hand through her hair. "Since when are you so heartfelt and sappy?"

"I'm not. I'm just telling you the truth," John says with a smile. "What happened?"

"He asked me to move in with him," Olivia says after a moment, looking down at the bar instead of at her partner. "He wants to get a bigger apartment...so the kids can be there more. Kathy's moving in with her boyfriend in Manhattan...they're getting married sooner or later and..." she trails off, not sure what else to say. "I freaked out."

"No kidding."

She hates him a little bit when she feels her lips turning up into a smile. "You're such an ass. Why did I call you again?"

He ignores her and reaches for her hand again, squeezing it tightly in his. "You love him. I think everyone else knew before you did, but you know it now." He pauses. "He's not going to let you down, Liv. He's not going to hurt you the way everyone else has. Has he ever? In eight years, has he ever let you down?"

She looks down at the bar again, shaking her head. "No. And that's what scares me." She hesitates, then decides to be completely honest with him. "I know how to deal with things when I don't have anyone to depend on, when I have to do everything for myself. But with Elliot, I've started to get used to him being there. I've gotten used to not being alone after work and it's... What happens when it all falls apart? When I've let myself fall into this completely and then something happens and I lose him?"

"Who says it has to fall apart?" John asks, sounding so much like Elliot that first night together. "Stop being so afraid. Life has to work out for you sooner or later. Same for Elliot. I think both of you have some happiness coming your way."

"I love waking up next to him in the morning," she whispers so quietly that John has to strain to her hear. But he doesn't want to interupt her; he's afraid that if he does, she'll stop admitting these truths to herself. "I love making dinner with him. I love the way he..." She trails off and hands John the rest of her beer. "I'm going to go. Sorry I dragged you out for this."

"Are you going back to talk to him?"

She nods, reaching into her pocket and putting a few bills on the bar. "Thank you," she tells him, smiling softly, and he watches as she hurries out of the bar, immediately looking for a cab.

- - -

The kids are asleep, Kathleen and Liz on the pull-out couch and Dickie on the futon in the corner. The dishes are all washed, dried, and put away; the DVD is back in the box from Blockbuster. He's just finished folding a load of laundry, and now he's checking the locks one last time before going to bed.

He's checking the deadbolt when he hears a noise in the hallway and immediately, he looks through the peep hole. He can't help but smile when he sees her, hesitating before she puts her key into the lock, then taking it back out again. He knows why she's here. If she was going to tell him something else, she wouldn't have come back this late at night. Slowly, quietly, he unlocks the door and then opens it quickly, making her jump.

"Jesus, Elliot...what are you doing?" she asks, her hand over her heart as she tries to catch her breath.

He smiles softly and shrugs. "What are you doing?"

She looks down at the scuffed and damaged floor of his hallway and shrugs. "I, uh...I needed to talk to you."

"The kids are asleep...we can talk in the kitchen," he says, moving out of her way. He locks the door when she steps inside and they quietly move into the kitchen, turning on the light above the stove.

She stands with her back against the refrigerator and studies him. He looks apprehensive, as if he's afraid she's come to break up with him, and she can't help but feel a little more sure of herself. He's scared, too, and that makes her feel better.

They can learn together.

"I, uh...I made a decision. It took me a while and it was..." she pauses, glancing down at the linoleum while she swallows hard, trying to find the courage. "I love you," she says, seeing the small smile that spreads across his face. "But...I'm scared out of my mind, Elliot." He nods, looking confused again and she fights a smile, enjoying this a little too much. "Then again, I've never been one to run away from things that scare me, so..."

"Olivia, would you just say it?" he says, looking slightly frustrated, yet still smiling. He knows now that she's kidding; that she's going to give him the answer he's looking for.

He starts to move towards her and she nods, looking down at the floor again. She takes a deep breath and looks up at him again, still nodding, her eyes looking like she's fighting as hard as she can not to cry. He takes another step closer, the toes on his barefeet pressed against her sneakers; his forehead now resting against hers, his hands falling to her hips and pushing her more against the refrigerator.

"I want to move in with you," she says softly, looking right at him. "I want to wake up next to you every morning and have my toothbrush next to yours in the medicine cabinet. I want to make dinner with you every night and have you pick on my cooking. I want your kids to be there as much as they can be, and I..." she trails off. "I love you, Elliot. I want to live with you, if you don't hate me too much after how I reacted earlier."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, his eyes closed as he leans against her. After a moment, he smiles softly and nods. "We'll start looking for a place tomorrow," he tells her, his lips pressing against hers and his tongue immediately parting her lips, sliding against the inside of her mouth. His pelvis presses against hers, rocking slowly, and he moves his lips to her neck, resting just below her ear as he traces circles with his tongue.

"I can't wait to christen every room with you," he whispers, his fingers playing with the button on her jeans.

She laughs and opens her eyes, looking right into his. For the first time in her life, she feels safe becoming dependent. "Me neither," she whispers, and leans back, attempting for the first time in her life to just let things happen and stop worrying.

- - -

TBC