Disclaimer: If they were mine, I'd be driving a nicer car.
Author's Notes: I AM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO POST THIS. I suck, I know. I could just blame it on being really busy (because I have been), but the truth is I just couldn't make this chapter work. I finally finished it, after many kicks in the ass from Heather, and hopefully I managed to not completely butcher them. Jess - thank you so much for beta-ing this for me. I don't know what I'd do without your help.

This is sort of a bridge chapter so hopefully the next ones will be easier to write...

- - -

Olivia opens the shower curtain, reaching for a towel to wrap around her body. When she takes a step out of the tub, she feels lightheaded and steadies herself with a hand on the towel rack. Just as she's about to move, she feels her stomach churn and she immediately sits down on the edge of the bathtub, dreading the moment when she has to stand up again.

"Liv?" Elliot calls out, knocking softly on the door.

She takes a breath before answering. "Yeah?"

Elliot opens the door and she immediately tries to come up with an adequate lie for when he asks. "We're almost-" he pauses, staring at her as she sits on the tub. "What are you doing?" he asks.

"Kicked my foot on the edge of the tub," she lies. "It's fine now. What were you saying?"

"I was just saying that we're ready to start moving the rest of the boxes. Fin and I just finished getting the big stuff from my place and there are only about six boxes left there. I just loaded the car with the rest of the boxes from your bedroom and the living room and I'll take them over to the apartment. John, Casey, and Don said they'd be there by ten."

Olivia nods. "I'll be there soon," she tells him, forcing a smile.

He stares at her for a moment, as if trying to figure out if he should say something or not, but he finally smiles back and waves before heading out the door. "See you in a little while," he says.

She waits until she hears the front door shut before getting up from the edge of the tub. She reaches into the cabinet over the toilet and onto the top shelf, behind a box of tampons, finding the small, white, rectangular box with the words "First Response" written across it. She sighs, opening it, and reads the directions carefully.

While she waits for the alarm on her watch to go off, she sits on the edge of the tub again, still wrapped in only a towel. Her stomach is doing back flips, and she's not sure if it's just from nerves or if it's a symptom of the pregnancy she's so afraid of. Finally the alarm on her watch goes off and she stands quickly and looks at the test in the sink.

She tries to breath, but that just makes the nausea worse, and she immediately drops to her knees in front of the toilet, emptying her stomach. Finally, she reaches to flush the toilet and leans back against the bathtub, bringing her knees up to her chest, resting her forehead on them, her eyes closed as she tries to force her stomach to remain settled.

Eventually she feels well enough to stand and makes her way to the sink, finding her toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and brushing vigorously for nearly five minutes. As she rinses her mouth, she catches sight of herself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. She turns off the water, then turns, dropping her towel to the floor and looking at her body in the mirror. Turning to the side, she rests her hands on the on her flat abdomen and takes a ragged breath, trying to keep her emotions in check.

- - -

"I think that's it," Elliot says, setting down the last box next to the couch in the living room. He stretches, his back popping, and groans. "God that hurts."

"You're just using that as an excuse so that when Cap and I kick your ass at pool tonight you don't look like such a loser," Fin jokes.

Elliot rolls his eyes. "Who says you're going to win?" he asks.

"It's you and Munch. How will we not?" Don asks, smiling.

John feigns offense. "See the abuse we deal with?" he asks no one in particular. "It's a wonder Stabler and I have any egos left at all."

Olivia, who has until then, been unpacking a box on the other side of the room, snorts loudly. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were being sarcastic." Casey, who is sitting next to Olivia, helping her put books on the bookshelf, laughs loudly.

"All right...what do you say we call it a night and go get a drink," Elliot says, popping his neck. "I don't think I have the energy to do much of anything else at the moment."

"Sounds good to me," Don says as they start towards the door of Elliot and Olivia's new three-bedroom apartment.

Olivia slowly gets up from the floor, steadying herself against the bookcase. Elliot studies her for a moment and she blushes, realizing that everyone is looking at her. "You okay?" Elliot asks, trying not to sound too concerned so that she won't get mad at him for overreacting.

"I'm fine...just stood up to fast," she assures him. "But I don't think I'm going to go...I'm exhausted. I'd probably fall asleep during the first round. You guys go ahead, I'm just going to watch a movie and go to bed early, I think."

Elliot nods, reaching for her and disguising his whisper as a soft kiss to her cheek. "You sure you're okay? I don't mind staying-" He feels her soft smile against his cheek and she shakes her head; he understands it to mean that she just wants to be left alone at the moment. "All right. I won't stay long...I'm exhausted, too," he promises, and kisses her quickly, smiling against her lips. "Love you."

"Love you, too," she tells him, and watches as the guys head out the door.

"Casey, you coming?" Elliot asks before shutting the door.

"No, Liv and I need some girl talk and then I'm going to head home," Casey says. "Thanks for the invite, though. Don't let Don and Fin win too many times."

Elliot rolls his eyes at her and shuts the door after smiling one more time at Olivia. The second he shuts the door, Casey turns to her friend and raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, what's going on with you?" Casey asks as Olivia heads towards the couch and lays down on her side, closing her eyes immediately.

"Nothing," Olivia promises, shaking her head slightly. "Just haven't been getting much sleep."

"You look like hell," Casey says, moving to the couch and sitting in the empty space next to Olivia's legs. She shifts slightly so she can look at her face as she talks. "I can tell something's up, so you might as well just tell me."

Olivia sighs, picking at a loose thread in the worn blue couch they brought from Olivia's old apartment. She doesn't look at Casey, instead focusing on the fabric; on the cream colored carpet of the living room. "I haven't told Elliot yet," she whispers, then looks up at Casey, trying to find the strength to just say the words that she's been dying to say aloud all day. "I'm pregnant."

Casey's eyes widen for a moment. "Oh, wow. I thought you were on the pill."

Olivia nods. "I was. I, uh...I missed a couple. During the Wilson case, about a month ago. We were so busy at work that I just spaced out and forgot to take it for a couple days. I've been on it so long that I don't even have to think about it anymore, so when I didn't take it...I guess it just didn't hit me. I didn't realize until about a week later that I had missed them. We'd already had sex a couple of times without using anything...wasn't much I could do about it." She groans. "I was hoping we'd be okay since I'd just gotten over my period, but I guess I was wrong."

Casey smirks and raises an eyebrow. "That's seventh grade sex ed, Olivia." The detective hardly even cracks a smile. "When did you find out?"

"I'm nine days late...I took the test this morning. I kept putting it off, hoping it was just stress from work and packing and everything. But I've been sick the last couple of days and I wanted to know for sure." She groans again, rubbing her hand over her face. "I'm exhausted. I couldn't keep anything down this morning. I have to pee every five minutes..."

"I thought that was only later in the pregnancy," Casey comments.

"No, it's one of the earliest symptoms, then goes away for a while, until you're so fat that the baby's pressing on your bladder." Olivia runs her hand through her hair, shaking her head slightly. "Oh, and apparently...morning sickness? Not just the morning." She rolls her eyes. "I'm so looking forward to this."

Casey smiles softly and takes her friend's hand. "Liv, I know you're attempting to be all bitter and sarcastic right now and pretend that you're not happy...but I know that you are, so you can knock it off with the bullshit tough girl attitude. It's okay to be scared. It's also okay to be thrilled about this."

Olivia blushes slightly and shakes her head. "I just... What if..."

"What if what?"

"Nothing...I guess I'm just not sure I'm ready for this. If Elliot and I are ready for this. A baby? We just moved in together. The boxes aren't even unpacked yet. How are we supposed to..." she trails off yet again.

"How come you haven't told him?" Casey asks. "He'd want to know."

"I know...I'm going to. I just took the test this morning. I'm just trying to figure out exactly how to tell him. I know he'll love this baby and that he'll always be there. But I also know that he's almost done with the parenting thing. Maureen's done with college in May. Kathleen's off to school. The twins only have three years left after this one before they're going off to college. What if he doesn't want to start over?"

"He will, Liv," Casey says, squeezing her hand again. "You know him well enough to know that." Olivia shrugs, lacking the energy to argue with the blonde. "When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

"I managed to keep down a bagel just before lunch time," she says. "I haven't dared try anything sense. I'm hoping the nausea's just worse because I'm stressed."

"My sister has been through it three times and always said it was worse if she had an empty stomach," Casey says, her hand resting on Olivia's arm. "You need to eat something, what do you want?"

She thinks for a moment, shrugging again. "There's not much in the kitchen, we just brought some cereal and stuff like that from Elliot's."

Casey gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen, looking through the boxes on the counter. She returns to the couch a moment later, sitting down again. "There's a box of Froot Loops, some Kraft macaroni and cheese, and stuff for a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. I'll run to the store."

"No, a bowl of Froot Loops actually sounds really good," Olivia tells her.

"Liv, you need to eat something more than Froot Loops," Casey says, getting ready to lecture. "You-"

"I know," she says, putting her hand up to stop Casey. "I just don't know what I'll be able to keep down right now and that sounds at least slightly appetizing."

Casey sighs. "Fine. Bowl of Froot Loops it is." Casey starts to stand, but Olivia stops her.

"I can get my own bowl of cereal," Olivia says, sitting up on the couch. She stops when Casey glares at her and shakes her head. "Jesus Christ. I never should have told you."

"You've been on your feet all day. It's not going to kill you to allow someone else to do something for you for once," Casey tells her, and heads toward the kitchen before she can say anything else.

- - -

Elliot fumbles with his keys for a moment, trying to remember which key goes to each of the three locks on the apartment door before finally getting it open. The TV is on, but the lights are all off, and he slowly makes his way toward the couch, assuming that Olivia has fallen asleep there. He trips over a box, then almost falls when the toe of his right Nike catches the rug. He's not used to this apartment yet; it's not like his old one, or Olivia's old one, where he could walk through it with the lights off and step over the laundry basket in the middle of the bedroom floor by habit.

Elliot almost jumps when he realizes the person lying on the couch is, in fact, Casey, and not his girlfriend. "Casey," he says, laying his hand on her shoulder. She startles, then sits up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"God, what time is it?" she asks.

"Almost midnight," Elliot says, looking down at his watch. "Where's Olivia?"

"Asleep, I'd imagine," Casey says, yawning. "She wasn't feeling well, so I told her to go lay down. I stuck around in case she needed anything."

Elliot nods, considering her words for a moment. "She okay?"

Casey nods, smiling reassuringly. "She's exhausted, and I think she's just got a lot on her mind right now, but she's fine."

"Thanks for all the help today, Casey," Elliot says as she stands from the couch and heads for the door. "See you Monday."

"Don't remind me," she groans good naturedly, and waves before shutting the door behind her.

Elliot walks back over, relocking it, then heads into the bedroom, kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed next to Olivia. He can tell she's awake and he feels her tense when he wraps his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. He kisses the top of her head and laces his fingers with her right hand.

"Hey," he says softly, his lips right next to her ear.

"Hey," she replies, squeezing his fingers tightly with hers. "Did you and the guys have fun?"

"Yeah. Don and Fin killed me and Munch at pool. I had to buy them three rounds of drinks, and of course, Don had to pick the most expensive bottled water they had," Elliot laughs, smiling against her ear. Soon his hand makes it's way to her abdomen, resting gently underneath the hem of her T-shirt. "So. Were you going to tell me?" he asks.

She holds it in place with her own. He can feel it when she takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly before speaking. "Did Casey tell you?"

"No. I had my suspicions. I took a shot and you just confirmed it." He hesitates for a moment. "You told Casey before me?"

She turns onto her other side to face him despite her apprehension. "Sorry, I just needed to talk it out with someone and she was here."

Elliot nods, playing with her hair next to her ear. "I saw the pregnancy test in the bathroom cupboard at your place the other day," he tells her. She can hear something in his voice, but she's too distracted to decide if it's a twinge anger or disappointment, or if it's something else entirely. "I was going to ask, but I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

She closes her eyes, moving closer to him, and breathes deep, comforted by the smell of his laundry detergent on his blue cotton T-shirt. "I took it this morning," she says, her voice quiet. "It was positive." He doesn't say anything for a moment and she looks down at the sheets, drawing circles with her fingers. "I, uh... I forgot to take some of my pills," she explains, swallowing hard. "I should have told you when I first realized, I'm sorry." He still doesn't speak and she blinks, a couple of tears falling down her face. "I know you're probably pretty pissed off at me right now, but I-"

"Liv," Elliot says gently, unwilling to let her finish telling him how he might feel. "I was pissed at first," he admits and she looks away. He puts his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him again. "Let me finish," he says, smiling softly despite the firmness of his voice. "I was pissed, not because I don't want you to be pregnant, but because you didn't tell me. You should have told me when you realized you forgot the pills, and if not then, you should have told me when you realized you were late. I understand why you didn't, but I'm still pissed that you didn't. Look...I'm happy with our lives the way they are, but that doesn't mean..." he groans, running his hand over his face. "This isn't coming out right at all."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Elliot, but please, just talk to me," she pleads, fighting tears. "Just tell me what the hell you're thinking, because right now I'm-"

He quiets her with a gentle kiss, running his fingers through her hair. "I'm trying to say that I was pissed at first that you hadn't told me, but I had some time to think about it and I'm... It's not going to be easy, Liv. But the past couple of days, I keep thinking about her. What she's going to look like and how she's going to act. God, Liv, I'm in love with her already and I didn't even know for sure until a few minutes ago. Yes I'm pissed that you didn't tell me, and no, I wasn't secretly hoping that you'd forget a pill and I'd get you pregnant. But it happened. I'm fucking terrified and I'm angry that you didn't tell me, but I love you and I love this baby and I'm here. It's not an ideal situation, but it's what we've got, and we'll get through it."

Olivia swallows hard, trying to keep her emotions in check. "She, huh?" she finally says, smiling through the tears that have started to fall. "How do you know it's a girl?"

"I'm pretty good at producing them, don't you think?" he says with a cocky half-smile.

She rolls over onto her back and stares at the ceiling for a few moments. "I'm so terrified, Elliot. What if we don't work out? What if-"

"I can't promise you that we're going to," he says, squeezing her hand. "We're not perfect, so I can't promise that we're not going to screw this up sooner or later. But I love you, Olivia, and our relationship has never been easy, so you know I'm not going to take off just because it got a little tougher." He closes his eyes, resting his head next to hers on her pillow. "I'm not going to feed you some fake romantic line about how we're not going to end. We both know that love isn't necessarily enough. But I'm not going to give up on us easily and I will never give up when it comes to this baby. Even if you and I don't work out, I will always be there for her."

Olivia nods, now crying quietly. He doesn't remember the last time he saw her cry openly, especially over something in her personal life. From time to time he sees her cry because of cases, but this is different. These aren't tears of compassion; they're of fear. Of confusion and doubt. Of happiness, despite it all, because although his words are far from romantic, they're real, and they're exactly what she needs to hear right now. "What if I can't-"

He interrupts her again, gently placing a finger to her lips. He looks her in the eye and shakes his head. "You are not your mother, Olivia," he tells her firmly, reading her mind. "And don't feed me some bullshit line about not knowing what it takes to be a parent. You are amazing with my kids, and you are going to be amazing with this one, too. I'm with you, through all of it, and even if I wasn't, you'd still figure it out."

She doesn't say anything more for a moment. "I'm so terrified right now," she admits. "I've stood with a gun in my face before. I've had to go undercover to catch the most gruesome criminals in this city. But I..." she pauses, shaking her head. "I've never been this afraid before." She reaches up and wipes away her tears before lowering her left hand to her abdomen. "I'm happy, though. I never thought I would be if this happened, but I am." She reaches for his hand with her right and places it on her abdomen, next to her own. She sighs, turning her head slightly to rest it on his shoulder. They remain quiet for a few minutes, simply lying in silence, lost in their own thoughts. "I can't wait until I can feel a difference. I want to feel him kicking and moving around so that I know he's really there."

"He, huh?" Elliot asks, smiling.

"Yeah. A little boy with your annoying smirk," she says, moving closer to him, resting her head on his chest. "And your eyes. A boy that'll grow up to be as honorable and brave as you. Maybe he'll even have your receding hairline," she jokes, reaching up to run her hand through his hair. He glares, but can't help but smile, and she kisses him gently, her hands still running through his hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he tells her, and leans down until he can place a gentle kiss on her abdomen. "I can't wait until you're so huge that you can hardly move and I have to wait on you hand and foot. You'll be begging me to rub your feet and make you dinner and help you up from the couch...and you won't give me any of that knight-in-shining armor bullshit. I can't wait."

"You'll probably throw it in my face until he leaves for college, won't you?" she asks, wiping the moisture from her eyes and face.

"Probably longer," he says, and she can tell by his smile that it's a promise.

- - -

TBC