A/N: Sorry, I completely forgot to post this here! I thought I did this a few weeks ago, but I guess not. One chapter (the epilogue) after this, I'm adding it momentarily.

"Liv?" Casey says softly, pushing open the door to her guest bedroom, hating to wake her friend after she's finally fallen asleep. "Liv," she says again, sitting down on the edge of the bed and resting her hand on the detective's back.

Olivia slowly opens her eyes and groans. "Hmmm?"

"Elliot's on the phone again," Casey says, holding her hand over the mouth piece of her cordless phone. "He wants to talk to you."

Olivia shakes her head, closing her eyes again and turning onto her side so she doesn't have to look at Casey. "Tell him I'll call him later. I can't. Not right now. I can't do this right now."

Casey nods, forcing herself to keep her mouth shut and not argue. Right now, tonight, she's willing to make up an excuse for her. Tomorrow Olivia won't be so lucky, but at three a.m., just a few hours after the fight that resulted in Olivia showing up at her apartment at midnight, she's willing to cut her some slack. "Are you sure?"

When she nods, Casey stands up and makes her way towards the door, bringing the phone back to her ear. "Elliot-"

"She won't take the phone, will she?" The sadness is evident in his voice and Casey wishes she had the courage to go back into the bedroom and force the phone into Olivia's hand.

"I'm sorry," Casey says, sighing. "I'd fight her on it, but she's a wreck right now. I don't think I'd be able to do anything except upset her more."

"Yeah," Elliot says, remaining silent for a moment. "Can you try and push her to talk about it? Even just with you? I want her to talk to me, but if she won't, I want her to talk to someone. Just-"

"I will," Casey says, wishing more than anything that she could just fix her two friends, because hearing them sound like this, sound so shattered and broken, is absolutely killing her. "We talked earlier and I think I convinced her to call Huang. We'll see if she actually does it."

"Good," Elliot says, sighing. "Casey, thanks for-"

"You don't need to thank me," Casey tells him. "She's my best friend. This is all part of the job description." When Elliot doesn't say anything more, Casey continues. "Go get some sleep, Elliot. I'll push her to call you tomorrow. Maybe things will seem easier in the morning, you know? But right now there's nothing else you can do."

"Yeah, I guess," Elliot says, but she can tell from his voice that he has no intentions of falling asleep until Olivia's home and in bed next to him.

Kathy glances at her watch, as she makes her way down the hallway of her ex-husband's apartment building. It's just after seven p.m. on Tuesday, and according to Maureen, he and Olivia are still off work until the end of the week, so she assumes he'll be home. She knocks on the door to apartment 4D, waiting for an answer.

Finally, she hears Elliot's footsteps on the other side of the door and the sound of it unlocking before he pulls it open. "Kath? What are you doing here?" he asks, scrubbing his hand over his face. He looks like he hasn't slept in a week, like he hasn't shaved in almost as long.

"Dickie called me before I left work. He left his math book here last time he was with you and he has a test tomorrow that he has to study for." She pauses. "Sorry I didn't call first. I didn't realize my cell phone battery was dead until I'd already left work."

"He hasn't been here in over a week," Elliot says, sighing, as he steps aside to let her in. "I'm sure that's going to be a spectacular grade."

Kathy smiles, following Elliot towards the bedrooms. "He said he left it on the kitchen table."

"Olivia cleaned up the other day," he says. "She probably put it on the desk in his room."

"Is she here?" Kathy asks, stepping inside the room with green walls and a New York Yankees poster above the bed. Elliot looks quickly through the papers and books on the desk in the corner, and finally finds the Algebra book. He hands it to Kathy and shakes his head.

"She's at Casey's," he says simply, unable to keep from looking her in the eye. He knows she'll figure it out just by looking at him. Despite the end of their twenty-year marriage, he knows she can still read him.

"How long?"

"Since Thursday night. When I got home from Lizzie's game she… I don't know, it wasn't a fight, really, but I was pushing her to talk to me about it and she said she needed some time alone to work through this. It's been five days and she still hasn't answered my phone calls."

"El, I'm so sorry," Kathy says, shaking her head. "I take it she's not dealing with this very well?"

Elliot shakes his head, shrugging. "Not that I am, either, but…" He shrugs again, looking away as tears burn at his eyes. "Fuck. What is it about me that makes me so goddamn easy to leave when things get hard?"

"Elliot, don't. Don't compare this to what happened between us. What you and Olivia are going through right now… God, El. I can't even imagine that. I can't even imagine how hard it is for her, or for you. It's not about you two realizing it just isn't working anymore like it was with us. This is a giant road block, but you'll get through it."

"I don't even know what to say to her," Elliot admits, looking down at the blue carpet of his son's room. "I've spent the past week and a half trying to figure out how to talk to her about this, how to comfort her. I have no fucking idea, though. I can't think of anything to say that's going to make any difference to her. How do you…" he trails off, shaking his head.

"Just remind her that you're there. That you're hurting, too. Once she figures out what she needs you to say, she'll help you figure it out." Kathy reaches over, resting her hand on his back, trying to awkwardly offer him comfort when two years ago, she would have known automatically what to say or do around him. "She'll be back."

Elliot nods and she understands that as his way of saying he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. "Thanks, Kath."

"Any time you need to talk…" she trails off. "I know it's awkward, but I don't want you to have to deal with this alone, so if you need to, you can always call me."

He smiles, nodding. "I'm okay."

"Thanks for the book," she says, holding it up. "And if you feel like you need some company this weekend, Jared and I didn't have anything planned with the twins. Just let me know and I'll bring them over. They understand, but I know they'd love to spend the weekend with you."

"I don't know if I'm a good person to be around right now," he says, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "I want to see them, but maybe it would be best if we just went to dinner later this week or something."

"Liz's practice ends at five on Thursday, and Dickie's done with drum lessons at five-thirty," Kathy offers, knowing that a couple of hours with the twins will help him get through just a couple more days until he and Olivia start working through this.

"I'll pick them up," Elliot says, smiling genuinely for the first time since Olivia left for Casey's. "I'll even shave first," he adds, rubbing his chin with his hand and shaking his head self-depreciatingly.

Kathy nods, heading back towards the door. She stops with it halfway open and looks back at him, giving him a sympathetic smile. "Keep calling her. Even if she doesn't pick up, she'll know you're thinking about her."

"Why don't you take a seat," Huang says, motioning towards the large armchair that Olivia has been pacing in front of since entering his office. She nods and sits down, leaning forward slightly and resting her elbows on her thighs. She doesn't look at him or even make a sound. "Can I get you something to drink?"

She shakes her head, still looking at the floor. She rests her forehead against her hand, massaging it to lessen the pressure that's building. "Can we just start? I want to get this over with. No offense."

He smiles, glad to see her usual attitude shine through. "Where do you want to start?"

"I don't care," she says, looking up at him for less than a second before focusing her attention on the window.

"How do you think you're handling your miscarriage?" Huang asks, getting right to the point.

Olivia had hoped he'd start with something else, that he'd pick a topic that was easier to talk about before diving into everything that she's been avoiding. "I'm… I don't know. I guess I'm handling it pretty well. I do what I have to."

"Are you getting help from other people? Elliot or Casey or someone?"

"I've been trying to deal with it on my own," Olivia admits, shaking her head. "Casey's been there for me and Elliot tried, but he… He can't handle this. He has his own feelings about this to deal with; he shouldn't have to worry about mine, too."

"Did he tell you that?" Huang asks, raising an eyebrow.

"No, he wouldn't ever admit that he couldn't deal with it. But I know. I know how we work. One of us has to be strong if the other one isn't, and right now, we're both hurting too much for it to work. We, uh, we needed some time apart."

Huang nods, thinking for a moment, then looks right at her, hoping to get an honest answer. "How did you feel when the doctor told you that you'd miscarried?"

"I didn't hear it from the doctor," Olivia says, picking at the nail polish on her left thumb in a nervous habit she hasn't practiced since she was sixteen. He raises an eyebrow as if to inquire further and she continues, looking down at her hands instead of at him. "I, uh, I'd lost a lot of blood and I wasn't fully conscious by the time they figured out what exactly was going on. I woke up a few hours later and Elliot had left the room to go call Don and let him know how I was. I read my chart."

"How did you feel when you read it?" he asks.

"I was..." she shrugs, rubbing her hand over her eyes. "I don't know what you expect me to say. I had just found out that I'd…" her voice starts to falter and she takes a breath, determined to hold it together in front of him. "I'd just found out. How do you think I felt?"

"I don't know. I'm not you," Huang says, shrugging. "How did you feel?"

"I felt…guilty," she finally admits, sending a couple of tears down her face when she blinks. She bites the inside of her cheek to keep more tears from falling and shrugs. "That's how I felt."

"Why did you feel guilty?"

"Because the chart said there was no obvious cause for why it happened," she says, swiping at the tears that have begun falling down her face more rapidly with each breath she takes. "There was no medical reason why my body couldn't carry the baby to term. I'm healthy, I don't have any medical conditions that could have caused me to miscarry," she shrugs, shaking her head and taking a breath as she finally gets the tears to stop falling. "So it was something I did. It was the coffee that I kept drinking even after I missed my period. It was the fact that I didn't take it easy at work and that I kept pushing my body as hard as I could. If I hadn't… If I'd listened to the books and the doctors and to Elliot and been more careful, maybe I wouldn't have lost the baby. Maybe instead of sitting here talking about my goddamn feelings, I'd be at home with Elliot looking through a baby name book and fighting with him over whether or not I was going to let him talk me into naming our kid Amber or some other-" A sob rips through her chest and she tries to keep it under control, but it just makes her cry harder. "I don't deserve to have him comfort me."

Huang hands her the box of Kleenex from his desk and waits, patiently, for her to stop crying before asking her anything more.

She stands outside the door, pacing, unsure of her ability to put the key in the lock and go inside. It's home, but in a week, it's become one of the scariest places she can think of. She knows he's on the other side of the door, that he's probably trying to call her again despite the fact that he knows she won't pick up when he does.

She jumps when the door opens and she looks up, meeting his eyes with the deer-in-a-headlight look, hoping that he doesn't say anything. He almost smiles when he sees her, shutting the door behind him, a black garbage bag in his hand. She can hear laughter inside the apartment, the sound of Dickie's voice as he tells a joke to his sister.

Elliot says nothing, watching her for only a moment, then continuing down the hallway as if he hadn't seen her, allowing her the chance to do this on her own time frame. He returns from taking out the garbage and doesn't even acknowledge her presence as he goes back inside.

But she can't help but notice that he leaves the door unlocked.

Finally, she takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and steps forward, reaching for the doorknob. She opens it, stepping inside, and nearly runs right into Dickie, who is walking towards the door.

"Hey," she says, smiling genuinely for the first time in almost two weeks when she sees him.

"Hi, Liv," Dickie says, suddenly looking slightly uncomfortable, like he's not sure what else to say. "Dad said you went to dinner with Casey."

"Casey had something else going on, so I came home," she lies, then looks up as Elliot walks in from the kitchen. "Hey. Did you miss me?" she asks, trying to make it into a joke, but she can tell from the look on his face and the way he doesn't respond that he's far from a joking mood when it comes to their current situation.

Instead, he turns to his son. "Jared's going to be here any minute to pick you guys up. Have you got your stuff together?"

"Almost," he says. "I was just looking for my sneakers." He spots them next to the door and then looks up, sees the look on his father's face, and immediately falls silent.

"Why don't you go see if you can find that library book you were looking for earlier?" Elliot suggests, and Dickie nods, heading towards his bedroom.

Olivia waits until the fourteen-year-old is out of earshot. "Elliot, I'm-"

"I know," he says, shaking his head. "We have a lot to talk about, but let's wait until the kids leave, okay? Jared's picking them up on his way home from work. He'll be here any minute."

"Okay," she says, looking him right in the eye. "Can you please hold me for just a second?" she asks, trying to keep her eyes from filling with tears.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it together and I can't afford to fall apart in front of my kids," he says, swallowing hard, his voice heavy with emotion.

She nods, looking away from him and heading into the kitchen, forcing a smile when she sees Lizzie sitting at the table. "Hey," Olivia says, sitting down in the chair next to her. "How're you?"

Lizzie gets the same look on her face that Dickie had, one that says that she has absolutely no idea what to say to her. "I'm okay. Just studying for my test tomorrow. How 'bout you?"

"I'm okay," Olivia says, still forcing a smile.

"Liv, I'm really sorry about what happened. I don't know what else to-"

"I know," Olivia says, laying her hand on top of hers. "How's school going?" she asks, desperate to change the subject.

"Boring. Pointless. Stressful. Pick your adjective," Lizzie says, shrugging. She sighs when she hears Jared's voice talking to her father. "There's Jared." She shoves her notebook and World History book back into her backpack and stands up before looking back at Olivia for a second. "Dad said you might not feel up to it, but I'm starting in my game on Saturday. I was wondering if you…it's okay if you don't-"

"I'll be there," Olivia promises, interrupting her. "Good luck on your test."

"Bye, Liv," she hears Dickie yell, and she yells back that she'll see him on Saturday, then waves as Lizzie walks towards the front door to go back to Kathy's.

She hears the front door lock behind them and then footsteps as Elliot makes his way into the kitchen. "Come here," he says, standing with his back against the wall. She pushes her chair back and immediately goes to him, burying her face in his chest the moment he wraps his arms around her, his lips pressed to the top of her head.

They stand there in silence for a few moments, neither of them sure what to say.

"I'm sorry," Olivia sobs against him, her words barely making sense through her tears and the fact that they are muffled against his shirt. "I'm so sorry I took off, Elliot. I should have been able to deal with this. I should have been able to be there for you, but I-"

"Just don't do it again." She nods and he pulls her into his arms again, holding her tightly. "Are you here to stay or are you staying at Casey's longer?"

"Home," she says, pressing her lips against his neck and closing her eyes. "I talked to Huang. He helped me figure some stuff out. I know it doesn't excuse what I did, but I feel like losing the baby was my fault. And I guess I was almost trying to punish myself by leaving. I felt like I didn't deserve your comfort. I just didn't think how it would be affecting you if I left." He holds her tighter and she breathes in the scent of his aftershave. "How pissed off at me are you right now?"

"I'm not," he sighs, not sure how to explain what he feels. "I understand why you left. I know you didn't do it to hurt me. I know you did it because you felt like you had to. I'm more disappointed than angry. I thought you believed in us enough that you would have tried to work through it with me."

"When did you become so rational about talking about your feelings and working through things?" Olivia asks, and Elliot can't help but smile slightly, having asked her the same question months prior.

"When I realized that being pissed off all the time and running away from things that might hurt would end up ruining everything I've started with you. And I don't want to ruin us. I want us to last. You're…you're everything to me, Olivia. I can't lose you. I just can't."

"You won't," she says, shaking her head. "I'm ready to talk, Elliot. I'm ready to work on this so that we can fix us. I can't lose you, either. I can't do this without you. I guess I learned that the hard way."

"We're going to be okay," he says, resting his forehead against hers. "We have a lot of things we need to talk about. We have a lot of work to do, but we'll get through it."

"I know."

"And when we do," his thumb rubs circles on her lower back, just under the hem of her shirt, and he takes a breath, working up the courage to keep talking. "When we do, whether it's two weeks from now or two years from now, I'm going to ask you to marry me. And I want you to say yes." He pauses for a moment, swallowing a lump in his throat and she takes the opportunity to interrupt him.

"I don't know if I can do this again," she says, tears falling down her face and onto his. "Get pregnant again, I mean," she clarifies. "I don't know when, or even if I'll be ready for that. I can't promise you anything but me."

"That's all I need," he says, his voice cracking, making him sound like Dickie. "I just want to be with you. Please say you want that, too."

"Okay," she whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck and hiding her face against him. "We'll do this."

TBC