Disclaimer: Still don't own either of them.
(Announcer: Last time on Stranded, we had our first elimination of Sauron, the Dark Lord! Whew! I'm glad he went so soon! I can't even begin to imagine the horror of what would happen if he got the wish! Anyways, this time on Stranded, yet another elimination occurs! Who will go and who will stay?)
The King of the Island (Aragorn)
"So, my loyal subject, what have you brought for me?" Aragorn asked. Somehow, he had contrived a wooden throne to sit on, which stood next to 'The King's Palace II'. On top of his head, he wore a sculpted wooden crown.
The monkey, who was the subject-in-question, chattered something and extended its offering towards Aragorn.
The monkey had brought Aragorn a large heap of various fruits, such as bananas, mangoes, coconuts, and pomegranates.
"Excellent, my subject!" Aragorn said. "You have done well!"
The monkey chattered with pleasure.
"Now, let us reap the rewards of this bountiful harvest and feast like the great ones that we are!"
The monkey let out a cheer and began to gorge himself with food as Aragorn did the same.
"You know," Aragorn said to the monkey, "it's getting rather tedious to call you 'my subject', even though that is what you are. Perhaps I should take it upon myself to grant you a name. Would you like that?"
The monkey chattered in enthusiasm.
"Excellent… now I must think of a name fitting for one so noble and obedient… Let me think…"
The Food-Seekers (Merry, Pippin, and Gimli)
"Merry?" Pippin said.
"What, Pip?" Merry replied in a thoroughly vexed voice.
"I'm hungry!"
"I know, Pip! We're all starved! So will you quit stating the obvious every three seconds?" Merry snapped.
"But I'm hungry!"
Merry twitched and considered knocking Pippin's head against a random tree. But, then again, that wouldn't be very fair to the tree…
Gimli sniffed the air. "Do you smell that?" He asked.
"Smell what?" Merry and Pippin asked, sniffing the air.
"It smells like…" Gimli began.
"APPLE CINNAMON MUFFINS!" Pippin cried with joy and raced off in the direction of the scent. Gimli bellowed with joy and ran after Pippin.
"Wait!" Merry cried, running after the two hunger-crazed Food-seekers. "It's probably not really apple cinnamon muffins! It's probably just your minds playing tricks on you!"
As soon as Merry said this, he came to a brief clearing in the large jungle around them. Pippin and Gimli stood in the middle of the clearing, looking up at a tree. The scent of apple-cinnamon muffins overpowered Merry's nostrils and he salivated.
"I don't believe it…" Merry said, looking up at the tree in astonishment. For on the tree, there were several apple-cinnamon muffins.
Pippin and Gimli continued to smile, flaunting their discovery.
"I guess they really do grow on trees." Merry said to them.
The Nitwit (Gandalf)
Gandalf sat on the beach in abject hopelessness. His stomach groaned in complaint at its lacking of food and he could do nothing to fulfill its need, lest he risk staining his perfectly white garbs.
Gandalf sighed in his depression and picked up a stick lying on the beach. He moved his stick around in the sand and began to doodle on it.
Faramir was walking along on the beach to see this. He stood over Gandalf for a few moments to see what the wizard was drawing.
"What's that supposed to be?" Faramir asked, pointing to Gandalf's doodle.
"It's a giant eagle." Gandalf said. "See? This is the head." Gandalf used the stick to point to a poorly drawn squiggly circle. "This is the body." Gandalf pointed to a poorly drawn oval. "And those are the wings." Gandalf pointed to two also poorly drawn triangles on each side of the oval.
"Oh, really?" Faramir turned his head to one side. "Yeah, I guess it could be that, too. I thought you were trying to draw a map of Middle Earth or you were trying to do some type of abstract modern artsy thing."
"Nope. It's an eagle."
"You're really pathetic..." Faramir started.
"Says the man who's afraid of squirrels."
Faramir twitched and abandoned what he was originally going to say. "Well, at least I'm not afraid of dirt!" Gandalf shuddered and Faramir picked up a bunch of dirt and held it in front of Gandalf.
Gandalf screamed. "Don't get that so close! I might get a stain!"
Faramir smirked and made a wind-up motion as if to fling the sand at Gandalf. He wasn't really going to do it; it was just so fun to scare the wizard.
Of course, Gandalf didn't know this, so he tried to distract Faramir. "Hey, look! There's a squirrel behind you!"
Faramir gave a cry and turned around. When he didn't see one, he said, "Hey! There's no squirrel behind me!"
"He's invisible."
Faramir frowned. "Come on, Gandalf, you and I both know that squirrels can't be-"
"Ah! Look! He just turned visible!"
Faramir screamed and whirled around. Again, there was nothing there. "Don't even joke about such a thing, Gandalf!" Faramir cried. "It wasn't even that funny!"
Gandalf was getting a good chuckle in.
"You know," Faramir said, "I was coming over here to offer my services to you since Crazy's a big pain in the butt, but, if this is the way you're going to treat me, I'll just leave you and endure him." Faramir turned on his heel and walked off.
"Faramir! Wait! I was just kidding! Come back!" Gandalf yelled.
"Not happening, Nitwit!" Faramir yelled from afar.
The Dysfunctional Dorks (Boromir, Faramir, and Denethor)
Faramir walked over to where Boromir and Denethor were eating some fruits that Denethor had found.
"Hey, Boromir! Did you save anything for me?" Faramir asked.
"No!" Denethor exclaimed. "Get your own stinkin' food!"
Boromir rolled his eyes and gave Faramir a fruit. "Here you go, little brother." He said.
"Thanks, Boromir." Faramir said and took a bite out of the fruit. "I'm glad to see that someone here cares about me!" He shot a glare at Denethor.
"What do you mean by that?" Denethor said in a dangerous voice and looked Faramir straight in the eye.
Faramir glared right back at his father, "Well, it's quite obvious, really-"
Boromir got up to play interference. "Come on, now!" He said. "Let's not tear each other's heads off. Remember, we're a team! We have to work together!"
Denethor glared at Faramir. Faramir glared back.
"Oh, for pity's sake, stop fighting!" Boromir said.
They continued their stare-off.
Boromir sighed in frustration. "If I win the contest, I'm going to wish for mediation for the two of you. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll be able to stand an eternity of you two bickering!"
Denethor and Faramir ignored the fuming Boromir.
"I might as well be talking to a pair of coconuts!" Boromir yelled at them, and then he turned on his heel and started to head off into the jungle to make a dramatic exit when he saw it.
A squirrel was sitting on the fringes of their camp. It was observing what was transpiring through its sad, big, black eyes. It stared into Boromir's eyes and Boromir felt the need to talk to the little thing.
"Hello, little guy." Boromir said.
Faramir turned around from the stare-off with Denethor, ignoring Denethor's "Hah! I win! Neener, neener, neener!"
"What is it, Boromir?" Faramir asked as he walked up next to Boromir. Then, he saw the cute little squirrel. "AAAAH! IT'S A SQUIRREL! HOLD ME, BROTHER!"
Faramir jumped into were he thought Boromir's arms would be to catch him, but they weren't there. Boromir was staring at something else with wide, frightened eyes.
"AAAAH!" Boromir said, pointing to an Uruk-Hai that was standing on the fringes of the jungle. "IT'S THE ORC THAT KILLED ME! HOLD ME, DADDY!" Boromir jumped into Denethor's arms and buried his head in Denethor's chest like a frightened child.
Denethor stared at Faramir in terror. "AAAAH! IT'S FARAMIR! HOLD ME, RANDOM SQUIRREL!" Denethor leaped on the squirrel, which gave a squeak of pain and was no more.
"Oh, thanks, Father!" Faramir said, happily. "I didn't know you cared!"
"I hate you, Faramir." Denethor said.
"What? How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me, Father!" Faramir cried as he ran away from the whole scene.
Legolas took of the Uruk-Hai mask, snickered at Boromir's reaction, and vanished into the jungle.
"Uh… Boromir?" Denethor said.
"Yes, Daddy?" Boromir replied in a childish voice.
"You can let go now. Anytime. Please."
"Is the Orc gone?"
"Yes, son."
"Promise?"
"Yes, son, now let go."
Boromir let go of Denethor and straightened himself up. "Thanks, Father." He resumed his normal voice and got up, trying to maintain the little scrap of dignity that remained. "I'll go find Faramir right now." He walked away to look for Faramir.
Denethor got up and looked at the remains of the dead squirrel, thoughtfully. Then, he looked at their campfire…
The Ringbearers (Frodo, Sam, and Bilbo)
(Announcer: It was the night before tomorrow and all through the island,
Not a creature was stirring… except for Frodo.)
"Sam…" Frodo groaned as the fat Hobbit continued to snore. "Could you please stop snoring?"
Sam continued to snore like an oliphant with a head cold. Frodo groaned and kicked Sam. He just sighed and rolled over.
Frodo growled angrily. "WAKE UP, SAM!" He yelled in his ear. Sam did not respond.
"What was that?" Bilbo yelled.
"Nothing, Bilbo." Frodo replied. "You can go back to sleep, now."
"Lobelia, is that you?" Bilbo said. "I heard that Otho died. Pity. But, now that he's out of the way, do you want to get hitched?"
Frodo gagged for several reasons. One, Bilbo thought he was Lobelia. Two, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins was a rather nasty Hobbit who had always wanted to own Bag-End after Bilbo died; it was revolting to Frodo to think that Bilbo could fancy her at all. Three, Bilbo thought he was Lobelia. Four, Bilbo and Lobelia were related. Five, Bilbo thought he was Lobelia.
"What do you say, Lobelia? I can wait as long as you want."
Frodo ran away, screaming.
The Hobbit-Haters (Previously Sauron and Bob) (Now, it's just Bob)
Bob sat on the beach, alone, contemplating the meaning of his existence. It was so surreal to finally be rid of the menace that was his Master.
But now what? He had been in his Master's service for thousands of years. He had even had to put up with Sauron in the afterlife. Now that he was finally gone, what would Bob do?
Bob sighed. This proved the point he had been trying to prove to Sauron for all those years. Being a slave to someone for all of the eternities was unhealthy. It took away all individual thought and functionality.
Bob watched as Frodo ran away from the Ringbearers' campsite. He couldn't help but chuckle at the witless Halfling.
Bob then turned back to his thoughts. Perhaps he should try to make an alliance with someone now that Sauron was no more. Yeah, like that would really work. Nobody trusted him because they thought that he was still evil.
Bob stared out at the sea and sighed.
"Life isn't fair." Bob moaned to himself.
"Tell me about it." Faramir said, sitting beside the Nazgul, looking out at the sea.
"Well, I've been enslaved to an egocentric megalomaniac for the past thousand years. What about you?"
"Family problems."
"I see."
"And my father has a strange obsession with burning things. He tried to light me on fire once, you know."
Bob cringed. "I can relate. Have you ever had a psychotic, eighty-something-year-old man throwing torches of fire at you?"
"Does my father count?"
"Sure."
"Then yes."
"Did you ever catch on fire?"
"Once or twice."
"Ah. So did I when that psychotic Ranger threw torches at me on Weathertop… you know, he's actually here on this island."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he's that guy with the monkey."
"You mean Aragorn?"
"Yeah, he's the guy. Isildur's heir."
"I'm his Steward."
"Oh. I'm so sorry." There was a moment of silence between the two as they wallowed in self-pity. Then, Bob continued to speak. "Hey, do you want to make an alliance?"
"What?"
"We could be called the Pitiful People, or the Whiner-Babies."
"Uh… no."
"Right, then." Bob replied.
"Thanks for the talk." Faramir said and walked away.
"Sure… whatever."
The Dysfunctional Dorks (Boromir, Faramir, and Denethor) (a continuation…)
After talking to Bob, Faramir found another, more pitiful place to sit and contemplate his life. In retrospect, it was horrible. Faramir took a few moments to have a nice, long cry (which is very rare) before he heard footsteps on the sand. He looked up and saw Boromir.
"Faramir!" Boromir cried. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Boromir noticed the abject way that Faramir was sitting on the beach and crying. Boromir sat down beside him. "What's wrong?" He asked.
"Boromir, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure. What is it?"
Faramir stared out at the sea, contemplatively. "What's the afterlife like?"
Boromir's eyes widened. "Whoa, there! I don't like that look in your eye! More importantly, I don't like where this is going! Faramir, do you need your anti-depression medication again?"
Faramir twitched. "No! The last time I took that, I got these weird dreams about Isildur's Bane and some stupid sword! And look where that got us!"
"Too true, little brother. Too true…" Boromir sighed. "Well, we should probably get back to Father. We don't want another incident #47!"
"Incident #47!" Faramir gasped. "Okay, let's go!"
… …
"BURN! BURN! BURN!" Denethor cackled as he thrust the dead squirrel's funeral pyre into the large, blazing ritual fire. He cackled with sickly delight as the flames began to consume the squirrel. Denethor danced around the fire with joy.
In the process of making his big fire, Denethor set fire to the whole campsite and the foliage around him. He, however, did not notice this. He focused with morbid fascination as the flames grew from their token of the deceased squirrel.
"OH NO!" Boromir cried as he and Faramir arrived on the scene. "IT'S ANOTHER INCIDENT #47!"
"MY ANTI-SQUIRREL FORTS!" Faramir yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"FARAMIR, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
"RIGHT!" Faramir stopped, dropped, and rolled.
"NO, THAT'S INCIDENT #48, CRAZY SETS YOU ON FIRE! THIS IS INCIDENT #47!"
Denethor saw Faramir and got a mad glint in his eye. "More fuel!" He cackled and went over to start to pick Faramir up.
"I'LL SAVE YOU, BROTHER!" Boromir lunged at Denethor. Denethor, however, moved aside and picked up Faramir, so Boromir jumped right into the fire.
"OH NO!" Faramir yelled. "INCIDENT #1! BOROMIR IS A CLUTZ AND DOES SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL, BOROMIR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!"
Boromir, who had flames attacking every part of his body, screamed and stopped, dropped, and rolled all the way into the ocean on the coast. The water hissed and steam rose.
"I'M OKAY!" Boromir yelled. "AAAH! IS THAT A SHARK? AAAAHHHHHHH!"
Denethor and Faramir cringed.
"DON'T WORRY! I'M STILL OKAY! THE BLEEDING SHOULD STOP IN A FEW MINUTES."
Denethor and Faramir sighed in relief and Denethor made the motion to throw Faramir into the fire, but then Boromir said. "HEY, IS THAT A JELLYFISH? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC!"
Denethor and Faramir both paused and winced.
"I'M OKAY!" Boromir said. "THE SWELLING SHOULD GO DOWN IN A FEW DAYS!"
Denethor and Faramir both sighed in relief. At this point, Frodo came crashing onto the scene.
"What's with all the noise? I go away and I'm able to finally get some sleep and then you guys wake me up! You're so obnoxious, you're even worse than Sam, and I didn't even think that was possible!" Frodo yelled.
"Uh…" Denethor and Faramir said.
The Food-Seekers (Merry, Pippin, and Gimli) (a continuation…)
"Merry?"
"What now, Pip?" Merry snapped. Pippin had just woken him up from his sleep. "We just ate an hour ago, so you can't possibly be hungry… can you?"
"I smell smoke." Pippin said.
"So do I!" Gimli said.
Merry sniffed the air. "Yeah, I smell it too! And where there's smoke…"
"…there's people!" Gimli and Pippin finished.
"And where there's people…" Merry said.
"…there's food!" Pippin said. He received blank stares from the other two. "What? I'm hungry!"
"Pippin, we just ate an hour ago! Besides, if you're hungry, you could always just pick another apple-cinnamon muffin from the tree!"
"Right…" Pippin said. "Forgot about that…"
"But the smoke could lead us out of the jungle and to the other teams!" Merry exclaimed. "So let's track the smoke!"
They all paused and heard a distant shout of, "INCIDENT #1… SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL…! …STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!"
"Faramir!" They all yelled and ran off in the direction of the smoke.
The King of the Island (Aragorn) (a continuation…)
First, Aragorn smelt smoke. He tried to ignore it, figuring that it was his fire dying down. Then, he heard distant shouts. What really woke him up, however, was Faramir's voice saying, "…INCREDIBLY STUPID… BOROMIR… ROLL!"
Aragorn sat up, wide awake. He awakened his subject and they hastened to the scene to see what was happening.
The Ringbearers (Bilbo and Sam) (Frodo, mind you, is away…) (a continuation…)
Bilbo and Sam were fast asleep.
Bilbo was dreaming about Clarice.
Sam was still snoring like an oliphaunt with a head cold and was dreaming about taters.
They slept peacefully through the night without any disturbances.
The Nitwit (Gandalf) (a continuation…)
Gandalf was sitting on the beach. His eyes were open, yet he was sound asleep. Suddenly, he awoke when he heard noises from a place not too far off. He smelled smoke. Then, he heard the following:
"…BOROMIR IS A CLUTZ AND… INCREDIBLY STUPID! STOP… BOROMIR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP…!" Faramir's voice cried.
Then, Gandalf saw a fiery object roll down the beach and hit the water with a hiss.
"Is that…?" Gandalf mused to himself, but only to be interrupted by Boromir's cry of:
"I'M OKAY! AAAH! IS THAT A SHARK? AAAAHHHHHHH!"
Gandalf saw the water near him frothing. Then, something large swam away. Then, he heard Boromir say:
"DON'T WORRY! I'M STILL OKAY! THE BLEEDING SHOULD STOP IN A FEW MINUTES… HEY, IS THAT A JELLYFISH? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC!"
There was a brief hiatus and then Boromir said:
"I'M OKAY! THE SWELLING SHOULD GO DOWN IN A FEW DAYS!"
It was then, and only then, that Gandalf decided to see what was happening. Slowly, so that he would not mar his perfectly white outfit, he got up and slowly walked to the scene.
Incidents #1, 47, and 48
"FATHER! PLEASE! DON'T! I'M BEGGING YOU! DON'T THROW ME INTO THE FIRE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Faramir yelled.
Denethor was about to throw Faramir into the flames to make them go higher. Frodo was watching the surreal scene.
At this point, Pippin burst from out of the foliage, screaming, "NO! DON'T BURN HIM! HE'S STILL ALIVE!"
Denethor looked at Pippin and groaned. "This seems very familiar…" He said.
Pippin lunged at Denethor and tackled him, causing Denethor to drop Faramir on the ground.
"YOU'RE NOT BURNING FARAMIR ALIVE AGAIN!" Pippin yelled, beating up the old man. When Denethor had passed out and had a thorough nosebleed, Pippin still did not relent.
Then, Merry and Gimli burst through the now burning foliage, brushing the embers off of them. Gimli actually ended up stopping, dropping, and rolling when his beard slightly caught on fire.
"What's going on?" Merry asked Frodo.
"I must be dreaming…" Frodo said. "I must be dreaming…"
Merry rolled his eyes and said nothing.
Aragorn suddenly came running from area on the beach where he was sleeping. His monkey-subject followed him.
"Faramir!" Aragorn yelled. "What's going on? I heard something about a stupid thing, Boromir, and rolling! Why's everything on fire? Why's Pippin giving Crazy a nosebleed?"
"Crazy set our camp, and the surrounding jungle, on fire. He tried to chuck me into the flames and Boromir tried to stop him. Boromir caught on fire and stopped, dropped, and rolled into the ocean. Then, he got attacked by a shark and some jellyfish. Then, Frodo, Pippin, Gimli, and Merry showed up and Pippin beat up Crazy before he could use me to make the blaze bigger!" Faramir reported to Aragorn. "But, that doesn't matter right now! We have to put this fire out before it consumes the whole jungle!"
"Right!" Aragorn said. He turned to his monkey-subject and said, "Elessar Elfstone Telcontar Arwino Longshanks Thorongil Estel Strider Chuck Aragorn III, my subject, go get some water to quench these flames!"
Elessar Elfstone Telcontar Arwino Longshanks Thorongil Estel Strider Chuck Aragorn III chattered in compliancy and went off to fetch some water. Everyone else just stared at Aragorn.
"What?" Aragorn asked. "Why are you all staring at me?"
"You named the monkey Elessar Elfstone Telcontar Arwino Longshanks Thorongil Estel Strider Chuck Aragorn III?" Faramir asked.
"What's wrong with that?" Aragorn asked.
"Aragorn, all of those are your names with a 'the Third' at the end. Well, most of them are; I don't know where you got the 'Arwino' or the 'Chuck' part." Faramir replied.
"Well, they're good names! And we just call him 'Chuck' for short!"
"Right…" Faramir said. "Well, I suppose we should all get water." Aragorn started to open his mouth. "And don't give any excuses about being exempt from doing so because you're the King of Gondor! That's not working this time!" Aragorn shut his mouth.
With that, Faramir, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, and Frodo went off to get water to quench the fire. Faramir purposely left the unconscious Denethor where he was, secretly hoping that Denethor would catch on fire.
"Come on!" Faramir yelled. "Keep working!"
"Who put you in charge?" Aragorn snapped. "I should rightfully be since, after all, I am the King of Gondor!"
"Fine! Aragorn's in charge!" Faramir replied.
With the hard work of all of the people there, they had almost managed to put out the fire. At this point, Gandalf showed up, still being careful not to get a stain on his precious white robes.
"Faramir, what's going on here? I heard you say something about Boromir being a clutz and incredibly stupid. Then, I heard you telling Boromir to stop. Then, I saw something flaming roll into the ocean. Then, I heard-"
Faramir held up a hand to stop Gandalf's long-winded narration. "Basically, Crazy was playing with fire again and Boromir got hurt. He's okay, I think… Maybe he's not… Hmmm… I guess in retrospect I should have gone down there to see if he was okay… Oh well… But, right now, we're going to try to put the fire out. Can you help us?"
"I would like to, but…"
"But what?"
"But…" Gandalf looked at his clothes, mournfully. "…I might get a stain."
Everyone snorted.
"A stain? So that's what this is about? A stain?" Faramir said.
"Yes." Gandalf replied. "I don't want to taint my perfectly white outfit."
Pippin snorted. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!"
Gandalf's eyes blazed with rage. "Is it so stupid, Fool of a Took? Is it really? If I get a stain, I'm no longer Gandalf the White! Instead I'd be Gandalf the Mostly-White-With-A-Small-Stain-On-His-Clothes-Color! So, tell me, Fool of a Took, do you still think it's so trivial?"
"Yes." Pippin replied. "Most definitely yes."
Gandalf fumed. "Fine, I'll help you! But, mark my words, if I get one speck of dirt on my clothes, Fool of a Took, you'll be paying for my dry-cleaning!"
"Can't you even get my name right?" Pippin muttered. "It's Pippin!"
They had labored throughout the night to put the fire out. All that was left was a small ember. Gandalf was quite relieved, for he had managed to keep his clothes perfectly stainless.
"I've got the last bucket!" Gandalf cried. Somehow when they were firefighting, someone had contrived several buckets.
Gandalf threw the last bucket of water on the ember. And then, that's when it happened.
Gandalf saw it coming in slow motion. A group of wet ashes was flying towards his white robes. There was no way out.
Gandalf let out a cry of anguish as the ashes landed on his perfectly white robes, tainting them.
"MY ROBES! NOOOOOOOOO! THEY ARE NO LONGER PERFECTLLY WHITE! THEY ARE TAINTED!" Gandalf dropped to the ground, sobbing. "No… no… no!"
Gandalf then summoned the Eagles and hopped onto one of them. "Adieu! Eagles, take me to the nearest drycleaner!" He cried and the Eagles took off, bearing Gandalf off of the horrid island to the closest dry cleaners.
Everyone else just stared into the morning horizon after Gandalf in disbelief.
Arwen suddenly appeared, looking rather perplexed. "Okay… that was unexpected…" She said. "Well… um… we have our second elimination! Uh… Gandalf the Gr- I'm sorry, White is eliminated for leaving the island! Well, that was certainly strange…"
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"Well, aside to tell you about the elimination, I have news for you! Be warned! The first voting off will be taking place soon! Remember, you've been warned!" With that, Arwen disappeared with a flash of light.
At that point, a squelching sound was heard and a distorted figure covered in seaweed walked over.
"AH! IT'S A SEA MONSTER!" Everyone yelled.
"What are you talking about?" The 'sea-monster' asked.
"AH! IT'S A TALKING SEA MONSTER!" Everyone yelled.
"Seriously, guys, what are you talking about?" The 'sea-monster', oblivious to his appearance, said, looking around to see what they were clamoring about. "I don't see any sea monster!"
"Stay away from us!"
"Guys, come on! It's just me!" Boromir, or it would seem it was him, shed his coat of seaweed.
"AH!" They all screamed.
"What? What's wrong?"
In truth, there were many things wrong with Boromir. For one thing, his face was swollen to be the size of a grapefruit so that his eyes were practically shut and it was purple. His clothes were in tatters and had several scorch marks on them. He also had many-a-deep scrape on his flesh. One of his eyebrows was missing, probably due to the fact that it had been scorched away. His hair, too, was several inches shorter than it had previously been.
"Uh… Boromir?" Faramir said.
"What?"
"Your face."
"What about it?"
"It's…"
Boromir groaned and put a hand to his face. "It happened again, didn't it?"
"Yes." Faramir replied.
Everyone else looked at them for an explanation.
"I'm highly allergic to jellyfish." Boromir explained. "We found out the hard way one time when we were visiting Dol Amroth when I was seven and I was playing in the water and a jellyfish stung me. I puffed up to be about twice my size and I had to spend two weeks in the Houses of Healing. After that… no more sea vacations…"
Denethor sat up, suddenly, for he had just regained consciousness. "I remember that… AUGH! BOROMIR! YOUR FACE!"
Boromir's face turned a deeper purple. "Thanks for reminding me…"
"As entertaining as Boromir's suffering is…" Aragorn said. "I think I'll be leaving now… After all, I have important business to attend to! Come along, Chuck, let's go!"
Chuck complied and left the scene along with Aragorn. Eventually, the rest of the contestants dispersed, leaving Boromir, Faramir, and Denethor alone.
"Aragorn named his monkey Chuck?" Boromir asked Faramir, raising his remaining eyebrow.
"No, actually, Chuck's the monkey's nickname. The monkey's real name is…" Faramir took a deep breath. "Elessar Elfstone Telcontar Arwino Longshanks Thorongil Estel Strider Chuck Aragorn III!"
Boromir groaned. "Oh, mercy! We've got a loony for a king!"
Faramir gave a weak smile and whispered to Boromir, "It's an improvement over a psychotic and overall crazy Steward."
"Too true, little brother." Boromir replied.
"I hate you, Faramir." Denethor said.
"I know." Faramir replied.
(Announcer: Next time on Stranded… the first voting off occurs! What will happen and how will this affect our contestants? And, more importantly, who will be voted off? Will it be… The King of the Island, A Food-Seeker, A Ringbearer, A Dysfunctional Dork, or the Hobbit-Hater? Find out next time!)
Wow… I think I just broke the record of my longest chapter! Yay!
So… what did you all think of that chapter? Was it good or was it pure torture to endure? I like to know these things, so please tell me!
Oh, by the way, with Chuck the monkey (I don't feel like writing out his whole name again)... Did I get all of Aragorn's names or were there any missing ones? There might be, considering I just thought of the names off of the top of my head. Anyway, if any were missing, kindly inform me and I'll go back to this chapter and fix it!
I would like to thank those of you who reviewed for the last chapter, so… Thank you!
Well, out of fear for making this any longer, I will now conclude this chapter in my traditional way… Please leave lots of reviews!