"This is a light forsaken land isn't it? You can barely even see the sun. This wind cuts to the bone and you're not even shaking milord." Says the captain to Arthas.
"Neither are you."
"You're right, Canada's cold but not that cold."
"Anyway, are all the ships accounted for?" asks Arthas.
"There were only a few ships lost…"
"How many?"
"Fifteen actually." Answers the captain.
"How many did we have again?" asks Arthas.
"Fifteen and a half"
(Long silence)
"I'm not even going to ask how we got here then. Our first objective is to find a gold mine. Keep close, you never know what might attack you here… beavers… mounted cops… Celine Dion…" says Arthas, shaking at that last name.
So the happy troops, now scared to death, walk away. They fight abnormally large wolves and caribous on the way but when they turn a completely random corner… They get attacked by fiendish and horribly savage creatures.
"OMG! MONTREAL CANADIANS FANS!" shouts one of the soon-to-die footmen before getting crushed by a hockey stick. Of course, no one survives the encounter except Arthas (but since he becomes a wuss when he's alone) fifty pimped-up footmen pop out of nowhere and crush all resistance while shouting the cliché sentence "resistance is futile!".
Anyway, they finally arrive at the conveniently placed gold mine.
"What now sir?" shouts the miraculously alive captain.
"I don't know. I never thought we'd get this far…" says Arthas. "You, Peasant! Move in that direction."
The Peasant obeys but only makes it a few meters before getting shot dead.
"Bloody hell, you're not undead, you're alive!" shouts a dwarven warrior.
"Not anymore…" says the dead peasant.
"Yeah, we're not undead. For now anyways…" says Arthas.
"I didn't know you'd be the one coming to rescue us!" says Muradin.
"Muradin, I didn't even know you were here. No one ever talked about a rescue mission."
"You realise this makes me really pissed now, don't you?" says Muradin reproachfully. "Anyway, I got soldiers that need saving and you're going to help me. Then I'll help you kill Mal'Ganis."
"How do you know about Mal'Ganis?" asks Arthas.
"I'm a fan of the author. I just wish he'd hurry up and write more about Furt and Burt."
NEW UNIT: Gyrocopters give the word "sucks" a new meaning. They have a tiny air attack, an even worse land attack and are fragile as if they were made of plastic (which they are). Their only advantage is they are fast and see invisible units. But who cares?
They keep going, get to Muradin's troops and… well, save them. What else? You think just because this is a parody I'm going to mess up everything? You want someone to die? There. (footman dies) You happy now? Or do you want me to insert something funny here? If I could have, I would have so I'm just going to say-
"Get on with the story damnit!" says Muradin. The now saved units become controllable and Arthas looks at what he got.
NEW UNIT: Rifleman are actually okay. They hit pretty hard, can target air units. But they have a very dirty mouth. You can barely understand what they say because it just sounds like screaming. But they have a gun so I guess that helps. Does it?
NEW UNIT: Steam Tanks are pretty useless. They only hit buildings and even then they suck. I mean, look at them! This has got to be the cheapest model ever.
"All right, lets go level Mal's base." Commands Arthas.
They level the base with their old units, because the new units sucked. Did you actually like them? Don't answer that.
"Alright Muradin, what were you doing up here anyway?" asks Arthas
"We were looking for a really cool sword. One that talks and makes people go crazy. But the closer we got to it, the more Canadians we encountered. And undead. But mostly Canadians."
"Sir, we found no trace of Mal'Ganis" says the Captain.
"Damnit… I was hoping I could finish this quickly…"
Next Chapter: Dissension (?)