Chapter 8 : Dissension (what the?)
A goblin zeppelin lands at the camp, catching the captain's eye... not litteraly, thi sisn't Kill Bill... The zeppelin drops a priest with glowing eyes. And before you ask, there is no pedophile priest jokes in this parody. That's just immature. OR IS IT!
"I'm sorry, the prince is on an errand, buying food at the grocery store." Points out the captain.
"No matter, Lord Uther convinced the King to recall this expedition. You're going home to fight more undead." Informs the emissary.
"We're to just pick up and leave?"
"First of all: why the hell not? Second of all: that wouldn't be so hard if you had thought of putting the ships at the same place."
"Oh yeah… that would have been bright…" The emissary left the troops to deal with getting to their ships. The footmen could have taken mortar teams and broken down the trees with explosives but instead they take two peasants and order them to chop down the trees. Its a wonder the human troops survived this long...
1.572 seconds later…
"Captain, why are the guards not at their posts?" asks Arthas.
"Uther got your father to recall this expedition."
"DAMNIT, if my men leave me, nobody will believe me when I say I killed Mal'Ganis alone! The ships must be burned so they have to stay with me and DIE! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
"Isn't that a bit much lad?" asked Muradin.
"Nonsense, I am a very reasonable man."
"You just told me you would burn your ships so you can't get away. To me that's a lot." Replies Muradin.
"What? YOU AGAINST ME OR SOMETHING! THAT'S IT, YOU MUST BURN!" shouts Arthas, lighting Muradin on fire. But, seeing as fire is so cheap in Warcraft, the fire extinguished itself with a leaf.
"Um, sir, I'm right here, hearing everything you said…" points out the captain.
"THEN YOU MUST DIE!" shouts Arthas, hitting the captain and effectively killing him (finally, youd think hes and important character and all but he doesn't have a name. Its just "the captain", how original...)
They leave the camp with two mortar teams. Again, just two, even though common sense would tell anyone, even the ignorant prince, that bringing only two mortars into an army of creeps and undead is almost suicidal... Almost.
NEW UNIT: mortar teams are very useful. They hit hard, and make a cool mushroom-shaped explosion. The only problem with them is they are small and are very… concerned about this problem. Did that make you laugh? Cause if it did, you are probably drunk or under the effects of illicit substances. Just remember, say no to drugs. (this message was brought to you by the governement of Canada (A troll warrior in a uniform comes out and says: "don't be a fool mon, Vote Harper over Cretin in 2005!"))
"We can't do this with just two other men. Lets go buy slaves- I mean, mercenaries near that randomly placed and totally off-topic mercenary camp" points out Arthas. Buying everything after using Greedisgood 1000000 ( useful word isn't it?). They wind up with two Montreal hockey fans, one abnormally large beaver and five mounted police. And a talking pie from my imagination who just got eaten by me… (Oh my god, I ate someone! Oh no, its just a pie. (Silence) Oh my God, I ate a pie!)
They battle through ferocious giant 200 year-old trees, maple syrup stands and Simple Plan fans that scream like Banshees. Seriously, what's so great about Simple Plan? Their songs all sound the same and their singer sings like… ok, back to the story.
3672 seconds later (I dare you to count that in hours and minutes!)…
"Prince Arthas?" asks a random human troop, seeing Arthas standing near what was left of the ships, more accurately, he saw nothing since the ships were sunk to the bottom of the Hudson Bay.
"Oh crap, didn't see this one coming… Uh, look, Canadians! They burned your boats. Quickly, kill them all in the name of Lollyron!" says Arthas, pointing to his mercenaries and chanting South Park's "Blame Canada" song.
"I'm beginning to think you're being way too mean to Canadians." Says the Author, coming out of the nothingness that is… nothing…
"Why do you care?"
"I'm Canadian."
"You're the one writing this fanfic anyway!"
"The American readers need this kind of comedy. But just so everyone knows, I am going to tell them now:
EVERY COMMENT IN THIS FANFIC IS BASED ON NOTHING. CANADA IS A VERY FUN PLACE AND HAS VERY LITTLE IF NOT NOTHING IN COMMON WITH WHAT IS WRITTEN ANDOR WILL BE WRITTEN IN THIS PARODY. DON'T SUE ME FOR INSULTING CANADA, BECAUSE IT IS ONLY REPRESENTED THIS WAY FOR THE SAKE OF COMEDY. I REPEAT, DON'T SUE ME FOR THIS!"
"So… what now?" asks Arthas.
"You go find frostmourne. Hurry up, I'm nearly done with this part."
Next Chapter: Excalibu- I mean, Frostmourne