BOOM! Went the door, instantly squashing two elven workers. Well, not really since anything that's been squashed actually explodes here but you get the point.
"Quick, fall back to the…(looks around for something to hide behind) the trees! Yes, that's it, to the trees!" says Sylvanus Assrunner, running over the bridge.
"Now its just pathetic, hiding behind trees? You could have at least hidden behind rocks or bigger things that we CAN'T break down." Suggests Arthas. "Besides, its only a matter of time before I get through that gate. You can't outrun what the game producer made!"
"You think I'm running from you? Obviously, you haven't fought elves before!"
"First off, yes, you ARE running from me and second, if I've never fought elves before, what have been doing for the past half an hour!"
"Oh… good point… Anyway, you'll have to find THREE MAGIC KEYS! And to make it worse, THEY'RE HIDDEN IN THREE DIFFERENT CORNERS OF THE MAP!"
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Its just it sounded so cheap, I didn't think it was possible…"
"Besides, you'll be stuck on this side of the river after I break this bridge!" shouts Sylvanus.
"No I won't, there's a goblin zeppelin to the right. You'll only be thwarting my plan for just about… two seconds. Thanks for that last piece of information though, that just saved me a few hours."
"I hate this life…"
The elf shoots three arrows in the air and the bridge falls down... for some reason... She then walks back to the camp, mumbling something about breaking her diet and eating a whole KFC family bucket. Arthas then proceeds to getting on the zep, only coming out of it to get the keys.
"Damnit! I knew I should have put units around the keys and not around the gate!" says a high elven footman, seeing the key taken from him.
… 3 minutes later…
"HAHA! I have made it through the four footmen and opened the door. Its amazing the elves have lasted this long, considering that they don't even know how to upgrade towers" points out Arthas.
Chapter 14, Part two (because the first wasn't long enough)
"You've done ok, so far. The real test is still to come." Says Tichondrius.
"I never could have guessed… anything useful to say before you disappear?"
"No (disappears)…"
"Do you think he suspects something?" says Arthas.
"No, it's in his nature to be a moron and not guess" answers Kel'Thuzad. "Now hurry up, I'm sick of being a ghost."
"Is it that bad?"
"Heaven is so boring..."
"You went to heaven? Oh right, Greenpeace…" says Arthas.
Just then, Sylvanus strikes the north side of the base.
"Did you forget about us?" says Sylvanus.
"Who? Who are you?"
"She is persistent, death knight. And pretty sexy, too. Reminds me of you."
"Are you hitting on me!"
"Yes- I mean, no. Absolutely not…"
QUEST UPDATE
-Destroy Sylvanus' base (Haha, anus… so funny…)
NEW UNIT: Gargoyles. What? Didn't you ever hear of gargoyles? They're like footman only they don't leet or talk, they can't use defend, they're undead, they fly, they turn into stone and… okay, so they don't have anything to do with footmen.
NEW UNIT: Crypt fiends can web stuff. And they have eight eyes. I wish I had eight eyes. Then I could smell better…
They storm the base and Sylvanus. Arthas corners her into a dramatic position… just try to imagine it, I'm kindof tired right now.
"I salute your… well, I can't salute much to you… but the chase ends here." Says Arthas.
"Then I make my stand here! (DIES FROM SUDDEN HEART ATTACK) Go now, finish me! I deserve… a clean death!"
"No you don't. You failed at everything! And your name is Sylvanus; no one with anus in their names deserves a clean death. Besides, I'm evil! Why would I do that while I can…"
"You wouldn't dare…"
"Oh, please. I launched an a-bomb on a harmless city of peaceful villagers, went to Canada illegally and burned my men's ships so they could die with me, took up an evil sword, therefore killing a dwarf legend, left my troops to rot in freezing wastelands just to kill a dreadlord that now means nothing to me, came back to lollyron to kill my father the king, became an undead, which is what I was fighting all along, destroyed the Silver Hand along with my former friend Uther, also using one of the worst clichés possible, replaced my father's ashes with a necromancer that works for Greenpeace and murdered my way into the elven citadel. How would THIS be a problem to me?"
"It wasn't my fault, Blizzard made me do it."
"So?" asks Arthas. He then raises his sword and Sylvanus relives in the form of a banshee. "Don't worry, you'll like to be and undead. We have free burgers every Thursday."
"Cool! But I want to have a decent name and be more then a banshee!"
"Fine, you are now named SilverAnus AssKisser."
"HEY!"
"Okay then… Sylvanas… but you're going to have to wait until the expansion to change into a dark ranger."
"When does it come out?" asks Sylvanas.
"(looks at watch) two minutes."
"YAY!"
"No "yay"s. Only Living people say that. Now you have to say "yippee"."
Several seconds later (whosyourdaddy involved)…
"People of Minas Tirith, I have given you no opportunities to surrender, come to think of it, I've been quite an asshole, but know that today, your heritage and your entire race will end!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" screams a Blizzard fan.
Arthas nearly took the ring but found himself gripped by a hooded man in golden armour. On each side stood eight glowing tentacles and he had a bright sword. Yes, all you Diablo fans, he was standing before the archangel, Tyrael.
"You fool! You have no idea of the horror you have unleashed! The fate of the expansion pack was in your hands!" says Tyrael.
"I don't understand!" shouts Arthas.
"Because of you, the blood elves are born! You created the worst ever campaign there was! Thousands will flood the discussion forums, complaining about the blood elf campaign!"
"Is it THAT bad?"
Then, Diablo, Mephisto, Baal and Chuck Norris arrive.
"Yes, it IS! Go to Dalaran and finish this campaign, but know the wrong is already done and that you have doomed the expansion pack." Says Chuck Norris.
"And you three, what are you doing here?" asks Arthas to the three demons.
Just then, a level 99 barbarian comes out of nowhere and kills the demons. Arthas snaps back to reality and Kel'Thuzad takes the One ring.
"I live again! But I'm a lich? F(BLEEP) you Ner'Zhul, F(BLEEP) you!" complains Kel'Thuzad.
"I wasted three chapters lich, now tell me about the dreadlords." Demands Arthas.
"What's there to tell? They suck, and they serve an even worse master. But I'll tell you more about it on the next chapter of… (Cheesy music)… Reign of Kayos!"
Next Chapter: Uh… I don't know actually.