Chapter 22 : Warsong's cries… the losers.

Thrall and his troops were running through the Barrens for some reason… It was all silent until on orc talked…

"Warchief, this boring. We been walking through big ugly wasteland and all we fought were horse-me and pig-men. Oh and some Irish people… That was scary…" says the orc.

"Yeah, I'm freaking bored… there better some useless very bloody yet extremely costly in troops fights around here or I might start using you as target practice! That would be so funny, don't you think?" asks the chieftain.

The trolls and grunts let out nervous laughs. That had already happened after one of Thrall's visions of Jesus.

"Wait, I am having a vision!"

"EVERYBODY, RUN FOR IT! AAAAAAAAAAH!" screams the hyperactive troll.

"HAHA, just kidding. You guys are so predictable"

Suddenly, they hear a bell ring from a nearby clearing. Grom Hellcream is fighting humans.

"Quick, humans! Grom needs our help!" commands Thrall.

"Sir, they have two grunts and a blademaster. They'll be fine."

"Oh, good point. Lets charge anyway."

Both troops destroy the human base in about 5 seconds. Not much else to say about the battle, just grunts owning footmen as usual…

"Grom, what the f--- was that?! How did the humans get here? How are you still alive? WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" asks or more likely, screams Thrall.

"Uh… I was killing humans, they got here on boat with some sadistic archmage named Proudmoose, the author got a favor from Death and that's how I winded up here" explains Grom. "Oh, thanks again Death, couldn't have made it without you!"

"No prob' man! Just die if you need any advice" says Death who then disappears in big things of… dead stuff… right…anyway, Thrall keeps asking.

"Let me guess, the humans blocked the path to that big cheesy mountain I obviously need to get to and I could easily go around them BUT because of the goddamned blizzard logic, I am going to have to butcher my way into them to get two zeps to transport 200 grunts and 150 raiders 750 miles north, am I right?"

"Uh… you lost me at "let", I was never good at thinking…"

"Just don't attack the humans"

"Okay"

0.05 seconds later…

"I CAN'T TAKE IT, MUST CHOP HUMANS!!!" screams Grom.

"Oh, too bad, I guess I'll have to resort to kill humans, that's so bad, I sure wish it hadn't come to this…" says Thrall sarcastically. Then imitating Zhiang Jin guy from Dynasty Warriors. "For the way of peace! (chops enemy head off) WAY OF PEACE!"

17 minutes later…

"Alright, I got the zeppelins. With these, we'll be there by (checks watch) next month! Not to mention we'll be stimulating the local economy! (turns to camera) Goblin Airline, the safest passage is an explosive zeppelin away!" says Thrall.

"A true warrior would have just killed all the humans…"

"Grom?"

"Yes?"

"Shut the hell up, I'm the badass chieftain here, you're just the modified blademaster, I'm a whole new model!"

"Don't lecture me… It hurts my head!"

"See? You're so stupid you can't think clearly! This bloodlust is fun and all but Blizzard won't pay me if I let you come with me…" explains Thrall.

"Don't you feel it, Thrall? It's like those days on Brokeback mountain, we keep fighting! It's like… the demons are near!"

"Okay first, we never went to Brokeback mountain, that's a movie. Second, We're not gay. Third, what the hell do demons have to do with this? You're confused, go chop wood, it'll put your mind or whatever you have in there back in place…"

Chapter 22: Part two: The spirits of Ashenvale…

Night had fallen when Grom and his orcs started chopping trees and gathering lumber. One particular grunt got scared and talked to Grom…

"Sir, I'm scared, this place is too silent… I think there's spirits, or even worse, WISPS!" says the orc. "Normal units can't deal damage to spirits, we're doomed!"

"You wuss, there's no spirits here… It's all your imagination!"

"Sir, it means you die if you say that in a horror movie!"

"SHIT! Goodbye, Warcraft 4!" complains Grom. "Stupid Thrall making us do stupid lumbering in stupid forests haunted by stupid spirits…"

By this time, a lot of wisps have gathered… but no one seems to mind them, even if they can be seen and that they are enemies an all. Its amazing how stupid warcraft characters can be… Anyway, Grom happily explores the forest.

"Women, women are attacking us!" shouts a random raider.

"Is that a problem? Are you sexist or what? What should it matter that-" complains a troll.

"Look, I don't give a damn about it, will you just fight?!"

"… And hurt a woman? No way…"

"And I'M sexist?!" screams the raider. "JUST FIGHT DAMNIT!"

Meanwhile, near a goblin settlement…

"Heya, we got a sidequest for you!" says a happy little goblin.

"I don't have a choice do I? Okay then, what do you want?" answers Grom.

"There's these bear-men…"

"Oh, you're kidding me…"

"… and we want you to chop them down. You see, we went through Ireland…"

"KALIMDOR!"

"ALRIGHT, KALIMDOR DAMNIT!, and we saw all these half men creatures, from cows to fish, an now we're sick and tired of it. Go kill them" orders the goblin.

"Look, huh, I don't want to hurt wild animals, what did they do that's so bad?"

One of the smaller goblins turns to Grom. "One of them, Smokey his name, stole my picnic bag."

"And you want to eliminate a race because of that?"

"I'll give you 2 gold for it" offers the small goblin.

"'Kay sure"

A little while later…

"Hey, look! Hulk-look-alikes! Let's party with our new friends!" says Smokey the bear. "Good thing I just got a picnic bag!"

"This is the forest guard, you are under arrest for picnic stealing, put your hands in the air and you will not be harmed" announces a catapult with red and blue lights on it.

"Oh crap, the cops! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" screams Smokey, right before disappearing in a cloud of stolen picnic bags.

The forest cops finally cought up with Smokey a month later, and the picnic stealing bear was accused of several murders and breaking and entering. The trial lasted 2 and a half years and Smokey got away with it. Damn, he had a good lawyer…

Anyways, back to our lumbering hulks.

After countless seconds of very hard lumbering and some tree of life chopping, they finally hit the quota of wood. Needless to say the shredders were very useful… no not for wood, Grom was smart enough to use Greedisgood 1000000.

Next Chapter: The blood of Mannoroth… that's… just… sick…